


Support System

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Support System [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced oral sex, M/M, nothing even close to explicit because the author can't smut to save her life, this started a crack!fic and turned into something serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 122,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: When Alec's favorite show gets cancelled and he takes to messaging customer service repeatedly to show his support, he doesn't expect to connect so well with the support representative he keeps getting paired off with.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS HOW I DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA OF SHADOWHUNTERS BEING CANCELLED FOR NOW (because I am full of all the optimistic hope that it will be renewed/picked up after our glorious efforts). Until then, enjoy this crack!fic nobody asked for ( this was supposed to be a one-shot but it got away from me, what am I doing somebody stop me)

Alec can’t believe that his favorite show is cancelled. Gone, just like that, with one decision from someone who decided the cost of production wasn’t worth the impact it had on the fans, nevermind the fact that it is easily the most popular show on the network. It’s bullshit, and as much as he tries to be mad over the whole thing he can’t seem to get past _sad_ first. It hurts. It hurts because he saw himself in so much of that show; in the stories being told, the characters telling them, the words they said and the way they laughed and loved and hoped…. it feels like the death of a friend more than the end of a television show.

He goes to bed upset, and sleep comes uneasily that night, uneven and restless. His mind won’t stop, the sadness refuses to lift. And it isn’t until he turns on the computer early the next morning, the scent of freshly brewing coffee floating to mix with the aroma of french toast from the plate beside him, that he sees it: there’s a _movement_ . Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook… it’s everywhere, on every platform, aimed at every company. It’s _amazing._

Alec reads for a while, sifting back through the hours of attention the fans generated as he slept, before deciding to do his part as well. His french toast sits forgotten, coffee cold. A tweet here and a tag there turns into sitting in front of his computer for two hours that feel more like 2 minutes, ending with a suggested message to the Customer Support Chat to make sure they are aware that this fandom, _his fandom_ , was nothing to ignore.

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B.  
Magnus: Hello! What may I assist you with today?  
Alec: Hi! I was just writing to say that it sucks you guys cancelled The Hunt, and if there is absolutely any chance of reconsidering, well, that would be great!  
Alec: I really like that show. No, I love it. It means so much to me and honestly, not to be dramatic, but I’m a little heartbroken that it’s going to be over so soon.  
Magnus: I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t have any information on it being picked back up, but I’ll definitely pass along the sentiment.  
Alec: Thanks!  
Magnus: Anything else I can help you with?  
Alec: Uh, no, I guess that’s it. Thanks again.  
This chat has ended.

Alec’s surprised to find his heart beating faster than usual - why do conversations with strangers have to be so anxiety-inducing? -  but he did it. And he feels better knowing he tried, if nothing else.

As the day continues the stories do, too. People talking about how much the characters mean to them, how they helped them through tough times, or in learning to accept themselves, or about how much inspiration they found there for works of fanart and writing. The hashtags and e-mails and chats continue. Shared screencaps online show people holding entire conversations in them, sharing personal stories, getting _real reactions_ from the people on the other end. Once isn’t enough, Alec decides. Another message couldn't hurt. It's midnight now, but there's a 4 minute wait this time, and Alec smiles knowing what the other people in line before him are there for, too. 

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B.  
Magnus: Hello, is this about The Hunt?  
Alec: ...you’re getting a lot of this aren’t you?  
Magnus: You don’t even know the half of it.  
Alec: Sorry.    
Magnus: No, don’t be sorry! I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. It’s the job, after all. Please, let me know what’s on your mind about it!  
Alec: Probably a lot of the same. This show just means so much to so many of my friends and me.  
Magnus: So I’ve heard! If the representation is half as good as everyone keeps telling me today, I’m actually a little upset I didn’t watch it myself.  
Alec: It’s probably twice as good as people are letting on. Honestly.  
Magnus: Well, if they don’t put us on overtime for all of this, maybe I’ll watch some later.  
Alec: Hah. Thanks for listening again. Good luck.  
Magnus: I’ll need it.  
This chat has ended.

He takes a bit of a break to clean up the apartment and eat a little food before contacting support one last time before bed, though Ragnor F. is a lot less amiable to talk to than the first guy was. He doesn’t think about it again until the next morning when he opened up the chat again at 6:30 am to find a 6 minute wait this time.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B.  
Magnus: I can’t wait to talk with you about The Hunt. Sorry if that isn’t what you’re here for, I’m playing the odds today.  
Alec: ...I think we spoke yesterday.  
Magnus: It’s entirely possible, Alec. But with this sort of volume you’ll have to forgive me for not remembering specific interactions.  
Alec: Oh, yeah, of course not.  
Alec: Well, you’re right. That is why I’m here.  
Magnus: You know, the lot of you were so convincing yesterday a bunch of us went back to my place after our shift and watched a few episodes?  
Alec: What did you think?  
Magnus: I wasn’t so sure at first, but it was just starting to pick up a bit when we had to call it a night. I almost didn’t want to stop watching, but I knew I’d need my energy to keep up with all the messages today. Just try not to spoil too much for me, I’m only three and a half episodes in but I’m going to watch more later.  
Alec: Oh my god that’s amazing. I’m glad you like it!    
Magnus: I’m not sure I want to get too invested in something I know is cancelled, though.  
Alec: I mean, hopefully it isn’t! Any word on that yet?  
Magnus: Sorry, nothing official from the higher ups. Just that they see your interest and note your concerns. Touching, right?  
Alec: Totally. Well, thanks anyway.  
This chat has ended. 

He has work, a welcome distraction, and then another polite but short conversation with a Catarina L. with the same lack of any new updates during his lunch break at work, but falls asleep early back home. When he jolts awake at 3 am and can’t fall back asleep he decides to give Support another chat, since it couldn’t hurt, and it isn’t like he’s doing anything else at 3 am anyway.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B.  
Magnus: How long is the wait to talk right now?  
Alec: Only 5 minutes. Also you again? Are you the only person that works here?  
Magnus: The graveyard shift is a lot less staffed than the others, but you guys are certainly  keeping us on our toes. I haven’t actively spoken to this many people between 1 and 6 am since I started here… Maybe even the entirety of all my shifts combined.  
Alec: Well, at least you’re more fun to talk to than some of the others.  
Magnus: Oh dear, have you been sent to Ragnor’s chat? Honestly, I keep telling him he needs to find a new job but the higher-ups appreciate his ‘efficiency’.  
Alec: I want you to know I literally laughed out loud just now.  
Magnus: I’m honored.    
Alec: Did you get to watch any more episodes?  
Magnus: YES. I’m halfway through the first season now and if I wasn’t sold before I certainly am now. I figured it had to get better, and it IS. Come back tomorrow night and I’ll likely be through the whole season at this rate.  
Alec: Well, if I’m going to do this all day to get the show picked back up I can at least make sure to recruit a new Hunter out of it.  
Magnus: Hunter?  
Alec: Fandom term, for someone who likes the show.  
Magnus: Makes sense. I like it.  
Alec: Guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.  
Magnus: It’s a date.  
This chat has ended. 

It’s a date? Alec brushes off the words, though there’s a small smile playing on his lips at the idea of Magnus, whoever he was, wherever he was, waiting for his name to pop back up in that chat box the next night. _Don’t be silly,_ he chastises himself. _He didn’t mean anything by it. He has to be nice to everyone, it’s his job._ Of course it is.  Though something about it feels… more than that, somehow? Which is ridiculous, though it doesn’t stop him from blushing at the realization that he’s actually looking forward to tomorrow night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus panics over what he said, and waits to see if he'll get a chance to speak with Alec again. And when he does he finds he isn't the only one guilty of not thinking before he speaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two is up! I hope we all survived the first week of #SaveShadowhunters, and are giving the lovely chat representatives dealing with us an appropriately not-awkward amount of love. ;)

_ IT’S A DATE?!  _ What on Earth is he thinking. He’s never been more thankful than that moment to be sequestered behind a computer screen because if anyone could see the shade of red his dark complexion takes on he’s sure he’d never hear the end of it. His phone is out and on the desk in front of him even as he answers the next support chat request, pulling up Catarina’s number while he goes through the same motions he did with every normal chat that comes through. Few are about the actual service and system right now and almost all of them are about The Hunt, so he doesn’t need to be as technically focused as usual, which is nice. Of course, it also allows him to fall into this level of friendly familiarity he  _ clearly _ doesn’t know when to stop. 

**_‘Cat, I fucked up_ ** **.’** Send. All he can think is that there is no way that chat doesn’t get reported for being inappropriate, and the moment it does that is the end of his job, most likely. His bosses aren’t too keen on letting things like that slide - you can be a certain level of friendly, just to make that customer connection, but he took it too far.

‘ ** _What did you do this time?’_** Comes the reply, and Magnus can hear the exasperation in her tone even through the text.

**_‘I just ended a chat with Alec with ‘It’s a date’ ‘_ ** Magnus sighs. He doesn’t know where that came from…

...except he does. The past couple of days he found himself actually looking forward to his chats with everyone from this show’s fanbase, but specifically this Alec he keeps getting paired with. It was just a few chats, he doesn’t even know anything about the guy (hell, it could be a girl for all he knows), but he really  _ is  _ looking forward to the next time they speak. He told Cat about him after the third one, just in passing, but enough that she knows exactly who he is referring to. He’s getting flirty… he’s getting a  _ crush _ . A crush on a guy who just wants to log some interest complaints about his show and that’s it. There is absolutely nothing there and he is being ridiculous.

**_‘Of course you did. What did he say back?’_ **

**_‘Nothing. He ended the chat.’_ **

**_‘Ouch’_ **

He makes it through the rest of the shift with wandering focus until he meets up with Cat and Ragnor outside as the sun begins to rise.

“There you are,” Ragnor says, the smirk on his lips telling Magnus that Cat already told him about his predicament. “Cat was just filling me - you  _ do  _ know that tech support isn’t your own personal dating service, correct?”

“Shut up,” Magnus groans.

“Want to grab a drink and some food so we can help you pick tomorrow’s pick-up lines?” Ragnor is unrelenting, opening his mouth to say something more until Catarina elbows him in the side to shut him up.

“I’m going home,” Magnus says, sounding tired and defeated.

“Yes, that’s probably for the best. You’ll need your beauty sleep before your big date tomorrow.”

“Ragnor!” 

“--Alright, sorry! I’m done.” Though the pleased expression on his face as Magnus rolls his eyes and leaves shows that he doesn’t feel any actual remorse, the bastard.

Magnus makes some food and watches another three episodes of The Hunt before falling asleep on the sofa. Sleep is good. Sleep means he isn’t obsessing over his next shift, which is all he does from the moment he stirs awake until he’s sat behind his computer, logging in and anxiously awaiting his first chat of the night.

An hour passes and he falls into an easy rhythm. Until he sees the name and the breath catches in his chest.  _ Stay calm _ , he reminds himself.  _ And for the love of God stay professional this time _ .

  
You are Connected with Customer: Alec L.  
Magnus: Hello, what may I help you with today?  
Alec: Finally. I went through three chats before I got yours.  
Magnus: You actually came looking for me?  
Alec: Well, yeah. I said I was going to, didn’t I? I’m a man of my word.  
Magnus: An admirable quality.  And I’m a man of mine - I watched three more episodes.  
Alec: And?  
Magnus: And I honestly want an entire spinoff series of the alternate universe. I can’t believe it’s only one episode.  
Alec: I guess you’ll just have to start writing your own request during your off time.  
Magnus: Something tells me my bosses wouldn’t appreciate that. I’m sure it’s a clause in my contract somewhere.  
Alec: Fair enough. Still no word on the show getting picked back up?  
Magnus: No, but we’re getting just as many contacts as we were the first few days, even now. Sooner or later someone will have to issue a statement. I wouldn’t give up yet.  
Alec: I wouldn’t dream of it.  
Alec: I should stop holding up your chat, you have work to do. Thanks again.  
Magnus: Any time, Alec.  
This chat has ended. 

  
Magnus is grinning like an idiot. Alec hadn’t reported him for his little slip-up… not only that, but he actively came back to try and  _ find him _ , in a sea of customer service representative chats. That has to mean something, right?

It is two hours later when he sees the name again.

  
You are Connected with Customer: Alec L.  
Magnus: We meet again.  
Alec: Fate sure does like throwing us together.  
Magnus: Is it fate? Because I distinctly remember you saying it took three tries the last time.  
Alec: I never said I wasn’t helping fate along.  
Magnus: How many tries this time?  
Alec: ...4. Ragnor says “hi” and also that he “wishes nothing more than for there to be some way to directly transfer me to you”, because he got me 3 of those times and I’m pretty sure he’s about to file a formal complaint.  
Magnus: He isn’t, don’t worry.  
Magnus: Just for the sake of the records, I assume you would like us to renew The Hunt?  
Alec: Yes, sir.  
Magnus: Please don’t call me ‘sir’, it makes me feel old.  
Alec: How old are you?  
Alec: Sorry, that was dumb, forget I asked.  
Alec: It’s late I should go.  
This chat has ended. 

  
Magnus curses, a frown settling onto his face as the chat closes and his heart sinks. He started to reply that it’s fine but Alec was gone before he could get the message sent. He didn’t mind the question - in fact, he wishes there was some way to contact Alec outside these chats without committing a serious breach of customer privacy to get his e-mail or phone number. There were so many things he wants to ask, to comment on and get Alec’s reaction to, but he obviously can’t in the position he’s in.  

He waits the rest of the shift but Alec doesn’t come back into the chats again, and Magnus is left holding onto the number 4. 4 tries just to get to him, and he refuses to believe there isn't something more to that. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's sister talks him down from his panic, and after some gentle teasing offers some pretty solid advice... so long as he convinces himself to take it once he's back home and left to his own devices.

Alec knows for a fact that he never closed out of a screen faster than he did just now. He can tell because he fumbles with the mouse so hard that he’s afraid Magnus will manage to reply before he can disappear, the flush across his cheeks spreading to his ears and chest the longer the words stare back at him on the computer screen. Finally he manages, and it’s gone. He’s holding his phone in embarrassingly shaky hands a moment later. 

**‘Izzy, I fucked up.’** He sends the text off to the only person he can talk to about this because his sister Isabelle is the only person who even knows he's gay, despite the fact that he's 22 and living on his own now. But that's a problem to dwell on another time.

He quickly summarizes the situation in a series of short follow-up texts, one after the other, before stopping to wait for her answer. After several minutes he’s about to give up when he hears the ‘ding’ of the text alert. 

**‘Why are you flirting with chat support?’**

Alec groans. ‘ **I didn't mean to! We were just talking and it segued and I asked without thinking. We were actually getting along pretty well and I guess I was just curious about who I was talking to behind the screen.’**

Another pause, shorter than the first. And then: 

**‘So why didn't you wait for the answer?’**

Alec stares at the words like they're another language, some foreign hieroglyphics on his screen. He stares at them for a full minute while the potential reaction of actually  _ waiting _ to see what Magnus might say settles in properly. That is an option, isn’t it? Or rather,  _ was _ , before he totally freaked out and ruined everything.

**‘You panicked, didn't you? You didn't realize what you were doing until it was too late and went into full on Gay Panic mode.’**

**‘I do not have a ‘** **_Gay panic mode_ ** **’ tyvm.’**

He can practically hear her laughing from wherever she was…  probably sitting up in bed to check his messages. He forgot it was 3 am until just then. 

**‘Shit, Iz, I didn’t even think about the time. Sorry, just ignore me and go back to sleep.’**

He can’t believe he woke her up over this… okay, so maybe he did panic a _teensy_ , tiny bit. Just like he had the night before when he closed the chat after reading the words ‘It’s a date’ and not having the slightest clue how to respond to that. 

**‘Maybe if you weren’t so repressed you wouldn’t have an existential crisis every time someone flirted with you. Just throwing that out there.’**

Was Magnus flirting? Or was he just being nice, because being nice is literally what he gets paid to do while talking with customers? Why is text is so impossible to read into? 

Unless it is a total stranger asking prying questions about your personal life. He figures that is pretty easy to interpret, text or not.

**‘Very helpful. What are the chances you just forget I ever brought this up?’** He stares at the screen hopefully until the reply arrives moments later. 

**‘Zero. I already took screenshots of this entire conversation for future blackmail. Now get some sleep because I’m not picking up your slack at work tomorrow. Love you, even if you _are_ a giant doofus.’ **

Alec frowns first, but then smiles a bit a the end and locks the screen with a click and a sigh. His heart rate seems to be somewhere closer to normal now, at least, though it spikes again as he glances back at the computer and considers trying to talk to Magnus again. But what can he say that wouldn’t just dig him into an even deeper hole? Or worse… what might  _ Magnus _ say to  _ him _ ? 

Alec decides that he can’t - or simply doesn’t want to - deal with that just then. It is 3 am, after all, and he has to be up for work in 3 hours. He decides to go to sleep and let future Alec deal with it tomorrow.

But tomorrow comes much too soon for his liking, and as he eats breakfast and checks twitter and the blogs for any updates he resists the urge to see if Magnus is still working. Just the thought of logging in makes his pulse speed up and the last thing he needs is to be all worked up when he sees Izzy first thing in the morning for a meeting with a new buyer. 

His favorite coffee shop, Java Jones, had water pipe burst overnight which leaves him not only more tired than usual but now entirely under-caffeinated. The door to Lightwood Jewelers is already unlocked when he shows up five minutes late (he had to go two blocks out of the way to get a seriously subpar latte) and he mentally braces himself for whatever Izzy throws at him. 

“Running late after another internet rendezvous with your new ‘ _ friend _ ?’ ” He hears his sister’s lilting voice float across the showroom floor as the bell above the door rings to signal his arrival. He closes it gently behind him. 

“Absolutely not. I think my chat support days are numbered; I’m sticking to memes and hashtags from here on out.” He says this with a sense of resolved finality, but there’s an edge of sadness to the statement as well and Izzy is quick to pick up on it. 

“So you’re really not going to try and find him again, even just to see what he has to say? You  _ did _ cut him off before he even had a chance. What if he’s also a 22 year old jeweler from New York and you’re destined to craft precious jem masterpieces together for the rest of your lives?” 

“You can knock it off, alright? I get it. I don’t know anything about him, it was stupid.” He sets his briefcase down on the counter, avoiding eye contact in his embarrassment. 

“Alright, that was a little extreme. But I was being serious. You should try to talk to him again. From what you told me, it sounded like he was the one doing most of the flirting in the first place.” And it is the sudden sincerity in her voice that makes Alec look up and see that she does seem genuine. 

“I dunno. I think he was just being nice because he had to.” 

“Alec, I’ve dealt with plenty of calls to customer service in my life. Noone is  _ that _ nice.” Isabelle huffs a laugh, pulling out a few new display pieces to arrange while she talks. “I’m just saying - what’s the worst that could happen? You find out he's actually some 60 year old man living in Bangladesh? Or he thinks you’re weird and you just never talk to him again! He’s just a name on the internet, it isn’t like you have to see him every day at work or anything.” 

She says it so nonchalantly, as if it is the easiest solution in the world. Just talk to him. Just throw himself back out there after making a total fool of himself and see what happens. Except the longer he thinks about it the more it seems like it  _ might  _ be that simple. She was right, after all - he might not know anything about Magnus, but Magnus didn’t know anything about him, either. He could hide behind that anonymity even if it all blows up in his face. 

“Alright,” Alec agrees. “I’ll try to talk to him again tonight. At the very least I can tell him that I’m not some crazy internet stalker so he doesn’t try to get a restraining order against me or anything.” He gives a shaky laugh, making jokes to try and ease the slightly growing nerves he refuses to acknowledge. 

“That’s the spirit. Now focus and help me finish this display before the buyer gets here.” 

The rest of the day is so busy that he manages to throw himself entirely into work, resetting stones and repairing watches straight through until closing. It was 8:00 then - 4 more hours until the graveyard shift. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything productive he decided to go to bed, setting an alarm for midnight and praying his newfound resolve after talking with Izzy wouldn’t leave by the time he woke back up. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec works up the nerve to come back to the chats, and an unexpected run-in doesn't quite pan out the way Magnus hopes.

Magnus goes home and finishes season 1 before falling into a restless sleep sometime after noon. He’s so full of racing thoughts on theories and some emotions after watching the wedding episode, the implications of everything that was about to change for the main characters, especially after that _goddamn cliffhanger_. Everyone was right, it certainly got better with every episode - no wonder the fanbase was so up in arms to keep it going. He can barely convince himself to stop there and try to get some sleep… not that it works.

He wakes up on and off throughout the day, never sleeping for more than an hour before blinking awake, falling in and out of the haze of interrupted dreams. When he wakes for the final time at the sound of his 8:00 pm alarm he feels like he barely slept at all and knows he’ll need to leave a little early to grab some coffee before work if he is going to make it through the overnight hours without falling asleep at his desk.

When his usual spot is closed for repairs, or water damage, or something (he’s too annoyed to read the whole sign before looking up the next closest coffee shop on his phone, just praying he wouldn’t miss his train), he starts to wonder if he should bother getting his hopes up for another  chat with Alec at the rate his luck is going.

He doesn’t miss his train, thankful that at least one thing works out, and punches in with seconds to spare before the start of his shift. The first hour drags on with no sign of Alec - he’s already asked Ragnor and Cat to text him if they get connected with him first, knowing full well he will never hear the end of it from either of them at this point.

And then it happens. His breath catches in his chest and he smiles wide at the screen, immediately forgoing all formalities. He doesn’t want to give Alec a chance to run again, or any reason to think he doesn’t want to talk to him.

 

You are Connected with Customer: Alec L.  
Magnus: Welcome back! I wasn’t sure I’d see you on here again.  
Alec: I wasn’t sure I’d come back, so that makes two of us. But here I am.  
Magnus: Here you are.  
Magnus: I’m glad you did.   
Magnus:Come back, that is.   
  
  
There’s a long pause and Magnus is afraid he lost him again. Figures, with the way his night was going, that Alec would come back just for Magnus to scare him off again. He frowns at the screen, typing hurriedly again, not wanting to make the same mistake as last time.

  
Magnus: Hello? Did I lose you?  
Alec: No, sorry, I’m still here.  
Magnus: Good. I was afraid I scared you off again. I’d hate to lose my favorite client.  
Alec: I bet you say that to everyone.  
Magnus: Absolutely not. These are the best conversations I get all night.  
Alec: I thought maybe after yesterday…  
Magnus: Don’t worry about it.  
Alec: I’m really sorry. I never should’ve pried like that.  
Magnus: Really, it’s fine. I don’t mind. Honestly, it’s nice to be talked to like I’m a real person for once and not just some robot in a chat spitting out pre-written responses.  
Alec: Alright. Thanks.  
Magnus: For what? I didn’t do anything.  
Alec: Right. Well, it’s pretty late and I should get some sleep, but I suppose the usual ‘hey you guys should save The Hunt’ should be noted.  
Magnus: Duly noted. And before you leave this time, the answer is 29.  
Alec: The answer to what?  
Magnus: Your question from yesterday.  
Magnus: And if you have _any_ other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.  
This chat has ended.

 

Magnus has to fight the urge to include an actual winking face at the end of the last line, but he’s smirking at his own cleverness in dispelling any concerns Alec clearly still has lingering over whether or not Magnus was put off by him asking personal questions. He’s well aware that if anyone goes through these logs he’s going to be in a _lot_ of trouble, but he’s also well aware that no one ever does unless there’s a complaint. As long as they don’t have any reason to look into him, he’s fine. It’s a gamble he’s willing to make.

The rest of the night passes by uneventfully, with no more signs of Alec. He has nice chats with the other customers, easier now that he has an entire season of The Hunt under his belt to bond over and prove he’s on their side. Magnus is surprised to realize that each name that comes cross his screen comes with the smallest pang of disappointment and tries his best to ignore it. It gets easier the more he falls back into his routine and allows the monotony of the job to take over.

What he can’t ignore is the way his heartbeat triples in speed at the sight of those five letters mere minutes before his shift is over, after he already gave up all hope of seeing it again that night.

 

You are Connected with Customer: Alec L.  
Magnus: Perfect timing, you’re my last customer of the night.  
Alec: Oh, sorry, I don’t want to keep you!  
Magnus: No, no, it’s fine.  I’m more than happy to stay here as long as you’d like to chat. I promise, you’re the _farthest thing_ from an inconvenience.    
Alec: I accidentally overslept, so it’ll be a short chat anyway. My sister will kill me if I’m late for work.  
Magnus: You work with your family? How’s that going for you?  
Alec: We get along surprisingly well, actually. She’s the one who got me into The Hunt. Apparently taking pieces home from work to finish in my free time didn’t count as a proper ‘relaxing hobby’, so she convinced me to start watching tv to unwind. It was supposed to be something mindless, but now here we are.  
Magnus: Speaking of!  I didn’t get to tell you earlier but I finished season 1. Consider me a permanent fan, I’m seriously invested now.  
Alec: I can’t believe you watched the whole first season already!  
Magnus: At first it was just so I had some idea what the lot of you were going on about in these chats. But I could barely stop at the end! I almost called in sick just to start season 2 after that cliffhanger.  
Alec: Just you wait. Season 2 gets even better.  
Magnus: I don’t have to wait much longer - I’ll probably get a few episodes in once I leave here. BUT THAT WEDDING. I’m glad I stopped watching with Ragnor after that first day or I’d never hear the end of it - I got more than a little emotional.  
Alec: If you didn’t I’d question what you said earlier about you not being a robot.  
Magnus: I can’t believe they’re taking this off the air.    
Alec: Me either. If it wasn’t for watching this with Iz we wouldn’t be half as close as we are now. I’d hate to lose that.  
Alec: Shit, it’s getting late. I should head out. Enjoy season 2! I want to hear all of your reactions next time.  
Magnus: Until next time!  
This chat has ended.   


Magnus packs up and heads home with a small, content smile on his face despite the exhaustion that begins to settle over him along the way, the soft rocking of the subway almost lulling him to sleep in his seat when the train jolts to a stop and he gets off. He walks the streets of Brooklyn at a leisurely pace, glancing along the glass displays of several shops lining one of the busier areas. Magnus decides to stop at the second-rate coffee shop on his way home for a little pick-me-up to keep him awake for another hour or two, and he’s walking in through the door when someone on their way out barrels into him, clipping his shoulder hard as they nearly sprint through the doorway.

“Hey! Watch where you’re--” Magnus starts, but the words trail off at the sight of one of the most handsome men he’s laid eyes on in a _long_ while. He’s tall, 3-4 inches taller than himself, wearing a suit that appears poorly tailored to what he is certain is a much better frame than the loose fitting fabric implies. But his slightly disheveled dark hair and wide, impossibly warm hazel eyes immediately erase the anger Magnus initially felt at being run into.

“Sorry,” the other man says immediately, and Magnus notes the slight flush that crosses the higher regions of his cheeks and back towards his ears as he meets Magnus’ gaze with a sheepish grin. That apologetic smile drops immediately into a frown as he notices the splash of coffee that spilled out of his cup and over the arm of Magnus’ light purple dress shirt. “Shit.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Magnus says, waving his hand dismissively. Flirting with someone _this_ _attractive_ certainly takes precedence over being angry at a few drops of coffee on his sleeve.

“That was totally my fault. I’m running late and I don’t usually stop here, so I--”

“Really, it’s fine.” He insists, cutting off the rambling with a charming smile. And something strange crosses the taller man’s face at those words, just as Magnus has a little moment of deja vu himself upon realizing it’s the second time that day he said those exact two sentences, but it passes just as quickly as it came.

The man looks like he wants to be relieved, but isn’t entirely convinced. “Are you sure? I could pay to have it dry-cleaned.”

Magnus shakes his head side-to-side emphatically. “I’m positive. Nothing a little stain remover can’t fix. But thanks for the offer.” He  gives the man another quick up-and-down (hardly being subtle, though he’s pretty sure he catches the other giving him the same sort of appraising glance) before impulsively adding, “You know, on second thought, you _could_ pay me back with a drink sometime. I certainly wouldn’t say no to that.” And there is no denying the implications behind the flirtatious tone coupled with his most charming smile. It never hurt to try.

At this the tall man with the coffee turns an impressive shade of crimson, eyes immediately finding something of great interest on the ground by his shoes. “No, I-- sorry, I’m not… I mean, I can’t--”  

The poor guy. Magnus gives a soft laugh to dispel any building tension and a kind, understanding smile. “It’s fine! Not the first time I’ve been turned down, and it won’t be the last. But you can’t blame a guy for trying.” He shrugs, and the other man looks up again just long enough for Magnus to give him a quick wink before slipping into the coffee shop, figuring he could save them both the awkwardness of trying to end their brief conversation after all that.

Of course, that doesn’t stop Magnus’ gaze from drifting back through the window one last time as the coffee man takes a moment to collect himself, eyes lingering shamelessly on his  retreating form as he hurries off down the street. Pity. He really was gorgeous.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is easier online, and Alec finds himself starting to open up a little more.

Alec feels the heat in his face as he stutters something out - he isn’t even sure what at this point because his brain shut down entirely in his flustered panic. But the attractive man he spilled coffee on like a total klutz is still smiling, laughing and shrugging and disappearing into the coffee shop with a wink. The thought occurs to him to follow - to buy him a coffee, at least. But he remembers how late he’s already running, and it’s the easiest excuse to cling to as he turns to leave.

Still, his thoughts linger on the man - those dark brown eyes that seemed to flash with flecks of gold when the light caught them (though he never make eye contact long enough to tell if it was just the light playing tricks on him), the way the sleeves of his dress shirt clung to his impressively large biceps, and how the tailored plum vest he wore over it suited him so perfectly. And those maroon highlights in his hair…

...the blush was back on Alec’s face even though he is now an entire block away. He needs to stop. It isn’t like he can go out for drinks in the city his entire family lives in! He didn’t have a choice but to say no; what if someone sees him? Izzy is the only one who knows he’s gay, and if his brothe,r or parents, or even any of his parent’s friend’s see him out and say something… he just isn’t ready for that. But it still feels nice to be hit on, even if he _did_ chicken out on the follow-through.

So he forces the thoughts from his mind the best he can as he steps through the door of the shop. Or at least he thinks he does.

“...what happened?” Izzy asks immediately.

“What?” He asks, confused, placing his coffee and bag down on the nearest counter.

“Your face is right red and you have a dopey grin on your face.”

Shit.

“Oh, I ran into someone at the coffee shop. Literally. I spilled coffee on them and it was embarrassing and we’re going to pretend it never happened now.”

“And on a scale of 1 to 10, how hot was he?”

“ _Izzy.”_ He chastises, rolling his eyes, but when he’s met with nothing more than crossed arms and a defiant stare he sighs. “11.” And since he knows she won’t let it go that easily he pauses only briefly before adding (and not without a hint of satisfaction). “I offered to pay to have his shirt cleaned and he said I could pay him back with a drink instead.”  

“ _You got a date?”_ Isabelle asks incredulously, but Alec shakes his head quickly before she can get her hopes up too high.

“No. I said I couldn’t and left.” He sees the disappointment all over her face. “You know I can’t, Iz. If someone saw-”  
  
“I know, I know.” And her tone is understanding but laced with sadness. “I can’t tell you how to live your life, big brother, but I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand more times if I have to - you deserve to be happy. _No one who matters_ is going to judge you for that. And if they do, I’ll kick their asses.”

“I know you will,” he says with a fond smile. “Thanks.” He braces himself for more but Isabelle drops it there and the Lightwood siblings get to work opening the store.

\--

The day passes by slowly and uneventfully after that, and Alec is back home and falling into what is quickly becoming a new routine. Eat, sleep, wake up to a midnight alarm so he can catch a chat or two with Magnus, universe willing. The queues are down to 3 or so minutes each time now, still holding strong, and he passes the time in between by sending out tweets and e-mails, and writing brief exchanges with the first two support reps he gets connected to who aren’t Magnus, until:

 

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B.  
Magnus: Just the name I wanted to see.    
Alec: Hello again to you, too.  
Magnus: One of these times I’m going to come across another Alec L. and things are going to get hilariously awkward.  
Alec: You could always use a regular greeting, you know.  
Magnus: Where’s the fun in that? I like living on the edge.  
Alec: I wish I had some of that mentality.  
Magnus: You can take some of mine. I have plenty to go around.    
Alec: Heh, thanks.  
Alec: Any word on the show?  
Magnus: Unfortunately, nothing new on my end. Same old blanket statement.  
Alec: Damn.  
Alec: Sorry, can I curse in here? Probably not.  
Magnus: If you think you’re the first person to swear in a customer service chat, boy do I have news for you.  
Alec: Good point. So where are you in Season 2 now?  


They chat about the show for a few minutes before Alec realizes he’s still far too tired for this right now. Every time he blinks his eyes stay shut for longer and longer, and it isn’t like Magnus doesn’t have an actual job to do here.  
  
  
Alec: Well, I should let you get back to work. Maybe I’ll try and pop back in later.  
Magnus: I hope you do.  
This chat has ended.

 

Alec decides to try and sleep the rest of the night and wake up early enough to catch Magnus before the end of his shift in the morning. A plan that would’ve worked great if a massive rumble of thunder followed by a tremor that rattled his entire apartment didn’t wake him up at 2:34 am, and try as he might he just can’t fall back asleep. He pulls his laptop off of the bedside table and boots it up, browsing through the #SaveTheHunt tags for a few minutes before donating to a fundraiser set up in the campaign’s name for an amazing LGBTQ+ Nonprofit. And then, when it becomes clear he isn’t about to fall asleep any time soon, he decides to try the support chat again.

This time there is no queue, which is good, because it takes three tries to get to Magnus.

 

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B.  
Magnus: Welcome back.  
Alec: I couldn’t sleep, and this seemed better than tossing and turning for another hour.  
Magnus: Not that I’m glad you can’t sleep, but it’s been an uncharacteristically quiet night here. I thought I’d be glad to see things die down but I kinda miss it.  
Alec: I’m sure it’ll pick back up. We’re far from giving up - in fact, there was a new fundraising campaign started today in the show’s name, benefitting LGBTQ+ youth in honor of all the representation and impact the show has in the community.  
Magnus: That’s amazing! I’ll have to check that out after work. I’d be remiss not to give back in honor of the positive bisexual showing so far. It isn’t often you find something in pop culture that goes out of its way to give us such a good rep.  
Alec: You’re Bi?  
Magnus: Sorry, tmi.  
Alec: No, it’s cool.  
Alec: That’s cool.

 

Alec hesitates, hands hovering over the keyboard as he thinks back to earlier at his desire to live on the edge a little more. To the missed opportunity at the coffee shop. To Isabelle telling him that he deserves to be himself. His pulse is racing, but that’s stupid, because it’s just a word. It’s just a word to a person who doesn’t even know him. A person he’ll never meet. And there’s a certain safety in the anonymity of the internet, isn’t there? He’s just a name here, and not an uncommon one at that. He can be anyone, anywhere. And if he can’t bring himself to type the words to a stranger on the internet how will he ever say them out loud to the people around him? It seems like the perfect starting point.

What does he really have to lose?

He takes a deep breath and starts to type.

 

Alec: I told my sister I was gay after watching the first two seasons with her, so I get it. It’s important. Seeing the support the everyone gave, even after the whole wedding fiasco, had a huge impact on me. I’m not sure I ever would’ve done it otherwise.  
Magnus: Oh wow. That is big. Congratulations!  
Alec: Thanks, but it isn’t that impressive. I’m 22 and she’s the only one I ever told.  
Magnus: Everyone moves at their own pace. I’m sure you’ll get there.

  
Alex exhales the breath he didn’t realize he’s holding. Admitting that truth about himself to someone other than Isabelle is so freeing, no matter what the context, and Alec feels a small sense of peace settle over him. Nothing as intense as what he felt talking to Isabelle, but nice in its own way.

The conversation seems to flow so easily after that, and Alec forgets his nerves almost entirely. They talk about a mixture of personal anecdotes and things from the show (with Alec carefully treading around spoilers from things beyond the point Magnus stopped at in his reactions and replies) for much longer than Alec realizes, both of them losing track of time. It starts to feel like he’s talking to a close friend rather than some faceless stranger across the internet when the tone of Magnus’ text takes a sudden, abrupt turn.

 

Magnus: I need you to end this chat right now, but I promise I’ll explain later.  
Alec: What?  
Magnus: Please.  
This chat has ended.

 

And Alec sits there, feeling a bit lost and more than a little confused, staring at the blank screen of the ended conversation. It is difficult to pick up on intonations through written word, but he could sense the urgency behind Magnus’ request enough to not question it. But something uneasy sits in the pit of his stomach as he wonders if he said something wrong. They talked a lot more this time, and about personal things, not just the show. But it all seemed alright at the time. So what happened? What changed?

Alec wonders exactly when ‘later’ is -  if he’s supposed to try to talk to him again right away, or in an hour, or maybe not for the rest of the night?  He has nothing to go off of. He resolves to wait at least an hour but before the time is up he dozes off, and doesn’t wake back up until the sunlight is already pouring in through the window. What time is it? Maybe he can still catch--

But the clock reads 8:05, and Alec’s heart drops. Magnus’ shift is over, and if he’s going to get any answers he’ll have to wait for them now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All actions have consequences, and both Alec and Magnus are learning that the hard way.

The longer Magnus talks with Alec, the more comfortable he becomes with their easy back-and-forth rapport. He doesn’t know what this is. He doesn’t know what he thinks he is doing. Alec is just some guy he speaks to across the internet - he doesn’t have a clue where he lives or what he looks like, but he has a better idea of just  _ who _ he is with every passing chat. 

Alec has a sister that he cares about and works with, they get along surprisingly well. He’s passionate about things, not the least of which is this unfortunately cancelled show, but also archery, a hobby he picked up in summer camp as a kid. He gets nervous the moment he thinks someone disapproves of something he says or does, and remains uneasy even after being reassured otherwise. He’s gay, something he’s only told his sister, until he told Magnus. And for some reason Magnus holds this confidence close like a badge of honor. Alec is kind and funny and talking with him is the most enjoyable thing Magnus does in his day. 

And it’s all of those things which get him lost in a conversation that he wishes could go on forever… until the fear that it might do just that strikes hard and fast. 

The timer. The numbers at the top of his screen count upward from 00:00 the moment he connects with a new chat, with the goal to clear out incoming issues within 10 minutes. Stay below 15 minutes and you’re safe within the average. But if a chat hits 20 minutes it’s immediately flagged for review to see what the issue is and why it wasn’t resolved in a more timely manner. 

When Magnus remembers the timer and glances up at it all of the breath leaves him at once. He feels as if his lungs never held air in them to begin with, his chest impossibly tight. It’s at 19:41 and climbing. 19:42. 19:43. 19:44. 

Magnus snaps out of the shock quickly, forcing his mind to work again, his fingers frantic on the keys. He panics and begs Alec to close the chat. He can’t close it on his end - protocol is simple, Support stays on the chat until it’s ended by the customer after a proper resolution. For him to disconnect would send up even more red flags he can’t afford. He  _ needs  _ Alec to end the connection. Now. 

19:48. 19:49. 19:50. 

There’s a pause. It’s short, but it feels like it drags on for centuries as the numbers continue to climb. Alec is confused, and Magnus wishes he had time to explain, but time is not a luxury he can afford at the moment. He types one word. ‘Please’. 

19: 57. 19:58. 19:59--

The chat closes. 

Magnus stares, back straight, his entire body tense. Painted black nails dig into his palms as his hands clench anxiously into fists on the desk. Was it fast enough? His hands are shaking when he finally tries to relax them, simultaneously releasing the breath he didn’t realize he held.  _ Breathe _ , he reminds a body which suddenly doesn’t remember how basic human functions work.  _ Just breathe. What’s the worst that could happen? You hate this job anyway. _ But it isn’t the just the job. If he loses the job he can always get a new one. But if he loses the job he loses the only method he has to talk to Alec. And he doesn’t know why he cares so much, but there’s no denying that he does.

He almost takes his break early  just to step away for a little while and collect himself again, but something stops him. What if Alec tries to contact him again right away and he isn't around? He needs to be there the next time he shows up to explain what happened... and he has no idea of knowing when that next time might be. So instead of taking his break he stays at his station, answering the normal chats that continue to roll in. Some are about The Hunt, and others are normal system issues, but none of them are Alec L. 

The hours pass and Alec is not connected to him again. Magnus doesn’t just push back his break, he skips it entirely, working straight through the night. Each time a new chat pops onto his screen he holds his breath, looking for the name, only to feel an anxious knot begin to form in the very core of his stomach. The knot grows with every disappointment. The rational side of his brain says that it is the middle of the night, that maybe Alec simply fell asleep. Or maybe luck is truly against him and Alec is simply paired with other representatives over and over. It wouldn’t be impossible, though he checks in with Cat and Ragnor to see if either of them saw the name that night. Neither had. 

When 8:00 rolls around and his shift is over he meets Catarina and Ragnor in the staff break room to fill them in on the the chat timer fiasco (minus the more personal details shared, obviously). 

"They would've called me in already if something was flagged, right?" Magnus asks, a small but undeniably hopeful lilt to the end of his question. His eyes beg for them to simply reassure him rather than speak the truth, and because of that Ragnor remains silent. Not saying anything condemning is the nicest thing he can do just then, and Magnus takes it. It's Cat who brings a hand up to rest gently on his shoulder. 

"Yeah, of course, Magnus. I'm sure they have no idea." She pauses, lips pursing together. "And even if they do," she adds hastily. "You don't have anything else on your record, so I can't imagine they'd fire you over it."  She gives him a smile that is meant to be encouraging, though his face falls just a little. He doesn't want to think about this showing up on his record - he  _ certainly  _ doesn't want to have the conversation of why he was holding such a personal discussion with a customer, on company time, in the customer support chat, even if it was at the initiation of said customer. Even if they don’t fire him for it it would be the single most mortifying thing he ever discussed with a superior. But this is about more than just him and his job. If they open this case against him they’d contact Alec for sure, and drag him into all of this…  Magnus doesn’t even want to  _ consider _ how uncomfortable that would be for him. 

"Right. Well, that's that then. It isn't like I can do anything about it now except wait and see." Magnus tries to sound casual but the strain in his words is obvious, especially to his closest friends. His mind latches onto the worst case scenario and refuses to let go; he’s already blaming himself for a series of events that might not even play out. 

“We were going to grab a coffee,” Ragnor offers. “Come on. Maybe afterward we can go watch some more of The Hunt.” 

And this is the moment Magnus knows how pathetic he must look, because he knows how much Ragnor hated the first few episodes. 

“No, thanks. You two go ahead, I’m tired. I’m just going to head home. See you later.” 

Magnus turns before they can argue and heads out without listening to any further replies from his friends. Once he’s home he lays down in bed, staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping for quite some time before his mind reluctantly eases into a fitful sleep. 

 

~*~

 

Catarina and Ragnor watch Magnus leave, Ragnor placing a hand on Cat’s shoulder to stop her from chasing after him. They hang back to give him space so that they don’t all end up on the same train back into Brooklyn.  

When they get to the coffee shop there’s a small line, with three people in front of them and another man following in behind them. The shop down the street must still be closed. 

"I'm worried about him," Catarina says with a heavy sigh. "Magnus never turns down coffee and he’s obsessed with that ridiculous show. He's really shaken up over this." 

"I'm worried too, but... well, not to sound unsympathetic, but he brought this on himself. Having that many personal conversations in the work chats, he had to know he'd get caught eventually. He always had a reckless streak." 

"You don't really think they're going to fire him, do you?" 

"With the mood Mr. Rey is in lately?” Ragnor laughs, but it’s a bitter, sour sound. “I’d bet money on it. And if by some small miracle he doesn’t lose his job, he’ll just keep going until he does. And all for what, some guy named Alec he's going to flirt with for a few days and then never hear from again?" Ragnor shakes his head. "He isn't thinking clearly and you know it." 

"Yeah, well, you didn't think so clearly when you first started flirting with me," Cat begins to point out with a lighter tone and a smirk, but her attention is diverted when there's a clattering sound behind them. They turn to see a tall man in a business suit nearly tripping over several chairs as he leaves the small shop in a hurry, the little bell over the door ringing as he flings it open and practically throws himself outside and down the street. 

"...wonder what that was all about?" Cat ponders, brows knit together in confusion before it's their turn, and they move ahead to place their orders. 

 

~*~

 

Alec just got into the line for coffee when he hears the name. Magnus. It draws his attention, mostly because he is certain he imagined it. But he didn’t, he quickly realizes as the conversation he overhears between the man and the woman in front of him continues. They’re talking about Magnus, who is going to get in trouble at work for holding personal conversations with the clients. Magnus, losing his job over a guy he never met. No, not just a guy - over  _ him _ . Because it isn’t just Magnus’ name he hears, but his own, flowing freely in the conversation. Alec.  _ Some guy named Alec. _ They’re talking about him now, and he can’t pretend there’s any chance it’s a coincidence. 

Alec’s mind goes blank, the background noise of the coffee shop and the continued conversation of the man and woman in front of him fading to a dull buzz around him. 

Several things register all at once:

 

  1. __Magnus is flirting with him.__ He knows it shouldn’t be his first takeaway, but he can’t help the light flutter he feels in his chest at the words. It doesn’t last long, because
  2. Magnus is in trouble at work because of him. That must’ve been why he had to leave so abruptly last night.  The flutter stops and his heart sinks. And then
  3. These people _know_ Magnus. They work with him. And if they’re here for coffee so soon after their shift ended then they either work or live close-by. Which means that Magnus also works or lives close-by. Hell, he could be in the coffee shop at this very moment. He doesn’t have time to figure out of this prospect is more terrifying or exhilarating because that’s when it hits him:
  4. Magnus told these two people, at the very least, about their conversations, which means he’s talking about him to his friends, or coworkers, or whatever they were to him. And if the mentioned the conversations, and Alec’s name, then what else did he tell them? Did they know that the guy Magnus flirts with was flirting back? Did they know that -- that he, Alec _, the man standing behind them_ , is gay? 



And suddenly it’s too much. He feels sick over the idea that people know, people he hadn’t meant to know, people who exist in his city and who might run across him in a coffee shop or out on the town… how can people he never met before know secrets about his life he didn’t even have the courage to tell his immediate family yet. How did he let this happen? He felt so comfortable talking to Magnus, so safe behind his computer screen, that he didn’t stop to think about the implications of what he was saying. He doesn’t know Magnus at all - for all he knows Magnus told everyone he works with about the loser he’s stringing along in the chats. The idiot who can’t even flirt properly and who wants so badly to just feel like himself for once that he spills his secrets so easily to the first person who seems sympathetic. 

He can't breathe. All the noise of the cafe comes back to him in a rush and it's deafening. The chime of the bell above the door, the whir of the machines frothing milk and making espresso, the chatter of the customers, it accosts him from all sides and it’s suffocating. 

Alec takes several quick steps backwards, not careful of his surroundings, tripping over the leg of a chair pushed back into the walkway. He mumbles something that's probably an apology but he can’t say for certain, not when he can't focus on anything around him clearly. The only thought he has is that he needs to get out. The only thing he feels is a desire to flee. 

And he does. He doesn't look back at the other two from the line, not once, even though part of him wants to stop and ask them who they are and what they know. But he can't risk it. He can't risk them knowing, and realizing who he is. 

Once he's outside Alec takes the deepest breath possible and holds it, releasing it slowly back out to stabilize himself as he leans against the side of the building. The pair inside the coffee shop don't follow. He doesn't know why he's afraid that they might, but nothing makes sense right now and he can’t shake the paranoia. 

Forgetting about the coffee entirely Alec heads towards the shop but hesitates, his steps slowing before stopping altogether. He pulls out his phone and texts Isabelle. 

**Hey Iz, I'm not feeling so hot all of a sudden. Mind covering for the day? I'll owe you dinner, your choice.**

He waits, not turning to head back home just yet, but not walking towards the shop, either. The phone in his hand buzzes almost instantly. 

**Really?! Ugh, fine. But you definitely owe me. Sushi. The expensive place downtown, too.**

Alec almost smiles at that. 

**Deal. Thanks, you're a lifesaver. See you tomorrow.**

He knows that this hardly constitutes a day off but he isn’t sure what else to do. If he goes in like this Izzy will know he's a mess straight away. He’ll be too distracted to be useful with any clients. And if he explains she's just going to tell him the same thing she always does - that he wouldn't have to freak out about keeping this secret if he was just honest with everyone. And she's right, and he knows she's right, but that's just not a guilt he feels like dealing with on top of the lingering fear that he's currently responsible for someone losing their job. It's too much all at once and for once he’s having a difficult time compartmentalizing it all to deal with it. 

And so he heads come to make himself a pot of coffee, thinking much clearer with the warm mug between his hands and the familiar comforting scent filling the apartment. The moment he really starts to think about everything he realizes it’s much simpler than he first imagined.  There's an obvious solution, the best one for everyone involved, he simply has to come to terms with it. 

He's never going back to those chats ever again. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two painfully quiet days, Magnus takes matters into his own hands -- and into the hashtags.

The nightmares are expected. Magnus often gets them when he is worried about something, the anxiety creeping into the deepest levels of his subconscious despite his best attempts to ignore it. When he wakes he feels just as exhausted as the moment he fell asleep, but the idea of going back to more bad dreams is just as unappealing as getting up. He resolves to simply lay there, staring at the ceiling above his bed, mind wandering. No phone calls from work, that's a good sign. Maybe everything is going to be alright after all.

He waits until the last possible moment before rolling out of bed and throwing on some clothes, taking a few rushed minutes to apply some light makeup to cover the bags under his eyes, and eyeliner to pull the focus. Better. He has several missed messages from Catarina and Ragnor (alright, it’s a group chat and 99% of them are actually just Cat). He sends a quick  **‘I’m fine. See you soon.’** response without bothering to directly address anything else. They’re waiting for him when he arrives at work, his own internal anxiety mirrored in their strained expressions. But he smiles as he approaches. 

“Why do you two look like someone died?” He asks, praying silently that they’re just concerned and not already aware of something he isn’t. 

“You were uncharacteristically quiet today,” Ragnor points out. “Normally I can’t get you to shut up long enough to type a sentence, now suddenly you can’t reply to Cat within 12 hours?” 

Cat rolls her eyes. “What Ragnor  _ means _ to say is that we were worried about you.” 

“Isn’t that what I just said?” Ragnor asks, brows furrowed in confusion, and in a moment that eases the initial tension Cat and Magnus both laugh. 

“I’m  _ fine _ ,” he insists. “I could’ve slept better, but I’m good. Really. I’ll be  _ better  _ once I can sort things out with Alec and make sure he doesn’t think I’m a total ass,” he adds as they head into the building.  
  
Except that opportunity never comes. He waits, and waits, high hopes rising and falling with each new chat. None of them are Alec. He allows himself another day of rapidly diminishing optimism, but when Alec doesn’t resurface after a second night in a row Magnus feels the unrelenting tightness in the pit of his stomach become almost unbearable. He messed up. He messed up and Alec isn’t going to come back and give him a chance to explain. 

Why should he? He doesn’t even know his full name, they’re hardly more than acquaintances, no matter what sort of connection Magnus imagines they have. No, he corrects himself -  _ had _ . Past tense. 

“No word?” Cat asks at the end of night two, though the look on his face tells her everything she needs to know before he says a single word.

“I shouldn’t care. Why do I care?! Why am I so pathetic?” He slumps against the wall dramatically. “God, I’m being an idiot. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize - you’re allowed to have feelings, Magnus. And they’re allowed to be hurt.” 

He gives her a small smile. “Thanks, Cat. What would I do without you?”  
  
“Probably fall apart completely, if we’re being honest. Now go home and get some rest. You could use it.”    
  
He pulls a face. “Gee, thanks.” This time the gratuitous word holds a much more sour note even though he can’t argue that he looks as tired as he feels. They both know it, he just hoped nobody would call him on it.  

Magnus goes straight home and tries his best to sleep, but he can’t. He’s too wrapped up in his own thoughts; no matter what Catarina says he still hates himself for caring as much as he does, as well as for blaming himself for something so entirely out of his control. He has no right to expect anything of Alec - how could he assume he means anything to him beyond a way to pass the time during this whole campaign thing?

...the campaign. It’s noon, and he barely tried to sleep for 2 hours after getting home around 9:30, but now he’s out of bed and on the computer, alert with the inspiration of this sudden idea. Without a last name his searches of “Alec L.” the night before were pretty useless, but that hardly matters. If Alec isn’t going to come back to him, maybe he can go to Alec. Or at least, go  where Alec is most likely to be. Twenty minutes and several new social media accounts later (all with the handle ‘LookingForAlecL’), he’s ready. 

_ ‘Hello fellow Hunters. I spoke to quite a few of you over the last few days and you all seem like wonderful people, so I’m hoping you can help me out here with a little favor.  _

_ My name is Magnus, and I’m looking for someone named Alec L. who spent quite a bit of time campaigning for #SaveTheHunt in the customer service chats this past week. Long story short, I work the graveyard shift in the chats, and after a few run-ins with this particular fan we seemed to get along really well. At least, I thought we did. Our talks were lovely and this might be the first time I ever eagerly anticipated going into work on a nightly basis. Unfortunately, I had to cut our last conversation short abruptly: you see, when the chat timer hits a certain limit it flags the situation for review for running too long, which would’ve gotten me into a ton of trouble with the higher-ups on top of getting poor Alec contacted by my incredibly annoying boss over the whole thing. Thankfully, I spared us both that fate. But Alec doesn’t know this - as far as he’s concerned I’m just the asshole who ran off in the middle of a personal conversation. I told him I would explain later, but that was two days ago, and he hasn’t been back since. So here I am. _

_ I don’t have much to go off of to find him again. I know he reads this tag. I know he’s on these platforms. If some of you could share this around so maybe there’s a chance he’ll see it, I would really appreciate it! If you think you know him, please let me know! Or let him know that I’m looking? And Alec, if you do see this, I’m sorry for the way I left things.  It was nothing you said, I swear. And if you haven’t come back because of something I said, or if you aren’t interested in being friends in the slightest, just say the word and I’ll drop all of this, no questions asked. But I really enjoyed talking with you and I got the feeling you did, too. I hope I’m not entirely off base here. I miss hearing from you more than I have any right to, and I’d really like the chance to talk with you again.’ _

__

Before he hits the ‘post’ button Magnus hesitates, and pulls out his phone.   
**Cat, are you awake?  
**   


He waits one minute, and then two, before the phone dings.    
**...I am now. What’s up?  
**   


He eyes the computer, and then his phone, before typing quickly:   
**If you stopped talking to someone and they missed you enough to try finding you online would you find that creepy or endearing?  
**   


**...what?**

  
Magnus sighs.   
**How totally foolish would it be to try and find him online? On tumblr or twitter, somewhere on social media with this whole campaign to save the show? I know he’s active there… what if I can figure out how to contact him again there?**

Cat replies almost instantly.   
**You know the internet is like,** ** _really big_** **, right? There are so many people using those tags...**

He knows he did this to hear a voice of reason but now he regrets that decision as the doubt sinks in and he starts to lose that impulsive bravery.  **I know. I know it’s a longshot. I know nothing will probably come from it. Or maybe he’ll see it and block me for stalking him or something, but at least then I’d know.**

**I just… Cat, I haven’t felt that comfortable talking to someone in years. I just need to know if he felt that too. I don’t think I can live with the possibility that he feels the same way and I just let it go without at least trying, you know?  
** **Or is this just coming across as desperate and sad instead of charming and hopeful?  
**   


**If you need to know then there’s only one way to try and find out.  Do you want me to call you?  
**   


**No. I think I’m good. Sorry for waking you - get back to sleep. I’ll talk to you tonight, alright? Love you.  
**   


**Love you too.**

Magnus puts the phone down and brings his hand back to hover over the mouse. He hesitates one second, two seconds, three seconds -- and then clicks ‘post’.

He doesn’t know what to expect, refreshing the pages once a minute for the first 20 minutes before accepting the fact that this is not going to be an instantaneous thing. Alec isn’t going to see it and message him right away, no one is going to repost it to tell him they know exactly who he is and how to find him within the first few minutes. He forces himself to close the laptop and walk away.

He manages a few hours of sleep, waking up to not-so-casually check the notifications on his accounts. When he sees a number in the triple digits his eyes bulge, and he does a double-take to make sure he read that right.

184\. He clicks through some of them to see that what is apparently a rather popular blog shared his post while he slept and it snowballed from there. Even as he looks little notifications pop up in the corner of his screen from people actively liking and sharing it. He checks the messages anxiously - none of them are Alec, or even anyone who knows Alec, but there are at least a dozen of them and they’re all encouraging.

‘ _ This is so sweet, I hope you find him and get to explain things!’  _

_ ‘I don’t know any Alecs but I’m sharing anyway since so many people here use pseudonyms so you never know!’  _

_ ‘Good luck, Magnus! I think I talked with you last night - you seem like a good person! Thanks for putting up with all of us every night!’  _

Some ask more about Alec, some ask about himself, a few ask if he watches the show and what he thinks about it. He answers all of them, thanking everyone for their kind words. Some people are even using the hashtag #LookingForAlecL. When he goes into work that night he gets into discussions with dozens fans who recognize his name from the post, and who seem just as disappointed when he tells them that there’s no sign of Alec yet. And when he gets back home to more notifications than he can keep up with he sees a few screenshots posted to social media from people who talked with him in the chats. 

He didn’t anticipate this, actually. The little burst of celebrity status his name takes on as the post goes viral within the fandom makes him equal parts emboldened and nervous- what if all of this backfires, and Alec only hates him more for making this some big thing? For invading the safe space of his show, the show he welcomed Magnus into so enthusiastically? What if it scares him away for good? 

He forces the negative thoughts away and tries to focus on the positive. A lot of people are reacting to this, and even more are seeing it. And that means there’s a really,  _ really _ good chance that Alec will see it, too, and know that he wants to talk. 

For the first time in two days Magnus begins to feel a little bit of hope - real hope, and not just forced optimism to keep him sane - in all of this. He just has to be patient. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was the longest wait for what might be the shortest update yet, I'm going to do my best not to let that happen again! <3  
> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finds out about the post, and is torn about how it makes him feel. And while his sister gives wonderful advice, can he convince himself to take it when the anonymity of the internet plays to his deeper insecurities?

If Alec thinks that reaching a decision is going to make his anxiety ease up just a little, he soon realizes how wrong he is. The impulsive day off of work isn’t helping either - now he has no distractions and nothing but time and silence to think about Magnus and the two people from the coffee shop who knew him. They were so certain that Magnus is going to get fired, and if he doesn’t, that it’s just a matter of time until he does if he keeps up the way he is. Alec just has to stay away so that doesn’t happen. Whatever. It isn’t a big deal… they barely know one another, it isn’t like they are even really friends or anything. 

Except he wants to know why Mangus told people about him. Magnus’ friends seem to know an awful lot about their conversations and he can’t help but feel as if his trust in Magnus is entirely misplaced - does he just go and recount everything after his shifts, telling his friends all about the poor, closeted gay watching supernatural shows with his sister and spending all of his time in online chats instead of having a social life? Is he laughing behind his back every time Alec opens up a little more? 

When 8:00 hits that first night he’s tempted to log on, but he doesn’t. Instead he spends his time on twitter, using the hashtag to promote the show and sending emails to networks and execs over and over. He loses track of how many he sends but it passes the time, and (mostly) keeps him from fixating on the other thing he could be doing. There’s going to be a plane with a banner, he sees, and while that’s already entirely funded and set for later that week he donates some money towards a few other projects - a billboard and a few ads, some in the US and some worldwide. He chats with a couple of friends online, happy to see so many people coming together despite the shitty circumstances, and texts his sister to assure her he’s feeling better and will be at work the next day before going to bed early. 

The next morning at work he skips his coffee entirely. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he runs into the people from the day before again but something tells him it would be impulsive and stupid and he doesn’t want to risk it. 

**“No coffee?”** Izzy asks as he walks in, immediately able to tell that things are off with him like some terrifyingly accurate sixth sense only a sibling can have. 

**“Stomach’s still a little upset from yesterday,”** he says, the lie sliding easily from his mouth along with a shrug of his shoulders.  **“But nothing I can’t work through.”** He adds with a smile. He can’t take another day alone in that apartment, it’d drive him insane, so he doesn’t want his sister to try to send him back home to rest. 

Not that she could afford to even if she did want to - the day is busy from start to finish, the pair of them barely able to keep up with the flow of customers, which is exactly the distraction he needs. He catches himself getting a little distant here and there, staring off for a few seconds too long, imagining every customer might be Magnus, that every person passing by on the street could know things about him he hadn’t even told his closest friends. But when Izzy notices he just plays it off as still feeling under the weather, and though he’s certain she doesn’t believe him she also doesn’t push it, and he’s grateful for that. They’re close, but they can usually tell when the other wants to talk and when the silence is easier. 

When the day ends Izzy catches him on the way out the door.    
  
“Off to talk with your chat boyfriend?” She teases with a smirk. 

“No - I think I burnt myself out those first few days with all the internet stuff. I’m unplugging for a bit.” 

“If this is about what you were telling me the other day--”    
  
“It isn’t.” Alec cuts her off sharply, and she raises an eyebrow but drops the subject. Alec goes home and sets about his usual routine until 8:00 hits. His eyes are instinctively drawn to the laptop and he hesitates. 

Then he looks away. 

It isn’t as if Alec has a choice, knowing what he knows now. As much as he wants to sign back into the chats -  just to check, just to see if everything is alright - that somehow feels like it will only make things worse. Alec knows himself; once he goes back he isn’t going to want to leave. And what would he even say? ‘I don’t want to get you fired. How do I know about that? Oh, I overheard your friends talking about us. Speaking of, if that’s the case we probably live near each other what a small world huh.’ No, absolutely not. It is better to ghost on Magnus entirely than to go back and try to explain that the reason he can’t keep talking to him is because the idea of someone he can talk to so easily, someone who seems to genuinely connect with and care about him after just a few conversations (not to mention who seems to care enough to risk his job to continue said conversing) is suddenly  _ too real  _ for him. Alec was fine when it was just a name on a screen. He can’t do this if the name suddenly has a voice, and a body, and friends who go to the same coffee shop as him. 

Just thinking about it made his chest hurt. 

It’s enough motivation to keep him out of the support chats for a second night in a row, a small victory, though it doesn’t really feel triumphant. He makes a full pot of coffee and pours some into a travel mug so he can avoid the coffee shop once more, and the universe is kind enough to give him another busy morning so he stays distracted. He doesn’t even find time to sneak away for lunch until nearly 2:00. When he finally steals away into the back room he checks twitter expecting to see the usual campaign updates, with money raised and tweet totals and projects in the works...

...what he finds instead is his name, multiple times, reblogged in a hashtag by a few mutuals. His sandwich sits forgotten off to the side as he clicks the link to the full post and pales considerably at the words he reads. ‘ _ I’m sorry for the way I left things’. ‘I miss hearing from you more than I have any right to’.  _ Is it possible for a heart to feel like it’s racing and stopped entirely all at once, he wonders, because his can’t seem to make up its mind. 

“You haven’t touched your sandwich,” Izzy points out, coming up to him at the desk. “What’s wrong, did they put mustard in it again?” The joke falls flat after she gets a better look at her brother’s face, taking in his slightly shaking hands and wide, panic-stricken eyes. “...Alec, what is it?” She asks again, her voice softer this time. 

He hands her the phone without saying a word. 

“ _ Jesus,”  _ she says finally, immediately bringing her eyes back to the top to read it again. 

“This thing’s got almost 100 notes and he posted it barely more than an hour ago.” He says, taking the phone back with a groan. 

“Can you report it? Get it taken down?” 

Alec’s eyes widen even more, if that’s possible. “What?! No!” 

“Alec, you looked like you were about to faint when I found you reading that - you aren’t okay with this. I can tell.” She sounds defensive and he doesn’t blame her, because she doesn’t know the whole story. He didn’t plan on telling her, not when he could just ignore it all until it went away, but since that obviously isn’t going to happen any time soon now…

Alec takes a deep breath and tells Isabelle about the coffee shop two days ago, and the real reason he called out of work, so that everything falls into place when he explains the real reason Magnus looking for him got the reaction it did. He didn't imagine that he was anything special to Magnus, expecting to vanish into the internet and never see him again. His words catch Alec entirely off guard, both the simple fact that he wants to talk to him again that badly, and the eloquent way with which he poses his request to thousands of strangers online, putting himself out there like that just to  _maybe_ find him. It makes his heart skip a beat, fluttering uselessly in his chest over a man he can't even imagine in his mind's eye, only a name on a screen. 

...a name on a screen, and faces in a coffee shop. The reminder comes again and the giddy excitement switches to nervousness like the flip of a switch.  

“What am I supposed to do now?” Alec sighs.    
  
“How many people on here know your name?” She asks, considering the potential outcomes. 

“Not many. Maybe no one? I usually just go by my handle and I don’t talk to a ton of people, not like the more popular blogs. When someone asks I say my name is Cela.” At the questioning look Izzy gives him he looks down and away as he explains in a mumbled, “...it’s Alec backwards.”  

“Of course it is,” she mutters, rolling her eyes. “Okay. And no one else knows you’re on here, like Simon or Jace?” 

“God, no." He almost laughs, but there's too much tightness in the sound for it to be a happy one. "Jace would never let me live a fanblog down, and Simon would never shut up about it if he ever found out.”    
  
“Well, in that case you have two options: One, you ignore this entirely and wait for him to give up after no one knows who you are. Or two, you message him that you saw it to tell him you aren’t interested and ask him to stop.” She says it with such ease, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. 

“I guess...” he says, biting his lower lip. 

“Oh my god,” she says, the realization hitting her all at once. “Except you don’t  _ want _ to tell him that because you  _ don’t _ want him to stop because you  _ are _ interested.” 

“No!” Alec says, a little too quickly. “I mean… maybe. I don’t know.” He puts his head in his hands, elbows resting on the table and his next words muffled as he speaks them into his cupped palms. “This is all too insane and I can’t wrap my head around any of it. I liked talking to him there, but this is… this is different. This was never supposed to happen.” Alec isn’t sure what ‘this’ referred to exactly: The friends at the coffee shop? The trouble at work? The post online? Or all of the above?  Definitely all of the above. 

  
“Well, if you’re asking my advice, I think you should talk to Magnus. At least to clear the air. I think you both deserve that much.” 

“I just need some time to think about it,” he says, just as the bell above the door dings to signal the arrival of a new customer. 

“Just don’t  _ overthink  _ it like you always do,” Izzy pleads, already backing out of the door and turning with a smile to greet the woman who just walked in. 

Alec finally gets around to eating his sandwich, finishing out the day with minimal harassment from his sister over all of this after promising to make up his mind, one way or the other, by the following morning. 

When he gets home he can’t keep himself from checking the tags again - there are so many more of them now. Well over 100… probably even over 200 now. And while he keeps himself out of the chats for a third night in a row he sees Magnus’ name everywhere - the #LookingForAlecL tag is full of screenshots of other fans encountering him in the chats, talking about the show, talking about  _ him _ . Some moments he finds it all touching, that someone out there would really want to talk with him badly enough to go to all this trouble.  But other moments feel like a total invasion of his privacy, even though no one knows who he is. But  _ he knows _ they’re talking about him. He knows this whole thing is his fault - all the people rooting for Magnus to find his lost acquaintance, every person who says they hope he isn’t upset and waiting for long, bringing more guilt down upon him for his continued silence. A few posts make him out to be some sort of heartless villain in all of this for not coming back to the chats by now, saying that Magnus deserves better than to be ignored like this. Like they  _ know _ Magnus. Like they know  _ him _ . 

Before he realizes what he’s doing he has his hands poised over the keyboard, cursor blinking under one of the nastier comments about himself:    
  


**RunesAndRings: maybe you guys should lay off Alec. It isn’t like he’s here to defend himself, he could have a good reason for not going back that you don’t know about.** **  
****SaveTheHunt3927419: unless he’s dead, or somehow lost the use of both his hands and can’t type anymore, I don’t see what excuse justifies not taking 5 seconds to respond to Magnus’ apology.  
** **RunesAndRings: you do realize these are real people with real lives you’re talking about, right?  
** **ThisIsTheHunt927492: it isn’t like he’s sitting here reading these. And if he is, and he’s** **_still_ ** **not saying anything, he’s even more of a dick than OP said.  
**   


Alec slams the lid of the laptop shut with more force than is entirely necessary. 

He didn’t ask for any of this. He certainly didn’t ask for a worldwide guilt-trip over the fact that he’s an anxious, antisocial disaster who is clearly only capable of making everything worse with every passing second. 

He’s still shaking slightly as he drags himself into bed, though out of anger or embarrassment he isn’t sure. The same can be said of the tears that dampen his pillow, silent frustration he can no longer hold back now flowing freely before he finally succumbs to an exhausted sleep, wondering how he’s going to find the strength to face this all again in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be move-the-plot-along fodder and I WROTE THE END AT LIKE 3 AM AND APPARENTLY 3 AM ELLE IS A DRAMATIC BITCH why do any of you still love me idek (I swear IT IS ONLY UP FROM HERE OKAY? PINKY PROMISE <3 YOU CAME HERE FOR CRACKFIC AND I TURNED IT INTO THIS THANK YOU FOR STICKING AROUND <3 )


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus does a little (okay, a LOT of) damage control, and someone unexpected reaches out to him in the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Infinite thanks to everyone who put up with this two week update drought! <3 I had the issue of knowing I wanted to get from point A to point B but with zero plans for the 'how', and nothing fell into place for a little while. I think I'm finally getting it there, and the rest should come a bit more smoothly (and frequently) ! <3

Magnus replies to a few more messages from his phone on the commute into work. He hasn’t heard anything from Alec through social media, but he’s still hopeful that he might return to the chats tonight, if he sees the message. That bit of hope is what Magnus clings to as Ragnor and Catarina approach, a judgmental frown already evident on Ragnor’s face.

“I cannot believe you,” he says, shaking his head.

“Cat said it was a good idea!” Magnus defends himself, looking to her for support.

“Hey, don’t go putting words into my mouth. I said to do what you needed to do, which seemed fine while I was half asleep. But this is starting to get a little out of hand, isn’t it?”

He knows they’re only looking out for him, but he can’t be bothered about that right now. Not when it might be _working_. He doesn’t see any downside to this plan.

“But that’s good! The more people see it, the more engagement and attention it gets, the more likely Alec is to see it. Just wait, you’ll see.” Magus is still all smiles going into work, a mood which continues throughout his shift, with more and more people from Tumblr and Twitter arriving to the chats just to say hi, wanting to see if he (or any of his story) was even real. His mood falls a bit towards the end with no sign of Alec, but he isn’t worried. It’s just a waiting game now; it’s just a matter of time.

The last support chat he takes before the end of his shift runs a little late, and he doesn’t have a chance to check any of his messages or alerts before rushing to meet Cat and Ragnor in their usual spot.

“Any luck with Alec?” Cat asks. “I’m _really_ hoping you managed to talk to him tonight.”

Magnus shakes his head. “No, but it isn’t a big deal, it’s just the first day. Maybe he didn’t see it yet.”

“I hope you’re right. In fact, for his sake, I hope he never sees it.” Ragnor says, his tone even more grave than usual if that were possible, handing over his phone as he speaks before Magnus can question why he’d say something like that.

“We got bored waiting for you and scrolled through some of the comments…” Catarina starts, her voice tinged with something akin to sadness, or maybe just regret. She’s always so empathetic and she clearly feels horrible for someone.

That someone turns out to be Alec. The comments are a mixed bag, a lot of them positive, or neutral at worst, but the ones that are negative are _really horrible_. Magnus literally cringes at some of them, eyes scanning over words calling Alec selfish, or a coward… among worse things.

“ _Shit_ ,” Magnus says, looking up from Ragnor’s phone. “ _SHIT.”_ Magnus nearly throws the phone in frustration when he remembers that it’s not his and passes it quickly back to Ragnor before he does anything stupid. Guys, this is bad. If he sees this he’s never going to talk to me again.”

“If he sees this he’s never going to talk to _anyone_ again.” Ragnor says as he pockets his phone.

“ _Not helping, dear.”_ Cat practically hisses at him while trying to give Magnus the most reassuring smile she can muster.

“No, he’s right. I have to stop this,” Magnus says, already walking out of the building. Cat and Ragnor turn to follow, struggling to keep up with his long, determined strides.

“What are you going to do?”

“As much damage control as I possibly can,” Magnus replies, determined.

He doesn’t know _how_ he’s going to fix it, but there is no doubt in his mind that he won’t get any sleep until he figures it out. The ride home seems to take twice as long as usual. His foot taps impatiently, unable to hold in the external signs of his building anxiety. He keeps his phone locked for a minute or two as he debates the option of just never reading the rest of the replies. Maybe he could ignore all of this and move on in blissful ignorance.  In the end he swipes it open and picks up where he left off on Ragnor’s phone.

He never meant for this to happen. It was supposed to be sweet - a little over-the-top, perhaps, but so was Magnus so it came with the territory. It was a grand gesture to draw his missing internet connection back to him. He thought it would be fun, just to see where it lead.

But now? Now, facing the possibility of pushing Alec away for good, he realizes that this isn’t just a game. This is more than something he’s doing for fun, or because he’s bored. Magnus is actively upset over the prospect of putting Alec into this position of judgement he never asked for, and it isn’t until now that it truly hits him that he’s _invested_ in this. That he actually cares far more than he realized at the start of all this.

Maybe if he cared this much before he wouldn’t have been selfish enough to make that post without thinking of the potential consequences. Maybe he wouldn’t have ignored the fact that Alec clearly doesn’t want to talk to him again. Maybe he wouldn’t have entirely disrespected Alec’s privacy just to maybe get his e-mail or phone number.

So much for good intentions.

His heart drops more and more with each negative comment: the negative comments he inadvertently invited about a person he thought he might like, if granted a second chance to get to know better. He wants to reply to each and every one of them but he impatiently waits until he’s home to log back into his accounts, not trusting anything he might type from his phone. For every negative response there are a dozen positive ones, but they don’t hold the same weight.

The second he’s home his laptop is out and on the table. Magnus sits down in front of it and hesitates with his hand over the mouse. He’s tempted to delete the whole thing - every post he made, the entire account… he could just abandon the entire thing and hope it goes away. He could stop checking here and now and never reply to the things he saw, or acknowledge anything new that pops up from here on out. He wishes he could just disappear.

Except he can’t; not while he knows there’s a chance Alec saw them. What if Alec is reading them right now, thinking that in his silence Magnus agrees with the harsh words he left sitting beneath his post, unchallenged. That settles it. Magnus’ fingers come to rest in place over the keys and he begins typing under the first negative comment he sees, and he doesn’t stop. It takes nearly two hours but he replies to each and every one of them, trying to remain civil but firm, his point repetitive and clear: Alec has done, and continues to do, absolutely nothing deserving of judgment or hate. Over and over. He owes me nothing. Over and over. I expect nothing. Over. And. Over.

At least someone else came to Alec’s defense, Magnus notes with a small smile, reading over several reasonable rebuttals from someone named RunesAndRings while he was at work.

 _Please_ , he types. _Delete this post because it is entirely uncalled for and hurtful. If Alec doesn’t want to reply he doesn’t have to, and it doesn’t make him a dick. It makes him a human being who doesn’t owe either of us justification for what he does with his personal life. Thank you for trying to intervene, RunesAndRings! I really appreciate it._

He skips over a few that toe the line between being hurtful and simply misguided. ‘ _Alec clearly doesn’t realize that he’s missing’_ , ‘ _If I were him I’d never let Magnus go!’_ , _‘This sounds like true love in the making. Go get your man!’_ . There are enough romantic implications -despite the fact that he never once implied anything of that nature - to make him uncomfortable. Not for himself, because he would gladly admit to bringing out the best of his flirting game while talking to Alec, but for Alec, knowing that his sexuality is a secret. And even though it’s only internet speculation he has to imagine how uncomfortable reading some of these comments could make Alec. 

He finishes up with the last of them, but isn’t done yet. He needs to stop more from continuing, and that means another post. One he’ll think about a little harder before hitting the submit button this time.   

 _Hello again, dear internet. For those of you sharing my last post and sending me kind messages, thank you. To anyone who spoke to me at work last night, it was fun, and you all helped the time pass by a little faster._  
  
_But I’m back today to apologize. I made a huge mistake and while it’s too late to take it back and undo the damage already done, it_ **_isn’t_ **_too late to set some things straight_.

_Alec owes nothing to me. Not a reply, not any form of contact, NOTHING. I never imagined he might be attacked for choosing to remain silent and keep his privacy, though maybe I should have. I hoped he might reach out - part of me still dares to hope for that, even in spite of my astronomical fuck-up in judgment here - but if he doesn’t then that’s entirely understandable. I’d say no harm, no foul, but I think we’ve all seen that’s not entirely true at this point, now is it? I’m the indirect cause of harm that I never intended, and for that I apologize._

_What little I got to know of Alec spoke of a kind, caring person who doesn’t deserve any of this. And there is NOTHING more to this than me enjoying our conversations, so for those of you making more of this than there is, I’d like to kindly ask you to stop speculating on Alec’s  personal life. I opened myself up to this by posting here but he didn’t, so please be respectful of that. Think before you say something on here. I don’t want to delete this entire thing but I will if I have to, if those sorts of comments continue. And that would be a shame because some of you are very nice individuals and I’m really enjoying these little interactions!_

_And Alec, if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry. I’m entirely new to this whole ‘internet fandom’ thing - I wasn’t fully aware of the can of worms I was opening here. Maybe my post was selfish… maybe keeping it up is even more selfish. I was trying to take a leaf from your book and help fate along a little ;) But if I don’t hear anything over the next two days I’ll take everything down and you’ll never hear from me again. Scout’s honor._

_~Magnus_

  
He reads it, and re-reads it, trying to find anything that might be picked apart and taken out of context or misconstrued. He knows that if Alec already read the previous catty comments that nothing he says now will be able to make that better. He can’t take it back but he has to try and repair some of the damage if he can. He’s reaching out into the void and hoping his words reach their target audience.  It doesn’t feel like enough, but it has to be, because it’s the best he can do for now.

Post.  
  
The likes come in soon enough, a few encouraging replies, and even an apology or two. He makes sure to post those publically, in case Alec is following, to make sure he sees. He knows he should sleep but he doesn’t, instead finding himself making a pot of coffee and obsessively hitting the refresh button on his browser over and over, as if he’s afraid of what might be said if he steps away for even just a minute. An hour passes in the blink of an eye. And then--

**  
WhyAmIDoingThis12345**

**-Hello, Magnus? This is Alec’s sister. Can we talk?**

  
The message pops up in the bottom right corner of his screen, a small rectangle with a blank photo - she must’ve just made this account to contact him. His heart stops, and the panic of his newfound caution kicks in. Better late than never, he thinks.

**  
-What’s your name? Just so I know it’s really you. Sorry if this seems paranoid.**

**  
-Not at all. It’s nice to see you’re finally stopping to think before you blurt things out on here.**

**...sorry, that was harsh.**

**  
-But not undeserved.** Magnus sighs. He can’t allow himself to become defensive and scare away the best chance of contacting Alec he received since all of this started.

**  
-Well, it’s really me. My name is Izzy.**

**Alec saw the post. He also saw the comments.**

  
“Shit,” Magnus says out loud, fist slamming onto the table as if this would somehow cure the frustration he felt. It helps a little but not nearly enough.

**  
-Shit, I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of that to happen. I never would have posted it in the first place if I thought it’d get that sort of reaction.**

**  
-I know that. And Alec does too, I’m sure. But he’s freaking out. Seeing all of those people talking about him? It’s a** **_lot_ ** **. He’s afraid someone he knows might see it and put two and two together. And it’s making him think about a lot of things he goes very out of his way to avoid.**

  
Magnus swallows heavily there, the weight of her words hitting him square in the chest. Alec confided in him. Alec told him something he only ever told the person that Magnus was speaking to now. And now he feels like all of that is betrayed all because he flirted with some guy online who couldn’t just let him go. 

  
**-Listen, I’m going to take the post down. If he’s seen it, I don’t have to wait two days to know he doesn’t want to talk to me again. Can you just apologize to him for me and let him know I’m never going to try to contact him again? He has nothing to worry about.** It hurts him to even type the words but he’s already resigned to the fact that it’s for the best. That is, until Izzy replies barely five seconds later.

**  
-Absolutely not.**

**  
-...what?** Is she not even willing to pass along his message? Not that he blames her. He just thought...

**  
-I’ve never seen him so miserable, but it isn’t over the comments. At least, not entirely. He loved those dumb chats. I could tell he was tired every morning but he still showed up to work with this stupid grin on his face. He really liked talking to you - that idiot texted me at 3 am once over it.**

  
Magnus forgets how to breath for the better part of a minute as he reads, and then re-reads, what she just said.

 **  
-He is? He did?** It feels wrong to be slightly excited to know that Alec missed talking to him that much. A tiny spark of hope lights itself once more against his better judgment.

**  
-But he can’t know I messaged you or he’d never talk to either of us again. I just thought you deserved to know the real reason he stopped going back to the chats, in case he doesn’t tell you himself.**

**-Okay?**

****  
**-He doesn’t want you to get in trouble at work over him. He stopped so he wouldn’t be too tempted to go back enough times to have your boss notice and fire you.  
  
**

**-How would he know I was in trouble before I got the chance to explain?  
  
**

**-That isn’t for me to tell you, sorry. But I think he might have talked to you if this whole Tumblr thing hadn’t blown up like this. Now I just don’t know.  
  
**

**-Well, now he knows that work is fine. I’m not in trouble. He could still message me now, on here, just like you are. Private, no repercussions.  
  
**

**-I know my brother better than anyone else - doing that means he isn’t just some customer behind a chat screen. Those chats were a safe, controlled environment, and this is the real world. It makes everything he talked to you about that much more real for him. A real person out there knows his biggest secret, and now that person has this whole platform to share it on if he wants. I’m not saying you will, but I think he’s realizing just how much power that holds over him and he isn't sure he can trust you.  
  
**

**-I’m not going to say anything. I would never.  
  
**

**-I’m not going to lie, I hated you a LOT before I read your last post. But I think you might actually be an alright guy, and Alec could use a few more people in his life he can talk to.  I’ll make sure he sees what you wrote. I hope he talks to you again, for what it’s worth.**

**  
-Me too, Izzy. Me too.  
** **And thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.**

**  
-I’m not doing it for you.**

 

Magnus stares a little while longer, part of him afraid the words might fade away as nothing more than a fever dream if he looks away. But they’re still there when he shuts his laptop a few minutes later, only to check his phone one last time before dragging himself under the covers. He sleeps a little then, finally. Perhaps his sister could convince him - he trusts her, Magnus knows that much. But he resists the urge to message her back to ask 1000 questions about Alec: what does he look like, what is his job, what’s their family like, what’s his favorite food, favorite scent, favorite animal?

He wants to know so much about this mystery man who continues to make such a strong impression on him, but this isn’t about what he wants. Not right now. It’s about Alec. And after speaking to his sister Magnus starts to wonder if maybe fixing this isn’t as impossible as he first thought.

He only has three hours before he needs to be up for work, so he turns off the alerts that continue buzzing and dinging too frequently to sleep through in an attempt to get any amount of actual rest.

When he wakes up to the sound of his alarm he scrolls through the notifications, skimming them without really reading them. There are too many and he doesn’t have the time to pick them all apart just then. Except one name catches his eye, one he remembers typing earlier that day in the replies. He slows to read the message and nearly drops his phone on his face in response.

 **  
RunesAndRings  
** **-Hey. It’s Alec. I suppose we need to talk.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I really like cliffhangers. OKAY SO I PROMISED IT WOULD GET BETTER AND I MEAN IT AT LEAST DIDN'T GET WORSE?! I didn't anticipate how much unresolved internet angst I had to deal with still but I swear we're getting there! <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After several long nights of silence, Alec and Magnus finally speak again. Alec finds himself facing a potential change of heart when faced with the possibility that he may have jumped the gun with his initial reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Backtracking a bit to the morning before Alec messages Magnus, because I was itching to write a little more Alec/Izzy >.> (also changing the format of the messaging to include s/n just to avoid confusion over who is talking when, which I hope makes it easier to read but if it makes it worse somehow just yell at me!)

Alec can’t help but check more of the comments after he wakes up - he knows he shouldn’t, but he does it anyway. Those people are strangers - they don’t know him, they mean nothing to him - and yet that doesn’t stop the words from getting to him. He doesn’t write any more comments after the ones from the previous night, afraid he’ll say too much and give himself away.

He’s tempted to take the day off again just to wallow but decides against it - Izzy knows what’s happening and he promised her a decision by today. He needs to put this all behind him and go back to some semblance of normal again.

“So?” Isabelle says almost immediately after he steps foot into the shop, ignoring any of the usual morning pleasantries.

“...so what?”

“Are you going to talk to him?” Him. Magnus. A name that manages to become such a significant part of his life so quickly that he doesn’t need any elaboration besides the generic pronoun to know exactly who his sister is talking about.

Alec huffs. “After reading all of those comments? I doubt he even wants to talk to me anymore now that it’s obvious I’m ‘ _too selfish to think of anyone other than myself’_.” He rolls his eyes after quoting one of the handful of examples he saw just this morning.

“Not _all_ the comments are like that. Most of them are really nice and supportive!” Izzy argues, and Alec’s eyes widen at the implication.

“...you _read them_?” He asks, genuinely surprised. He showed her the post yesterday but she rarely goes on fan sites like that. He didn’t expect her to keep up with it. “I mean, it doesn’t matter. I’m letting it go, end of story.”

And the way he turns his back to her to unpack his bag signals a very clear end to this discussion. The morning is busy. He almost forgets about the post, and about Magnus, until his phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s an alert to a reply he was tagged in - his pulse races at the name **LookingForAlecL**. It’s Magnus. He’s too busy to slip away just then but every interaction he has with a customer for the next thirty minutes is distracted and rushed until he finds a lull in the flow of people in and out of the store.

Izzy’s with a customer so he finally has a moment to slip into the back room to read it - ‘ _Please delete this post because it is entirely uncalled for and hurtful. If Alec doesn’t want to reply he doesn’t have to, and it doesn’t make him a dick. It makes him a human being who doesn’t owe either of us justification for what he does with his personal life. Thank you for trying to intervene, RunesAndRings! I really appreciate it.’_ Alec smiles. Magnus isn’t just sitting back and letting this spiral after all. He doesn’t agree with any of these people. And more importantly, he gets why Alec hasn’t responded yet, or at least respects his decision-- but that doesn’t matter, does it? It doesn’t change any of the other facts. He made up his mind. He’s better off this way.

...isn’t he?

Izzy calls him over and he pushes the reply to the back of his mind for the rest of the morning until things slow down enough for him to take a proper break to eat. It’s late in the afternoon at this point, almost not worth it, but his rumbling stomach prompts a quick trip to the back office even if it is well past lunch.

He sits at the desk, food in front of him and his phone in his hand. He knows he shouldn’t - he told Izzy he’s done with all this, and he _is_ done with all of this - but he’s only human. Curiosity gets the better of him and he opens the Tumblr app. Alec sees the second post almost immediately. His chest is tight as he begins to read through it.

The first thing that registers is that Magnus doesn’t expect him to reply. He wants him to - no, he mentally corrects with an unwanted flutter in his chest as his eyes skim the words a second time, he _hopes_ he will - but he expects nothing of him. This isn’t a call-out, or a guilt-trip… it really is just the only way Magnus can think of to reach out to him now. And that is sort of on Alec, isn’t it? For leaving things the way he did?

The next, after the kind words about him which leave Alec blushing to himself in the back office, is how much he respects Alec’s desire for privacy. To the point where he’d call the whole thing off just to protect a guy he only knows by a first name, and only spoke to a handful of times. It’s enough to raffirm everything he was starting to feel during their chats, and everything he still feels now even days later without contact, about Magnus. He thought he could just ignore it until it all went away, bottling it up until he had something new to focus on like he always does. Now he isn’t so certain he can keep doing that this time around.

Is cutting everything off so abruptly too harsh? He made a rash decision that he thought was for the best, but only for himself. But it didn’t just impact himself; it affected Magnus, too. He never imagined Magnus would think twice about him if he didn’t return. Now that he knows otherwise he at least owes him a proper goodbye if nothing else.

Magnus could be his next door neighbor for all he knows, and how can he face him every day -  even just as friends - knowing everything Magnus knows about him now? Things his own _family_ doesn’t even know… all because he’s easy to talk to. This is what he has to remember - saying those things felt safe before. But the moment he messages Magnus outside the chats this is it, it’s a line that can’t be uncrossed and he’s putting part of that anonymity away for good. Does he really want to risk that?

He still needs to cut things off. This is still too close to him now. It’s too much, too real, too quickly, and he isn’t ready for it. He nearly had a panic attack outside of the coffee shop over the idea of Magnus knowing who he really is. He’s a mess, and it wouldn’t be fair to put that on someone who clearly has no idea what they’re getting themselves into.

Izzy’s arrival in the back room breaks him from his messy spiral of thoughts. Alec quickly closes the app on his phone, placing it face-down on the table in front of him.

“Hey, big brother.” Izzy starts with a smile. Her voice is sweet - too sweet. She’s up to something. 

“What do you want, Iz?”

“I know you said you made up your mind, and if you really want to pretend all of this never happened I’ll never bring it up again after this. But I really think you should read this.” She hands her phone over and waits, expectantly, as he sees the new post by Magnus is pulled up on the screen.

“I already read it.” Alec admits, handing the phone right back.

“You did?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re going to say. I know what I said earlier about putting it behind me but I got an alert and--”

“No, this is great! I mean, what he wrote was really nice. I thought I was going to have to hunt him down and kill him myself, but… well, he seems really upset over how things played out, doesn’t he? He might be a pretty good guy after all.”

“Izzy, if I didn't know any better I would think you’re trying to talk me into talking to Magnus.”

Izzy shrugged. “I’m not trying to talk you into anything. I’m simply making sure you have all of the information at your disposal before you jump to any rash decisions, okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Alec says, shaking his head with a small smile.

“Look, I just wanted to make sure you saw it. You seemed to care what he thought a hell of a lot before the sudden turn-around this morning. I don’t want to see you shut yourself down again if you don’t have to. You seemed really happy this week - better than I’ve seen you in months, honestly. I just don’t want you to lose that. That’s all.” She paused a beat. “ _Does_ it change anything? About you deciding not to talk to him again?” She attempts to appear only casually curious and fails spectacularly.

“I don’t know. Maybe I could message him, even if it’s just to say no hard feelings so he doesn’t think I hate him or anything… I don’t know.” He’s so torn between sticking to his resolve and caving to personal whims, because he _wants_ to talk to Magnus again. He really does.

There’s no time to talk about any of that when the bell rings over the door of the shop and Izzy is reluctantly pulled away from their conversation. Alec finishes eating and is just as occupied the rest of the day, though his focus at work is clearly divided. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do until the moment he’s back home after work and sat in front of his laptop.

His hands fall to rest over the keys and he hesitates for just a moment before typing out the words.

 **RunesAndRings:** Magnus? It’s Alec. I suppose we need to talk.

He hits send before he can hesitate and back out.

Then he waits. And waits. He wants to walk away and do something else to distract himself but he can’t bring himself to leave. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe he was right earlier, and Magnus decided he wants nothing to do with him now. Maybe he took too long and--

 **LookingForAlecL:** Alec? Is it really you?  
  
Alec’s surprised to see a slight tremble in his hands as he replies. Is it over talking to Magnus again, or over the nerves he feels knowing what he has to say to him now? He tries to ignore it. If he sounds confident enough through the text Magnus will never be able to sense his uncertainty.  
**  
** **RunesAndRings:** At least this way I didn't have to go through Ragnor 3 times to get to you.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Holy shit it is you. **  
** **RunesAndRings:** Given how much the internet hates me, I can’t imagine there’s a big rush of people lining up to be the asshole who kept you waiting in silence this long.  
**LookingForAlecL:** I’m so sorry about that. I never meant for things to go this far, you have to believe me. **  
** **RunesAndRings:** I know. I’m not mad… not any more. I was a little bit at first, but I read the comments you replied to. All of them. I really appreciate that.  
**LookingForAlecL:** They all started while I was at work. I stopped it as soon as I saw them.  
**RunesAndRings:** Right, work. I'm sorry for getting you in trouble. Or almost getting you in trouble, I guess.  
**LookingForAlecL:** You ended the chat just in time. Thanks for that, by the way. I know I sounded crazy, I wasn’t watching the timer at all. I just lost track of time, but I didn't want you to think I didn't want to talk to you anymore.  
**RunesAndRings:** I hoped that wasn't the case.  


Alec regrets the words as soon as he types them. He's just supposed to be clearing the air, no hard feelings, and then breaking off this communication. Not saying how much he hoped Magnus wanted to talk to him as much as he did. But it’s the truth. And Magnus deserves that much after waiting this long.  


**LookingForAlecL:** Then why didn't you come back? Or message me sooner? You were commenting on the post last night, I remember seeing your username. That means you saw it yesterday.  
  
  
It’s difficult over the internet to tell if the words are accusatory or simply curious. 

 **  
** **RunesAndRings** : I’m sorry. I have a really terrible habit of overthinking things and I sort of psyched myself out. I know it was stupid. I didn’t think you’d care if I didn’t come back... Certainly not enough to not just forget about me after a few days.  
**LookingForAlecL:** So is that what you want, then? To forget about me, and have me forget about you, and that’s it? It’s alright if you do. I’m just trying to understand what happened, because it really felt like we had a connection when we talked before. Was it something I said? **  
** **RunesAndRings:** No, not at all. I don’t think you could say the wrong thing if you tried.

 

Oh my god, Alec thinks, why is he like this? Also why can’t he delete these messages once they send? It’s almost as if he’s trying to shoot himself in the foot. He came here to say he didn’t think they should talk any more and instead every word that leaves his head sounds like something out of a romance novel. Why is it so impossible to stop Magnus from having that effect on him, where he actually wants to be honest and say everything he feels without a second thought? And how can he turn it off?

 

 **LookingForAlecL:** ...alright. Then what is it? **  
** **RunesAndRings:** It’s me. _I_ said the wrong things. I said too much about myself. It’s so easy for me to talk to you, and I don’t know why, but I felt like I could tell you anything and I’m not used to that. I just took it a little too far.  
**LookingForAlecL:** You can tell me anything, if you wanted. You really don’t have anyone you’re friends with who you can just talk to about these things, do you?

 

Does that one sound judgmental, or is that just his own insecurities jumping up? Alec’s heard this all before, from Izzy. And he can’t blame her, because without anyone else to just be himself around he sometimes clings to her because she’s his only true freedom in this world. She’s the only person he lets down all of his walls around. He feels bad when it comes from her, but at least she signed herself up for that role; he feels extra pathetic hearing it from Magnus.  
  
**  
** **RunesAndRings:** Not besides Izzy. But I don’t _want_ to talk to anyone about it. That’s the point. I don’t want anyone to know. I can’t let them find out.    
**LookingForAlecL:** Look, it isn’t my place to tell you what to do but if you’ll allow me to say - that really isn’t healthy. Take it from someone who’s been there, you’re never going to feel entirely ‘ready’, at some point it just becomes a necessity so you stop suffocating yourself. And for what it’s worth, I quite enjoyed the Alec I was getting to know. I wish you’d give everyone else a chance to know him, too. Or at least let me get to know him a little better. I mean the cat’s already out of the bag with me, right? What’s the harm?

 

Alec stares at the message for a long time. Should he tell him about the people in the coffee shop he heard talking about him? About _them_ , and their chats, and the fact that it _isn’t_ just Magnus, is it? Because that’s how the world works. He tells one person, who lets it slip to a friend, and the next thing he knows it’s _out there_ and there’s no taking it back. It’s the snowball effect that keeps his mouth shut every time he even _thinks_ about confiding in someone other than Isabelle. But even with that concern he finds himself more hung up on the fact that Magnus said he wants to get to know him better. Him. Not the smile he puts on at the store, or some guy hiding behind a fake name online to make some casual friends. But him. Alec.  
  
And isn’t this what he secretly hoped for every single time he logged into the support chats? The small glimmer of hope that maybe Magnus enjoyed them just as much as he did… that there might be the basis for an actual friendship there, something beyond a chance overnight encounter or two under the guise of talking about The Hunt renewal efforts? Maybe that’s still possible this way. Maybe Magnus never needs to know about what he heard at the coffee shop, or where he lives, or any of that. Maybe they can just continue on like this for a little while… 

Alec gets distracted by that train of thought long enough that Magnus messages again in his continued silence.

 **LookingForAlecL:** I overstepped, didn’t I? Sorry. Look, just pretend I never said any of that. **  
** **RunesAndRings:** No, it’s fine. It was just unexpected. I don’t really know what to say.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Say you won’t block me or delete your account while I’m at work so I can talk to you again tomorrow?  
  
This isn’t what he came here to do. This is, in fact, the exact opposite of what he planned on doing. He would normally shut everything down now in a panic, delete his accounts, and deny himself any chance of finding out who exactly Magnus is, all so Magnus would never have the same opportunity regarding him. But looking at the blinking cursor on the screen he realizes that he really isn’t his usual self, not where talking with Magnus is concerned. And that better, more honest version of himself, the one Magnus was talking about liking before, would take a deep breath and give this another shot.  
**  
**  
**RunesAndRings:** I think I can promise that much.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Wonderful. Until tomorrow, then! Goodnight, Alec. **  
** **RunesAndRings:** Goodnight, Magnus.

 

Alec doesn’t get another private message from Magnus, but he does see a new post pop up about twenty minutes later.

  _‘Found him! Or, rather, he found me. All is well, thank you all so much for the help these past few days.’_

Within seconds there are comments asking what he said, where he was, if they are talking or not right now. Alec just smiles, closing his laptop with a grin he couldn’t keep off his face if he tried. Maybe he should call Isabelle to--

 As if on cue, the phone rings, vibrating against the wooden tabletop.

“What happened?” Comes the eager voice on the other end.  
  
“You saw the post, didn’t you?” Alec sighs as he realizes the coincidence isn’t coincidental at all.  
  
“...maybe. It doesn’t matter. So, what happened?”   
  
“Nothing happened. I messaged him, he apologized for the comments, I apologized for not contacting him sooner, and that was it.”  
  
“Did you give him your number? Or at _least_ your e-mail?”  
  
“No,” he said, already imagining the image of her face falling in his mind. “But I promised to keep the account open so we could talk again tomorrow.” He added quickly, cutting off the  disappointed interjection he knew was coming.  
  
“Good.”  
  
“I’m not so sure, Iz. I mean, one more day can’t do too much harm, right? But I’m still worried about the coffee shop thing with those people the other day. I wanted to bring it up but it didn't feel like the right time. Then he had to go to work.” Alec sounds hesitant about the whole thing, already wondering if he should’ve just said it all at once and got it over with.

Izzy clearly has other thoughts. “Well then, it’s a good thing you’re talking again later. Plenty of time to bring it up then… or the next time. Or the time after that, or…”  
  
“Alright, Iz, I get it. Message received, loud and clear.” Alec cuts her off with a sigh and an eye roll that she can’t see. But he’s smiling as he says it just the same, and he knows she can hear the smile in his voice.  
  
“Now you just have to start listening to me more often. Think of all the good that will come of it.”  
  
“Goodnight, Izzy.”  
  
He hangs up the phone and heats up some dinner to eat while watching a bit of television before bed. All just things to pass the time. Magnus said he’d talk to him tomorrow, so Alec doesn’t want to go back to the chats if he doesn’t have to. Part of him is still worried about getting Magnus in trouble, and honestly, anything he has to say at this point wouldn’t be the sort of conversation he necessarily wants on a company record. They’re a bit beyond that at the moment.  
  
When it’s late enough he slips into something more comfortable before sliding into bed. Instead of the constant sense of regret and emptiness he felt the past few nights, tonight is different. Because as much as he hates to admit it, Izzy is right. This might all work out if he manages not to shut himself off behind his walls again. This might be alright if he just let's it be for once instead of sabotaging it before it even begins.   
  
I quite enjoyed the Alec I was getting to know.   
  
He smiles against the pillow as the words replay in his head. He’s still not sure he’s doing the right thing, and this interlude of calm might only last until he decides what he’s going to say to Magnus the next day, but for the first time in 4 days he drifts off into a peaceful sleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a slow chapter, but I promise the build-up will be worth it soon! Also because we all suffered enough as a fandom today, have something that ends without angst or a cliffhanger as a gift from me to you! <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Alec decide to keep talking to Magnus, and what happens when Magnus' boss gets wind of the situation online?

Magnus closes his laptop reluctantly, wondering if he shouldn’t just take a sick day to stay home and talk to Alec a little longer. He decides against it - getting the message from him at all is enough, at least for now. He doesn’t want to push his luck, not after the near-disaster of overstepping a moment before. Instead he forces himself to get dressed and head into work. 

He instantly regrets going in when he’s immediately summoned to Lorenzo Rey’s office.  _ Well _ , he thinks as dread knots into heavy lumps in his stomach,  _ this can’t possibly be good. _ The overnight shift manager is abrasive on a good day, and those are few and far between. 

“Mr. Rey?” Magnus says, knocking on the door even though it’s already wide open. 

“Mr. Bane. Please, come inside and take a seat.” He motions to the only unoccupied chair in the small office. The tone is decidedly somber and Mr. Rey isn’t alone - the head of Human Resources is already seated. 

Definitely not good. 

“Mr. Rey, Mrs. Herondale, to what do I owe the honor of your company today?” Magnus puts on what he hopes to be an overly confident, casually joking bravado, but the slight waver in his words and the concern in his eyes betray his nerves, leaving the act a bit transparent. They say nothing until he sits. 

“Mr. Bane, it’s come to our attention that you’ve become quite the internet phenomenon lately.” Before he can pretend to play dumb the computer screen on the desk is shifted so that he can very clearly see a number of screenshots that people took from their chats with him and posted online across various social media. 

“Mmmm,” he hums quietly, stalling. “People do seem to be very fond of my work here. They’re all very satisfied customers, though, aren’t they?” He’s still smiling, but it’s forced. He knows where this is going. He’s already resigning himself to the fact that this is the end of his time here. Not okay with it - he’s upset and terrified and wondering if there is anything he can say in his defense that doesn’t end with him jobless and, very shortly afterward, homeless - but nothing comes to mind. 

“There haven’t been any formal complaints or statements made to the company,” Mrs. Herondale admits. Well, that’s something at least. “However, a few smaller, independent media sites are running interest pieces on your little… Missed Connection story.” This is news to him. He wonders which ones, and what they’re saying, and almost laments the fact that besides the use of his first name he’s mostly anonymous in this, because he wouldn’t mind being famous. “This attention has reached the higher-ups, and it’s brought a lot of concern surrounding the way something like this may escalate.” 

“There’s nothing I can do to stop people from taking photos or writing things,” Magnus argues, shutting down his nervousness in favor of defensiveness. “Am I supposed to not engage with them and turn them away? It isn’t like I have a choice of who connects. I haven’t done anything that breaks any rules that I know of.” He knows this is a bold statement, that he’s toed the line too close for comfort, but what does he have to lose? 

“Besides using the chat as your own personal dating service?” Mr. Rey asks, voice dripping with contempt. Magnus winces. It’s no secret that the two of them butt heads constantly, and there is no love lost between them. Rey is loving this. “Glad you found your _ little chat friend _ , by the way. Very touching.” There is nothing supportive in his tone. 

“Thanks.” Magnus says, feeling the heat rise in his face over the sudden realization that they  _ read his blog posts _ . Of course they did, if they saw the rest of it, but for some reason it only now hits him that those would be part of this, too. Those were  _ personal _ . Those were not things he wanted surrounding his professional life, and certainly not something he wants Lorenzo Rey reading. Something in him snaps and he drops all pretenses. “Look, if you’re going to fire me just get it over with.” 

The smile fades from Rey’s face while a small one surfaces on Mrs. Herondale’s in turn. Magnus wonders if she hates him as much as everyone else does, but he’s surprised by her next words. “You’re not fired, Mr. Bane.” 

“...I’m not?” 

“Unfortunately, no. If it were up to me we’d be having a very different conversation. However, the regional manager is concerned with any potentially negative public attention given the…. Popularity of your situation.” Rey looks like someone popped his favorite balloon and Magnus has to fight back a smirk at the sight. 

“However, we  _ do _ think it best that you don’t return to work for a little while until this all dies down. We’re placing you on temporary leave. Paid, of course.” Mrs. Herondale supplies, and the small wink she sends in his direction tells him that this part was her doing. He makes a mental note to send her chocolates later. 

“That seems reasonable.” Magnus agrees. 

“And you’re not to engage in anything attached to the company’s name on social media, whether it’s brought to you or otherwise.” Rey adds, not even bothering to hide his glare. 

“We can’t police what you say in your own personal space and time,” Mrs. Herondale admits. “But we would appreciate it if you help us keep this from spiralling too far out of our control. For everyone’s sake. We’re willing to overlook some… excessively personal conversation in your backlogs for your cooperation in this matter.” 

She doesn’t come right out and say it but he can read between the lines. They might be keeping him around now just so he doesn’t make a fuss and call upon his recent internet following to bring the company negative press, which he sure as hell could and would do, should they actually fire him. But he knows better than to keep pushing his luck. If it keeps his job he can stop with the public commentary. This whole thing was only to find Alec, after all, and he has that now. 

**“** Of course,” Magnus agrees, his word practically dripping with sugar over how sickeningly sweet his tone and smile become as he makes direct eye contact with Mr. Rey. “Anything to better serve the company.” 

“You’re dismissed, Bane. We’ll contact you when the leave is lifted.” 

Magnus gathers his things and turns to leave, with Mrs. Herondale following out close behind him. 

“Magnus!” She calls, getting his attention. 

“Imogen,” he says, happy to drop the formalities now that the meeting was over. She is tough when it mattered, and heaven forbid you deserve whatever punishment HR brings down upon you, but she has a good heart and Magnus respects her. “I am sending you the biggest Edible Arrangements display you’ve ever seen. How do you feel about pineapple?” 

Imogen laughed. “That isn’t necessary, Magnus. Anything I can do to see the look you put on Rey’s face at the end of that meeting is worth my salary twice over.” She gives him a wink. “You just go find that love of yours.” 

Magnus nearly chokes on air at the statement. “Love? While I appreciate your faith in my natural charms, we aren’t even friends.” 

Imogen rolls her eyes. “Oh, please. I read those transcripts, you can’t fool me. That boy is smitten. You  _ both _ are.”

He ignores the commentary on himself in favor of her comment on Alec’s part of the conversations. He thought he might be reading too much into things, but to hear it come from someone else allowed the small bit of hope he held tight grow a bit brighter. “Oh yeah?” 

Imogen laughs again, shaking her head in amused disbelief. “Good luck, Magnus. Enjoy the time off while you can.” 

And with that she’s gone, disappearing down a side hallway while he gives himself a few moments to collect himself. It feels strange to walk back out at night, taking the subway home while texting Catarina and Ragnor to fill them in on what happened. Pouring a glass of wine he decides to throw on some more episodes of The Hunt - he’s nearly caught up by this point, and it isn’t as if he has anything better to do. He thinks about messaging Alec but it’s 11 pm, and he’s probably asleep. He finds the article or two online that Imogen told him about - they heavily implied that there was something more than just wanting to be friends going on between himself and Alec, and while Magnus knew there was definite flirting on his end, he wasn’t about to go all ‘love at first chat’ on this. He closes it with a heavy sigh, hoping Alec doesn’t see it. The poor guy seemed casually freaked out over all of this already. 

He does check the messages he has online, feeling guilty about not being able to engage in the replies for now. He reads through all of them, some kind, others less so, most of them simply offering casual congratulations on the success of his attempt to find Alec. There are quite a few he feels sorry about leaving and decides that one quick post to explain his silence wouldn’t be grounds for breaking his agreement with Mr. Rey. 

_ I just wanted to inform those following me here that I’m going to be taking some time away from the site for personal reasons. I hope to be back soon, but until then, please don’t take any unanswered messages personally!  _

There. That should do. After all, if he pissed people off by suddenly vanishing without a word that was likely to bring even  _ more _ attention to this whole thing, wasn’t it? 

He goes back to the show and eventually drifts to sleep on the sofa. When he wakes back up it’s nearly 7:30 in the morning and there are several messages waiting for him from Alec’s account. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** Magnus? I saw your post - sorry if this is overstepping at all, I just wanted to see if everything was alright. 

**RunesAndRings:** Oh. -link- Someone wrote an article about us. Is that what your post was about? It… well, it sure is something. 

**RunesAndRings:** Are you at work? There are some posts going around saying that no one’s heard from you all night in the chats. 

**RunesAndRings:** Apparently Ragnor snapped and told someone you weren’t going to be there for a while so they’d stop asking about you, and they posted it online. What happened? Please tell me you didn’t get fired over this. 

**RunesAndRings:**  So, uh, I’m sorry for flooding your messages like that. Time away from the site probably means checking these, too, especially if this is my fault. I didn’t really think about that before. Anyway, I’m going to stop now. Sorry again. 

 

...well,  _ fuck.  _

 

**LookingForAlecL:** Alec! Sorry I didn’t see these sooner. I should’ve messaged you last night, but I thought you’d be asleep. Then I meant to write you earlier but I fell asleep on the sofa without an alarm. Everything is fine! I won’t be at work for a little while, but I’m not fired. They’re placing me on temporary paid leave until the social media hype dies down on this a little. They saw the posts, and the article, and they figure if I’m not around for a few days it’ll just go away. They’re probably right. 

**LookingForAlecL:** That is, if Rangor didn’t ruin everything already. Guess he didn’t get the memo about NOT engaging in all of this. 

**LookingForAlecL:** But of course the post didn’t apply to you! Shit, Alec, I’m sorry. I should’ve messaged you once I found out, I didn’t mean to make you worry. 

  
Magnus sends the messages within seconds of each other, and then waits. He has nothing better to do with his time now anyway. It isn’t long before he gets a reply. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** ...Oh. In that case, can we pretend I didn’t send those last 4 messages so I look a little less neurotic? :/  

**LookingForAlecL:** What last 4 messages? I didn’t see anything. 

**RunesAndRings:** Perfect. 

**LookingForAlecL:** Except…   
**LookingForAlecL:** Look, about that article. You said you read it right? 

**RunesAndRings:** I did, but I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s fine. I mean it’s just some dumb clickbait piece, right? They’re making something out of nothing, it’s not a big deal. 

 

Magnus frowns a little reading that message. He doesn’t know what he hoped for - for Alec to admit it was right, and there was more to it than just casual chatting? For him to ask Magnus if  _ he _ was flirting, so Magnus could make a move? But would he, even then? They were barely speaking again as it was, despite the connection he felt. And it wasn’t like they were neighbors, he couldn’t exactly ask the guy out for drinks to get to know him better. 

 

**LookingForAlecL:** Of course. Not a big deal at all, that’s what I was going to say. And hell, it can’t be bad if it got me out of work for the week. I might even get to  _ out _ .  _ On a weekend _ . I can’t tell you the last time I got to go out on a weekend since I started working this overnight shift. 

**RunesAndRings:** In that case, I suppose you could say you owe me for getting you some paid vacation. 

**LookingForAlecL:** Oh yeah? And how might I repay you? 

**RunesAndRings:** Well, for starters, I need some new music to listen to. I’m open to suggestions...

 

They chat back and forth for a little while, not about anything in particular, just music and hobbies. Surface stuff mostly, but it’s nice. 

They keep an almost steady stream of conversation going over the next few days, the mood  growing increasingly relaxed and personal the more they learn about one another. It isn’t long before they can read into the tone of one another’s texts more often than not, and Magnus is as used to seeing Alec’s eye roll emoji as Alec is of expecting Magnus’s scrunched up laughing face, usually at one of his own jokes or comments.  

Magnus has nothing but time on his hands, but he does his best not to message Alec during the day while he knows he’s at work, waiting until he’s done at 5 to pick up whatever conversation they left off at in the morning, or occasionally during Alec’s lunch break. Magnus asked once where Alec was from, but he changed the subject quickly, and Magnus dropped it without an argument. They barely knew each other, and the internet is shady. He understood. It wasn’t like he was about to hop a plane to California, or Texas, or wherever the guy was from once he found out anyway. He was just curious. 

It’s Friday morning and they’re in a rather amusing debate over the merits and pitfalls of reality television when Magnus notices the time. Alec’s due to leave his apartment for work any minute now. 

 

**LookingForAlecL:** I suppose we’ll put your  _ extremely incorrect _ views on The Bachelorette on hold until later. 

**RunesAndRings:** I’ll have my phone on me, though. If it’s slow I might be able to reply a bit. 

**LookingForAlecL:** Wasn’t one of us putting our work in jeopardy just to talk to the other enough for you? ;) 

**RunesAndRings:** You did it for me, what makes you think I wouldn’t do it for you?    
**LookingForAlecL:** Why, Alec, that might be the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me. 

**RunesAndRings:** Except you’re forgetting that I’m my own boss, so I don’t think I’m in danger of firing myself any time soon.

**LookingForAlecL:** Ouch. I take it back. You know, we might be talking too much because I think my impressively charming wit is starting to rub off on you.   
**RunesAndRings:** Does that mean I shouldn’t send you my opinions on the rose ceremony during my lunch break later?    
**LookingForAlecL:** You  _ wish _ you could get out of this conversation that easily. Talk to you then.

 

Magnus wonders if he’s being a bit much, but pushes the concern away. He is who he is, and that person is shamelessly flirtatious and flawlessly smooth. It’s no different than how he spoke in the chats, and that seemed to go well enough. Everything that happened since then didn’t change any of that. And Alec didn’t seem to mind, hell, sometimes Magnus was almost  _ positive  _ he was flirting back, though he had to admit it was difficult to tell over text at times.

He puts his phone down and goes to make some breakfast, throwing in a movie to pass the time until lunch. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Alec does his best not to obsessively check his phone every 5 seconds for a new message until lunch, where he catches Izzy giving him looks from the front of the store as he smirks at his phone screen, rolling his eyes and laughing out loud more than once over Magnus’ messages.

 

**LookingForAlecL:** Hey, off-topic, but how are you with fashion? I can’t decide if this is too much to wear out tonight? -screenshot attached- 

 

Alec opens the image. The top in question is a deep crimson with black and gold embellishments, and a ‘v’ cut down the middle so deep  that looks like it would go straight down to someone’s belt. He doesn’t know what Magnus looks like, he’s avoided anything that might lead to sharing photos or addresses or actual phone numbers like the plague, because he knows that Magnus lives somewhere near the city and Alec still isn’t sure that’s something he wants  _ Magnus  _ to be aware off. Not yet. But the idea of  _ any _ guy with the body to pull off a look like that actually  _ wearing _ that shirt is enough to make Alec flush slightly. Alec’s mind can only register one word.

 

**RunesAndRings:** Wow.    
**LookingForAlecL:** That bad, huh?

**RunesAndRings:** No! Not at all. Sorry, I’m actually terrible with fashion, but that looks… I don’t know what the word I’m going for here is. 

**LookingForAlecL:** Stunning? Unnecessarily extravagant? An impressive display of how low cut a shirt can be while still technically being considered a shirt at all?

**RunesAndRings:** You’re ridiculous. I have to get back to work. 

**LookingForAlecL:** I’ll take the “wow” at face value then and mark this one a yes. 

**RunesAndRings:** (◔_◔)

 

Alec slides his phone into his pocket. 

“Alec?” Izzy asks, catching the strange look on her brother’s face as he comes back into the small showroom. 

The words are out before he can overthink them. Or even think about them a single, reasonable time. “Hey, you know how you’re always bugging me to go out? What do you say we go to that new club that just opened downtown tonight?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you things were going to start getting fun! ;) I couldn't resist a teeny bit of almost-angst because that's just who I am as a person, but I think I added enough fun to balance it out this time xD Thank you so much for sticking with me so far! I hope you enjoyed this update and stay tuned for what's to come!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec heads to the club in search of a particular shirt, and ends up running into an unexpected familiar face. But when Alec drinks he gets more than a little loose-lipped... will he end up saying too much to the wrong person?

Alec knows this is a terrible idea. He knew it the moment he suggested it, but the immediate glow of excitement on his sister’s face at the promise of going out together for the first time in ages is too much to take back. She does nothing but talk about it the rest of the day until the store closes, and sends him no less than a dozen texts while he gets ready, informing him that Jace and Simon are going, too. Just like old times. 

Except nothing about this is like anything else he’d ever done before. There’s no ‘old time’ where Alec was texting a guy he had an increasingly troublesome crush on, and certainly no ‘old time’ where he went out of his way to try and find him in a city full of people just for the chance to see who he is without exposing himself in the process. This is a risk. It is bold, and daring, and terrifying, because what if he  _ does  _ find him? What does he plan on doing then? 

He can picture it now. ‘Oh, hi. I’m Alec, from the internet. I know you live near me and I stalked you to a club based on context clues you didn’t realize I would pick up on because I never bothered to  _ tell you _ that I knew we lived near each other… in fact, I changed the topic every time it came up.’ 

Yes. That will go over so well. 

So what  _ is _ his plan, then? To see him, panic, and run? To be so paranoid Magnus might somehow psychically know who he is that he never leaves the apartment again?  

Alec changes into a pair of tight black jeans and a forest green button-down that Izzy got him for his last birthday. It isn’t a half-bad look, even if it is a bit on the plain side. Not that he has any options that  _ weren’t _ \- every shirt he owns is a solid color, nothing even half as daring as the top Magnus would be wearing out tonight. 

...speaking of Magnus. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** So you got that weekend off you were so excited for! Still planning on hitting the town tonight with your newfound freedom?    
**LookingForAlecL:** Oh, yes. I’ve been looking forward to this all week. Just making some dinner first -  it’s never a good idea for me to go out on an empty stomach.  
**RunesAndRings:** ...that is a very good point. I should eat something too.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Are you going out? I thought you said you hated drinking.  
**RunesAndRings:** I never said I  _ hated _ it, I just… don’t really care for it. But my sister is dragging me out. 

 

For roughly the millionth time that day, Alec wonders why he’s doing this. Now he’s lying about why he’s going out when it doesn’t really matter. He’s so paranoid he’s trying to throw Magnus off a trail that doesn’t even exist yet. 

**LookingForAlecL:** Sorry I have to go, my cat just made a mess. Ttyl 

Alec knows it must be a bit of an emergency because Magnus rarely uses those sorts of abbreviations. With a sigh he slides his phone into the pocket of his jeans and takes one last look in the mirror before leaving to meet the others. 

Terrible idea or not, there’s no turning back now. 

\---

The club is loud but the shots he took earlier are finally kicking in to make this whole scene a bit more tolerable. Simon and Isabelle are dancing and Isabelle drags Alec along with them onto the main floor of the club (but only after unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt, pointing out that “it’s a club, not an office meeting!”). He humors them for a little while before he manages to excuse himself away to bar for another drink. He feels like a third wheel, which wouldn’t be as much of a problem if Jace would stick around more than .5 seconds for once. Instead he buys drinks for the nearest group of hot girls and disappears into the crowd. They won’t see him again for hours, Alec is sure of it. In Jace’s defence he invites Alec to come along with him as he goes, and it isn’t like he can blame him - Jace doesn’t know that a group of girls is the last thing Alec wants to be surrounded by just then. Or ever. 

Alec has his eyes peeled for The Shirt as he scans the club from his new spot along the back wall. The music is still way too loud but at least it’s less suffocating off to the back and he has a much better view of the club as a whole. Magnus, if he’s even here at all, is nowhere to be seen. 

It’s a big city, Alec reasons. Maybe he went to a different club, or into another city entirely. This whole idea is an impulsive longshot and he knows it, but that doesn’t stop the disappointment from growing the more time passes. He stands there scanning the crowd for 10 minutes before grabbing another drink… 20 minutes and another refill…  half an hour later he’s back at the bar for another drink, resigning himself to finishing the night lingering around Izzy and Simon until they’re ready to leave… if he can find them.    
  
_ Izzyyyyyyy.  _ __  
_  
_ __ Iz, where sre youu? 

_ SOS cute bartennder just winkef at me how does he know?!!?!?!// do i raadiate the gay? _ __  
__  
_ Jfkd;fjsa;fewfwejas;ofhbsdjkarhewr ansqer your pkone.  _ __  
__  
He’s debating messaging Magnus next as he turns away from the counter to head back towards the main area of the club -- only to come face-to-face with someone waiting close behind him, nearly spilling his drink all over the guy in his abrupt attempt to stop moving before they collide. Instead the drink splashes back up in his direction as he instinctively pulls the cup in towards himself, leaving a patch of damp, dark green down the right side of his shirt.  

The guy brings a hand up to rest on Alec’s chest to steady him as he wobbles in place (maybe he’s a little more drunk than he realizes because he’s certain he stopped moving, but his vision says otherwise for a few seconds), and Alec looks down at the heavily ringed fingers and painted nails that hold him in place. They look familiar, somehow, though in his tipsy haze he can’t quite remember where he’d find someone’s  _ hands _ familiar from… 

“Well, hello again, you.” The voice is smooth and full of amusement. It only takes a moment before it comes back to him. The guy from the coffee shop who Alec, in his infinite grace, spilled coffee on the week before. “Careful or you’re going to owe me a second shirt.” 

Alec laughs a little, shaking his head. He might lack hand-eye coordination in texting but he can still speak in full sentences, even if his words are slower and noticeably slurred. “Sorry. I should probably stop trying to walk and carry drinks at the same time from now on.” 

The guy laughs along with him, and Alec catches himself staring - but how could he not, with everything about his face designed to draw individual attention? From the glitter over his heavily lined eyes to the highlight in his hair, the contour of his cheeks, and that hint of color on his lips as he spoke again. “The texting probably wasn’t helping, either. You got lucky this time -- but maybe try not to ruin your own clothes either, that green looks good on you.” 

Alec turns his gaze away from Coffee Shop Guy’s face and down to his outfit. He’s wearing a shirt of mixed darker navy and brighter cerulean blues accented in silver, and Alec probably scanned over him a million times that night in his focused search of that crimson, black, and gold v-neck. The colors are striking against his darker skin and much to Alec’s delayed horror he says that out loud without a second thought. 

“Right back at you with the blue.” His liquid confidence from the past thirty minutes is taking over  though he isn’t sure if that will make this better or worse than his first run-in with the attractive stranger. 

“Thanks. It was a last-minute choice when my first option ended up covered in wine.” 

Now it’s Alec’s turn to laugh first. “Maybe neither of us should be allowed to drink from anything but a sippy cup from now on.” 

The other guy shifts to the side to reach past him towards the bar, coming back with a small handful of cheap brown napkins. “Here,” he says, already reaching up to dab at the wet spot on his shirt, and Alec just stares dumbly down at the action. 

“Thanks.” Alec is helpless to move, to say anything besides that one syllable, the room swaying again ever so slightly. He should leave. He should turn and go back to Izzy, because he’s in public and he can’t stop staring at this kind, gorgeous man who is cleaning off his shirt and if he isn’t careful his dumb, drunk self is going to say or do something that he shouldn’t. 

Something like this. “What are you getting? I do owe you that drink from before, and we’re literally standing at a bar, so... ” Alec shrugs, trying to make it seem like this is something totally casual for him. And it is casual. It’s just a drink. He can get someone a drink and not freak out, right? “Maybe it’s fate.” 

The guy stops dabbing at his shirt and looks at him without saying anything for a little while. For too long, in fact, because the longer he doesn’t respond to the offer the more Alec is certain he read this whole situation wrong somehow. Was it something he said? 

“Thanks for the offer, but it’s fine, I can get my own drink.” Something is definitely different. He’s more withdrawn now, almost reserved. 

“Oh.” Alec frowns. “Alright.” His slightly hurt confusion at his offer being turned down must be written all over his face because Coffee Shop Guy is quick to clarify. 

“Sorry, it’s not you. I’m not really feeling this whole night out at the moment... I just don’t want to take you up on your offer only to let you down later.” 

“I didn’t plan on there being a  _ ‘later’ _ , so you don’t have to worry.” Alec confesses. And he doesn’t. God, he can barely bring himself to offer to buy the guy a drink, the idea of doing  _ anything _ beyond that point hadn’t even crossed his mind. 

The other guy bites his lower lip, shaking his head. “Well now I look like some full-of-himself,  presumptuous asshole.” 

“I don’t blame you,” Alec admits, still allowing the alcohol to stop most of his usual overthinking for him. The music is so loud no one around them can hear what he’s saying anyway. “I mean, you’re gorgeous, if I were you I’d assume everyone wants to sleep with me too. But I’m actually here looking for someone... I’m still sort of on the lookout, but I don’t think they’re here so I’m mostly just killing time until my friends are ready to leave.” 

“Sorry you got stood up,” he says, and Alec doesn’t correct him. Stood up is a lot easier to explain than his current situation. “You know what? I’ll take you up on that drink. Cosmopolitan.” 

Alec flags down the bartender and places the order, but instead of going back out to the dance floor the pair of them grab two stools at the corner of the bartop. The sitting does wonders for the dizziness in Alec’s head. 

“What I said before about not wanting to… you know…  _ later,”  _ the guy says with a bit of a wince. “I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, I obviously think you’re hot, since I tried to ask you out at the coffee shop that day.” 

Alec flushes. “It’s fine, really, you don’t have to explain.” 

“No, I feel like an ass now. You get used to a sort of club culture, you know? I didn’t mean to assume.”    
  
“Seriously, it’s totally alright. Forget about it,” Alec insists. 

The other guy takes a long sip of his drink before sighing. “It’s just that I came out to try and get someone off my mind for a little while, then something you said reminded me of him... but even before that I was already feeling restless about the whole night. I don’t want you to think it’s anything personal.”    
  
“Sorry,” Alec says, frowning. “That sounds awful.”

The guy gives a rueful laugh. “You’re preaching to the choir, darling. It’s never going to happen, and part of me knows that… but another part of me can’t shake how much I’m starting to like him no matter how hard I try not to.” 

Alec nods. “God, do I understand that,” he agrees with the same tone of remorse. “Why don’t you just tell him?” It’s a question Alec asks himself every day, and the answer he gives himself is the same one he hears come from behind the rim of a martini glass. 

“Because if he doesn’t, and I ruin this friendship now, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Alec picks up the thought without missing a beat. He doesn’t know what this guy’s situation is, but he can certainly relate to the general concept.  “And even if he does, and it doesn’t work out… It’s safer to keep what you have than risk losing everything.” 

“...but then I wonder what if he’s sitting there, thinking the same thing? What if we’re both just waiting for the other to make the first move? Hell, what if it’s worth the risk?” 

They stare at one another for a moment in a mutually stunned silence. It’s a question that’s been plaguing both of them for days, and neither expected it to be up for debate at a club on a Friday night with a stranger. Alec opens his mouth to comment again when he sees Jace coming towards the bar out of the corner of his eye. _Shit._ **_FUCK._**

“I have to go, but... I know this is going to sound awful of me, but can you pretend everything I said just now never happened? I’m… normally not this straightforward. Or flirty. Or drunk.” He gives another panicked look towards the blonde rapidly approaching the bar. 

“Your friend doesn’t know you’re into guys, does he?” 

Alec shakes his head and manages to only look half as ashamed as he feels for still hiding that side of himself. 

“We’ve all been there. Anyway, who am I going to tell? I didn’t even get your name.”    
  
Alec’s embarrassed grin shifts into the slightest hint of a smirk. “Even better.” He says, sliding a $20 bill across the bar for the drinks. “Maybe I’ll see you at the coffee shop again sometime. Maybe we’ll both be having better luck by then.”  

He’s definitely drunk. No sober version of himself would’ve said any of that, but now that he was thinking about everything they said, and about his whole situation with Magnus, he can’t stop. That same uninhibited stream of consciousness that got him talking to the coffee shop stranger finds another train of thought to follow -  and that train of thought is that this was almost sort of  _ fun _ . Minus the fear and paranoia, that conversation at the bar and the bit of initial harmless flirting was the most comfortable he felt with someone other than Isabelle (and Magnus, but that was online and didn’t count) in ages. Could it be that easy? Could he really just exist like this, open and honest and not constantly having to look over his shoulder or watch his words? 

Is it worth the risk? 

...and if it is, what else might be worth risking, for the sake of being true to himself? 

He pulls out his phone as he heads in the opposite direction of Jace, getting out of there before he could see him, and sends off a quick message to Magnus. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** How’s the nihht out goint?   

 

Alec is already walking back towards the dance floor, so he doesn’t see when the guy from the coffee shop immediately pulls out his phone and messages back with a smile that wrinkles the corners of his eyes, 

  
**LookingForAlecL:** Alec, are you drunk?    
**RunesAndRings:** i askd you smthing first!!!!!!!!  
**LookingForAlecL:** That’s alright, I think I got my answer anyway. ;) Well, there was this one guy buying me drinks. 

 

Alec stops walking, feeling something drop in his stomach entirely unrelated to the alcohol. What if he waited too long and Magnus starts dating someone else? He tells himself that he doesn’t care, that it would only make things easier, but he isn’t so sure he believes that now. 

 

**LookingForAlecL:** But I wasn’t interested. Turns out I’m not really in the mood for a night out.  I’m headed home early. 

 

He hates to admit how relieved he feels reading that. Alec silently thanks whatever gods may exist that autocorrect is a thing so that the majority of his messages are even vaguely readable. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** Sorry too hear thT, I know you were look forward to it   
**LookingForAlecL:** Don’t be. I think it’s for the best, actually.    
**RunesAndRings:** Well, mine isnt gong much better I think I’m got to beg Iz to goo if I can ever find heragain.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Do you want to talk to me until you find her?  
**RunesAndRings:** No, I see her ow.    
**RunesAndRings:** now*.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Just be safe, alright? Let me know when you get in later.  
**RunesAndRings:** That’s sweat. Ur sweet. I wish you werr here  
**RunesAndRings:** is that weirdsorry if thats weird.  
**RunesAndRings:** listen i want you to no that iwas looking fo  
**RunesAndRings:** nvm Iz is takng my phne now byeeeeeee

 

“Alec, I need you to give me your phone.” Izzy says with a concerned look on her face, reaching over and taking it before he could answer. “I’m taking you home.” 

“But I was talking to Magnus!” Alec protests, and Izzy manages to look even more worried than she did a moment before. She looks down at the messages to Magnus and sighs before sliding it into her purse. 

“I always forget what a talkative disaster you are when you drink,” she mutters, and Alec is definitely confused now. 

“But the gorgeous coffee shop guy said it ‘might be worth the risk’” Alec says, doing his best to imitate the other guy’s tone and inflection. “Izzy,  _ what if he’s right?! _ ” 

“What? No, you know what, nevermind. The gorgeous coffee shop guy doesn’t have to deal with you tomorrow when you’re sober again, calling in sick and then locking yourself in your apartment for the next week once you realize what you did.”

“What… what did I do?” The burst of confidence he felt moments before is fading fast. Izzy doesn’t get like this often… or ever. He doesn’t like the look on her face, and it’s making him anxious the longer she doesn’t respond, because he knows that look now - it’s pity. “Iz?” 

She’s already got a hand on his shoulder, steering him towards the exit. He has a dull awareness of the fact that they’re leaving alone, and not with Simon and Jace. Where are they? His sister’s voice is soft and full of compassion when she finally answers his question. 

“Okay, don't freak out but... Earlier, when you were texting me about the cute bartender? You weren’t texting  _ me _ , Alec. You were messaging the group chat, with Jace and Simon.” 

“ _ Fuck _ .” 

“It’s fine.”

“Is it? Because this is the  _ least  _ fine thing I could imagine.” They’re outside now and the fresh air, coupled with the reality of what he’d done, is sobering him up much faster than he wants. He needs another drink. Or two. Or twenty. 

“They’re both totally fine with it. It’s all okay. But I don’t think you should talk to them about it until you’re sober, alright? Let’s just get you home and get some rest and you can deal with it in the morning.” 

Alec puts his head in his hands and groans while Izzy hails them a cab. They ride to Alec’s apartment in silence and he doesn’t fight Izzy when she insists on going upstairs with him. They’re both sitting on the sofa with mugs of hot tea steeping before he can bring himself to ask.  

“What did they say?” 

“They’re mad you didn’t tell them sooner,” she admits. “But they don’t care that you’re gay. Jace was actually already scanning the club for hot guys to bring to you when I said I was taking you home.” 

Alec lets himself laugh a little. “Yeah, I can believe that. It’s just… I thought about that forever, you know? What I’d say,  _ how _ I’d say it. When the right time would be...” 

“Maybe this  _ was _ the right time.” Izzy suggests softly, leaning her head onto Alec’s shoulder. “Maybe this is just the push you needed right now.”  

Alec leans his head down gently to rest on top of her’s. “I hope you’re right.” 

They fall asleep like that, and it isn’t until he wakes up sometime in the early hours of the morning to go to the bathroom that he grabs his phone from his sister’s purse to check his messages.  
  


**Jace:** Hey man, I wish you would’ve told me sooner, but I get it. Sorry I kept trying to shove all those girls on you earlier. Next time we’re out I’m hooking you up with the hottest guy there, deal?    
  


Alec laughs. Maybe Izzy was right. Maybe this was going to be totally fine and he was worried about nothing.   
  


**Simon:** I know that probably wasn’t the way you wanted that to come out, but I’m really proud of you anyway. If you ever want to talk, I’m always here, alright? 

  
This is nothing compared to the idea of telling his parents, but it’s a reassuring start. 

**  
LookingForAlecL:** If it is then we can be weird together, because I wish you were here, too.

_  
Oh,  _ he thinks, fighting back a smile. 

When he gets back to the living room he grabs a blanket from the closet and drapes it over Izzy before grabbing two advil and a glass of water from the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee for the both of them as the sun begins to rise. He knows it’s dumb, that nothing is actually different from the day before, but he can’t help but feel like some shift has happened.  
  
A new dawn, a new day, or however that saying goes. And maybe this time he won’t shy away from the potential of something new. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I can't be the only person who can hold full conversations just fine while they're drinking and not even notice how bad they are until they go to text and suddenly can't string 2 letters together, right? >.> Definitely projected that onto drunk!Alec xD ))


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling liberated after his friends accept his secret so easily, how long can Alec hold out before coming clean about all the secrets he's keeping, not just from his friends and family, but from Magnus, too?

Magnus looks down at his phone and shakes his head, finishing off his drink with a smile. It’d be a shame to waste it since tall, dark, and handsome from the coffee shop already paid for it, so he lingers a bit, re-reading the last few things that Alec wrote. What was he trying to say in that last one, before his sister presumably took his phone away? He knows better than to ask right now - any answer he might get would likely be entirely incoherent.

He wants to reply right away, but now he can’t shake something his unexpected run-in said to him. _It’s safer to keep what you have than risk losing everything_ . Magnus knows that whatever he and Alec have is new, and barely there. Or maybe not there at all, if Magnus was reading the signs wrong. They talk, sure - they talk a _lot_ now, actually. More than he talks to anyone else. But it’s all online. There’s nothing tangible. For all he knows this guy is married with kids somewhere. They have a great friendship going and Magnus doesn’t want to ruin that by being greedy and pushing for more… but he can’t deny that he’s definitely crushing on the guy.

So much so that he had a very attractive guy sitting next to him buying him drinks, and he didn’t even attempt to make a move on him. In fact, all he did was whine about his nonexistent love life woes and turn the poor guy down for a proposition he didn’t even suggest. Magnus didn’t realize before this moment just how deep he might actually be. He tries to ignore it, and debates trying to find a new distraction, one that preferably will not remind him of Alec who is out there somewhere, very drunk and having a wonderful time.

But when Alec sends him drunk messages saying he wishes he was there, how the hell is Magnus supposed to ignore that? He decides to play it safe, echoing his own sentiment back at him. At least that way when Alec reads it later, probably a lot more sober than he is right now, it could just be seen as him playing along with the banter of the conversation and nothing more.

Even if a part of Magnus definitely means it as something more.

‘If it is then we can be weird together, because I wish you were here, too.’ He messages back, and hits send before pushing his stool back and heading away from the bar. It’s pretty clear that if he stood any chance of getting Alec off his mind before it would be an entirely impossible task now, and he decides to just go home.

After a week without his usual overnight shift, Magnus is getting a little better at falling asleep during ‘normal’ times. He gets back from the club and messes around on his phone until he falls asleep somewhere close to 3 am. He wakes up around 8 or so to the sound of a notification on his phone and fumbles with his phone to read the message in a half-asleep haze. 

 

 **RunesAndRings:** I have so many regrets. I haven’t gone to work with a hangover in ages. **  
** **RunesAndRings:** There’s not enough coffee in the world for this. Remind me to never drink that much ever again. **  
** **RunesAndRings:** And sorry for those messages. Reading back on that was… embarrassing, to say the least  >.>   


He doesn’t reply, though - still more than half asleep he scans the words but his eyes drift shut again before he has the presence of mind to reply. He doesn’t wake up again until nearly 11.   


**LookingForAlecL:** Not holding up so well after last night, eh? If you have anything with ginger in it, I hear that works wonders.   
**LookingForAlecL:** And no worries about the messages - you’re a delightful drunk.

 

Magnus types a few words before settling on ‘delightful’, deleting ‘adorable’ and ‘precious’ before choosing the much safer option. Does he want to be safe? Not particularly. But Ragnor is always telling him that he goes from 0 to 100 with no in-between, and that to most people that can be a bit… much. He usually doesn’t care, but this is different. He reminds himself that they both admitted to wishing they could spend time with the other in person, but Alec had been drinking, and Magnus has no way of knowing if he really meant anything by it. Especially with how obviously he avoids any talk where he lives or what he does or anything truly _personal_.

In the end Magnus decides to ask the question that was on his mind from the night before. He’s just curious, and it’s harmless enough for the day’s conversation starter. Much better than ginger-based hangover remedies at the very least.

 **  
LookingForAlecL:** What were you going to say before your sister took your phone, by the way?

  
There isn’t a reply immediately, which makes sense since Alec would be at work by now, so he rolls himself out of bed and washes his face before putting on some coffee. He’s halfway through cooking breakfast (though at 11:30 it’s more like early lunch) when he gets a reply.

 **  
** **RunesAndRings** : I don’t remember. Nothing important, I’m sure.   
**RunesAndRings:** I made coffee but my sister gave me a bottle of water and forced us to stop for breakfast before work instead. Probably a good call, I feel much better already. I only almost threw up once in front of a customer the past hour so… we’re making progress.   


Magnus reads the message and laughs.   


**LookingForAlecL:** That sounds terrible. I’m so glad I have a high alcohol tolerance.  
**RunesAndRings:** Yeah, well, if you could donate some of that to me I’d appreciate it.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Sorry, no donations here. Magic like that comes at a cost.  
**RunesAndRings:** If it gets rid of this headache I’ll give you anything.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Anything? ;)  
**RunesAndRings:** Don’t test me, Magnus. ;) You’re clearly underestimating my desperation here. You have no idea how pathetic I look trying to get through this day!

  
A winking face, from Alec? Well this is new. They get along well, but up until last night he’s been rather good at playing hard-to-get, or just genuinely has no interest in flirting. Of course, this was _Alec_ , who only ever used the eye-roll emoji, so perhaps he didn’t _mean_ it as an insinuation… but _still._ The potential was there.

It only made Magnus want to try that much harder to elicit a more obvious reaction.    


**LookingForAlecL:** I’m sure it’s not half as bad as you’re making it out to be. You could always show me and I’ll let you know how you’re holding up?  
**RunesAndRings:** Magnus, you know I’m not comfortable exchanging photos right now.

  
Magnus sighs. He doesn’t know what sending a selfie now or two weeks from now would matter. He told him twice already that he doesn’t care what he looks like, but it doesn’t seem to matter. In fact, each time he brings it up Alec seems to panic a little bit more, but he can’t stop himself from making the attempt every now and again when the opportunity presents itself.

 **  
** **LookingForAlecL** : Can’t blame a guy for trying. I still don’t see why you won’t let me send one, though. It’s not like I care.   
**RunesAndRings:** Just… not yet. I have my reasons, I just can’t explain them right now. And yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds, you don’t have to remind me.    
**LookingForAlecL:** You truly are an enigma, Alec.  
**RunesAndRings:** Is that a good thing?  
**LookingForAlecL:** I’ll let you know once I figure that out.

  
Their conversations throughout the day are always casual and sporadic, only a few seconds here and there where Alec sneaks onto his phone at work, or a slightly longer chat during his lunch break. The tone is light, and borderline flirtatious on both of their ends, usually initiated by Magnus but Alec has no trouble holding his own today with no prompting necessary. It’s another eyebrow-raiser, in the best possible way. There’s something different about Alec today, and he wants to let himself believe it’s because of their last exchange from last night. _‘I wish you were here’._ He scrolls back up to re-read it more times than he cares to admit that day. The hints are there, though every time he thinks it’s for sure Alec pulls back just a bit, and leaves him wondering all over again.

They save any meaningful discussions for the evening, since Magnus isn’t back to work yet and they’re both free, more or less.

Tonight Magnus is over at Catarina and Ragnor’s - they both have the same night off, a very rare occasion, and since Magnus is still on leave the three of them decide to have a night in with wine and dinner and a few games. Except it’s difficult to focus on Monopoly when every time it’s Magnus’ turn he’s too busy staring at his phone to realize it.

“Magnus? HELLO? Do I have to take that thing away from you?” Ragnor threatens once he has his attention, and Magnus instinctively pulls the phone closer to his chest as he glances back down for just a second to type out the last few words of his message to Alec.

“No! Sorry. I’m putting it away now.”

“You said that three times already,” Cat points out, but unlike Ragnor’s genuine annoyance she’s smirking and doesn’t actually sound mad at all. “How’s Alec?”

“Good. Really good, actually. He was just telling me something kind of important, and…” Magnus looks guiltily back down at his phone. “Actually, can I just get 5 minutes? Then I swear we can lock the phone away.” He adds hastily in Ragnor’s direction.

“We needed drink refills anyway,” Cat says before Ragnor can inerject, motioning for Ragnor to help her in the kitchen.

“Thanks,” Magnus says, taking a few steps over to the armchair in the corner of the room before putting proper, undivided attention on what Alec was telling him.

 

 **RunesAndRings:** They just reacted so well… I don’t know what I was expecting, but you can’t imagine how much _better_ I felt this morning, now that that weight is lifted.  
**RunesAndRings:** Or, I guess maybe you can, since I’m sure you went through something similar when you came out.  
**LookingForAlecL:** I’m so happy for you, Alec. I had a feeling your friends would be understanding - you’re a great guy, and anyone who knows you would be a fool to throw that away over something like that.  
**RunesAndRings:** But that’s just the thing -- no one really _does_ know me, besides Izzy. I’ve been hiding such an important part of myself it’s like they know some version of me I carefully prepared for them, but not _really_ me. I’m so used to hiding some part of myself that I don’t even know how to just _be me_ anymore.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Well then you get to figure that out now. Once you tell your parents you won’t have to hide any part of yourself from anyone ever again. You can learn to just be you - truly, unabashedly you, and the world can fall in love with whoever that is all over again. You already know your sister and friends love and support you. You’re going to be okay.  
**RunesAndRings:** Thanks. I think I just needed to talk it through with someone who isn’t Izzy… or Jace, whose only goal now that he knows is to make me a Grindr account and take me out every night, lol.   


Magnus hates the way his chest tightens reading that, and feels an immediate wave of guilt for the jealousy attached to it. He wants to tell Alec he likes him. That he can’t ignore this stupid infatuation that only gets worse the more they talk. He wants to exchange numbers, and find out where he lives, and see if any part of this is even remotely worth daydreaming over, but it feels too selfish now. Alec’s just trying to figure out where he fits into the world, and to try and limit him to exploring that part of himself through words on a screen instead of out in bars and clubs and bedrooms feels wrong somehow. Selfish.   


**LookingForAlecL:** You can always talk to me, about anything. I might not be there to sell you out to dating sites (*cough* I’d need a picture for that *cough*) but I’m always here to listen and give what advice I can.  
**RunesAndRings:** Thank you, Magnus. Really. I appreciate it so much, you have no idea. You’re so easy to talk to it’s a little scary, I’m not usually this open about, well, _anything_ .  
**LookingForAlecL:** I’m going to pretend you didn’t say I’m scary and take that as a compliment.  
**RunesAndRings:** It is! Okay, I think I’m done with my mini-crisis for the night. I should let you go, you said you had plans with your friends tonight, right?  
**LookingForAlecL:** Yeah. It’s the first night the three of us all have off at once in over a month. I’m actually already with them, but it’s fine. I just stepped away for a bit to chat.  
**RunesAndRings:** I didn’t realize you were there already, sorry. You didn’t have to do that!  
**LookingForAlecL:** Of course I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. This was important.   


_You’re important._ Magnus thinks with a heavy sigh, telling his brain to knock it the hell off. But it’s true, even if they’re only ever casual online friends - in the short period of time the two of them have written back and forth, Alec’s shot up his list of people he cares about with terrifying speed, there is no denying that.   


**RunesAndRings:** Well, thanks again. I’ll talk to you later!  
**LookingForAlecL:** I’ll shoot you a message when I leave if it isn’t too late.

 

He closes the phone and goes back to the table where the game-in-progress, as well as a patient Catarina and a less-than-patient Ragnor, were waiting. “Sorry. All done, cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Still no picture?” Ragnor questions.

“Nope.”

“I’m convinced he’s a teenage girl or something,” Ragnor says. “Or, like, some 70 year old guy using a computer in a public library somewhere.”

Magnus rolls his eyes but can’t pretend the theory doesn’t hold some slight weight to it in this day and age.

“If you end up on an episode of Catfish, just remember us little people after you’re famous.”

“Ragnor, shut up and sell me Pennsylvania Avenue already,” Magnus mutters, rolling the dice and moving his piece across the board. “It’s not that weird. You never know who you’re talking to online, can’t blame the guy for being cautious.” He pauses, handing over the money for the card. “I _do_ wish he’d tell me where he’s from, though.”

“So what? You could… visit him?” Catarina asks slowly, feeling out the situation. She’s trying to be as supportive as possible while still being realistic, and it’s what he counts on her for.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I just want to _know_ , and figure it out from there. What if he’s in Jersey, or… I dunno, Connecticut? It’d just be nice to have some of these conversations in person, over coffee or something one day.”

“And have you told him that?”

Magnus laughs. “Absolutely not. I can’t even get the guy to send me a selfie, how the hell am I supposed to admit I’d be interested in actually meeting him in person sometime?” He shakes his head. “Not that it matters. It’s a big country, and with my luck, he’s in Texas, or California, or… Idaho or something. And anyway, the whole point of me putting the phone away was to _not_ focus on Alec, I thought?”   
  
“Gladly,” Ragnor agrees, changing the subject to what he’s missed at work this past week as the game progressed, ending two hours later when Ragnor shamelessly bankrupted the both of them with a hotel on both Park Place _and_ Boardwalk.

Ragnor leaves first and Cat takes the opportunity to talk to Magnus alone before he leaves as well.

“Hey,” she says, stopping him halfway to the door. “You’re really starting to care about this guy, aren’t you?”

Magnus shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. It’s nothing.”

“It’s _not_ nothing. You haven’t had a crush in… god, almost since we met. You don’t _do_ crushes, Magnus. It’s a little more than nothing.”

“Well, it might as well be nothing, because nothing is ever going to come of it. It’s fine, we’re just friends. I don’t mind being friends, really.”

“I just don’t want you to get yourself hurt.”

“And I appreciate that. But really, I’ll be okay.”

Cat looks doubtful, but turns her concerned expression into a small smile. “Alright. But I know you, Magnus, and you’re no good at keeping things like that bottled up. Just look out for yourself.”  

He sees himself out, thinking on her words. She’s right. He says what he’s thinking, and what he’s feeling, without hesitation most of the time. So what’s the difference now? And will it really backfire on him that badly if he keeps trying to ignore it?

He decides to play off of the _‘wish you were here’_ from the night before and see what happens.

 **  
LookingForAlecL:** I think you’d get along really well with Catarina. And if you’re any good at Monopoly Ragnor could use the challenge. Pity you aren’t local, we could use a fourth for these game nights.

  
He doesn’t get a response right away, and starts to think that perhaps Alec is already asleep as he starts the walk back to his apartment. When he gets a reply several minutes later he isn’t prepared for in the slightest.  


**RunesAndRings:** If… If I were to tell you I _was_ local, how mad would you be?   


Magnus simply stops walking in the middle of the sidewalk to stare at the words. Alec doesn’t come right out and say it but what else could he possibly be implying?   


**RunesAndRings:** I’m really sorry I didn’t say something sooner. I told myself it wasn’t technically lying but the longer I kept it to myself the more it sure as hell felt like lying. After everything you said earlier I feel like I at least owe you this much.   


Magnus has the presence of mind to move himself out of the walking path, leaning back against the brick wall of the nearest building. He looks around him, staring at every passing face, suddenly imagining that any one of them could be Alec. They could’ve walked by each other in the street, or shared subway cars a hundred times, and never known.

And then it all falls into place. Magnus knows he can’t stand there forever and forces himself to move forward again as he types out a careful reply.   


**LookingForAlecL:** I get the ‘no photos’ thing now.  
**RunesAndRings:** I’m sorry.  
**LookingForAlecL:** It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. I get it.  
**RunesAndRings:** I know this is a shitty time to bring this up because it’s late and I really need to get some actual sleep tonight, but can we talk about this tomorrow?  
**LookingForAlecL:** Of course. Get some rest, we’ll talk then.  
**RunesAndRings:** Goodnight, Magnus.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Goodnight, Alec.

  
Magnus has plenty to think about for the last 5 minutes of his walk home, and while his mind feels like it’s on total overload with this single new development it keeps coming back to rest on one thought over and over again:

This changes _everything_.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Alec decide to meet up with Magnus in person, even though he isn’t sure it’s the best idea? And if he doesn’t, how will Magnus handle the idea that maybe Alec isn’t as committed to this friendship as he thought?

Alec isn't sleeping any time soon, not with how fast his heart is racing. He knows this as he types the words, wondering if Magnus really buys the ‘I’m tired’ excuse, but he has to step away. 

Tomorrow. He has until tomorrow to figure out what he’s going to do now that Magnus knows. He knows because Alec told him - somewhat impulsively and out of growing guilt - but he still  _ told _ him. And while he doesn’t entirely regret it he isn’t sure he’s ready to meet in person yet. He can’t help but fear that Magnus might take that the wrong way. He’s been nothing but patient and kind so far but that was before he knew Alec was keeping this from him. What if this pushes that understanding too far? 

Which is what he tells Izzy in what feels like one giant, rushed breath over the phone a few minutes later. 

“Well, how else is he  _ supposed _ to take it?” She questions. “And why  _ wouldn’t _ you want to finally meet him, after going through all of this in the first place?!” 

“Because, Iz. We both know I can be a bit of a mess.” Izzy huffs a laugh and Alec rolls his eyes, pacing back and forth across the kitchen as he speaks. “I’m not half as put together as I seem online. I don’t want to…” he trails off, taking a nervous breath. “I don’t want him to meet me and be disappointed. Or what if he’s nothing like the person I think he is? Then not only will we not be actual friends, but we’ll probably stop talking altogether.” 

The way he says it is so resigned it’s obvious this is the only outcome he expects. He worries that he’ll be a let down or that he’ll be let down instead; that he won’t be enough to live up to all the effort Magnus went through to keep him around; that what he has going for him right now is too good to be true.  

“Oh, Alec. I love you, but that is the dumbest thing I ever heard you say. Also the most pathetic, if I’m being frank.” 

“Wow, don’t hold back,” Alec says, surprised by her harsh reaction. 

“Tough love, brother. You know I’m only saying it because you need to hear it. You’re such a good person, Alec. And from what you told me before, I think Magnus knows that. Look at everything he did just to get you to send him an  _ IM _ for christ’s sake! Meeting you in person isn’t going to change that. In fact, you’re only more endearing in real life, but if you ever tell anyone I said that I’ll deny it to my grave.”  
  
There is a silence that neither of them push to break for a few long moments, Alec considering the words during another deep, calming breath or two to steady himself. He knows that Izzy wouldn’t lie just to make him feel better. If she thinks this isn’t going to end well she’d warn him - for all their teasing and occasional fighting, Alec has no doubts that she would personally dismember anyone who hurts him. He knows this because it’s something she told him multiple times in the past. 

“You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” 

“I’m overreacting.” It’s the way their conversations about things Alec needs advice on usually go, a practiced back-and-forth between them when he reaches out in a blind panic over something for his sister to talk him down from. Why she still puts up with it is beyond him but he’s eternally grateful each time. 

“What did he say when you told him?” 

“Not much. I said I had to go to bed and signed off. I don’t even know if he  _ wants _ to meet me… maybe he isn’t even interested in talking offline. I mean ‘wish you were here’ is something you just say to people who aren’t around sometimes. Maybe if he knew we could actually meet he wouldn’t have said it.” 

“You’re this worried and you haven’t even talked about it yet? Alec,  _ talk to him.  _ And quit deciding what’s best for other people without their input. You did that once before and it got you a trending hashtag on twitter, do you really want him taking out ads in the local paper to find you this time?” Izzy laughs. 

“Oh my god, you don’t think he would, do you?” Alec laughs a little in return, but it’s tense. “Yeah, okay. I’m just going to sleep on it and see what happens in the morning.” 

“Just promise me you’ll keep an open mind, okay? Don’t let your fear make all your decisions. Look how well just being honest with Jace and Simon went over. You were different today, I could tell. Happier. I haven’t seen you this at ease in years, Alec, and you deserve it.” 

“Thanks, Iz.” 

“Any time.” 

It takes a while for Alec to actually fall asleep that night. Saying he isn’t going to overthink and actually turning his brain off are two very different things, but he does his best. Izzy had a good point - he already made too many selfish decisions for the both of them, without considering how it might affect Magnus or how his reactions might be the exact opposite of whatever Alec anticipated. 

All he can do now is wait, he thinks, drifting off to sleep with those thoughts still circling. 

When he wakes up in the morning he expects a message from Magnus, but there’s nothing. Alec stays true to his promise and pushes down the flare of panic that blank screen brings. Maybe he’s just sleeping in… Magnus said it was fine, that he understood… if he was mad he would’ve said something last night, right? 

_ Talk to him.  _

 

**RunesAndRings:** Good morning.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Morning. 

 

So he is awake. And he was waiting for Alec to message him first. Alec waits to see if he says something else, but there’s nothing. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** About last night. I’m sorry I sprung it on you like that. I should’ve said something sooner, but it never felt like the right time to bring it up. I really liked talking to you, and the way things were going, and I didn’t want to bring something in that would change all of that.  
**LookingForAlecL:** I appreciate the explanation, but I don’t know why you thought that was going to change anything. And why are you suddenly speaking in the past tense, like we aren’t still talking?  
**RunesAndRings:** Because I thought you might be angry that I lied - by omission at least -  and not want to be friends anymore. I wouldn’t blame you.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Alec, I mean this in the kindest possible way, but has anyone ever told you that you have a  _ terrible  _ habit of assuming the worst? 

 

Alec reads the message and laughs out loud. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** Yes. All of the time. In fact, you’re not the first person to say it within the past 24 hours.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Right. Well, you should work on listening to whoever that was because you have nothing to worry about. I wish you said something sooner, sure. And it’s a little annoying to think that all of my sad, solo coffee dates this week could’ve had some amazing company, but I suppose you could be forgiven now that we get to make up for lost time. 

 

Alec freezes. How can he be so casual about this? So calm and certain, like he’s making plans with someone he sees all the time and not trying to arrange their first in person encounter? It should be so easy to just agree and go with the flow but Alec’s mind is already looking for excuses and ways out. His fear from before isn’t as easy to shake as he hoped it would be after his talk with Izzy. He  _ wants  _ to be brave and jump headfirst into this, but he  _ needs _ to be honest. 

**  
RunesAndRings:** That’s the thing. Magnus, I didn’t tell you because I don’t know if I want to meet in person. Not yet, at least.

 

He hits send before he can overthink the admission but immediately wishes he could take it back. 

**  
LookingForAlecL:** Oh.

 

It’s only one word but Alec can almost feel the disappointment radiating off the screen. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** I really like talking with you. Honestly, more than I have with anyone else in a really long time.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Sure. That makes sense. Why would you want to meet someone you enjoy talking with, that sounds awful.  
**RunesAndRings:** Magnus, please. It isn’t like that.  **  
** **LookingForAlecL:** Then maybe you should elaborate, because it sounds a lot like you’re saying you like messaging me when you’re bored, or when it’s convenient for you, but you have no real interest in actually being friends. 

 

That isn’t what he means at all but his brain can’t think of the right words to say to convey that Magnus has it all wrong. Izzy’s initial reaction comes back to him from the night before:  _ how else is he supposed to take it. _ Of course Izzy was right, he only wishes she were here to tell him how to fix this before he makes it any worse. In his increasingly prolonged silence Magnus continues.   
  


**LookingForAlecL:** I know we’ve only been talking for a couple of weeks now, if that, but this friendship - which is what I  _ thought _ this was - is starting to mean a lot more to me than just a casual convenience… but maybe it’s just me. So I think I deserve to know if I’m investing myself in something one-sided here.   
  


Magnus hates him. Alec can hear the annoyance behind the text. He hates him for this. The longer he stares at the screen, cursor unmoving, the longer he knows that resentment is building and… 

No. Magnus doesn’t hate him. In fact, Alec realizes with a sudden striking clarity, it sounds a lot like Magnus  _ really likes him _ , at least as far as internet friendships go. Alec isn’t sure if that makes this easier or harder. If it means so much to him, what is he expecting once they meet? He has to admit he’s a little intimidated. If meeting Magnus in person turns out to be anything like meeting him online, then it’s going to be a whirlwind.  Everything feels like it’s all or nothing with him; there’s no holding back, and from behind a computer screen that’s one thing but face-to-face that’s something else entirely. That’s what terrifies him. What if the all or nothing ends up being  _ nothing.  _

And that’s what he keeps coming back to. Every time he thinks he can make the leap it’s the thought that pulls him back: he’s terrified that Magnus won’t like him and that’ll be the end of all of this. He wants to keep talking strictly online because it’s safe and familiar, and it’s so much better than going back to having nothing. 

So for now he does what he can to salvage what they already have, just to buy himself a little more time to figure out what he expects from all of this and what he really wants to do since it’s clear Magnus already has his mind made up in that regard.   
  


**RunesAndRings:** It isn’t like that at all. It’s the exact opposite, actually. This means so much to me too, it really does. And I  _ do _ want to be friends. I just don’t want to meet, not yet. I’ve put on the same face for so many years and now suddenly all of that’s changing before I have a chance to catch up. It’s a lot all at once and I don’t want this to make it all too much. I just need some time to sort things out and find my footing again before I go upsetting the balance any more, if that makes sense?    
**RunesAndRings:** I’m already not the best at being social, and I’m  _ really  _ good at psyching myself out when I’m nervous. So if I try to do this right now I’m going to end up sabotaging the both of us and ruining everything - if I haven’t just done that already -  and I don’t want to risk that because it isn’t just you. This isn’t one-sided, I promise. 

 

It’s a lot to dump on someone who barely knows him, but he has to. It isn’t the whole truth but he thinks it’s enough. He  _ hopes _ it is. He just needs some more time to think through all of this. 

There’s no response for a long time. Minutes pass by and Alec fights the urge to send a dozen rambling follow-ups, pleas for understanding or forgiveness (or both). He types out ‘ _ please tell me I didn’t just fuck everything up’  _ three times, deleting it each time. Magnus would understand, or he wouldn’t, and that is all there is to it now. For once the ball isn’t in Alec’s court any longer, so he waits. And waits. 

He’s about to break his resolve when Magnus finally responds. 

 

**LookingForAlecL:** There’s nothing I can say to change your mind on this one, is there? Not even if I promise on Chairman Meow’s life that everything will be fine and you have nothing to worry about?  
**RunesAndRings:** ...your cat’s name is  __ CHAIRMAN MEOW?!  
**LookingForAlecL:** Focus.  
**LookingForAlecL:** But also yes. I know it’s brilliant.  
**RunesAndRings:** The answer’s still no, I’m sorry. Just for right now. This all came about so fast and there’s a lot happening in my life right now, I just really need this to be my constant while I figure out the rest. 

 

And there it is. The closest he’ll come to admitting that he can’t imagine losing these talks with Magnus. Not now, not ever.  

 

**LookingForAlecL:** Alright.  
**RunesAndRings:** Alright?  **  
** **LookingForAlecL:** Well, I’m not about to guilt you into doing something you obviously aren’t comfortable doing. I’m not an asshole. I won’t pretend I don’t really, really want to meet you, or that I’m not a little disappointed. And it’s going to kill me to know you’re so close, but… alright. I like talking with you. I wasn’t lying about being invested in this. So if it’s texting or nothing, I’ll take the texts. 

 

This could have gone better, but it also could’ve gone a lot worse, and Alec breathes a sigh of relief that he was able to stop everything from spiralling too far out of control. 

 

**RunesAndRings:** Thank you.  
**LookingForAlecL:** You know how you can thank me? First coffee’s on you, when you’re ready. Deal?  
**RunesAndRings:** Deal. Simon and Jace are headed over soon, I have to go. Talk to you later if you’re around?  
**LookingForAlecL:** I’m not going anywhere. :) 

 

~*~

The rest of Sunday passes as if the earlier conversation never happened. Alec is quiet for a while, and Magnus ends up severely oversleeping a nap in his attempts to fix his sleep schedule back to more nocturnal hours. The time off is nice but he knows he has to go back to work soon, and it wouldn’t do for him to start getting tired overnight like a normal person again. 

He forces himself to stay up the rest of the night and waits until Ragnor and Catarina are done with work to meet them at the coffee shop downtown by the subway. Magnus told them that Alec was from around here but hasn’t updated them on the prior day’s developments yet. 

“So?” Cat prompts the moment she’s sat across from him, sliding Magnus’ macchiato over. “When’s the date?” 

“We’re just friends,” he points out with an eye roll. “This isn’t some shady  _ online dating  _ hookup.” He pauses there and sighs. “And there  _ isn’t _ one. He doesn’t want to meet.” 

“Catfish.” Ragnor immediately reaffirms his previous suspicion. 

“Ragnor,  _ stop _ .” 

“He’s just not ready yet. He said-” Magnus begins, not needing to re-read the message to remember because he read them half a dozen times already that morning. “-this is his ‘constant’ right now and he doesn’t want to risk everything changing and going to shit, more or less. He won’t come out and say it but it’s pretty obvious he’s afraid we’re going to meet and hate each other, and nothing I say can change his mind.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. We’re still friends, still talking all of the time.” As if to emphasize that point his phone vibrates on the table. Of course it’s Alec, it almost always is these days, but they’re just chatting about a book he ordered the other day and finally got, so he ignores it for now.  “Nothing’s changed.” 

“Besides a little hurt pride,” Ragnor supplies just loud enough to be heard. 

“ _ RAGNOR, PLEASE.”  _

“Let me have this one, Cat. Lord knows he did it enough to us before we started dating. Hell, he  _ still _ does it.” 

Magnus laughs, and Cat’s harsh expression softens at the sound. Ragnor looks rather pleased with himself, both for the biting commentary and the reaction of finally getting a smile on his friend’s face since the first time they sat down.  

“It’s fine, Cat. He’s not wrong. I just assumed he’d want to meet once I knew, but I get it. You build up this image of someone, they have this idea of you, and the moment you meet all of that is gone. Maybe it is for the best and I was rushing into wanting to meet in the first place.”

“I still can’t believe he knew and didn’t say anything. For how long?” 

Magnus shrugs. “I dunno. Can’t be too long, it was probably something I said about the subway, or maybe the club the other night?” He hadn’t thought to ask with everything else going on. 

“Well, I’d be pissed if I were you-” Ragnor starts. 

“-And we’re all infinitely thankful that you aren’t him.” Cat interrupts, and is met with another round of soft laughter. 

“You know what I’d be thankful for right now? To not have to go back to work in two days. Can someone start more internet gossip so I can stay home a little while longer?” He leans back in his chair, more relaxed now that the ‘serious’ part of their conversation seems to be over and they kill some more time filling him in on work gossip before Ragnor and Cat head home to get some sleep.  
  
Magnus plans on doing that as well but as he walks the streets back home his gaze wanders over the displays in the store windows, eyes landing on one with a ring front and center that would look  _ perfect _ with a shirt he just bought a few days ago. Instead of passing by he decides to give in to the whim and stops, backtracking a few steps before pushing open the front door to Lightwood Jewelers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty safe to say I AM ALREADY SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. 
> 
> I pushed through a bit of writer's block this week to get this chapter written (and I'm already not the best at transitional/development chapters (JUST LET ME GET TO THE NEXT BIT) ) so if this update is a little rough I apologize! x_X Hopefully it served its purpose and you'll all come back to see how things at the store play out! <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Izzy have another heart-to-heart, even if they don't see eye-to-eye, and Magnus' trip to the Lightwood Jewelers may leave him with more than just a ring to show for the visit.

Alec hates Monday mornings. Sometimes he wishes the shop wasn’t closed on Sundays because all that day off ever does is make it extra difficult to wake up the next day and drag himself out of bed. But he manages, throwing on a clean suit and heading in to meet Izzy bright and early to set up the displays for the day.

It’s his own fault. Rotating the window displays on a daily basis to draw in different customers who walk by the same windows every day was one of his better - if not more tedious - ideas. Which Izzy kindly reminds him every time he grumbles at how early that means showing up every morning, like today.

“We could just stop doing it,” Izzy points out. “That’s the beauty of being your own boss.”

Alec scoffs. “Except we’re not _really_ our own bosses, are we? Sales went up 15% since we started doing this - if we stop and lose the business dad’ll be back to hovering around in no time.” It was a family business, after all. That was the Lightwood name up on that sign. So long as they were doing well the siblings pretty much had free reign... But the moment that stopped he had no doubt the micromanaging would begin again, and they put too much effort into escaping that the first time to do anything that may risk bringing it back.

“Can we not talk numbers before I have my coffee?” Izzy groans, grabbing a ruby necklace that just came in and draping it over the black velvet in one of the smaller glass display cases. “You could, I don’t know, tell me more about how that conversation with Magnus went yesterday.” She eyes him expectantly.

Alec gave her a bare bones summary over text after it happened but he should’ve known better than to think she’d leave it at that.

“What’s there to tell? He wants to meet, I said I wasn’t sure yet, he said he wasn’t thrilled but he understood, and that was it. We haven’t brought it up again since.”   
  
“Okay but _how_ did he say it?”

Alec cringes, remembering the immediate reaction from Magnus the day before, the anger and annoyance in the tone of his messages.  He tries to look away before Izzy sees that instinctive flash of regret but she’s watching him too closely.

“That bad, huh?” She frowns.

“Not _that_ bad, but… not that great, either. When I said I didn’t want to meet him he straight-up asked me if this was a one-sided friendship… he said he was _invested._ ” The more Alec thinks about that exchange the more it inspires a reaction of equal parts joy and terror in him.

“What did you say?” Izzy almost sounds hesitant, not sure what answer she hopes to hear.

“I told him it wasn’t. That I’m invested, too. It seemed like enough, but I can’t tell if he’s just lying to make me feel better or if he’s really okay with keeping things like this for now.”

“I just don’t get why you don’t want to. I’m sure I sound like a broken record by now, but the two of you get along _so well_ . And yes, I know, it’s ‘just the internet’, but the amount of time you two spend talking every day has to count for something, online or not. I know I give you a hard time  but you aren’t _actually_ that much worse at speaking words than you are at writing them... most of the time.”

Alec laughs. “What a ringing endorsement. I’ll tell Jace to throw that on my dating profile.”

“You know what I mean,” Izzy defends with an eye roll he nearly misses as she lowers her head to work on another display.

“I just don’t want to mess this up,” Alec sighs, abandoning the display entirely to turn and face his sister. He leans back, fingers bracing against the counter behind him and smudging the glass. “You’re right. We talk all of the time. I think he might know more about me now than Simon and Jace combined.” He pauses, letting that sink in. Alec doesn’t open up to a lot of people… or anyone at all. It’s barely been two weeks, and for him to say everything he did to Magnus the day before _means_ something, and Izzy knows that.

Isabelle considers this and turns, stepping away from her own work for a second. “Alec, if I ask you something, will you promise to give me an honest answer?”

“...depends on the question.” He deflects.

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” he says, already feeling himself tense.

“You like him, don’t you? Like, _really_ like him? You keep saying ‘friends’ and ‘friendship’, but this is starting to go beyond that, isn’t it?” She holds his gaze and doesn’t drop it, even as his own eyes wander as he thinks.

“No… Maybe? I don’t know. And I’m terrified to find out, because it isn’t like I can do anything about it even if it is. And what if he doesn’t feel that way, and I ruin everything… all over some stupid online crush. I can hide it when we message, but if I’m talking to him face-to-face…” He trails off, but Izzy gets the gist. There’s a reason he hasn’t gotten close to anyone he felt an actual connection to the past few years, a reason he snuffs out any sparks the moment they exist.  Alec might have a good poker face most of the time, deflecting with eye rolls and smirks and snark, but when he cares about someone there’s no hiding it. There’s no stopping it. It’s in everything he does.

“You’re afraid it’ll be obvious, and he won’t be interested.” To his surprise, Izzy smiles a little. “Alec, that’s just _life_. People get turned down. It happens all the time. You could still be friends.”

“Yeah, well, you can’t be turned down if you never put yourself out there in the first place.” He points out matter-of-factly.

“Oh yes, and you’ve been so happy hiding away all this time,” Izzy says, not hiding the biting sarcasm.

Thankfully, Alec is spared starting another fight with his sister over talking to their parents when the door opens and an older man wanders inside looking for a gift for his wife. Izzy shoots him a look that says this clearly isn’t over, but he manages to avoid any further discussion for the rest of the morning despite the relatively slow start it gets off to.

So slow, in fact, that they’re barely open a couple of hours before both Alec and Izzy are stifling yawns.

“Want me to make a coffee run?” Alec asks, already grabbing his wallet from the office and slipping it into his pocket. “I think today is a ‘second latte’ kind of day.”

“Yes, _please_ ,” Izzy begs.

“Just try to stay awake that long, alright? We don’t need anyone robbing the place while you nap in the office,” Alec calls out over his shoulder as he exits the store and turns down the street.

“Someone would have to come into the store to rob it,” Izzy mutters to herself. Slow days are her least favorite. Alec might not mind them because it means he gets to message Magnus all day in his down time, but  without customers to keep her busy Izzy grows restless too easily, tinkering with new pieces in the back, replacing stones, creating new settings. She comes out of the back workspace when the bell above the door dings, automatically assuming it’s just Alec returning with the coffee.

“If there isn’t an extra shot of espresso in mine this time--” she starts, pushing past the doorway from the backroom when her gaze falls on a man who is decidedly _not_ Alec. “Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else.”   
  
“Do you need me to come back with some espresso?” The man - who is very easy on the eyes in a simple pair of black skinny jeans and maroon button-down - asks, and Izzy smiles in response.

“No, my brother should be doing that any minute now.” She brushes her dress flat from any wrinkles that might have formed while she was sitting earlier. “Is there anything in particular I can help you with, Mr...?” Her demeanor shifts just slightly around customers - still charming and friendly, but with the edge of professional courtesy people expected in a high-end jewelry shop. Obviously the initial greeting was far from the best first impression to make on a potential customer, so she slips into immediate damage control.

“Bane,” The man says, too distracted by the stunning piece that caught his eye to think of skipping the formalities when it’s easier to just answer the question at hand. “The ring in the window display,” he says, circling over to it.

Izzy beams. “You have a good eye, Mr. Bane. We just got that one in this morning.” She moves easily behind the counter, heels muffled by the carpeting, grabbing a set of keys to unlock the display and pull out the ring in question. It’s an emerald set against black gold which makes the already stunning green gemstone take on deeper hues than it would set against a brighter silver. She hands it to him, watching his eyes immediately move to scan the price tag. He frowns, face scrunching up ever-so-slightly in internal debate. "Try it on," she urges. 

The man slips it onto his pointer finger but when the ring is too small settles for his pinky, simply to see how it looks on. Any doubts he had before fade immediately as he holds his arm out in front of him, admiring the piece against his skin - Izzy knows that look. She's seen it a million times before.

Izzy eyes his change in expression carefully when he looks back up at her. Their gaze meets and she breaks into an easy smile. “Judging by your reaction, I’m guessing you like it.”

“You could say that. Any chance you have this in a size 10?” Izzy follows his train of thought easily: something like this is a statement piece, not a pinky ring.

Izzy shakes her head, already moving back around the counter for a clipboard with a sheet of paper.  “Not on site, but I can have one here in 3 days, max.” She pauses, considering him for the briefest of moments before adding with a wink, “Two if you come back with a latte next time.” Mr. Bane laughs at that. “Just fill out your contact info and we’ll call you the moment it arrives.” She jots down a few numbers at the top and fills out a line or two before holding the clipboard out to him and waits. It only takes him one last glance down at the ring on his finger before he slides it off and hands it back to her with his right hand, taking the clipboard in his left.

“Alright,” he agrees.

“Wonderful!” Izzy beams, giving him space to fill out the form with the basics - name, address, phone number. He fills in the information and she takes the paper, placing it onto a small stack already present on the counter by the register. It’s only his contact info, nothing to go over and verify, so she leaves it for later. “Is there anything else I could help you with? We just received a stunning shipment of ruby pieces this morning as well--”

“No, thank you. I think I’m putting enough of a dent in my wallet for one week,” he says, but the smile on his face is easy. “I don’t suppose there’s a discount if I come back with a double espresso?”

Izzy laughs this time, a light, melodic sound. “I’ll see what I can do,” she says. “But no promises. Take my card in case you think of anything else, or if you don’t hear from me in a few days,” she says, walking over to a spot by the front of the store where their cards were -- only to remember she was still waiting on her backup shipment to come in. “Crap. Here, take one of my brother’s. The contact number and e-mail for the store are on here, and my name’s Isabelle.” She takes a pen and gracefully crosses out her brother’s name, writing ‘Isabelle’ in the space above it on the card with a playful smirk knowing just how annoyed Alec would be if he saw her defacing his card to make sure her name was there instead of just leaving his.

Magnus takes the card and slips it into his pocket without looking at it. “Will do, Isabelle.”

“I look forward to seeing you again soon, Mr. Bane.”

And with that the man leaves the store, and Isabelle goes back to waiting for Alec and, more importantly, her latte.

Alec returns a few minutes later, latte in hand, and the day settles back into routine. Once Izzy has her cup he has one hand free to reply to the message he got on the way back here.

 

 **LookingForAlecL:** I shouldn’t be allowed to go window shopping.  
**RunesAndRings:** What’s the damage?   
**LookingForAlecL:** Nothing too tragic, but also nothing I actually needed. I never could resist the pretty things in life.  
**RunesAndRings:** Why would you want to? ;)  
**LookingForAlecL:** I think I’m a bad influence on you - you’re growing more liberal with your emojis by the day.  
**RunesAndRings:** Is that bad? You and my sister use them so often I figured it was just what people do.  
**LookingForAlecL:** There’s nothing wrong with it! I was simply observing.  
**LookingForAlecL:** … ;)

 

Alec smiles at his phone while simultaneously shaking his head, putting it away to speak to a customer when he hears the bell chime above the door. The moment they’re gone he checks the missed message he felt vibrate in his pocket, ignoring the pointed look Izzy shoots him from across the store.

 

 **LookingForAlecL:** You know, I should probably change this screen name at some point, since I already found you.  
**LookingForAlecL:** More or less.  
**RunesAndRings:** What would you change it to?  
**LookingForAlecL:** I don’t know. I’ll sleep on that and let you know if something brilliant comes to me.   
**RunesAndRings:** Sleeping already?   
  
Alec looks at his watch. It’s barely after noon.   
  
**LookingForAlecL:** Yes. Sadly, the internet attention died down and I’m back to living in relative obscurity. Work deemed it suitable for me to return and I have two days to get back into the habit of sleeping during the day to wake up for my dear old friend the graveyard shift.

 

Alec frowns. This means he’ll won’t be able to talk with Magnus as often, and while he knows that it’s better he has a job to go back to, a very selfish part of him can’t help but feel a pang of bitterness at the news that the easy patterns he finds himself falling into lately are about to be shaken once more. Not in any major way, but still. It always seems to happen the moment he begins to feel comfortable with where he is. It’s like the universe _knows_ the moment he starts to feel comfortable.

He doesn’t say any of this, however. Instead he types:

 

 **RunesAndRings:** Get some rest. I’ll talk to you later.

 

before closing his phone and going back to work.

The day passes by with little fanfare. Things pick up a little more in the afternoon but it’s an easy day overall. They’re almost ready to close up for the night and Izzy is just wrapping up entering the last of the orders from today into the computer before they can leave. Alec’s shutting the lights off in the back office when he hears her call his name; there’s something strange about the tone of her voice that he can’t quite place and it sets him on edge.

“Iz? What’s up?”

“Okay, first of all, you have to promise not to overreact.”

“...well, nothing good ever starts that way.” He says, trying to laugh but the sound is too sharp with nerves after hearing that particular phrase come from his sister’s mouth. “What is it?”  Isabelle always gets straight to the point no matter what she’s talking about. She never draws things out like this unless it’s bad.

“Alright. Well. I was going through the contact forms from earlier. While you were grabbing coffee someone came in to look at one of the display rings. We didn’t have in his size, so I said I’d order it. No big deal. I didn’t even look back over the form until just now, but...”

“Isabelle, you’re rambling. You never ramble. Just spit it out already.”   
  
Instead of replying she slides the contact form across the counter. He glances at it, expecting to see some glaring error, but everything looks to be filled out properly. Invoice number, item code, name, address, pho--

His eyes dart back up to the name scrawled at the top of the form. Magnus. Magnus Bane.

“Do you think it was him?” She asks as he glances briefly up at her before his eyes return to the paper.

Alec just stares at it a little while longer in silence, bringing a finger up to the lettering on the page to run along the name. It couldn’t be. What are the chances?! And yet -

“How many other Magnus B.’s can there be in Brooklyn?” He lets out a long, shaky breath. Magnus was here. Magnus was standing right here, in his shop. But Alec hadn’t been there when Magnus was. Magnus didn’t see him, so there’s still a chance he’s in the clear. “Did he say anything? Does he know?”

Isabelle bites down on her lower lip. “I don’t think he did when he came in here. He certainly didn’t act like it. But…”

“But what?” Alec braces himself for whatever she’s building up to.

“My cards haven’t come in yet. They’re still on back-order, so I… well, I gave him one of yours.”

“Shit.” Alec brings both hands up to rub at his face and leaves them there for a long moment.

If Magnus didn’t know who he was before, he certainly does now.  

As if on cue his phone vibrates to life in his pocket.

 

~*~

 

Magnus forgets about the business card for most of the day, and is about to throw it unceremoniously into the wash along with his jeans until the small rectangle of cardstock falls out of his pocket and onto the floor as he grabs them out of the hamper. He bends over to retrieve the small, off-white card. He hadn’t even looked at it earlier, but now he takes a moment to glance over the perfectly embossed lettering of the words ‘Lightwood Jewelers’, with the phone number and e-mail underneath, and in the center the name of the man Magnus assumed was Isabelle’s brother, crossed out and--

\--Alexander.

The name is still clearly legible through the black dash below Isabelle’s own inked-in moniker. If it were Isabelle’s card he may not have thought twice about the connection. Isabelle Lightwood. Izzy. The familiarity of the name is there in the back of his mind but it isn’t enough. What _is_ enough is to see that name scrawled in pen directly above the name Alexander. Alexander and Isabelle. Alec and Izzy. Siblings working together in the same city he lives in…

Alexander Lightwood.  
Alec L.  
_Alec.  
_ _His Alec._

Magnus’ brain goes from moving much too quickly to stopping entirely. One moment the pieces are falling together, stringing themselves into one coherent series of revelations with such rapid succession it’s enough to make his head spin. And then he freezes, stopping entirely as an entirely new realization hits him.

He stood in Alec’s shop. He spoke to his sister. Alec was only out getting coffee, Magnus couldn’t have missed him by more than a few minutes. He’d been so close. _They were so close._

Did Alec realize? He left his name at the shop when he filled out the form, but maybe Alec hadn’t seen it. If Isabelle handled the paper work, maybe she didn’t make the same connection he had.

As if all of that isn’t enough, another realization strikes him, this one hitting the hardest. Alec doesn’t want him to know any of this; not his name, not his number, not where he works and where to find him most of the week. Magnus can take his name to facebook right now and probably find him within seconds. He can get all the pictures he wants, see who his friends are, hell, probably even look up his address if he’s persistent enough.

 _Shit_.

He didn’t ask for any of this, but now that he has it he can’t help but feel like even just knowing his name is an invasion of the privacy Alec practically begged him to keep no more than 48 hours before.

He knows what he wants to do. What he _wants_ to do is look him up anyway, just for a second, to see the guy he’s been growing increasingly engrossed in with every passing day. What he _wants_ to do is pick up the phone and call the number on the card, to finally hear a voice on the other end. He knows what he _wants_ to do.

...and he knows what he _needs_ to do. He isn’t entirely convinced if it’s wrong or right, and he certainly can’t predict how Alec is going to react. All he knows is that he can’t keep this to himself, and so he trusts his gut. Maybe he’s wrong. Maybe all of his is just one ridiculous series of coincidences, and they’ll have a good laugh over it later. Maybe Alec will deny it, even if it really is him. There’s only one way to find out.

Magnus takes a picture of the card on his phone and sends the image to Alec.

 

 **LookingForAlecL:** Good evening, Alexander. I think we need to talk.  

 

He waits, aware of his heart beating way too fast in his chest and the tremor in his hands when his phone dings and he swipes open the messenger to read Alec’s reply.

  
**RunesAndRings:** I think you’re right, Mr. Bane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I'd be cruel enough to have them not find out AGAIN did you? 
> 
> I am, however, cruel enough for another cliffhanger. 
> 
> As always, I hope you're enjoying the story, comments and kudos are always appreciated, and I'll see you all next week! <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has some quick decisions to make - now that Magnus knows who he is and where to find him, is there really any reason not to meet? Will Alec finally put aside his fears for something he wants?

“Fuck.” The color drains from Alec’s face at the image Magnus sends him. His business card, with the address and phone number of the store, his personal work e-mail, and his _full name_ . He practically slams his phone down at the sight, unable to look away fast enough. “ _FUCK!”_

“Alec, calm down.” Isabelle tenses beside him. His phone is on the countertop and she sees the picture, wincing slightly at the outburst which catches her by surprise.

“Really, Izzy? You’re going to tell me to _CALM DOWN_ right now?! After everything I did to keep anything personal from slipping out, you’re going to tell me not to freak out now that he knows _where I work?!”_  Alec drops his head into his hands and rubs the length of his face against his palms. “Not to mention my full name. He’ll know I’m a _Lightwood_. He’s probably looking me up on facebook right now. He’ll see every terrible photo of me that ever existed.”

“Okay, one, stop saying _Lightwood_ like it’s a curse. Not _everyone_ knows our parents, and you’re not them. Neither of us are.” Izzy sounds defensive and Alec cringes. He knows he isn’t the only one to suffer at the hands of their parents’ judgment. In fact, as his own ‘shortcomings’ are still mostly a secret, Isabelle is the only one who openly dealt with them at all during her unapologetic college years, never quite the ‘face of the next generation of Lightwoods’ they wanted their children to be.

“Sorry, Iz. I know. I’m just… shit, this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I know this isn’t ideal, but it’s done. It’s out there. And now you need to reply to him. Maybe he isn’t doing any of that! You made it pretty clear you didn’t want him to know, so…” She shrugs, trying to think of the best case scenario to calm him down.

It works.

At this suggestion - one that honestly hadn’t even crossed his mind as a possibility - Alec looks up, daring to feel a little more hopeful. “Really? Because I’m not going to lie, I’m about 2 seconds away from pulling up Facebook myself…” He has the same information now. A name, a phone number, an address. Magnus Bane. It would be so easy to go back on everything he said before and do the very thing he tried to avoid this entire time.  

“You won’t know until you ask him about it,” Izzy points out, glancing between Alec and his phone.

Alec nods, taking a deep, steadying breath before typing out his reply, eyes darting momentarily back to the paper on the counter.   _‘I think you’re right, Mr. Bane’_ . It is a much calmer reaction than he feels at the moment, an almost flirtatious challenge countering his ‘Alexander’ with ‘Bane’ to point out that they’re on the same even ground here. That’s the beauty of the internet. He can seem much different than he truly is. Like now, replying to Magnus in this casually playful manner when what he actually wants to do is attempt to flee the city entirely and never return.  


**LookingForAlecL:** Are you still at the shop?  
**RunesAndRings:** Yes. Why?  


His answers are short, clipped and tense. This isn’t the comforting back-and-forth he grew so used to these past weeks; every word feels like he’s stepping into a minefield, something to be carefully navigated before one misstep could ruin everything. Alec wonders why he’s asking and dreading the obvious answers. Is he going to call? Is he coming back? Who knows how close Magnus might live, he could be right down the block for all Alec knew. That thought sends a new wave of panic through him - he didn’t plan for this. He isn’t ready.   


**LookingForAlecL:** Your sister is as charming as she is gorgeous Tell Isabelle I say hello, if she’s still there with you, and that I won’t forget that double espresso I definitely owe her now. ;)   


Alec reads the words - which catch him by surprise - and repeats them to Izzy as she finishes typing Magnus’ information into the computer system. She laughs at Alec, a wide grin settling easily across her features. “Oh Alec, are you in for a treat. He says I’m charming? He’s twice as dazzling as me, and handsome as _hell_ -”

“No, stop right there. I don’t want to know.” Alec says in a rush to cut her off.   


**RunesAndRings:** I don’t think she’ll ever turn down caffeine in the morning. Also stop giving her compliments, now nothing will bring her ego down.  
**LookingForAlecL:** And what about you? Does being staggeringly attractive run in the family?   


Alec flushes. Izzy catches it and raises an eyebrow, and Alec shows her the message. He might as well, it isn’t as if he’s keeping any of this a secret from her at this point.

“...and what part of you thinks he isn’t interested, again?” Izzy asks with no lack of sarcasm.

Alec wants to make a joke, to keep the banter light, but he needs answers first or he’s going to go insane wondering. .   


**RunesAndRings:** I don’t know, you tell me. After how quickly you found me with just Alec L., I can’t imagine it took you long to look me up with a full name at hand.   


He does is best to play it off as a casual assumption. It’s fine. It’s done. There’s nothing he can do but roll with it now and try to salvage what little--  


**LookingForAlecL:** Actually, I haven’t.  
**RunesAndRings:** What?   
**LookingForAlecL:** All I did since I connected the dots was message you. I meant what I said yesterday morning - I’m not going to do something I know will make you uncomfortable. You didn’t mean for me to get this information, it seemed… I don’t know, unfair? Invasive?   


Alec stares at the message in disbelief.   


**LookingForAlecL:** I’m not going to to lie and say the thought didn’t cross my mind, because it did. It still is, actually, and it continues to do so at an annoyingly intrusive frequency that I’m not sure will ever end. But if you don’t want me too then I won’t. You don’t need to worry.  


Alec has to imagine it’s entirely possible that Magnus Bane is the only person who would follow through on that sort of restraint for him. They don’t even know each other properly, and yet here he is denying his own curiosity for the sake of Alec’s perceived comfort.

For how long? How long until he gives in and looks up his name, seeing press photos of Alec standing next to his father at staunchly conservative functions, or his family hosting benefits for well-known public figures who stand against everything Alec believes in. How long until he caves and ends up forming opinions on Alec based on his family name alone without knowing _him_ personally, all because Alec refuses to give him that chance? Alec never mentioned his family to Magnus outside of Izzy for a reason, and that reason is the distance he’s tried so hard to put between himself and his family’s prejudices all these years.   


**RunesAndRings:** Thanks, Magnus. That means a lot to me, I really appreciate it.  
**LookingForAlecL:** But  


It’s just one word, but it’s enough catch his breath in his chest in anticipation of the rest.   


**LookingForAlecL:** Doesn’t this feel like it’s some sort of sign? Fate? Like you could drop 100 pennies on the ground right now and they’d all fall face up because this is simply the will of the universe and who are we to argue? I know you wanted to keep this exact thing from happening, but if there’s such a thing as destiny you have to admit this feels a lot like it, especially after everything that brought us to this point.   
**RunesAndRings:** Or, one could argue, if there’s such a thing as destiny I wouldn’t have been on a coffee run this morning.   


Alec is stalling. “Help.” He slides his phone over to Izzy with the desperate plea, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck as he thinks.

Izzy glances over the messages. “Oh my god will you two just get married already,” her tone is exasperated but her smile betrays any actual feigned annoyance. “Also I can’t help you if you’re just going to keep shooting yourself in the foot. You know each other’s names. You have each other’s phone numbers. He knows where you work, and he’s going to be back here in two days to get his ring.”

“I’ll be sick that day,” he interjects.

“You most certainly will not,” Izzy’s tone is pointed. “I’m not saying I believe in this destiny nonsense but it does seem pretty inevitable at this point, so why not just get it over with instead of stressing about it for the next, what? Couple of days? Weeks? How long were you really planning on avoiding this?”

“...ideally forever?” Alec offers, giving his sister a half-hearted twitch of a smile.

“He might have good intentions; hell, maybe he’s a better person than I’m giving him credit for, but if it were me? I’d last two, maybe three days tops, before I give in and look you up anyway.” She shrugs, and he feels any long-term optimism he might still have fade with that casual reaction.

Alec sighs. “That's what I'm afraid of.” More afraid of than meeting and having Magnus hate him? That's the real question now.

So what can he do? Take the risk, and meet him… Tonight? He isn't ready for this today. He needs time to think. Alec is a planner and a strategist at heart, but he can think on the fly when he doesn't let panic freeze him up.   


**LookingForAlecL:** Touché.   


Alec’s eternally grateful that Magnus is so understanding. That he’s patient with all of this, even when it isn’t what he wants and even when it goes directly against how he wants to see things play out between them. Alec knows this. As clear as he’s made his own feelings on the matter, Magnus made his own equally clear. But he’s bending for him, making allowances and compromising his own wants in favor of catering to Alec’s.

Which seems like a damn shame all of a sudden, considering the fact that Alec actually wants the same thing, he’s just too afraid to take the risk to get it.  


**RunesAndRings: …** the billboard tomorrow, in Times Square. Have you heard about it?  
**LookingForAlecL:** Yeah, it’s been all over the fanpages, kind of hard to miss. What about it?  
**RunesAndRings:** Are you going?  


Alec can’t remember the last time he felt his heart beat so quickly in his chest. He feels the tension pull in his shoulders, unease knotting in his stomach while he fidgets back and forth, weight shifting from foot to foot. He has an idea. Whether or not it’s a good idea he’ll have to wait and see.

“Alec? What’s wrong?” Izzy reads his sudden anxiety spike clearly, standing up to walk beside him so she can read the chat on his phone as it happens. She does so slowly, moving deliberately enough that he can close it or move away if he doesn’t want her to know. He does neither.

 **  
LookingForAlecL:** I wasn’t going to, honestly. Why… are you? 

 

Alec looks over at Izzy as the realization dawns on her.

“You _just_ said you didn’t want to meet him. You nearly broke your phone when you slammed it down on the counter, and now… what? Are you really going to do this?”

“I thought you wanted me to!” Any resolve Alec held the moment before fades with his sister’s uncertainty.

“I _do_ ,” she says, biting down on her lip. “But only if _you_ want to. If you aren’t ready don’t force it just because of all this. I don’t want you doing anything you’re uncomfortable with, Alec.”

He only hesitates for a second before shaking his head. “No, you’re right. It’s only a matter of time. It can catch me off guard, or I can control the narrative.” He takes another deep breath and types.   


**RunesAndRings:** I think I could be persuaded to make the trip to Times Square with the right company.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Oh, did I say I wasn’t going? I meant I _was_ going. I am definitely, 1000% going to be there. Under that billboard. At exactly 2:30.   


Alec looks over at Izzy again, the realizing the time. “I know it’s the middle of the day, if you need me at the shop I can-”

 **“** Oh no you don’t, _hermano_. There’s no way you’re using me as an excuse now. Go meet your man.”

“He’s not-- nevermind.”

He starts to type a few times, deleting everything that comes out as soon as he writes it. A simple ‘see you there’ doesn’t seem enough for the gravity of this moment: the moment he decides to go against everything he let his own fears decide he _needed_ to do to finally do the thing he _wanted_ to do this whole time.

 **  
RunesAndRings** : Maybe you have a point about fate, because I believe I’ll be there, too. What a coincidence.   
**LookingForAlecL:** Does this mean I can find you on FB now?  
**RunesAndRings:** No. I mean, I can’t stop you but I’d really prefer you don’t until after we meet. Please?   


He doesn’t want Magnus forming any sort of impression about him before they meet and he has a chance to get ahead of things. He supposes, for all his attempts to be nothing like his family, he clearly inherited those Lightwood damage control instincts.   


**LookingForAlecL:** You must have some _seriously_ embarrassing social media.  
**RunesAndRings:** Yeah, something like that.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Alright then. No looking you up yet. In fact, let’s take this ~air of mystery~ up a notch, shall we?  
**RunesAndRings:** ...I’m listening.  
**LookingForAlecL:** I was going to say we should at least send each other pictures beforehand, so we know who we’re looking for. But what if we just say what we’ll be wearing and go in totally blind until we’re staring each other down on the streets of NYC?   


Izzy laughs at his side and Alec gives a start - he forgot she was there. “You sure found yourself a fun one, didn’t you?” She smiles, shaking her head. “Though I suppose there’s no denying his flair for dramatics ever since he started a hashtag for you.”

Alec huffs out a laugh. “I guess not,” he agrees, still considering the suggested plan before sending his response.   


**RunesAndRings:** Okay. I’m in.  
**LookingForAlecL:** Wonderful! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an ensemble to put together. And don’t think I forgot that you owe me a coffee, Alexander! First one’s on you, remember?  
**RunesAndRings:** Of course. :)    


Alec locks his phone and sets it down, taking a few seconds to stare at the now-black screen and process what just happened.

“Looks like you got yourself a date tomorrow,” Izzy wastes no time chiming in, breaking the quiet of his reverie.

“It isn’t a date,” he says with an eye-roll that is becoming much too frequent an occurrence during talks with his sister.

“Uh-huh. If the way you went from 0 to 100 today is any indication, your not-date won’t stay that way for very long.”

“Let’s just finish up and get out of here,” Alec says, grabbing the invoices on the desk. He pauses with his eyes on Magnus’ again and opens his phone.

Typing the phone number from his form into a new contact - Magnus B. - he pulls up his texts and starts a new message.   


**I suppose there’s no harm in having each other’s numbers now. Anything to get off of that ridiculous messenger. I hope this is alright? ~Alec  
**

Alec hits send after a brief hesitation, wondering if taking his personal number from the invoice is crossing a line.   


**M: Oh what a relief! Now I can finally delete that app from my phone. I was only using it to message you and I** **_hated_ ** **it. You’re an angel.  
**

He isn’t sure what to say to that, and thankfully Magnus spares him the mental torment of crafting a reply by texting him again almost immediately.   


**M: Now stop texting and get back to work before you have to fire yourself.  
**

He takes the easy out and closes his phone, setting about the last day’s closing tasks with a small, content smile, eager to get home for the first time in a long time.

And why wouldn’t he be? After all, he has what is most definitely not-a-date tomorrow to prepare for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, a proper scene ending for the first time in forever! ;) We got a little glimpse into Alec's family this chapter but it's definitely not the last we'll hear - or see - of them! 
> 
> I can't wait to hear all of your thoughts on this update, as well as speculations for the MUCH ANTICIPATED MEETING! <3 Thanks for reading!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it a date? Is it not a date? When Magnus’ friends already know a bit about the Lightwoods Magnus does his best to keep himself from forming premature opinions. Meanwhile, Alec unwittingly looks for some unbiased advice from what is quite possibly the single most biased source

Magnus saves the new contact number as ‘Alexander’ before closing his phone and slumping down into the nearest armchair. Chairman Meow comes over instantly, rubbing against his ankles and then jumping up onto his lap when he’s ignored. 

“Hey there, Chairman,” Magnus says, giving the cat a slow pet. He’s still moving in a bit of a daze, honestly. “Guess who has a date tomorrow?” Chairman Meow meows at him, and Magnus shakes his head. “We’re meeting and getting coffee… of course that’s a date. Isn’t it?” He pauses, both in his thinking and the petting which earns an indignant whine from the cat. “...well, either way, I finally get to  _ meet _ him. And no matter what it technically is, at least it’s  _ that _ .” 

Satisfied with that conclusion, Magnus picks back up with a few more behind-the-ear scratches before standing abruptly from the armchair, his cat leaping off of his lap and onto the floor with the motion. “Come on, Chairman. I have an outfit to plan and I need opinions.” He spends thirty minutes sifting through his closet, picking out his personal favorites and laying them out carefully on the bed to survey. When he turns back around he finds Chairman Meow walking in a circle before settling down on on his black and white AllSaints button-down, the white pattern an almost checkered one throughout. Simple, but fashionable. A crisp clean statement piece without being too overboard for a first meeting. 

“You’re a genius, Chairman. Of course that’s the perfect choice. Now get off of it.” Magnus grabs the shirt, giving it a shake before he hangs it back in the closet, keeping it near the front to snap a photo and send it to Alec.   
  


**M: I’ll be wearing[this](https://wornontv.net/66902/) tomorrow.  
**   


There’s no response for a while, and then he receives a reply with a photo attached. A black and white horizontal striped sweater.   
  


**A: I don’t have much that isn’t solid or just black, so[this](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/69/0e/9b/690e9bc7868616ecc51760dedf230005.jpg) is probably my most identifiable shirt. **   
  


He doesn’t add in the shrug emoji but Magnus can feel the implication. He tries to imagine a wardrobe so boring it’s full of nothing but solid dark colors. He can’t relate, nor would he ever want to.   
  


**M: Look at that, black and white, we’re already matching ;)  
** **A: Oh, we are, aren’t we? I didn’t think about that. I can pick something different.  
** **M: No, it’s fine! I like the sweater. Keep it.  
** **A: Alright.  
**   


Magnus shakes his head. Among his other imaginings he tries to picture Alexander, in all of his solid-shirt glory, so worried over the sweater he’s going to wear that he debates scrapping the outfit entirely after a single off-handed comment (which, Magnus realizes with a sigh, he meant to be vaguely flirtatious and was  _ clearly _ not taken as such). Alec seems so eager to do and say the  _ right _ thing all of the time that Magnus wonders if he ever stops analyzing every little detail to just live a little. 

He supposes he may get an answer to that tomorrow. 

Knowing full well that he’s about to ruin his sleep schedule for starting work again, Magnus texts Ragnor and Cat to meet him at the cafe after their shift the next morning, and then also texts Alec goodnight, before going to bed early. Meeting Alec with bags under his eyes is simply not an option. 

 

~*~

 

When the morning comes he finds the chill in the air a bit stronger than he anticipated. Throwing on a light jacket and a scarf that serves more as a statement piece in deep crimson than something actually worn for warmth he heads out to meet his friends. 

He gets there first and has three drinks already sitting on the table when Cat and Ragnor arrive. 

“Alright, spill. Your texts were infuriatingly vague.” Ragnor tells him, and Magnus smirks at the inferred admittance that he cares enough to be curious. 

“I’m meeting him today.” Magnus says, and cuts off the immediate outcries of confusion and disbelief with a full recount of yesterday’s events. 

“Lightwood?” Ragnor repeats with a frown at the end of the story. 

“Yes, that’s what the card said. Why? Do you know him?” Magnus wonders how much of that answer he actually wants. 

“Not personally, but his family is pretty well known… mostly for being a bunch of pretentious, prejudiced jerks. Pretty sure they single-handedly got Valentine Morgenstern into office last election. They’re fundraising for Aldertree right now. I could probably find the article where--” Ragnor is already reaching into his pocket for his cell phone. 

“--no, no. Just stop right there. I promised Alec I wouldn’t look into him before we met, I think that’s more than enough for now.” Now it’s Magnus’ turn to frown, because that is not at all what he expects to hear after his conversations with Alec and his brief encounter with Isabelle. He hasn’t  thought too hard about it but now that Ragnor mentions it the name is familiar, he just doesn’t pay enough attention to those sorts of things to remember any details. 

“No wonder he didn’t want you searching his name” Cat muses, and Magnus wonders if that really is the reason. 

“And here I thought he might be a 70 year old guy trying to catfish you, when in reality he’s just an Old Money Conservative.” Ragnor pauses. “I’m not sure which is worse.” 

“Guys, stop. I don’t want to know anything more about him or his family until I meet him. Alec isn’t… he isn’t like that. At  _ all _ . And I’d like to think you two have been friends with me long enough to know that we aren’t all our fathers.” Magnus’ voice drops almost dangerously low at that causing Cat and Ragnor to both look down and away for a moment. 

“Sorry,” Ragnor mutters. 

“It’s fine,” Magnus says, almost more of a reflex than an actual acceptance of the apology. “I know you’re just trying to look out for me. Don’t worry, I’m remaining cautiously optimistic, but I’m not stupid. I’m not showing up expecting love at first sight or anything.” 

Catarina laughs from behind her coffee cup, taking a long, appreciative sip. “Does he know you’re hopelessly crushing on him?” 

Magnus shakes his head. “I don’t think I’ve been particularly subtle about it, but I also don’t think he caught on at all. Which is fine. This isn’t a date.” 

“Uh-huh,” Ragnor says. “You’re just meeting the guy you’ve been talking to obsessively the past few weeks for coffee. Nothing about that sounds like a date at all.” 

“People can have  _ friends _ , Ragnor. We’re having coffee right now, and unless there’s a polyamorous offer you and Cat have neglected to extend to me, I’m pretty certain this is not a date.” Magnus hesitates, a small smile on his face. “In an entirely unrelated question, what do you think of this shirt?” He stands up and shrugs off the jacket and scarf, doing a full turn. 

Ragnor rolls his eyes and goes back to his coffee while Catarina huffs out a laugh. “I think you look stunning, as always.” And then, in a way only Catarina is capable of, she sees the hint of nerves and uncertainty behind his bravado and says exactly what he needs to hear. “He’s going to love you, Magnus. He’d be a fool not to.” 

“Thanks, Cat.” He spares a glance at Ragnor. “You too, I guess.” He knows that the pair of them will kill time with him until later if he asks them to but he can see the exhaustion in both of their faces after a long overnight shift and decides to cut them a break. “I’m going to head out. Run some errands since it’s back to work and all tomorrow night. I’ll text you later and let you know how it goes.” 

Magnus watches them leave before settling back in his chair. He has no real plans for the next couple of hours and he’s far too close to Lightwood Jewelers for his own self-control, so he decides to head into the city early and wander until it’s time to meet Alec. 

It gives him plenty of time to think. He knows Alec is being unnecessarily secretive, and while he thought it’s just personal insecurity it’s almost a relief to know it might not be Alec at all, but his family, that he is trying to keep Magnus from learning about. Shitty fathers is a Bane specialty. He thinks of a million questions he wants to ask and promptly dismisses each of them - this is not first meeting conversation material. 

He's surprised to find that's he's actually a lot more nervous than he thought he'd be. Part of him blames Ragnor for planting the doubt that maybe Alec isn’t going to be anything like what he’s expecting... What if this really does backfire somehow and they hate each other? It's unlikely, he reasons. Almost impossible based on how well they got along online. But the slim chance is still there and it's enough to make his stomach knot up the closer it gets to 2:30. 

Maybe he shouldn't have been so overly confident during all those chats with Alec. Maybe it would've helped for Alec not to think he’s the only one unsure of all this, because Magnus, while eager, is still nervous. He thought he was helping both of them by appearing over-confident and bold but maybe he did the opposite...

He wanders some shops and tries not to think about it too much, finally ducking into a coffee shop for a small herbal tea to calm his nerves before he needs to head over to Times Square. Soothing chamomile in hand, Magnus turns to leave the small shop when he sees an unexpected familiar face at a table in front of him. Tall, Dark and Handsome from the coffee shop/club, sitting in a black jacket by himself at a table by the door, staring intently out the window. He could walk right by and he’d never notice, but something about that faraway gaze draws Magnus in and he’s slowing by the table before he realizes what he’s even doing. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Magnus says, dropping a copper coin onto the table in front of him with a cling. The guy nearly jumps out of his seat, so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even see Magnus walk up to the table. Magnus quirks an eyebrow. “...a little jumpy today, are we?” 

The guy gives a nervous laugh, tension and anxiety obvious by the catch in his breath. “A little. Sorry. I’m just a little nervous.” 

“Oh?” Magnus asks curiously. No better way to take his mind off his own problems than hearing someone else’s. 

“It’s just…” the man starts, but shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s fine.” 

Magnus can take a hint. “Well, I should be off anyway,” he says, turning to leave. 

“Wait!” Magnus turns at the word. “Actually…” The man hesitates then motions to the seat across from him. “Do you have a second? From what hazy bits of that night at the club I can remember you gave  some pretty good advice, and I could use an unbiased opinion right now.” 

Magnus checks the time, makes sure he’s still significantly early, and pulls out the empty chair. “I’m all ears.” 

“Alright, so I’m meeting this guy I’ve been talking to online. It’s only been a few weeks, but there are  _ definite _ hints of flirting… I think. But I don’t want to go into this assuming it’s a date if it isn’t… but I don’t want to go in acting detached and uninterested if it  _ is _ .” 

Magnus frowns at the coincidence of the nearly identical scenarios they both seem to be facing that day. It has to be a coincidence, right? He doesn’t say anything at first, but instead stares intently at the man in front of him, the small seed of possibility planted in his thoughts. Thankfully he doesn’t have to say anything yet as the man rambles on. 

“Should I  _ ask _ if it’s a date? Is that… I don’t know. I haven’t met anyone new like this since college. Hell, I haven’t  _ dated _ since college. Do you think that would ruin things? If it were you, and you made plans to meet up with some guy who had to come out and  _ ask _ at the start if it was a date, how entirely off-putting would that be?” The guy fidgets in his seat, shifting and rubbing at the back of his neck. 

Magnus realizes that he’s waiting for a reply and tears his gaze away from his jacket which he’s looking at intently, wishing he has x-ray vision to see the shirt underneath, because it  _ couldn’t be… _ “I wouldn’t mind, personally,” Magnus finally manages. “Better to be on the same page, after all. Unless he defers to whatever you want it to be. And then you’re both stuck in one of those loops of politeness where neither wants to be the one to define things in case it isn’t what the other wants.” 

The taller man looks horrified at the concept. “Oh my god I hadn’t even considered that.” He looks even more anxious now, if that’s possible, and starts unbuttoning his jacket to shrug it off, probably hoping to feel a little less restricted without the extra weight. It isn’t even fully off before Magnus feels his heart stop dead.

He’s wearing the sweater. The black and white striped sweater from the photo Alec sent him. The man in front of him, not sure if the friend from the internet he’s meeting up with is a date or not, is Alexander Lightwood. 

It takes a few seconds for that realization to truly sink it. Alec is still talking the entire time he takes off his jacket and drapes it over the back of his chair. “He seems pretty confident, though... I don’t think that’ll be a problem. Not that he isn’t polite, but if this  _ is  _ a date I’m  _ pretty sure _ he’d say something if I bring it up. Hopefully.” The man -  _ Alec _ \- bites down on his lower lip in consideration before catching the look on Magnus’ face. “Are you alright?” 

Magnus freezes. The moments they met at the coffee shop and again at the club play through his head, trying to remember the exact words exchanged. How did he not realize? Were there hints? 

And then, with growing horror, what had he  _ said  _  that night at the club. He spoke of Alec vaguely  but he was definitely talking about him,  _ to him _ . What did he say…  _ trying to get someone off my mind _ ? He’s mortified at the idea of what Alec will think once he realizes all of that was about  _ him _ . He’s liable to walk right out of this cafe and never look back. 

“Hello?” Alec is looking at him with growing concern the longer he simply sits there and stares in silence. He should say something. He should tell him who he is. But on the heels of Alec's last statement the words that escape from his mouth aren't an admission but a question. 

“Do you want it to be a date?” Magnus blurts out. He knows this isn't fair. A small part of him wants to jump back in and stop Alec from answering it before he can't take it back, and he almost does... but the way Alec flushes slightly, ducking his head for a moment before answering with a noticeably softer look than his troubled expression before, stops him. He waits. 

“Yeah. I think I do.” Alec smiles,  _ God that smile,  _ and Magnus seems to snap out of his reverie. 

“Well that's a relief to hear,” Magnus breathes out, hands shaking slightly as he takes off his scarf and coat to reveal the black and white patterned shirt underneath, looking back up at Alec almost sheepishly if it wasn’t for the small smirk tugging at his lips. “Because so do I.” 

He waits for Alec to say something. Anything. Alec is staring at him, eyes darting between the shirt and Magnus’ face, and it looks like all of his effort is being channeled into remembering how to breathe. The longer he doesn't say anything the more worried Magnus grows that he made the wrong impulsive decision and managed to ruin everything before he even had a chance to begin. 

“You -” Alec finally starts, but snaps his mouth shut again, followed by more silence. 

“If it helps, at least now we won’t be stuck in a never-ending politeness loop?” Magnus suggests, hoping to keep a positive spin on this or at the very least break up the growing tension with some humor. When Alec continues to say nothing Magnus sighs. “Please don’t hate me?” He tries instead, wondering if he sounds as desperate as he feels. 

“Of course I don’t hate you, I don't think I could ever-” Alec cuts himself off leaving Magnus to guess at the very promising end of that sentence. Alec shakes his head slowly. His reply was so fast that Magnus has no doubt he means it and isn't just saying it to make him feel better. “Sorry, I’m just... It’s just a lot to process. How long did you know?”

“That you're, well,  _ you?  _ About 30 seconds. I only realized when you took the jacket off,” he admits.     
  
“...then how are you  _ not _ freaking out right now?” Magnus hears the edge to Alec’s voice loud and clear. 

“Oh, trust me, I am. I’m just naturally gifted at keeping a calm facade.” He can see Alec thinking, doing the same recount he just did over the conversations they had in the past without realizing just who they were conversing with… realizing how many times the other was  _ right there _ , right under their noses, without them having the slightest clue. Alec looks like he might start to panic: his lips are pressed tight together, hands clenched where they rest on the tabletop, breathing increasingly shallow. Not that he's looking at Alec's lips, or hands, or chest. Magnus thinks fast remembering what Alec admitted to him previously about overthinking and sabotaging himself.  _ Not today, Satan,  _ Magnus thinks to himself before jumping back in to fill the silence before it suffocates them. 

“Did we really meet  _ twice _ without exchanging names? How horribly impolite of us. It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Magnus.” Magnus says suddenly, hand shooting out across the table.  _ Please _ , he thinks.  _ Let it be this easy.  _

And it is. Like all their conversations before, even during an awkward moment here or there or a miscommunication, they always find their way back to a familiar rhythm, a sense of comfort and familiarity in one another. In this moment, Magnus waiting with his hand outstretched and Alec staring back at him as if seeing him for the first time, it’s obvious there’s no reason that ease shouldn’t carry over to the here and now. 

“Alec,” Alec says, reaching his own hand out to shake. Alec smiles wide, then so does Magnus, and suddenly the space between them settles into something much more comfortable. 

Still, Magnus has to ask, just to be certain. “So this is definitely not the first impression I expected to make... but we’re okay, right?” He has to at least consider the possibility that Alec's near-panic might be because he regrets agreeing to meet at all now. If he wants to leave, if he's uncomfortable, Magnus has no problems cutting this short. "Because if you'd rather not do this right now I unders-" 

Alec cuts him off with a quick, insistent shake of his head. "No, no, I'm good. We're good. Hell, It’d be a shame if we weren’t before our first date even properly started.” He's smiling again. 

“Speaking of, I believe we have a billboard to catch?” Magnus stands and gathers his coat and scarf up into his left arm, holding his right hand out, palm-up, waiting expectantly for Alec to take it. It’s an instinctive action, one he doesn’t even think twice about until he watches Alec’s eyes widen just enough to notice as he look at Magnus’ outstretched hand and hesitates. 

Oh, right. All the talk of dates and flirting almost made Magnus forget that Alec isn’t out yet. “Sorry, I forgot--” Magnus says quickly, already pulling his hand back when Alec reaches out and stops him by grabbing it in his own as he pushes himself up off the chair. He looks just as shocked as Magnus for a split-second before they’re both spilling out the door and into the busy streets of NYC. 

He can’t help but think Alec’s fingers fit so effortlessly between his own that they were meant to fill the spaces there forever.  _ That _ is a cheesy, Way-Too-Much statement he keeps resolutely to himself. 

“So, you’re a jeweler?” Magnus says instead. “Your store looks amazing, by the way. I can’t believe I never stopped in there before, I must’ve passed by dozens of times…” They talk the entire walk over to the billboard like old friends catching up after a few years apart, not like near-strangers who  _ technically _ just met. Magnus asks a few questions about Alec’s job now that it’s fair game, they pick up some topics they were discussing over text the day before - all light, safe topics. Simple. Easy. There will be plenty of time for the things that don’t fall in those categories later. 

Magnus has no solid reason to, but he has no doubt that there  _ will be _ a later. The realization makes him smile. 

The dynamic between them is different now, shifted by both the admittance that they were hoping this might be something  _ more _ as well as the fact that this is no longer just a stranger at a club, or a coffee shop, or someone behind a computer screen. Magnus isn’t reading detached letters off of a screen, he’s watching Alec’s face twist and scrunch into a million different reactions as he speaks and listens. He’s listening to the ring of laughter instead of hoping the sincerity behind an ‘lol’ is real. 

There are changes, yes. They can both feel it, but if prompted neither would be able to say exactly what those changes are. It’s still them; not better or worse, just  _ different _ .  

“I hope it lives up to all the hype,” Alec finally says as they come up on a rather impressive amount of people already gathered. Magnus watches his eyes dart to a few cameras set out, not to mention the number of phones pointed around the street, but he tries to look like he doesn’t care while Magnus feels a soft squeeze of his hand. “I donated more than I probably should’ve to this.” 

Magnus looks surprised. “You did? Well, now I feel bad for simply showing up to reap the benefits.” 

Alec shrugs. “It seemed like a cool idea, I wanted to make sure it happened so there was something near me to go see. Not like I could fly out to LA for the plane, or whatever I hear they’re planning in England. Speaking of, I saw some of the cast are reacting to posts about this, I wonder if any of them will--”  


Sometimes Magnus forgets that Alec’s passion for this show is the reason they met in the first place. Fitting that their first meeting - no, their  _ first date _ \- should be centered around The Hunt. Watching him talk about the cast and the fan movement and the characters is captivating; Alec’s entire face lights up, his hazel eyes seem brighter, he even drops Magnus’ hand to gesture with both of his own as he speaks with wide, sweeping motions in his enthusiasm. Magnus thinks he could listen to Alec go on like this forever, caught up in the excitement in his voice, when there’s a sudden cheer and the sound of clapping around them. 

The small crowd turns to look at the digital billboard and even Alec’s eager words fall off mid-sentence to gaze up in awe as the red symbol outlines, followed by the words ‘Save The Hunt’. All eyes are staring up at the screen, focused on yet another fandom accomplishment,  except two.  
  
Magnus’ eyes aren’t on the billboard; they’re on the man standing next to him.  Alec is conveniently unaware with his attention dutifully turned upward. He knows he should be looking up as well since the billboard  _ is  _ what they came here to see, but honestly, he’s enjoying this particular view much more... Especially now that the edges of Alec’s lips are curling up in a soft look of appreciation he probably isn’t even aware he’s making - the pure  _ joy _ of his expression is enchanting. So while everyone else’s gaze is focused upward Magnus’ eyes linger on Alec. He doesn’t know what everyone else is looking at - Magnus can’t imagine a more captivating sight than the one he’s currently taking in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know the IRL timeline of the campaign is not this. The billboard is much later than a few weeks and either way would leave this in summer but listen I NEEDED JACKETS FOR THIS TO WORK SO AU LIBERTY TAKEN we’re pretending it’s fall in this timeline, or like a really uncharacteristically cold summer day. >.> LET ME HAVE THIS ONE OKAY. <3 
> 
> Also HERE WE ARE. THEY MET. THEY KNOW. I’m definitely not brushing those conversations under the table - that’ll happen as their day continues next update! I wanted to put it all in this one but I had a wedding this past weekend and did a TON of traveling and started a second job this week, so just getting this much finished in time for a Thursday update was a small miracle. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the moment as much as I did! I'd love to hear thoughts, comments, critiques, incoherent keysmashing, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING in the comments or on twitter or Tumblr! <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First dates, fried pickles, and apologies.

Alec’s eyes are drawn up towards the billboard, watching in awe as the red outline takes a familiar shape and is met with cheers and applause from the crowd of fans around them. He joins in with a grin on his face, applauding the impressive efforts made by the fans of his favorite show to prove their dedication. It definitely feels nice to know he was a small part of making this happen. 

He’s still smiling when he finally looks away and catches Magnus’ eyes on him. “What?” He asks, smile turning down slightly. “Do I have something on my face?” Why else would Magnus just be staring at him like that? 

Magnus laughs, shaking his head slowly, and Alec only grows more confused as he brings a hand up to rub nervously over his mouth. “What?” He repeats. 

“Nothing,” Magnus says, pulling his gaze away from Alec to turn it toward the billboard. “It is pretty cool. So tell me, does it live up to the hype for you?” 

Alec debates his answer before giving it. “Yes,” he confirms finally. “Though I might be a little more excited for some other aspects of today. It has some solid competition if it wants to be the  _ highlight  _ of my day.” 

He doesn’t know when he got so bold. Something about Magnus draws it out of him, the way the other man never hesitates to say what’s on his mind and is always so unabashedly  _ himself _ . He noticed it while they were writing to one another but he wasn’t sure until now if it would transfer into their interactions in person. Alec is very pleased to find that it does, because he’s having  _ fun _ . He’s saying what’s on his mind, still a little afraid of it being the wrong thing, but never feeling the need to hide or change any of it, not even his terrible attempts at flirting.

“Well then, allow me to give that billboard a run for its money. What do you say to dinner and some actual drinks, since we accidentally did the coffee shop thing earlier?” Magnus proposes. 

Alec considers this change of plans for just a moment, and then nods. “Yeah, okay. Sounds good. I’m not really familiar with much in this area, though.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered. How do you feel about burgers?” Magnus asks, and if there was any sort of restaurant Alec was anticipating him suggesting, it certainly wasn’t a burger place. 

“Who doesn’t like a good burger?” Alec answers, turning to follow Magnus down the street. There’s only a moment of hesitation before their hands, close enough the first few steps to brush together at their sides, find their way together again. It makes Alec’s heart race not because it’s anything intimate or intense but because of the jolt of adrenaline he gets at the idea of someone potentially seeing him. It is a fear he can’t shake, try as he might, but one he does his best to ignore. 

“Is it far?” Alec asks a few minutes into their walk. He follows close behind Magnus. 

“Not at all. In fact,” Magnus says, rounding a corner. “Here we are.” The Counter - Custom Built Burgers. Through the glass windows Alec can see that the space inside is small, especially for a restaurant in the heart of NYC. There’s a small table in the corner free and Magnus pulls Alec towards it. Alec immediately decides he likes this place - he can see people rushing by the street just beyond the glass, but in here it’s like they hit pause on the hustle and bustle of the outside world. It’s nice. 

A waitress comes over to explain how ordering works: if they don’t want to order one of the burgers off the menu there’s a small clipboard with a checklist of ingredients to customize from, which is actually pretty cool. There are all the usual ingredients like lettuce and unions, and then things like scallions and pineapple and sauces Alec can’t imagine would actually taste appetizing, and yet reasons that they wouldn’t be there otherwise. The woman takes their drink order - Alec gets a beer while Magnus names something that sounds complicated from the menu of specialty cocktails - and asks about starters. 

“...how do you feel about fried pickles?” Magnus asks, and Alec scrunches up his nose.   
  
“Is this a test?” Alec challenges, quirking an eyebrow. 

The waitress laughs. Magnus says nothing, simply waiting expectantly for a yes or a no. 

“Alright, fried pickles it is,” Alec gives in. The waitress turns to leave and when Alec looks back across the table Magnus looks pleased with the decision. 

“Definitely a test, by the way. I get them every time I come here and if you weren’t willing to at least  _ try _ them I may have needed to reevaluate the potential of this date.” His gaze shifts back down at the burger menu but he’s smirking at the paper. 

“Is that right?” Alec asks, matching his grin. 

“Mmmhmm,” Magnus hums. 

“Any other dealbreakers?” 

“I’m letting the Blue Moon slide for now,” Magnus declares. “But just for you.” 

And though he’s pretty sure that Magnus is only joking with him he still feels a small swell of satisfaction over the ‘special treatment’. 

The drinks arrive and Alec realizes as Magnus begins to order his burger - Bison is Gouda, medium rare, complete with scallions and a sunny side up egg - that he’s been so wrapped up in his current company he hardly looked over the menu yet. Thankfully the first thing he sees sounds like heaven. 

“I’ll have the Breakfast Burger, well done,” he says as her eyes fall on him.    
  
Alec picks up his beer as the waitress leaves them alone again. “I’d say we should cheers, but given my history of spilling drinks…” Alec pauses. 

Magnus laughs. “I’m willing to risk it,” he says, lifting his own glass and tilting it forward, meeting Alec’s with a ‘clink’ over the middle of the table. “To third meetings and first dates.”   
  
Now it’s Alec’s turn laugh. “I still can’t believe… oh my god, I almost tried to talk you out of liking me that night at the club.” He realizes with no small amount of horror. 

“Thank goodness I didn’t listen to you. You give terrible advice.” 

“And to think I was jealous of the ‘guy buying you drinks’.” Alec blushes a little, doing  his best to hide it behind his glass by taking a long sip from his beer. “So when you said you were trying to get someone off your mind that night…” he ventures, not sure he’s ready for the answer. 

“...I was talking about you,” Magnus confirms without hesitation. Alec wonders, not for the first time that night, how Magnus manages to be so sure of himself. He isn’t sure he can admit how much of a crush he has on Magnus even now that he’s literally in the middle of a date with him.  “But what about you?” Magnus continues. “You said you were looking for someone that night but they stood you up.” 

Alec winces, chewing gently on his lower lip, gaze shifting anywhere but meeting Magnus’ eyes. “I said I was looking for someone,” he agrees. “You assumed I was stood up and I chose not to correct you.” He’s afraid there’s no way to explain why he went to the club that night without sounding like a total stalker, and that is not at all how he wants to start this date off.     
  
Suddenly there’s movement to the side of the table and the waitress returns with the appetizer. Alec is positive he’s never been more thankful for the existence of pickles in his entire life. 

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this that easily, Alexander,” Magnus says the moment the waitress walks away, reaching for a fried pickle and dipping it in the small cup of sauce on the plate. “I don’t care if you were there with some other guy, you know-” Magnus starts, but Alec shakes his head quickly.   
  
“No, no, it wasn’t that. It’s just…” Alec sighs, giving up any hope that he can get around this. “I was looking for you.” 

Magnus nearly chokes on a slice of pickle. “What?” 

“You sent that photo of the shirt you planned on wearing and mentioned you were going to a new club. I thought… well, I hoped it might be that one. So I asked Izzy if she wanted to go out and spent the whole time looking for that specific red shirt on someone.” 

“Chairman knocked over the bottle of wine I was cooking with and I spilled it down the front of my shirt when I tried to catch it,” Magnus recalls, shaking his head slowly in disbelief. “I had to change before I left.” 

A silence falls between them while Alec tries one of the pickle chips, and for a few moments the night at the club is put on the back burner. Magnus is, much to Alec’s amusement, very invested in his reaction to the food. “Oh, wow. They’re actually pretty good,” Alec finally declares. 

“Right?! This is easily the best current food fad. I hope it stays forever.” Magnus picks two up at once, forgoing the sauce this time before popping them directly into his mouth.  “Now please, continue with your thrilling explanation of how you very efficiently stalked me to a nameless club in the city via context clues, and remind me again why you aren’t putting these skills to better use as a police detective or something.” 

And even though Alec is afraid of him thinking that very thing, the tone of Magnus’ voice is soft and joking, and the light laugh he drifts off into puts Alec mostly back at east. 

“Yeah, well. It wasn’t a great plan. I have no idea what I would’ve done if I realized who you were. I probably would’ve just panicked and left, to be honest.”   
  
“You did that anyway,” Magnus points out, and when he starts laughing over it Alec is surprised to find that he joins in easily. 

Normally this would be the sort of comment he’d overthink - of all the things he said so candidly, the way he fled when he spotted Jace, there was a lot Magnus could be judging him for from that night. But as they talk and joke about it they’re making fun of themselves, yes, but not making fun of of  _ each other _ . It’s a slight distinction, Alec notes, but an important one, and neither one of them shies away from the absurd chain of events that brought them to right here, right now. 

It’s easy to forgive and forget the little missteps along the way knowing what it leads to in the end.  

They talk a little more about those encounters, with Alec telling Magnus about Izzy, and Magnus talking about his job and friends there. The conversations take place between bites of burgers and sips of drinks (which the waitress refills twice throughout the meal), and when the occasional silence falls between them it’s never once uncomfortable. 

Until the check comes. 

Alec reaches for the bill instinctively. 

“Let me get it,” Magnus offers. 

“No, it’s fine. First drinks are on me, after all. A deal’s a deal,” Alec decides against winking there, though he stops to think that if he were texting Magnus that same line he would’ve been brave enough to throw a winking emoji at the end. Somehow performing the action in person seems silly. Now that he’s thinking about it, Alec isn’t sure he’s ever naturally slipped a wink into a casual conversation before. 

“Let’s at least split it,” Magnus tries to insist, and Alec doesn’t understand why he’s fighting him so hard on this. 

“It’s not a big deal, really,” Alec says, already sliding a card into the black check presenter. “I don’t mind.” 

Magnus frowns. “Look, I know your family has money and all, but you don’t have to pay for me.” 

Alec looks surprised for a moment and then tenses. Everything about his demeanor changes, posture straightening, shoulders squaring off, eyes narrowing slightly. So this is it. He thought maybe Magnus wouldn’t loop him in with his family like everyone else. That maybe Magnus, of all people, would see that isn’t the sort of person he is; the kind of person who has to buy off everyone around him with favors just because he can. He knew this was going to happen. He should’ve trusted his instincts and never agreed to this. Alec L was safe. Alec L was whoever he wanted him to be. Alec Lightwood is, well, a Lightwood. He’s an easy target. 

Why can’t he manage to do one nice thing without it blowing up in his face? 

He must look as hurt as he feels because Magnus’ features fall into an expression of regret almost immediately. “I didn’t -- fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant-” Magnus starts, but trails off awkwardly as the waitress approaches them again. The implication of what he said hangs heavy between them as the woman comes up and takes the card off the table before heading over to the cash register.   
  
Alec can see Magnus thinking now. There’s a little twitch by the corner of his eye and his tongue rolls over his teeth behind his lips while he takes some time to consider whatever he wants to say before he speaks again. In fact, the silence between them remains until after the waitress drops the check back off for Alec to sign and tells them to have a good night. 

Alec is in the middle of scrawling his signature across the bottom of the white receipt paper when Magnus finally speaks again. 

“That wasn’t fair of me,” he says. 

“It’s fine,” Alec says dismissively. He knows how this goes and in his mind he’s already written this whole thing off. He just wants to pay and leave and--

“No, it isn’t. I’m an asshole who doesn’t think before he speaks.” Magnus laughs to try and ease some of the tension that suddenly exists between them, but it’s obviously forced. 

Magnus looks embarrassed, Alec realizes, and it’s the first time he’s thought of Magnus as anything other than confident and flawless. It’s enough to get him out of his own head for a minute as Magnus continues. 

“That comment had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.” He looks hesitant again. “I’m going to be honest here. And this definitely isn’t typical first date conversation, but I guess this really isn’t a typical first date either, is it?” He doesn’t have to explain what he means by that. With how much they talked to one another the past couple of weeks Alec feels like he already knows Magnus better than half the friends he spent 4 years with at college. This might be a first date by technical definition, but their conversations still felt like those between good friends. Whatever is on Magnus’ mind right now, Alec wants him to feel comfortable enough to share it.

“Right. So. I might be a little sensitive when it comes to taking care of myself. I didn’t have anything when I left home and came here. I ate ramen for months. I was technically homeless a few times, staying on friends’ couches, but I always hated taking handouts more than anything else in the world. I’d rather starve than have someone have to buy me a meal. I worked really, really hard to get to the point where I could live comfortably so it was a pretty big matter of pride for me. Sometimes I still get a little... defensive,” he says slowly, choosing the word carefully. “When someone does something I feel like I’ll owe them for later.”

Alec thinks back suddenly to the bar, when he offered to buy Magnus - not knowing it was Magnus - a drink, which he refused immediately assuming that Alec would want something from him later in return. It still stings a bit that he’d even consider the fact (either time) that Alec would expect anything in return when he was just trying to be nice, but he doesn’t blame him. How can he, seeing how vulnerable Magnus looks after the explanation. 

“I didn’t realize it’d make you that uncomfortable.” He should have, though. Magnus tried to tell him in a way by insisting he pay his half, but Alec refused to listen, writing it off without a second thought. 

“You didn’t know. Most people don’t. Being ridiculously poor most of my adult life isn’t really a great conversation topic, believe it or not. I don’t exactly go around bragging about it.”  Magnus lets out a huff. 

Alec gives him a small smile then, small but genuine, his words taking on a tone of admiration. “Really? Maybe you should, because it’s pretty impressive. You moved here without  _ anything _ and built a life for yourself. That’s not something a lot of people could do, especially in a city like this. I sure as hell don’t think  _ I  _ could do it.” The more he finds out about Magnus, the more in awe of him he becomes.

“Sorry I made you feel bad about trying to be nice,” Magnus apologizes. 

“Sorry I didn’t listen when you said you didn’t want me to pay,” Alec counters. 

“So we’re good--”    
“Are we good-- 

They both start at the same time, talking over one another and cutting off with relieved laughter. The waitress comes back over to take the signed check off the table and says goodnight a second time - clearly hinting that they may have finally overstayed their welcome. Grabbing their coats they head outside and back onto the busy New York City street, hesitating a few feet outside of the door. 

They met. They had dinner. They can go their separate ways now and end the night here, a pretty decent first date all things considered… but something in the way they both stall here makes it clear that neither of them really want to leave just yet. 

“Wanna walk around a little? I haven’t been to this part of the city in ages,” Alec ventures, hoping for a yes but bracing himself for a no. 

“Sure,” Magnus agrees. “That sounds nice.” 

For the third time that day their hands link together, and any unease within Alec settles at once with the affectionate squeeze Magnus gives. Following his lead as they turn to explore the city he’s glad Magnus is just as eager to keep the night going as he is, wondering if either of them will reach a point where they’re satisfied enough to actually  _ want  _ to go home. 

Alec is certain that, for him at least, the answer is no… and he’s okay with never reaching a point in time where it would be anything else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barely sneaking this in before midnight, but keeping the Thursday update schedule alive! I hope you enjoyed the dinner and a little Magnus background before we head out for some adventures (and a few more revelations!) while exploring the city next chapter! I love you guys and truly appreciate all the support you continually give both me and this fic week after week! <3 <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets a little glimpse into Alec's world.

What little tension remained after dinner evaporates quickly into the cool night air as Magnus and Alec make their way through the streets of NYC. They aren’t headed anywhere specific, turning at random where walks are easier to cross and favoring side streets that look less crowded by other pedestrians. 

The buzz of alcohol lingers, their words and laughter coming that much easier for it. Not that either of them expect any different now - they get along just as well here, exchanging smiles and fond glances, as they do exchanging words over text. 

Magnus doesn’t bring up Alec’s family again and Alec doesn’t offer any details. He isn’t too worried. If there’s something to tell then Alec would, in time. Magnus feels strangely certain of that. He wishes Alec felt comfortable enough to say whatever is on his mind now, of course, but while he’s horribly curious he is also very determined not to overstep again. With any luck there will be plenty of time for those sorts of chats in the future. 

Because though he’d never admit it out loud (not this early, at least) Magnus hopes with everything he has that there is a future here. 

They pass a few stores, restaurants, and clubs, the usual establishments lining the side streets of the city. Each is buzzing with activity and beckoning to passersby with noise and lights flooding out through propped-open doors, but when Magnus slows in front of one building in particular it isn’t open and calling out to them: in fact, the door is closed, curtains drawn over the windows. The name over the door says ‘ _ The Institute’ _ in script so intricate it’s barely legible. 

The Institute is a bar by technical definition, but those familiar with the area know that it’s the most upscale piano lounge in the area. It’s the sort of place with a dress code and a reservation list a mile long that’s vetted before you can even get  _ on _ it. Magnus pauses outside the doors to look up at the entrance longingly. 

Alec slows beside him when his hand - still in Magnus’ - is tugged backwards by the change in pace. “What is it? Somewhere you want to stop?” Alec asks him, following his gaze. Magnus is too busy straining to hear the soft piano he’s certain is playing inside that he doesn’t catch the shift in Alec’s tone at the end of the sentence, nor does he see the way Alec bites down on his lower lip just a little or the way his grip on Magnus’ hand tightens almost imperceptibly. 

“Oh, nothing. We couldn’t go in even if I wanted to. Which I  _ do _ , admittedly, but…” Magnus shrugs. “Just another one of those Elite New York bucket list places that’s way out of my league. I think about trying to get on the waiting list once and a while but I’m sure they’d just laugh me out of there if I tried.” There’s resignation behind his words but his tone remains neutral - he isn’t putting himself down necessarily, simply stating the facts. 

When he looks away from the building to give Alec a smile, ready to continue back along their way, he finally notices that Alec has a strange look on his face. Whatever he’s thinking, he’s thinking _real hard_ about it, and Magnus has to wonder if maybe his self-deprecating prattle made Alec uncomfortable, especially after their conversation from earlier. 

“Alexander?” Magnus asks tentatively. “What’s wrong?” 

Alec takes one last moment to consider the thoughts in his head before speaking. “Nothing’s wrong, I just--” he starts, but stops again. Magnus can’t read his expression no matter how hard he tries.  “I could get us in, if you wanted.”    
  
Magnus’ eyes widen. “What?!” 

Alec kicks at a bit of the ground with the toe of his shoe. “Perks of being a Lightwood,” he half-mumbles, looking only a little sheepish before making eye contact again. “My father’s invested in quite a few businesses around the city, and this happens to be one of them.” He looks like he isn’t sure this is something he wants to admit. “But only if you want to. I don’t want you to feel like you’d owe me later or anything, so if it’d make you uncomfortable we don’t have to. But we  _ could _ , you know, if you did.” 

And there it is. After everything Magnus said earlier about Alec’s family having money and not wanting handouts and the scene he nearly made over paying for dinner, it makes sense now why Alec is so weird all of a sudden. Just like before, Alec’s only offering to be nice, not to wave his family’s status in his face. He can tell that just by the way he seems almost embarrassed to admit he has the connection to get them inside, something that anyone else in Alec’s position would be bragging about 24/7.  

Just like anyone else in Magnus’ would jump at the chance to get inside The Institute, but this… there’s no  _ way _ he can agree to this, is there? He doesn’t even want to think about how expensive everything inside must be. 

“I couldn’t,” he says finally, but he doesn’t sound convinced. “We aren’t even dressed for it, I can’t have you dragging me in off the street to a place like this.” 

Alec rolls his eyes. “You look  _ fine _ , Magnus.”

“...just ‘fine’?” Magnus teases. 

Alec pretends not to hear him as he continues. “And it wouldn’t cost me anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.  _ My father _ , on the other hand…” and to Magnus’ surprise Alec is smirking a bit now, clearly pleased at the idea of his dad having to pay for him and his date at one of the most expensive places in town. 

If it wasn’t for the way Alec’s practically pleading for Magnus to let him do this for him, he thinks he might be able to hold onto his resolve. Instead Magnus looks from the sign above the door to Alec’s eager anticipation, and back again before caving. “Alright,” he says. “If you’re sure--” 

Alec is already tugging him towards the door, and Magnus follows behind. He follows his lead, walking up to the host behind his podium. 

“Good evening,” Alec greets the man, and Magnus notices the way Alec straightens his posture, head high. He also notices the way Alec’s hand lets go of his own, falling to his side. He shouldn’t be surprised but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting a little bit to think about, so he tries not to think about it. 

The host looks them up and down with a sneer. “I’m sorry,” he starts, not sounding sorry at all. “I’m afraid we’re entirely booked for the foreseeable fut-” he begins, but a voice behind him cuts him off. 

“Nonsense, Raj!” The newer arrival says. He has the air of a Boss and Magnus would bet his suit cost more than every article of clothing in his closet combined. “There’s always room for Alexander Lightwood.” The host’s sneer immediately shifts into a nervous smile. 

“Oh, my apologies Mr. Lightwood, I didn’t realize…” 

Magnus watches Alec shake his head. If it wasn’t for the sake of keeping up appearances Magnus would’ve laughed over the way he scrambled to suck up. “It’s no trouble at all,” Alec waves the apology away, glancing behind the two men as if looking for something. Magnus sees the tension in his shoulders ease slightly at whatever he sees -- or doesn’t see, perhaps. “We’re just going to sit at the bar, if that’s alright, Mr. Starkweather?” 

“Of course it is,” the second man, Mr. Starkweather, agrees easily enough. “Enjoy your evening, gentlemen.” 

Alec walks past the pair of them with a sense of casual authority Magnus revels at - this is not the same Alec he’s been speaking to for weeks, and certainly not the one who got nervous holding his hand earlier. This is an Alec playing a part to fit a role, and playing it well. Magnus isn’t sure if he’s more impressed or concerned by the sudden change, like the flip of a switch the moment they crossed through the doors of The Institute. 

Once they’re past the entrance hallway Magnus has to stop walking to properly take everything in. The tables and wood accents are a rich burgan mahogany, with the plush chairs a sleek, complimentary black. There are soft off-white candles lit on every table and along the bartop which is lined with tall, high-backed chairs of maroon. The piano is situated in the middle of the lounge area, played expertly by a man who appears to be in his early twenties, accompanied by a redheaded woman singing a slow, sultry tune. 

"Wow,” Magnus breathes out, not noticing that the entire time he’s admiring the furnishings, or the musicians, or the lights hanging from the ceiling, Alec is admiring him with a soft smile.

He seems to remember who he’s with and why he’s here slowly, attention shifting back to Alec who motions towards a pair of empty chairs at the far end of the bar. They’re barely seated when two cocktail napkins slide in front of them on the bar, along with a single wine glass in front of Alec. 

“Good evening,  _ Sir _ ,” the blonde man behind the bar says, but unlike the two who greeted them initially this time the word ‘sir’ is said not with compulsory respect but almost a light, teasing tone which catches Magnus by surprise.  

He has the feeling this night is going to be full of surprises. 

“Underhill, I swear to God….” Alec groans. “I came over here to avoid all that bullshit.” 

Magnus nearly chokes on air hearing those words leave Alec’s mouth in this setting. 

“I know,” the bartender smirks. “I can’t let you get off that easily, can I? I see you had the honor of meeting Raj,” Underhill says, lowering his voice for Alec and Magnus to hear but none of the patrons situated farther down along the bar. 

“He’s even more of a jerk than Victor. What happened to him? Please tell me he got fired.”

Underhill hums. “Promoted, actually.” 

Alec rolls his eyes. “Of course he was.” 

Magnus nearly gets whiplash following the back and forth. Now  _ this,  _ this is the Alec he’s grown so familiar with, just not in the setting he’d expect. 

“The usual, Alec?” Underhill asks, and Alec nods, the wine glass already being filled halfway with a red merlot. “And for you?” The question is turned towards him, and Magnus realizes he hasn’t even considered what he wants. If he isn’t mistaken he catches the bartender giving him an approving once-over, eyes lingering on the makeup around eyes appreciatively. 

“A martini, please,” he decides quickly. “Gin.” 

“You got it.” The man gives one last look to Alec who nods subtly and flicks his eyes upward at the bottles situated higher behind the bar. As if some sort of unspoken cue, the bartender nods and turns. 

“What was all  _ that?” _ Magnus can’t help but ask. 

“Underhill is one of the only decent people in this whole place,” Alec tells him quietly. “I used to escape to the bar when my father dragged me here with business associates.” Magnus looks over as the bartender makes his drink while they talk, not missing the fact that the bottle he grabs from one of the top shelves is far from cheap. 

“So, does it live up to the hype?” Alec asks while they wait, and it takes Magnus a moment to remember why that sounds so familiar to him. He laughs.  

“Yes - and then some. Whatever I pictured in my head, this surpasses it tenfold,” Magnus admits, his lips curling up into a playful smile. “Though as impressive as it is, I can say with certainty that my present company is giving it a run for its money as the  _ highlight  _ of the night.” 

Underhill returns with the Martini, but instead of lingering to talk again he simply sets it down (with a quick wink at Magnus) before making his way back to the other side of the bar, giving them space. 

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but is he…” Magnus wonders if it’s insensitive to ask but he wants to make sure he isn’t entirely misinterpreting those looks.  

“Gay?” Alec finishes for him. “Yeah. And if he doesn’t stop winking at you like that he isn’t getting a tip tonight.” Magnus snorts out a laugh. 

“Does he know that you’re…” and though they’re far enough away from anyone else that he’s certain he wouldn’t be overheard, Magnus still doesn’t finish that sentence, just in case. He knows Alec isn’t out and that a place partly owned by his father probably isn’t the idea location to be tossing that fact around. 

Alec shakes his head. “Not that I’ve told him, but sometimes I’m convinced he knows.” He takes a sip of his wine. “So…” he starts slowly. “You know about my family, then.” It’s a statement, not a question. It isn’t related to what they’re talking about now but Magnus can tell it’s a thought he’s had on his mind since dinner. 

“Not really. Ragnor recognized your last name when I mentioned it, but I didn’t let him say too much. I promise I didn’t look you up or anything.” 

Alec gives a defeated sigh. “It’s fine. You would’ve realized eventually, but it was nice being just Alec for a little while.” 

“So I’m getting the vibe that you’re not your family’s biggest fan?” Magnus asks tentatively. Alec brought the topic up so it feels slightly more acceptable to ask now. 

“My mom is alright sometimes, but my father is insufferable. They-” he gives a helpless shrug. Magnus watches his face cloud over with something akin to shame. “They aren’t giving out name the best legacy. I don’t support them, not personally. But they’re family, and I still let them drag me to events, and I’m in all the photos... ” Alec’s words struggle to justify where he stands in regards to his family, and Magnus can tell he’s conflicted about it. “If you found me online before we met you would’ve seen all of that and I didn’t want you to think I was like that… like them.”  

“Hey, you don’t have to explain. I’m not here to date your parents, thankfully.” Magnus tries his best to break up the tension with a joke. 

“Yeah, but in my family there’s really no escaping them,” Alec makes no attempt to hide how miserable that makes him feel to admit. “They have expectations of me that I’m just never going to live up to - they still expect me to marry a nice girl and show up with a smiling family to campaign events for the rest of my life. I don’t know how to tell them I’ll never be able to give them that.”

“Sometimes living the lie is worse than any reaction the truth might get,” Magnus says softly. He doesn’t mean for it to be a commentary on their current situation, but he supposes it could be. The way Alec dropped his hand past the door and kept his distance even now, their chairs far enough apart that their arms won’t touch on the bar. This is still a date, technically, not that anyone would be able to tell by the way Alec’s body language leans away from Magnus, aware of the occasional eyes lingering on them. 

Magnus feels a little regret over the comment when he sees the way Alec flinches away even more. Maybe Alec doesn’t realize what he’s doing even as he does it, it’s just that ingrained in him. But they’re only here because Magnus wanted to see inside, Alec is doing this for  _ him _ and he shouldn’t be making him feel guilty for being in the awkward position he is now because of it. 

Instead of getting angry or defensive, Alec deflects. “Spoken like somebody who’s lucky enough to have never crossed paths with my father,” Alec points out, and Magnus is relieved to hear a reluctant acceptance there instead of anger or resentment. When he speaks again it’s resolved.  “I’m going to, though. Soon. Now that a few other people know the idea of coming out to them seems a little less impossible.” 

“You could always get drunk and text the family group chat,” Magnus suggests, looking rather proud of himself when Alec nearly spits out the wine he’s drinking with a snort. 

“Another drink?” The bartender checks in. 

Magnus glances over at Alec, seeing if he wants to stay or if he’s had enough. “It’s up to you,” Magnus throws the ball in his court. If Alec is too uncomfortable here they can leave and go somewhere else, or just go home for the night. 

Alec glances down at his nearly empty glass of wine weighing his options. “Sure, one more couldn’t hurt.” 

One more turns into two, which turns into three, and soon enough Magnus has a rather drunk Alec Lightwood scooting his bar stool closer to him so that their legs occasionally brush against each other. Magnus is showing him something on his phone and Alec leans over, head falling to rest against the side of Magnus’ arm while he blinks to focus on the screen. They talked a little more about his family, which only seemed to encourage the drinking. Magnus learns that Alec went to school for politics and business, but instead of following in his father’s footsteps he went in on the jewelry store with his sister instead, much to his father’s displeasure. He also learned that Alec syphoned funds from his father’s more conservative campaigns to donate to groups like Glaad and The Trevor Project under an alias. The more Alec drinks, the more he opens up about the little things he does to separate himself from the life he’s so desperate to escape, and each one endears him to Magnus even more.

From there it mostly falls into small talk which then dissolves into sharing internet memes and watching instagram videos from some of the actors on The Hunt. At first Magnus is hyper aware of Alec’s casual fondness, keeping his own distance, but after two and a half martinis he can’t be bothered to fight the positive attention he wanted in the first place, and they almost forget where they are by the time they’re finishing drink three. 

That is, until Underhill comes up to them with a look on his face that can only be described as mild horror. “Alec,” his voice is tense, a step away from panic, which is what draws Magnus’ attention first. “I think it’s time you get out of here for the night.” 

Alec looks confused. “Why? We’re having a great time, aren’t we Magnus?” 

“Your dad called to have them prepare his usual table. They only just told me, you’ve got about five minutes, max.” Underhill’s gaze is drawn past them and he curses under his breath. “I take that back. Zero minutes. Follow me.” 

Magnus doesn’t think twice as he slides off of the stool and goes to follow Underhill, except Alec isn’t following. He’s standing next to the bar staring at the door, looking like he’s about to do something incredibly stupid. Magnus follows his gaze and catches sight of a bald man by the door wearing a long coat and a stern expression, a man he can only assume is Alec’s father. 

“Alec,” Magnus says, grabbing his hand and leading him away. “Come on.” 

“What was it you said about living a lie?” Alec challenges, voice a little too loud. A head or two near them turn to look at him. 

“Not now. Not like this. I know what I said and if you really want to, you can. Tomorrow. Or the next day. But not while you’re wine drunk and on our first date.” It isn’t that Magnus doesn’t want Alec to stand up to his father, but he doesn’t want him to do it while intoxicated, when he’d say things he might not mean, things he can’t take back. He’ll be as supportive as he can once they’re both sober again, but for now he knows he has to get them out of here. 

Alec frowns, but turns to follow Underhill reluctantly. “I should be showing you off, not sneaking you out the back.” Magnus is touched by the sentiment, smiling despite the circumstances. Both of them stumble a bit as they maneuver through the kitchen, ignoring the sideways glances the staff give them. 

“If it makes you feel better, I appear to be the one forcing  _ you _ to sneak out. You seemed quite content to remain there,” Magnus points out as they reach the back exit. 

“It doesn’t.” Alec is stubborn. “But thanks.” He turns to face Underhill again, swaying gently on the spot. Magnus reaches a hand up to rest on his arm to steady him. “And thank you, too. You better not get yourself in trouble for this.” 

“This place would fall apart without me,” Underhill says with an easy grin. “You two going to be alright getting home? I could call you a cab.” 

Magnus shakes his head. Once more, his high alcohol tolerance is both a blessing and a curse. Today it’s turning out to err more on the side of ‘blessing’. “I got him,” he assures the bartender. 

Underhill gives him a knowing look. “So it would seem.” And, for good measure, he winks. 

“Will you please stop  _ winking _ at my  _ boyfriend _ .” Alec huffs. Well, Magnus thinks at first, if Underhill didn’t have his suspicions before he certainly knows now. And then-

“Boyfriend?!”    
“Boyfriend?”    
  
Magnus and Underhill both say at the exact same time, followed by immediately matching awkward looks at one another. 

“Right. Well, you two have fun with that, and I’m going to go deal with your father. Get home safe.” With that Underhill disappears back inside through the back kitchen entrance. 

When Magnus looks back over at Alec it’s difficult to gauge just what the expression on his face is. 

“I feel sick,” Alec moans suddenly, and Magnus isn’t sure if it’s the alcohol, the stress over his dad, the lying, or the fact that he just unintentionally called Magnus his boyfriend. Probably a solid combination of all of the above. “I should go… it’s getting late anyway.” 

Magnus hesitates. Alright, so maybe his reaction to the word ‘boyfriend’ wasn’t the best in the moment. And he wants to clarify that he was just caught off guard -  they hadn’t even kissed yet after all - but he isn’t actually opposed to the idea… except how much of this is just Alec being drunk? Will he still want that sort of label for them when he wakes up in the morning, sober and hungover and probably regretting taking him here in the first place? Is he even going to want a second date, let alone an entire relationship?  

“Alec, I-” 

“Don’t. Please,” Alec begs, already turning to head down the alley towards the main street. It only takes him two steps to nearly trip over his own feet and Magnus is by his side, words forgotten.    
  
“Come on, let me take you home.” 

Alec shakes his head. “Not mine… Izzy’s. I gotta… I need to talk to her.” 

“Sure,” Magnus agrees. “Where’s your phone? We’ll warn her we’re coming.” He doesn’t want to show up unannounced… and he isn’t sure Alec is quite coherent enough to give him trustworthy directions. Alec digs his phone out of his pocket as they walk, his arm draped around Magnus’ shoulders for support. He immediately drops the phone on the pavement below and Magnus ducks down with him to pick it back up. 

“May I?” Magnus asks, reaching for the phone and pulling up the contact list, clicking on ‘Izzy’. 

It rings three times before she picks up. “Alec? How did the date go?” 

Magnus smiles at that. “Izzy, darling, it’s Magnus.”    
  
“Is Alec alright?”    
  
“In the grand scheme of things, yes. But he’s rather drunk and we just saw your father and now he’s insisting he needs to go back to your place instead of his. Which probably isn’t a terrible idea in his current state.” His own words slurred slightly, but were still mostly intelligible. 

“I can hear you, y’now,” Alec says indignantly from his left. 

“I’ll text the address,” she says without hesitation, hanging up. The message sends through and Magnus is relieved to see it’s only about 20 minutes away, if traffic is kind. 

There’s a lot that Magnus wants to say, about what Alec wanted to say to his dad, and what he said in the alley, and a few things in between, but Alec closes his eyes and drifts off almost the second they sit down in the back seat of the cab. When they get to his sister’s she’s waiting for them outside.  

“Thanks, Magnus. Are you good to get back yourself? You can stay here, if you want.” 

Magnus shakes his head. “I’m fine, but thanks.” He turns to Alec, smiling despite the unfortunate end to the evening. “I had a great time today.” 

“Me too,” Alec agrees. “Right up until I-” 

Magnus shakes his head. “Right up until nothing, Alexander. Nothing could’ve ruined this day for me as long as I got to spend it with you.” He hesitates only slightly before leaning it and brushing a quick kiss against the side of Alec’s cheek. “Goodnight, Alec.” 

“G’night,” Alec mumbles back, eyes wide in surprise but a pleased smile on his face.  
  
_ Boyfriend _ . Magnus hears the word over and over in his head. Maybe he wasn’t foolish to hope during all those conversations that there was something there between them. There was going to be a lot for them to unpack in the morning, but for now Magnus is more than content to languish in the lingering heat of Alec’s alcohol-flushed cheek against his lips and the doe-eyed look it garnered for the rest of his ride home. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabelle talks some things out with Alec, Magnus brews some pretty good tea, and Alec reaches a long overdue decision.

“Let’s get you upstairs,” Izzy says, situating herself next to Alec so that he can lean on her as they make their way up the stairs to her apartment. Alec is pretty certain he can make it on his own - the ground is only swaying a  _ little  _ bit - but he decides to take the assistance just in case. 

“He kissed me,” Alec says, watching the cab pull away. 

“Yes, he did,” Izzy confirms. “Come on.” 

They get upstairs without much fanfare, Alec falling unceremoniously onto the sofa the moment it’s within reach. He doesn’t say anything at first, forcing Izzy to pry for details. 

“So,” she draws out. “Magnus said that dad was there. What happened? You didn’t--” 

Alec shakes his head. “No. I wanted to, though. I almost did but Magnus stopped me. Underhill snuck us out the back.” 

“Okay. Good.” 

“No, it isn’t  _ good _ , Iz.” His words slur slightly, speech all blending into one long, run-on thought.  “I should’ve said something. I should’ve said something months… hell,  _ years _ ago. And now it’s just another day I’m hiding to not start drama with him and it’s bullshit. I’m sick of it.” 

Isabelle gives him a strange look over that and in his drunken haze he can’t figure out why. 

“You’re serious about this, aren’t you? You really want to tell them?” 

Something in her voice forces him to stop and seriously consider the question -  _ really consider it -  _ before answering with a slow nod. “Yes. You weren’t there tonight, you didn’t see--” Alec remembers the look on Magnus’ face every time they got too close and he pulled away, or the moment he dropped his hand at the door. “I had to hide him, Iz. That sucked, and it definitely wasn’t fair to him.” 

Perhaps a more sober version of himself would be a bit more eloquent about it, but the sentiment behind it stands regardless. He's happy. Magnus makes him happy and he doesn't want to have to hide that away; not from his father, not from anyone.  

“What if he hates me now?” Alec asks suddenly. 

“Who, dad? I think we both know--”    
  
“No, not dad.  _ Magnus _ .” He says this as if it’s the most obvious conclusion in the world. “First we had to sneak out through the kitchen - what if he thinks I’m ashamed of us? That I’m ashamed  _ of him _ ? He said something about how awful it is to live a lie… that’s my whole life. I’m a giant lie, Izzy. He probably hates me now.”

“Alec, he doesn’t hate you. He got you home safe and kissed you goodnight, that didn’t look like hate to me.”    
  
“Okay but what if he only did that because he felt like he had to? And then I called him my  _ boyfriend _ after one date, I’m such an idiot--”

“ _ You WHAT?”  _   
  
Alec winces. “Shhhhh,” he says, feeling the headache setting in flare at her raised voice. “Underhill kept fucking winking at him, and I called him my boyfriend when I told him to stop. It just slipped out! ”

“You really go 0 to 100, don’t you?” Isabelle shakes her head.

“You don’t have to remind me I’m making a huge mess of this, thanks,” Alec mumbles, grabbing the pillow from beside him and covering his face with it. “If the thing with dad didn’t scare him off, I’m sure that did.” Maybe he can just melt into the sofa and never have to face anyone ever again… 

“Well, at least it was only Underhill. I don’t think he’ll say anything.”        
  
“No, I’m not worried about him. But before that I was, uh, not very subtle I don’t think,” Alec says nervously. “Before dad showed up I was a little tipsy-” 

“...Alec, I’m right here you know,” Izzy interrupts. “You’re barely down to ‘ _a little_ _tipsy’_ now.”   
  
“Alright, fine, I was a _lot_ tipsy,” Alec corrects, refusing to admit he was drunk on his first date with Magnus because he’s a lightweight. “But there was flirting. There wasn’t at first, when I was more aware of it, but after a drink or two… what if someone said something to dad after I left?” 

He sinks deeper into the sofa with a look of defeat. It’s one thing to want to tell his dad - it would’ve even been half alright if he’d drunkenly done it back at The Institute. But for it to come from someone else, as a whispered rumor behind his back? Somehow he knows that would be worse. 

“Did you kiss him there?” Izzy’s already going into damage control mode. 

“No, we didn’t kiss at all. Except that one before he left.” 

Isabelle softens. “That was the first time he kissed you? How  _ sweet.”  _

Alec doesn’t have time to think about how sweet the kiss was when the panic is starting to settle in. “Seriously, Iz. What if Raj or Mr. Starkweather noticed and said something?” 

“Don’t you think Dad would’ve called you by now if they had?” 

Alec considers this, taking a deep breath or two. “...probably? Okay, yeah, you’re probably right. He would’ve said something by now.” So they didn’t tell him… not yet, anyway. That isn’t to say they would  _ never  _ say something, maybe the next time he waltzes in off the street and says the wrong thing with the wrong person. Or if Raj gets into trouble later for not letting him in. But there’s nothing he can do about that now. 

“I guess I just have to tell him before he finds out some other way,” Alec resolves. 

“Tell me when, and I’m there. I’ll back you up, 100%.” There is no hesitation before the offer. Alec knows she’d do anything for him, especially to protect him, and he’s eternally grateful for it even as he turns her down.    
  
“No, absolutely not. You know how he gets. It’ll be bad enough if I piss him off, I don’t want you on his bad side because of me. You two were always closer... I don’t want any of that to change.” 

“Alec, don’t be stupid. Of course I’m going to stand by your side on this, no matter what.” It’s a promise that’s both comforting and concerning, because he knows she means it. He also knows what that might mean for her if their father goes to any extremes over this. “Plus, he’ll be way less likely to blow up with me there.” 

“Maybe,” he relents, but only because he’s tired and his head hurts and he wants her to drop it, and not at all because he’s actually considering dragging her into any of this. 

“Well, we're not doing anything about that tonight so you might as well sleep on it. Until then, tell me about the rest of your date. It looked like it went well, despite Dad showing up?” 

Alec spends the rest is the night telling Izzy about everything, from meeting Magnus twice before without realizing ( “I can’t wait to tell him you said he was an 11 out of 10 that day”) to the ‘do you want it to be a date ‘ question ( “thank god you said ‘yes’!”), the incident at the restaurant (without saying too much about Magnus’ personal reasonings behind the ‘why’ of their almost-fight) and the piano bar (“you must really like him to step foot in that place willingly”). He spares few details, both because Izzy keeps asking for them and because he's so eager to relive the last few hours. His phone goes off about 30 minutes after Magnus left.   
  


**M: Back home. How are you feeling?** **  
****A: Better, thanks** **  
****M: Get some sleep, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?** **  
****A: Definitely  
** **M: Goodnight, Alexander. <3  
** **A: Night, Magnus <3  
**   


Izzy glances over his shoulder. “Hearts already? Yeah, I definitely don’t think he hates you.”  
  
Alec doesn't want to let this day go but by now his eyes are drifting shut involuntarily.  
  
“Come on, you can sleep in my room,” Izzy offers, but Alec only nestles himself deeper into the cushions of the sofa.  
  
“This is fine. Thanks for letting me crash here… and for talking me through everything.”  
  
“Of course. Keeping you from overreacting is more of a full time job than the actual shop, honestly.” She laughs a little. “But seriously, you don’t have to thank me. You know I'm here for you no matter when, and no matter what, right?”  
  
“I do,” he mumbles through a yawn, closing his eyes and drifting off. 

 

\---

  
It takes all of his willpower to roll off the sofa and leave Izzy’s early enough to go back to his place and change before work. He wonders if she’d kill him for showing up late given the circumstances of the night before but he doesn’t want to push his luck.  
  


**A: It should be illegal to be awake this early.  
** **M: Good morning to you, too. How are you feeling?  
** **A: Not quite as hungover as the night at the club, thankfully. But still not great.  
**   


Alec looks at the time. It’s barely 6:00.   
  


**A: What are you even doing up this early? I didn’t wake you, did I?  
** **M: I haven’t gone to sleep yet. I start my shifts back up tonight so I’m trying to reset my sleeping pattern.  
** **A: Oh, right. I nearly forgot.  
**   


Alec frowns. With him working normal hours during the day, and Magnus back to working overnight, he wonders how often they might get to see each other with only an hour or two of overlap between them. 

Then he wonders if Magnus even  _ wants _ to see him again. 

He decides he’s much too tired to work up the nerve to ask this early.   
  


**M: I wish I could forget. Actually, part of me wishes they just fired me the first time around. I miss having a normal schedule.** **  
****A: Go for it! Not getting fired, I mean. But there are always things hiring in the city, I could help you try and find something else.  
** **M: Hmmm…. and you** **_do_ ** **have those Lightwood connections ;)  
**   


At the mention of his family he’s tempted to bring up his plan to talk to his dad, fingers hesitating over the keyboard before deciding against it. He doesn’t want Magnus to know, not until it’s done, just in case he doesn’t follow through. Saying he’s going to do it is one thing - he’s said the same about telling Simon and Jace, and even a few times before about his parents, too. And every single time he came up with an excuse not to. It’s somehow less embarrassing for him to imagine Magnus thinking he doesn’t plan on ever telling them than for him to know he does only to have him back out yet again.   
  


**A: Might as well put them to good use. Hey, at the rate Raj was going it looks like The Institute might need a new greeter soon enough. ;)  
**   


He closes his phone and goes to shower which helps wake him up considerably. When he comes back into the bedroom he sees several message alerts from Magnus. There are about 3-4 minutes between each one.   
  


**M: If your stomach is still upset I could bring some ginger tea by the store for you?  
** **M: If you wanted.  
** **M: I definitely do not have to. I had fun yesterday but if you’d like a full 12 hours before you see me again that’s more than fair.  
** **M: Assuming you’d like to see me again at all.  
**   


At least that answers his question: Magnus wants to see him again. Alec is positively beaming at the revelation… except he never told Magnus he was going to get ready, and now Magnus thinks he’s avoiding his texts because he doesn’t want to see him. Good to know he isn’t the only occasional disaster between the two of them, Alec thinks.   
  


**A: Sorry, I went to shower. You don’t need to make a special trip just to bring me tea!** **  
****A: But I** **_would_ ** **like to see you again. Maybe tomorrow? We could grab something to eat before your shift?  
** **M: Sounds perfect.  
**   
  
Alec finishes getting ready in record time, managing to avoid any commute back-ups, but still gets to work later than his sister. Isabelle barely gives him a full second inside the front doors before pouncing on him. 

“So, what did he say?”    
  
“How do you even know I talked to him?” Alec challenges. 

“Please. With how glued to your phone you were  _ before _ , I can’t imagine you didn’t talk this morning now that you’re  _ dating _ .”    
  
“We went on one date. Singular. We aren’t  _ dating _ .” 

Izzy looks unconvinced but gives a hum of acknowledgement, still waiting for an answer to her question. 

“Fine, we texted a bit. We didn’t really talk about anything important but we’re going to get dinner tomorrow. He still wants to see me again, so at least there’s that.” 

Izzy smiles. “Good. I like him. But more importantly, I like him  _ for you _ . I really hope this works out.” 

“Thanks,” he says at length, and he has to admit he agrees on Magnus being good - no, great. Perfect, perhaps - for him.  “Me too.” 

He isn’t sure what to make of this sudden role reversal between them. He’s been invested in a number of guys Izzy dated, asking all the invasive questions, judging them from afar at the club on nights out, creeping on their social media for anything shady…the usual things big brothers did to make sure someone was good enough to date his little sister. Would she do the same to him now? Would she be  _ worse, _ somehow? 

He’s getting ahead of himself. It’s just one date, he and Magnus are hardly anything serious enough to warrant any investigations. 

They go about work as usual until there’s a knock at the door, which is still locked because they don’t open for another 15 minutes. 

Isabelle looks surprised, then smiles. Alec quirks an eyebrow. “What’s so exciting about people too impatient to wait until we’re--” he starts before turning around fully. When he does he sees a familiar face at the door with a small smile, slightly smudged eyeliner, and a drink in each hand. 

“Magnus?” 

Alec goes over to the door and unlocks it. 

“Surprise!” Magnus says with the slightest waver at the end of his otherwise enthusiastic greeting. “I hope it’s alright I stopped by. I know you said you didn’t need it, but…” Magnus trails off, holding out one of those ceramic travel coffee mugs. This one definitely came from home, unlike the one in his left hand which is from the coffee shop a few blocks over.

“You brought me tea,” Alec states, staring at Magnus in disbelief. 

Magnus looks like he can’t quite get a read on Alec’s reaction and Alec can see the hesitation as he starts to question if this was such a good idea after all. 

“Sorry, I should’ve called first. I’ll just--” 

Alec takes a step forward, broken out of his mini-trance by a not-so-subtle nudge from Izzy. 

“No, no it’s fine. I just-” God, Alec wonders, how does he explain that he’s just shocked by the idea of someone going so out of their way to do such a little thing to make him feel better, but without sounding pathetic? “I just wasn’t expecting it. But thank you.” He crosses the rest of the space between them to take the offered drink. It’s warm in his hands as he brings it up to his face, able to smell the herbs and spices wafting from the small opening in the top.    
  
“You’re welcome. It’s a special blend I whipped up myself.” Magnus turns his attention behind Alec for a second, gaze falling on Isabelle. “This one’s for you. Double shot, just like I promised.” He hands her the other cup. 

“This one is definitely a keeper,” Izzy says, taking a sip of the espresso with a look of pure bliss. 

“Izzy,  _ please _ ,” Alec groans. 

Izzy winks at Magnus, who returns the gesture. “I’m just going to take this in the office to do some paperwork.” She vanishes from sight, though the door never clicks shut completely and Alec is positive she’s listening despite the guise of giving them some ‘privacy’ in the front of the store. 

“You’re sure you don’t mind that I stopped by?” 

Alec shakes his head. “Not at all. I, uh, don’t think I could ever mind getting to see more of you.” It’s been so long since he flirted with anyone, so maybe he’s a little rusty.  “I just didn’t want to overdo it so you’re sick of me after the first day.” 

“Well, I suppose we’re on the same page then, because I don’t think I could ever get sick of seeing you, either.” 

Alec takes a sip of the tea, humming his approval. “This is amazing. You were right, it’s just the thing I needed after last night.” 

Magnus looks distracted for a moment. “Speaking of last night… about what you said-” 

“-Can we just pretend that never happened?” Alec cuts in. “ I didn’t mean it. It just slipped out, but I know it’s way too soon for any of that.” He wants to get ahead of this while he can. It’s a total lie - he wants nothing more than for Magnus to be his boyfriend and it didn’t even take him the full first date to know it without a doubt -  but this will spare Magnus the awkwardness of having to tell him he doesn’t feel the same. 

“Oh.”  Magnus clearly isn’t expecting that. Is it just in Alec’s head or does Magnus almost look upset? “Yeah, of course. That’s exactly what I was going to say.” Alec thinks for a moment that Mangus’ words are too stiff, but just as quickly he’s smiling again, disarming any uncertainty Alec feels. “Consider it forgotten.” 

“Great,” Alec breathes a sigh of relief. “So we’re good?” 

“We’re good, but-” Magnus looks like he’s about to say something else when the bell above the door rings and a couple walks in. “I should let you get to work,” he finishes instead.   

“Work, right.” Alec almost forgot where he was. “I’ll be with you two in a minute,” he says with a charming smile to the two customers before turning that same smile back to Magnus. It softens immediately from the too-wide grin he puts on for show around customers. “Thanks for the tea.” There’s a moment or two when they both just stand there, neither sure exactly  _ how _ to part ways. Alec leans in first, careful not to spill any of the tea on Magnus as he wraps his arms around him for just a second or two before pulling back. As he does he turns his head impulsively so that his lips graze the side of Magnus’ cheek, mimicking his parting kiss from the night before. 

“Since I didn’t get a chance to last night,” Alec says smoothly, probably the smoothest he’s been since the start of all this, and he thinks he catches a tinge of red coloring Magnus’ cheeks as he turns to leave. Alec wishes he could follow him to spend the rest of the morning walking through the park or getting coffee or watching movies… he hates to see him go so soon. 

In that moment Alec’s mind is made up. He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text - not to Magnus, but to his dad.   
  


**A: Will you be at the house tonight?** **  
****R: After 5  
** **A: I’m stopping by. It’ll be quick, I just need to discuss something with you in person.  
**   


He glances over at Izzy who is back out front and tending to the two customers he nearly forgot about. He should tell her… but if he does she’ll insist on coming with and he doesn’t want her getting involved. This is between him and his parents, and he needs to do this alone, not with Izzy stepping in to fight his battles for him.

The rest of the day is strange. Sometimes he wants time to speed up so that he can get this over with, while other moments he's praying for time to stop completely so he never has to go through with it. But whether he wants it to or not, time does pass, and when they close the store Izzy can sense his hesitation to leave. 

“Alec? Everything okay, you seem anxious?” 

Alec nods. “Yeah. I'm fine. See you tomorrow, Iz.” 

He feels even more sick than he did the night before, a feeling that only gets worse with every passing minute of travel to his parents’ house. 40 minutes later he's standing on the porch: not knocking, just standing. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe he  _ should  _ wait and bring Izzy as a buffer. They have a family dinner planned for this weekend, he could turn around now and wait until then. Maybe --

“Alexander, what are you doing standing outside? Did you forget your key again?” Alec looks up sharply at the sound of his father, posture straightening and hands immediately locking behind his back. 

“Uh, yeah. I did.” 

“Well hurry up and come in.” Robert says, ushering him through the doorway. 

With a deep breath Alec goes inside, praying to any god that may be listening that this doesn't go half as bad as he fears it will. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really truly meant to write past this point for this week, but for the sake of my sanity between daily Flufftober prompts and working 65 hours a week between two jobs, I'm stopping here. I pinky promise next week will make it up to you! <3


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has a talk with his parents and, despite how prepared he thinks he is, might have to admit he isn't able to deal with this one on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning at the end of the chapter (past the scene change if you're looking to skip it entirely) for a mild panic attack description.

Alec can feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest the moment he steps foot through the front door of his family’s house. It’s so loud he’s certain that his father must able to hear it from where he stands a few feet away, but if Alec’s giving any indication of something being amiss Robert isn’t reacting to it. 

“You said you needed to discuss something with me. Should we go to my study?” Robert suggests. Alec wants to agree immediately - the study means scotch, which he sorely needs just then.

Instead he shakes his head. “No, I need to talk with mom, too. Both of you.” He does his best not to fidget where he stands, to hold himself tall and speak confidently, keeping the tremor he feels deep within him from his voice. 

“I’ll go find her, I suppose,” Robert says, turning without another word to go locate his wife. Alec glances back at the front door, a small part of him still seriously considering leaving now and never looking back. A larger part debates calling Isabelle and begging her to come help him. But those parts are both crushed by a larger, more powerful desire to take control of his life once and for all. And for that to happen, he needs to do this, here and now. And he needs to do it for himself. 

Alec wanders out of the foyer and into the living room. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he checks it instinctively - it’s Magnus.   
  


**M: First day back, wish me luck. I’m going to need it.  
**   


Alec smiles down at the name on the screen. He’s doing this for himself, yes, but he’s also doing it for Magnus. For  _ them _ , or at least what he hopes can be a ‘them’ once he’s sorted all of this out for himself first. He wants a relationship with Magnus, but he doesn’t want to drag Magnus into lies and shadows and half-truths. 

_ You and me, both,  _ Alec thinks in response to the text.   
  


**A: You don’t need luck - you’ve got this, Magnus. :)  
**   


The sound of clicking heels on the hardwood floor brings Alec’s attention back up to the doorway as his parents - both of them this time - enter the room to meet him. They’re an imposing force standing side-by-side, Maryse in a severe black dress and heels, her dark hair straightened and pulled back into an elegantly twisted ponytail. Robert is still wearing a suit that’s probably worth more than Alec makes in a month, and that’s saying something. They have money, they have influence, and even standing in their own home with their son they both hold themselves as two people very aware of their status. 

“What a pleasant surprise,” Maryse says, confused but genuinely pleased. “We didn’t expect to see you until dinner this weekend.” The Lightwoods have dinner together every other week, always on that Sunday at 5. Alec makes excuses to get out of it more than the others, but for the most part it’s a standing tradition since he first left for college. He sees the light in his mother’s eyes, the way she’s actually happy to see him there, and thinks for a moment that maybe there’s hope for this yet. 

“What’s so important it couldn’t wait until then to come all the way out here?” Of course, all of that hope comes crashing back down the moment his father speaks. Harsh and business-like, he speaks as if his son’s visit is just another meeting to get off the day’s agenda before he can move on to the next thing. 

Alec wishes he had a drink or two or seven right about then. 

“I-” he starts, but stops again just as quickly. He had a plan before he came here. He rehearsed what he was going to say a thousand times in his head along the way and now it’s all gone, his mind entirely blank. All he can seem to think are the words ‘I’M GAY’ over and over again. He just wants to say it, just like that. Simple. Honest. But something stops him and instead he says- 

“I’m seeing someone, and I wanted to tell you before you heard about it from anyone else. We were at The Institute last night but I left right when you showed up. I didn’t want you to find out that way.” This, of course, isn’t entirely true. He definitely wanted his father to find out that way - at least he did in the moment - and would’ve followed through on that impulse if it hadn’t been for Magnus. That would’ve been a disaster, guaranteed. This way was only a  _ potential _ disaster, and bringing it up in this roundabout fashion buys him a few precious seconds of extra mental preparation. 

“Why didn’t you say something? It’s been ages since you had a girlfriend, Alec! When can we meet her, are you bringing her to dinner? ” Maryse is practically beaming, and Alec flinches away from her enthusiasm. He knows he shouldn’t but he feels guilty for knowing he’s about to bring the immediate end of that joy. 

“Because it’s not-- I’m not--”  _ Goddamnit,  _ why is this so difficult?! There’s no turning back now but he can’t seem to force the worse past his lips. “Because I don’t have a girlfriend.” 

“But you just told us you were seeing someone,” Robert points out, as if Alec somehow forgot that fact over the course of five seconds. Alec wonders if he’s really going to have to spell it out at this point until he sees the realization begin to dawn on his mother’s face. 

“Oh,” she says quietly, and he can’t tell if she’s okay or upset or angry or confused or all of the above, and then some. 

His father remains horrifyingly obtuse. “What?” 

“Robert, he’s…” she doesn’t say it, though. Her eyes fall back onto Alec, looking for confirmation. She’s stalling because she isn’t sure what to say now, or what she’s supposed to do with this information. 

Alec spares her from having to finish that sentence. “Gay. I’m gay. I don’t have a girlfriend because I’m dating a guy.” 

If Alec thought the confusion was frustrating it’s no comparison to the immediate switch to disdain he watches pass over his father’s features. Eyes narrow, brows furrow, and he looks Alec up and down as if this couldn’t possibly be the same son he was looking at a moment ago. 

Alec hates himself for it but he feels the sting of tears in the corners of his eyes, wondering if they’re frustration or shame; unsure if they’re more for his parents’ sake or his own. He blinks them away quickly in the hopes that they’ll go unnoticed. 

There’s a long silence, and then-

“No you’re not,” Robert says simply, expression settling back into something painfully calm. “You’re just confused.” 

Alec laughs. He can’t help it. He doesn’t know what he expected. 

“I’m not confused, dad. In fact, this is the clearest I’ve felt about anything in my entire life. I’m gay. I like men. I always have, and I always will, and I’m sorry if you can’t accept that.” He takes a deep breath. “But I’m the same son you’ve always had - nothing’s changed.” 

“...how long?” His mother’s voice is quiet. “How long have you been-- have you  _ known _ .” He can tell that she’s trying. He knows that this can’t be easy - maybe if he said something sooner, while he was younger, the idea may have been easier to process. 

Robert turns away and pours himself a drink from the cart on the side of the room. It’s obvious he wants no part of this discussion. 

Alec, who gives his mother so much credit for at least making an attempt, can only shrug. “7 years? 8?” He’s always known, ever since he was old enough to have those sorts of feelings and thoughts. Even through his teens when he did his best to go against those impulses, he still knew what he struggled against deep down. 

“I see.” It’s all Maryse says, eyes carefully darting from Alec to Robert, not wanting to take either side just yet. It hurts, but Alec doesn’t blame her. Not until-- 

“I don’t think you should come to Sunday Dinner.”

“What?” Alec is prepared for yelling, for anger and hatred and confusion, but not for such a casual dismissal. 

He doesn’t know why he cares. Maybe because these dinners go beyond just his father - they’re his mom, his grandparents, his siblings… he hasn’t seen Max in four weeks (he skipped the last dinner, something he's now seriously regretting). How long will it be until his dad lets Max anywhere close to him now?  _ What will he tell him?  _ Will he say Alec didn’t want to visit? That he didn’t want to see him? Will their dad fill Max’s head with slander and bias the same way he had with Alec, so subtly he didn’t even realize it was happening until it was almost too late? 

“Robert, please. Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh-” 

“I’m sorry, Maryse, but we can’t let this sort of _thing_ be flaunted in front of Max - he’s far too young and impressionable. Or would you rather our son give his grandparents a heart attack over dinner by… by making out with some  _ guy _ at the table?” Alec actually laughs at the absurdity of that statement, as if he would ever sit at a dinner table and make out with  _ anyone  _ in front of his family.  

“At least it’ll get them to stop asking when I’m going to give them grand-kids,” Alec mutters under his breath, and that only sours Robert’s mood. “And as if I’d ever subject someone I  _ like  _ to a Lightwood dinner. I’m not going to bring him, don’t worry.” 

“I’m not worried, because you’re not coming. It wasn’t a request, Alexander. You will not be attending dinner this weekend, or any weekend in the foreseeable future. In fact… as enlightening as this evening has been, I think it’s time for you to leave.” 

He’s expecting this. He knew it would happen, he thinks for a second that it’s fine, that he’s entirely mentally prepared for this… but he’s wrong. He isn’t. No part of him is ready to be kicked out of his home no matter how old he is, or how strongly he believes in what he’s doing, or how he feels about his parents at the moment. He thought he was ready but he’s not, and the idea of not knowing when he’ll be allowed back is actually terrifying enough that his breathing grows shallow. 

He doesn’t want to go, not like this, but suddenly he needs to. He needs air; he needs to get out of there.  

“I’ll leave, but not because you told me to. It’s because I can’t stand to breathe the same air as you for another second. I’m finally happy. It took me 22 years to accept every part of myself and I’ll be damned if I let you ruin that.” 

“Alec, please-” Maryse tries, but it’s pointless. 

“It’s fine. I said what I needed to say, so I guess we’re done here.” He hears the voices behind him, vaguely processing the tones but not the words. His father’s, steady but firm, raised to drown out his mother’s which is clearly upset and bordering on frantic. He’s halfway down the front walk before he registers that his mother is following him. 

“Alec! Alec, please!” He slows, turning. She stops where she is, as if afraid coming any closer might scare him off again. “I’ll talk to him.”    
  
“Don’t bother.” 

“He just needs some time, but he’ll come around. It’s… it’s a  _ lot _ , Alexander. I can’t pretend I understand it all, but you’re my son and I love you.” 

Alec turns away so she can’t see the tears that finally break through, spilling down his cheeks silently. “I know,” he says, keeping his voice even. “I love you too.” He’s already walking away and this time she doesn’t move to stop him. 

\---

Alec doesn’t remember going home. He makes the trip on autopilot, doing his best to just not think or feel anything at all. The occasional concerned glances from the cab driver are a pretty big hint that he doesn’t look great, however. The guy looks like he almost wants to ask if Alec is okay once or twice but changes his mind each time. Alec doesn’t blame him. He doesn’t care. He can’t care. 

He almost makes it all the way into his apartment before everything he pushed down comes flooding to the surface. He did it. After all these years he finally admitted that he’s gay; it’s out there and there’s no taking it back now. He feels a momentary swell of pride for being true to himself and brave enough to stand up against his parents’ expectations. It’s a very short-lived feeling of accomplishment because he’s well aware that he may have ruined his relationship with his family forever. Will his mom defend him and strain things between her and Robert? Will his dad ever allow him to visit Max, or let Max visit him, again? He doesn’t even want to think about what Izzy will do when she hears what happened. If it was just him he wouldn’t think twice about it. He doesn’t need them if they can’t accept him… but that doesn’t mean they don’t still need each other, and the thought of him tearing that apart… 

It’s too much. His tears blur his vision to the point he can’t see to unlock his door, the key scratching against the knob, hands shaking. He can barely breathe and although he’s home now when he closes his eyes he can still see his father’s face and hear his voice. He can feel the disappointment and hate. Alec pulls his phone out and without even thinking about what he’s doing calls the number of the last person he contacted. 

He’s almost surprised to hear Magnus’ voice through the earpiece. 

“Alec?”

Alec’s silent at first, sniffling, breathing shallow as he leans back against the wall next to his door. 

“Are you there? Hello?” 

Alec tries to say something - apologize, perhaps, and hang up, or pretend he was just calling to talk about dinner tomorrow or something else - but when he opens his mouth all that comes out is a sob that he brings his free hand up to his mouth to stifle, sliding his back down the wall until he’s sitting on the floor. 

“Alexander, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” Magnus sounds worried. Just another person to add to the list of those suffering the fallout of his decision. He’s supposed to feel free now, like a weight is lifted, like he did after Izzy and Simon and Jace. But this is different - all he feels is the burden his truth brings, on himself and his family and everyone he’s lied to before now. 

“Alec, please say something, you’re scaring me.” 

Alec tries to stop crying, but after failing miserably he speaks through it instead. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry. Tell me what’s wrong, what’s happening?” 

“I can’t... I didn’t expect to feel this bad. I wasn’t supposed to fucking care what they thought, or what they said-- but it just hurts so goddamn  _ much _ .” 

“You’re not making any sense. Where are you? Are you with someone?” 

Alec shakes his head until he remembers that Magnus can’t see him through the phone. “No, I’m at home. I told them. I told my parents and I think I ruined everything.” 

“Have you talked to your sister?” 

“No!” Alec’s voice cracks. “I don’t want her to know, not yet. Not while dad’s still... “ he trails off, not even wanting to think about the state his father was in when he left. “She’ll just go make everything worse for herself.” 

“Then send me your address. I’m coming to you.” 

“That’s ridiculous. You have work in… fuck, you’re at work now, aren’t you?” Is there anything he can’t manage to ruin tonight? 

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving you alone like this, not when you’re not okay. Please.” 

“No, I’m fine. Really. I shouldn’t have called you like this, I’m sorry, I-” 

“Stop apologizing, you have nothing to apologize for. Just please tell me where you are, or somewhere I can meet you.  _ Please _ , Alexander.” 

Alec is silent for a very long time, but the idea of hanging up and leaving Magnus upset all night over this is even worse than dragging him away from his first shift back at work. 

“I’ll text it to you,” Alec finally says, voice barely above a whisper. 

“I’ll be there as quickly as I can. I--” Magnus’ words cut off abruptly. “Just hang in there, alright?” 

“Yeah.” 

The call ends and Alec only hesitates for a minute before sending Magnus his address. 

Without moving from where he sits in the hallway, Alec pulls his knees up to his chest and waits. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO BEFORE YOU YELL AT ME, JUST KNOW I DIDN'T MEANT TO LEAVE THINGS HERE AND SAD. However, the universe hates me and I got into a hit and run this weekend and everything this week has just been A Mess of dealing with the aftermath of the accident. I'm mostly fine, thankfully, and everything is being dealt with, but it definitely left me a little short this week for writing time and headspace. 
> 
> So I'm very sorry for leaving things sad, I promise they'll get better again soon, and I hope that you're all having an amazing week and end of October!! <3 <3 
> 
> NOW you can all yell at me, I'm looking forward to it!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is decidedly not okay, and Magnus does his best to make things better, even just a little bit.

Magnus brings the phone away from his ear, leaning his back against the wall outside of his office building. He managed to cut the words off abruptly, realizing what he’s about to say in just enough time to not say it. Is he really in love with Alec? The words were about to slip out so easily after only one date… after Alec didn’t even want to be _boyfriends_ yet. It’s too much too soon, even if he knows deep down in his subconscious that it’s there, threatening to slip out one of these times.

He looks at his watch and frowns. He isn’t due to start his actual shift until midnight and only came in early to meet with HR. Not that Magnus cares - no one he knew saw him yet, he can turn and leave and pretend he never came in, call out sick or something. All he knows is that he has to go.

He calls Mr. Rey’s number directly knowing his boss won’t be in for another 30 minutes and it’ll go to voicemail, making his voice as rough and scratchy as possible as he rasps out a message. “Mr. Rey, I hate to do this on my first shift back, but I came down with that 24 hour bug that’s been going around. I won’t be in tonight, but hopefully I’ll be better by tomorrow, I’m really looking forward to getting back to work.”

He hangs up, looking down at his phone expectantly. It vibrates with the arrival of a text - Alec’s address. He starts walking, trying to hail a cab once he reaches the busier areas of the streets. He’s about ready to give up on the cabs and take the subway when one finally pulls over. It isn’t until he gives the address and settles back against the seat that he’s able to replay Alec’s words in his head properly.

_“I can’t... I didn’t expect to feel this bad. I wasn’t supposed to fucking care what they thought, or what they said-- but it just hurts so goddamn much.”_

_“No, I’m at home. I told them. I told my parents and I think I ruined everything.”_

At some point Magnus cut him off because he had to, otherwise Alec would just keep apologizing and he wasn’t sure he could hear the word ‘sorry’ come from his mouth one more time that call without losing his cool. He knows how much coming out means to someone and Alec shouldn’t have to feel sorry for any of it, not for being honest about himself or for the reactions of others which are entirely out of his control.

He doesn’t know how Alec’s parents reacted but judging by how upset Alec sounded he decides to mentally prepare for the worst. There are so many things he wants to call Alec back and say now that he has a moment to collect his thoughts and the shock of the call wears off, but he’s almost there now and he knows the words would mean more in person.

He just wants Alec to know that he isn’t alone in this, no matter how he feels. Magnus is terrified that he’ll say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing, and somehow make all of this worse… but any of those fears pale in comparison to the idea of leaving Alec alone.

The cab pulls up outside a nice apartment complex - away from the slums of the inner city but nothing too extravagant. Comfortable, and modest, much like Alec himself. The thought brings a small smile to his face as he pays the fare and heads up the stairs.

Magnus stops dead two steps into the hallway when he spots the figure slumped up against the wall. It’s Alec, and seeing him sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped tight around his knees is nearly enough to break him. He didn’t know what state he expected to find Alec in but the idea that he never managed to make it into the apartment hadn’t crossed his mind.

“Alexander,” Magnus says, the name barely more than a whisper. He walks over slowly, kneeling down beside him. “Why don’t we go inside?” He spots the keys dropped onto the floor next to him and reaches for them, holding them out in silent question and only unlocking the door after Alec nods shortly.

Magnus busies himself with the lock and the keys and pretends not to notice the way Alec hastily wipes under his eyes to clear away lingering trails of tears before pushing himself shakily up onto his feet again. Magnus has to fight the urge to reach out and offer to help him into the apartment, not wanting to overstep. It isn’t like he and Alec are close like this - they only just met in person, and reading someone face-to-face is a lot different from talking with them online.

It takes him three different keys to get the one meant for the apartment door, which is fine because that’s about how long it takes Alec to stand himself up and move beside him to open the door. Magnus lingers back to let Alec go in first, following behind a few steps. There’s a table next to the door where he sets the keys.

The apartment is nice. It’s a little basic in terms of colors - everything seems to be black, white, or some shade of grey in-between, but it’s hardly lacking in everything from bookcases to potted plants, and even art on the walls.

Alec takes a few steps into the apartment and then stops again, as if unsure what to do within his own home now that he’s here.

“I’m sorry,” Alec says finally, turning to face Magnus. “You shouldn’t have come all this way, I didn’t mean to bother you with all this I just didn’t know who else to call.”

Under different circumstances he’d be thrilled over the idea that Alec felt comfortable enough to reach out to him with something so personal and important.

“If you apologize one more time I’m kicking you out of your own apartment,” Magnus says, only half-joking in an attempt to bring some slight levity to the situation. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m a grown man who can’t tell his parents he’s gay without having a full fucking breakdown afterwards,” Alec points out. “I thought I was fine… and I was, at first. I was mad, and upset, but it was that angry sort of upset I could ignore. But once I got back here it all just hit me, and… I don’t know what happened.”

“I do. You were hurt and you called someone for help. You don’t have to go through this alone, Alec. I’m here for you, if you want me to be.” Magnus walks over to him and takes both of his hands gently in his own. “If you want me to leave, I will. But I hope you don’t. I’ve been here before and I can say from experience that trying to process all of this alone might seem stoic, but it’s just going to leave you hurting more.”

Alec looks at him in silence, not commenting on that particular statement. Instead he makes his way over to the sofa and sits down, leaning back against the cushions and rubbing his hands down his face. “I don’t know what I thought was going to happen.”

“You thought they’d accept you, like a family should,” Magnus says softly, frowning. “It isn’t too much to expect.”  
  
“It is. It is when you know my family. I don’t know how I imagined anything different.” Alec looks on the verge of tears again, but instead of crying he shifts his weight and punches the pillow beside him, not stopping after one hit.

Magnus pauses, lingering a few steps away from the sofa Alec sits on. He waits until Alec is done hitting things and doesn’t miss the embarrassed look on his face when he remembers that he isn’t there alone.

“Can I use your kitchen?” Magnus asks suddenly, and Alec quirks an eyebrow.

“Yeah, help yourself.”

Magnus disappears around the small divider that leads into the kitchen, listening as Alec stands and begins pacing in the living room for a few minutes before he pokes his head into the kitchen to see what Magnus is up to. What he finds is Magnus turning back towards him with a mug in each hand, both filled with hot chocolate from the cupboard.

“Here. Let’s go sit?” Magnus offers, holding one of the mugs out for Alec to take. There’s whipped cream that’s already starting to melt into the warm liquid and a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.

“Thanks. Yeah, sure.” Alec seems so lost, like he’s just aimlessly wandering and standing and waiting for someone to tell him what to do next. Magnus wonders if he would’ve fallen asleep in that hallway had he not come over and quickly decides that isn’t a train of thought he wishes to pursue.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asks, sitting across from him on the sofa. “You don’t have to. We can just sit, if you wanted. Put something on TV maybe, or… I don’t know. Anything. Whatever you need.”

Alec looks at him, squinting slightly, trying to figure something out. “Why did you come here?” Before Magnus has a chance to answer Alec continues. “I’m a mess, and I know you could hear it on the phone. You barely know me… you don’t need to deal with this.”

Magnus doesn’t know if he’s surprised by the words themselves so much as he’s surprised Alec is blunt enough to say them. It’s easy to see the toll the day’s taken on him, though; perhaps he’s just too tired to be anything but honest. Magnus decides to match that honesty, for better or worse.

“I came because I wanted to. You were upset on the phone, I wasn’t about to look the other way and pretend I wasn’t worried. I care about you, Alec. I know we haven’t know each other for very long but… I really like you.” Magnus takes a deep breath. “You shouldn’t be alone in this.”

Magnus sees new tears threaten to well over Alec’s rapidly blinking eyes. He doesn’t know if they’re from of the frustration and anger and disappointment from whatever happened with his parents, or perhaps because of something that he said. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to say and all he’s going to do is drive Alec away instead of help.

“Thank you, Magnus. I...” Alec trails off, shaking his head slowly back and forth. “I don’t know why I called you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here, but I didn’t plan on dragging you into all of this. I didn’t want you to see me like this.” Alec takes a sip of his hot chocolate, blowing over the edge of the cup to cool it for a second before it passes through his lips. “My mom tried to understand. I know it surprised her, but she came after me when I left to tell me she loved me, so… there’s that, at least.”

Magnus watches Alec carefully, sensing him waiting for the right moment to continue, so he offers one. “And your dad?”

“My father kindly informed me I wasn’t gay,” Alec admits with a bitter laugh. “That I was just confused. I’m barred from our family dinner Sunday, and from what I could tell, any future family gatherings until further notice.”

Alec’s expression changes, words turning darker, his entire body seeming to clench and tighten around the words. This is what’s bothering him the most and Magnus can tell immediately. Placing his mug down on the table Magnus shifts closer on the sofa to reach an arm around Alec’s back to the other side of him, rubbing his hand up and down Alec’s arm in slow, deliberate patterns. He feels Alec ease slightly under his touch.  “Do you think he’ll come around? Will your mom talk to him?”

“She will, but I’m not sure it’ll help. I don’t want her to, either. Her or Izzy. I don’t want them getting on his bad side over me, but I know they will. I’ve ruined everything for them now - they’re going to feel like they have to choose between us.” Alec swallows hard.

Magnus thinks for a second that Alec is afraid they’ll abandon him and side with his father, but that doesn’t make any sense from what Alec’s told him of them. And then it dawns on him, and his hand slows to a rest on Alec’s upper arm. “You aren’t afraid they’re going to pick him.” Magnus stares in shock at how selfless Alec is, even in this moment, over something like this. He doesn’t _want_ his family to pick his side when it might negatively impact them somehow. “You’re afraid they’re going to pick you.”

Alec’s silence speaks volumes.

They’re both quiet for a little while. He wants to tell Alec that he’s worth choosing every time without a doubt; he wants to make sure Alec _knows_ he’s worth caring about, even if it isn’t the easy choice, and that surely his sister and mother would agree. But every time Magnus thinks he knows what to say he second-guesses himself and stops until finally a question comes tumbling out instead.

“Do you regret it?”

“No.” Alec’s reply is so immediate it surprises both of them. “I regret not doing it sooner, maybe. I think it would’ve been easier on everyone if I had. But I don’t regret doing it, no matter what happens.” He looks up at Magnus, actually making eye contact for the first time since Magnus got there. “Last night, when we had to sneak out the back-”

“-Alec, please, you don’t have to-” Magnus tries to interrupt to tell him he doesn’t have anything to apologize for, but Alec holds his hand up to stop him.

“No, let me say this. Last night... I’ve never felt so ashamed. Not of us, but of myself, and the fact that I felt like I had to hide you when you’ve been nothing but kind, and smart, and funny, and compassionate. You’re out and you’re so confident and I hated that I was taking that away from you just because you were with me, and when I went back and talked with Izzy I swore I’d never put you - or myself - in that position again.” Alec’s voice is shaking, but he forces himself to hold Magnus’ gaze. “Part of me was convinced I’d never see you again, and when I realized you were still willing to give me a shot after all of that there wasn’t a doubt in my mind what I needed to do.”

“Alexander, I never would’ve asked you to do that for me.”

“I know. And I’m sorry for dumping all of this on you so early in our -- in whatever _this_ is.” Alec sighs. “We’ve gone on one date and I’m calling you in tears and dragging you into my drama and now you’re missing work and you shouldn’t have to deal with any of this. If I just stuck to my gut and never agreed to meet you then none of this would be happening.”

“Hey, hey, breathe. It’s alright.” Magnus brings his hands up to rest gently on Alec’s shoulders, looking straight into his hazel eyes without hesitation. He gives Alec a few seconds to take some deeper breaths and regain his composure before continuing. “You’re right about one thing - if you never agreed to meet me, none of this would be happening. I never would’ve held your hand at the billboard or kissed you goodnight. I never would’ve seen the sparkle your gorgeous hazel eyes get when you laugh, or hear that the voice behind the written words I looked forward to the past few weeks is so soft and full of kindness. And that would’ve been _tragic_.”

Is it too much? Maybe. But Magnus knows he’s always a little… _extra_ , and if any situation called for it, he likes to hope that now is it. “I’m glad you did it. That sort of secret, it’ll eat away at you. No one should think they don’t deserve to be loved for who they are. I’ve been there, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Magnus knows his voice hitches at the end, eyes drifting a bit at the memory his vague admission brings up of that one night he almost took things too far: irreversibly far. Alec must be able to see it in his expression because his own softens in concern. Part of him wants to tell Alec, and hopefully he will one day. But not today. Alec has enough on his mind for right now - they both do.

“Thank you. That’s all-- it means a lot to hear right now. God, how are you so good at words in person?” Alec laughs, and though it’s a little forced at least he’s attempting. “You’re going to be sorely disappointed when it’s my turn for an inspiring speech.” Alec takes another sip of his hot chocolate. “But really, that helped. I think I just had to get out of my head for a few minutes.”

They both know this isn’t the end of the conversation, but it’s progress enough from where they started, and Alec hadn’t shed a tear since he stopped hitting the pillows. “I think I’m good now.”

Magnus doesn’t look like he believes that, for good reason.

“Okay, well, I’m _better_ at least. I’ll be fine on my own.” It’s obvious what Alec’s doing, giving him an easy out of this somewhat somber encounter.   

Magnus hesitates. They aren’t even _technically_ boyfriends and he doesn’t want to overstep any early relationship boundaries… but he doesn’t want to leave. One thought back to the way he found Alec less than an hour ago on the floor of the hallway and he doesn’t have a single doubt that Alec shouldn’t be left alone with his thoughts just then no matter what he says.

“May I stay? I’d like to, at least a little while. We can watch a movie. Order takeout.” Magnus can see the hesitation on Alec’s face at the suggestion and decides to gamble on honesty. “I just really don’t think you should be alone right now.”  
  
It’s a gamble, the callout. He doesn’t mean anything bad by it, he isn’t judging Alec or putting him down for however he’s feeling, but he doesn’t want to sugarcoat it either. He’s worried, and he can’t help him if he isn’t honest about it. Magnus knows what it’s like to feel alone and helpless and if he can spare Alec that, even for just a little while, he wants to.

Alec doesn’t reply immediately and the longer he waits, the more convinced Magnus grows that he’s out of line and only making Alec feel worse. He’s about to say something else, probably about to dig himself into an even deeper hole, when Alec finally replies.

“...Chinese?” Alec suggests hesitantly, and Magnus breathes easier again.   
  
“Chinese sounds perfect.”

Alec starts to properly relax a little after about an hour, Magnus notes with relief. There’s obviously a lot on his mind but he’s eating and laughing and that’s more than enough for now. He’ll take the little victories.

Magnus starts watching the movie on the far side of the sofa, but once the food is gone Alec slowly inches closer until he’s resting his head on Magnus’ shoulder. By the end of the movie Alec’s asleep, weight shifting until he gradually falls from his shoulder to his arm, finally coming to rest across Magnus’ lap. Magnus shifts out from underneath him, resting Alec’s head on a throw pillow before finding a blanket folded over the armchair across from them and draping it over Alec’s sleeping form.

For good measure, Magnus leans over and places a light kiss to Alec’s forehead, holding his breath as Alec shifts at the touch but proceeds to continue a series of muted, trailing snores.

Magnus looks at the door knowing he should leave now that Alec is asleep and he doesn’t need to be there… but instead he goes over to the smaller loveseat, pulling his knees up toward his chest to curl into as comfortable of a sleeping position as he can manage.

 **C: Magnus, where are you?** **  
** **R: We covered for you like you said, but I doubt Mr. Rey actually bought you were sick.**

**M: Long story, but I’m at Alec’s. It was an emergency. I’ll deal with work tomorrow, they’ll be fine.**

**R: I see how it is. Got yourself a rich boyfriend and now all of a sudden you can’t be bothered with work. Are you going to be a professional Trophy Husband?**

**M: We aren’t** **_boyfriends_ ** **, and it isn’t like that and you know it. I would never.**

**C: Ignore him, he’s just bitter that he’s stuck here another 6 hours tonight.  Hope everything’s alright, update us when you can.**

**M: I will. We’re fine. Coffee shop after your shift?** **  
** **C: See you then.**

It’s a while until he’s tired enough to fall asleep but when he does he sleeps through Alec waking up and getting ready for work, only stirring when he feels hands shaking his shoulders.

“Magnus?” The voice is familiar, but hazy, and it takes him a moment to recognize it. He blinks his eyes open slowly. “Sorry, I was going to let you sleep but I didn’t know if you had anywhere you needed to be. I, uh, have to go to work. But you can stay if you want and let yourself out?”

“No, I should get going. I hope it’s alright that I stayed.”

“It’s totally fine. Sorry I fell asleep on you… but thanks for the blanket. Thanks for everything, really. I’m glad you didn’t leave. That was exactly what I needed.”

“Don’t mention it. How do you feel this morning?” Magnus asks, standing and stretching with a yawn, his dress pants and button-down shirt crumpled from sleep.

“Good. Really good. Until I remember that I have to talk to Izzy later, and then I’m somehow more terrified to tell her about our parents’ reactions than I was to actually talk to my parents, but…” Alec gives a nervous chuckle, shrugging. “One thing at a time, right?”

“Right.” Magnus confirms with a nod and a smile. He’s starting towards the door when a thought occurs to him. “I know we had dinner plans for tonight, but if you’d rather not I understand.  We can do it another day.”

Alec frowns. “Are you trying to get out of our date?”

“What? No! I just know there’s a lot going on for you. If you needed the break for a night-”

“What I need is something to look forward to tonight,” Alec promises. “If you still want to?”

“Of course I do.” Magnus smiles.

“Great.” Alec smiles back. 

“Great.” Magnus moves to stand next to Alec now and their eyes meet, still smiling, and he leans in to kiss Alec’s cheek goodbye. It’s safe, he thinks, constantly remembering how quickly Alec took back what he said behind The Institute and not wanting to take things too fast… so he’s surprised when Alec turns his head at the last moment to catch Magnus’ lips with his own, for just a second or two, before pulling back and looking at him questioningly. Magnus answers that silent question by bringing a hand up to cup the side of Alec’s face, leaning in for another kiss - this one a little longer than the first but just as tender. When they pull apart this time Magnus is still leaning towards Alec, lips chasing after his before reluctantly easing back.

“Definitely great,” Alec repeats, grinning even wider than before. “I’ll, uh, text you later?”

“Yeah,” Magnus says, actively resisting the urge to kiss him again. And again. And maybe another time for good measure, if it wasn’t for the fact that Alec has to go to work. Instead he forces himself to open the door and leave, waiting until it closes behind him to lean back against the wall and collect himself.

Less than 12 hours ago he was in this same spot under very different circumstances, feeling wildly different feelings. 12 hours ago he was uncertain and hesitant, afraid of what might happen next. It feels like much longer than that, just like it feels like a lifetime ago to recall a time before he had Alexander in his life. As he lets himself out of the apartment building he finds himself praying he won’t ever have to know a time without him in his life again.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec needs to stop assuming he knows how people are going to react to things, because he's almost always wrong in the best possible way.

The moment the door closes behind Magnus, Alec turns to lean his back against it. He can’t believe he just did that. It’s just a kiss, he tells himself. Hardly more than the quick brushes of lips against cheeks they exchanged two nights before, or yesterday morning at the jewelry shop… but it _is_ more. It’s the first kiss he’s had in years that felt as if it really mattered to him. He’s gone on dates, forced himself into relationships a few times to keep up appearances and get his family off his back, but none of them (for very obvious reasons) ever lasted long. He got no joy out of them, simply going through the motions of what was expected.

Nothing like the immediate spark he feels the moment his lips meet Magnus’.

He finishes getting ready for work in a pleasant haze. It isn’t until he leaves the apartment that he begins thinking through what he’s going to say to Izzy when he sees her. It’s more difficult than he first imagines: back at his apartment with Magnus it’s easy for him to feel better about everything that happened. With Magnus things are effortless. Last night, just the two of them, Alec was able to think about himself… well, himself _and_ Magnus, and in that context it was simple to believe he did the right thing. He did what was best for himself, consequences be damned, and looking into the concerned but comforting eyes of the guy he likes was all the reassurance he needed to start to think it wasn’t all a giant mistake. That he’s finally free.

But now? Now he feels the anxiety begin to creep back in the closer he gets to the shop. As nice as his personal bubble of the night before was, and as much as he needed it to get through those first few hours after leaving his parents’ house, it isn’t his reality. He needs to figure out a way to tell Isabelle what happened without her overreacting and doing something she’ll regret. He needs to convince her that she can support him and not cut herself off from their father as well because he knows her, and he knows that’s exactly what she’s going to try to do in a show of solidarity.

He means to tell her when he gets to the shop, but another shipment of orders is in and he gets distracted sending out e-mails and making phone calls to the buyers. Izzy overslept and isn’t in the best of moods, and he decides to wait until after she’s had her coffee and settles in a bit. Then they’re open, and customers are coming in, and every time there’s a lull he freezes up - and then there’s another customer, and he’s missed another chance. He’s distracted and distant all morning, the longer he goes anticipating the conversation the more his anxiety builds.

He also has a number of messages from his mother, all apologizing or asking how he’s doing or  promising that she’s trying her best to get through to Robert. He reads the first few but doesn’t respond. This isn’t something he can deal with in the middle of work, not when each new message from her reminds him of the pain and confusion in her eyes the night before or the desperation in her voice when she called out to him as he left. He almost tears up a few times before taking a quick trip to the back room to collect himself.  
  
He decides to wait until after work to talk to Isabelle - that way if she flips out it won’t ruin the rest of the work day for either of them. Plus, he’ll have the excuse of dinner with Magnus to keep her from doting on him for too long. Just focus on work, distract himself for a little while, and come back to it later. It’s a good, solid plan until he sees her come out of the back room, cell-phone in hand, with a look on her face that clearly says ‘we need to talk’. _Shit_.

Alec finishes up the sale and gives a slightly-too-cheerful goodbye to the woman walking out the door before turning back to his sister cautiously.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She demands.

“...tell you what?” he tries, eyeing the door to the shop in the hopes that someone would come in and save him from having to do this right now.

“Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out? Why would you even keep this from me?! I thought we agreed to go together!”

He can’t tell what part she’s more upset over - that he went without her, or that he didn’t tell her after the fact. Safe money is on both, he wagers.

“How did you find out?” He avoids the question the best he can.

“Mom texted me to ask how you were doing because you haven’t been answering her messages. Which, she added, she completely understands after the way you left things last night. It didn’t take much to get the rest of the details out of her.”  

Alec sighs. Of course she went to Isabelle after he ignored her, he can’t believe he didn’t consider that possibility. “I was going to tell you after we closed.”

Isabelle walks over to the front door and flips the sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed, turning the lock.

“Would you look at that, we’re closed. Now _talk_.”

“Jesus, Iz. That’s a little extreme don’t you--”

“You came out to our parents and now you’re banned from family functions and you weren’t even going to _tell me_ , so no. This isn’t extreme, it’s necessary. Now _talk_ , before we end up closed the rest of the day.”

Alec sighs. “Fine. Not here.” They’re easily visible from the windows and if they’re going to be ‘closed’ the place should at least look empty for a little while. He makes his way to the back office, sinking into the chair behind the desk.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I went there, I told them I was seeing someone and that someone is a guy, dad decided he didn’t want me there anymore, and I left. End of story.” But even as he tries to play it cool, downplaying the events, his voice starts to shake by the end. “Pretty much how I expected it to go.”

“I’m sorry,” Isabelle says, sitting in the chair opposite him. “I really hoped he’d be… I don’t know. Better, I guess, than that.”

“Me too.” Alec says, and there’s no fighting the prick of tears at the corners of his eyes. “I knew it was stupid, but I thought maybe he’d be able to just accept it. Accept me.” He sighs, blinking them away. It’s just a stray tear or two, but it’s impossible for him to not feel any of the emotion of the night before while he’s looking at his sister. “I’m sorry. I messed everything up.”

“ _You’re_ sorry? Why the fuck should you be sorry?! He’s the one who’s going to be sorry when I get done with-”  
  
“No. Iz, you can’t. He can hate me, I don’t care, but the moment you pit yourself against him in this… what if he takes the shop? Or stops you from visiting too? What about Max, and Mom? I can’t watch them lose both of us over this. Please. Promise me you won’t do anything.” He’s pleading, desperate to salvage what he can of his family’s strained existence, and he can see the confusion on his sister’s face at his request.

“You can’t honestly think I’ll just sit back and watch him treat you like this.” She only just sat down but now she’s standing again, starting to pace back and forth, hands clenched into fists at her side. This is exactly what he knew would happen - this is what he’s afraid of.

“Of course not. I know you wouldn’t - which is why I have to ask you to. For me. Give it some time at least before you totally fly off the handles. Maybe mom really will get through to him.” He doesn’t believe that for a second but it’ll at least buy all of them some time to process, and for Isabelle to calm down.

She doesn’t agree or disagree yet.

“How bad was it?”

Alec considers lying, but after a moment decides he’s done enough of that to her this morning. She’s been there for him from the start, and she of all people deserves the truth.

“I had a panic attack in the hallway outside my apartment.”

“Oh, Alec. Why didn’t you call me?”  
  
“...because I called Magnus.”

If the conversation were about anything else he knows she’d be smirking. She almost smiles even now. “Is that so?" 

“It was more than he should ever have to deal with after one date with me, but he was perfect. He stayed the night to make sure I was alright.”

Izzy raises an eyebrow.

“He slept on the loveseat after I passed out on the sofa, nothing happened.”

“Well, I’m glad you weren’t alone. I really wish you told me, Alec.”  
  
“I know. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to think, or how I felt, and I guess I thought if you didn’t know I could just pretend everything was fine for a little while longer.”

Isabelle nods. “I love you, Alec. And I’m proud of you, no matter what happened. I’m so proud of you and I hope you’re really as okay as you’re insisting you are.”

“I really think I am. And if I’m not, I’m getting there. You don’t have to worry about me, Iz. I’m your big brother, I’m the one who gets to worry about you, remember?”  
  
“You’re more of an idiot than I thought if you don’t think it goes both ways, _hermano_. But I suppose I can stand to worry about you a little less if you have Magnus looking out for you too, now.”

\---

The mood is different as they finish out the afternoon. They talk a little more between customers, Alec filling her in on more of the details not just about their parents but his night with magnus, too. Alec is hyper aware of his sister’s eyes on him, watching just to make sure he’s actually alright and looking for any sign that he isn’t. Alec knows he’s somewhere in between - he’s a lot better than he was the night before, and even better than earlier that day, but it’s going to take some adjusting to know that now that his sexuality is out there, it’s something he’s already being judged for, fair or not.

And not just by his father. Family friends, business partners, relatives… hell, maybe even strangers, depending on who says what and where. It’s out there and there’s no taking it back, and that’s the new normal he needs to get used to now.

But it isn’t all bad. A text comes in from Magnus that simply reads:  
  
**M: Quiet night in or do you want to get out?**

Thinking of going out without fear, without hiding, lifts his mood considerably. Not to mention the fact that they were in all last night: he doesn’t want Magnus to think he’s going to hide away forever.

**A: Out, please.  
** **M: Consider it done. I’ll pick you up in an hour.**

Alec knows it’s only dinner, but he’s looking forward to it much more than he lets on to Izzy. After all, he knows himself well enough to know that he’ll spend the rest of his night overthinking on his own after Magnus goes to work, so he’s eager to enjoy this little bit of time away from it all while he can.

Magnus refuses to give him any details, claiming the surprise will be more fun, and just tells Alec to ‘look nice’. With no idea what that means, and not sure he technically owns anything between casual and Business Formal, he goes for a lavender button down and dark jeans, the light purple of the shirt one that Izzy often tells him ‘brings out the green in his eyes’. He’ll take all the help he can get - from the episode at The Institute to dragging Magnus into his family drama and personal insecurities the night before, he imagines at this point he has a lot of work to do to make up for being nothing but more trouble than he’s worth so far.

There’s a knock at his door and Alec wastes no time rushing to answer it, smiling at the sight of Magnus with his hair spiked up, eyes dark with eyeliner and a hint of shadow, and lips that look tinted with a hint of something…

...that something turns out to be a strawberry chapstick, which Alec first smells as Magnus leans in to kiss him hello and then tastes when their lips press together. He feels the texture of it linger on his own after they pull away, both smiling.

“Ready?” Magnus asks, not bothering to step inside. He’s dressed in sinfully tight light grey skinny jeans and an unplanned royal purple top with roughly half the buttons left undone despite the chill in the air.

“Ready for _what_? I can’t be ready if you don’t tell me where we’re going,” Alec points out. Even so, he’s already stepping out into the hallway and locking the door behind him, knowing that wherever Magnus leads that night he’s going to follow.

If he stopped to really think about it, it would scare him how comfortable he feels at the sight of Magnus; how easily he drops his guard. He’s been doing it not only since they began speaking online, but also the time they met at the club - there’s just something so uniquely comforting to him that allows Alec to trust him implicitly.

But he doesn’t stop to think about it, he only follows without hesitation, simply eager to be in his presence.

“My friend owns a club,” Magnus fills him in, grabbing his hand to lead him down the street. “Nothing crazy, I promise. Good music, amazing food, and the perfect atmosphere to simultaneously celebrate the huge step you took and try to forget about everything about it that’s still worrying you.”

Alec opens his mouth to argue that he isn’t worried, but Magnus shuts him up with a single pointed look. How does he know him so well already? Or perhaps he’s just that easy to read…

“Lead the way.”

They make small talk most of the way to the club, with the sun setting behind the skyscrapers and the streetlamps buzzing to life above them in its place. Alec tells him more about Izzy’s reaction but when it’s clear he doesn’t want to dwell too much on that they change the topic to meaningless small talk, and it’s nice.

Alec almost forgets about where they’re headed until he sees the name of the club on a building a block away, squinting as he tries to remember where he recognizes it from before slowing to a halt once it hits him.

It’s a gay club.

Well, isn’t _exclusively_ a gay club, but it’s known for having a large LGBTQ+ clientele, and for being an open and welcoming environment for anyone and everyone. After he came out to Izzy she tried to take him to a few places like this - The Dumort was the only one he ever got close to going to. This close, actually - he was in this very spot when he refused to go any further that night with his sister and turned around to go back home. That was a little over a year ago, but it feels like yesterday standing here, staring at the sign again.

He feels that same instinctual panic and apprehension that he felt all those years, except now on top of it he has the added shame of knowing it still exists even without the fear of his secret getting exposed.

“Alexander?” Magnus asks, voice soft with concern over the sudden change that comes over Alec.

Shit, Alec thinks. He’s even managing to ruin this, too. After 3 days of doing nothing but getting in his own way it’ll be a miracle if Magnus doesn’t turn and run for someone with a lot less baggage.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just that Izzy tried to take me to places like this - to gay clubs - after I came out to her. This is the closest I ever managed to get before I’d freak out and run the other way.”

And there it is again. Alec doesn’t even realize how easily he slips into a pattern of total honesty around Magnus, sharing things he hasn’t even told Simon or Jace, or doing things like calling him the night before when he wouldn’t even talk to Izzy.

Magnus frowns, and Alec hates that he’s doing this again. This is supposed to be an escape from everything else and here he is, weighing the mood down before they even get there.

“I’m sorry. I thought it’d be a good place to celebrate-- I should’ve asked first.”

All of his thoughts jumble together in his brain, forcing him to pause before he can respond. He wants to go, but he also doesn’t know if this is something he’s ready to jump right into. The gesture is kind and symbolic, but it’s also a lot for Alec.

“We can just go back to my place. I’ll cook. We can pick a cheesy Sci-Fi movie on Netflix to make fun of.” Alec’s struck by how quickly Magnus is willing to drop every plan he made for him, and it’s enough to finally force the words from him.

“No. This is good. It just caught me by surprise, but… I’m good. Really.” Any time spent with Magnus couldn’t be bad, he reasons. After everything he’s done for him, Alec owes Magnus to at least give it a try.  

They’re nearly at the door when a thought occurs to him. “...when do you have to leave, to go get ready for work?” Alec gives him a quick up-and-down. “Assuming you aren’t going to show up in this, not that I doubt anyone would mind the view.”

Magnus smirks. “I can assure you, Ragnor would mind. And I don’t. I may have come down with a terrible case of the flu. So tragic. It’d be horribly irresponsible of me to risk coming in tonight and getting the whole place sick.”

“Magnus! You already missed yesterday...” he starts, trailing off with a heavy sigh. “And now I sound like some overbearing mother.”

“It’s endearing,” Magnus says, and Alec prays the streetlights aren’t enough to show just how deep the flush is that crosses high on his cheeks. “And also already done, so I can’t show up magically cured from being on my deathbed within 3 hours. Looks like you’re stuck with me, Lightwood.”  

“You might want to fake sick to get out of watching my attempts at dancing,” Alec counters, starting to walk towards the club again without any more discussion on the matter. “It was probably better for the city as a whole when I was too afraid to go out.”

They get waved through the front door without issue and at every turn it’s obvious that Magnus is a regular here. There are smiles, and waves, and nothing but a nod of acknowledgement from two bouncers as they pass without question through an area curtained off from the rest of the club.

“Perks of knowing the owner,” Magnus says with a wink. “In case you need some time away from the noise out there, it’s actually quite nice back here. _And_ we have champagne.”

Magnus pours the glasses which are waiting for them, a single perfectly ripe strawberry placed through the rim of each glass. He hands one to Alec and asks: “What would you like to toast to?”

“How about… Freedom.” Alec settles on a word. “To not having to hide any part of myself ever again. And to having the most supportive person by my side.” They clink glass against glass and take their first sips. “I’m sorry for being such a mess the past few days. This isn’t exactly how I pictured our first dates,” Alec continues.

“...you imagined our first dates?” Magnus asks, soft and surprised.

“Of course I did.” Alec wonders if what crosses his mind next is too pathetic to admit, but he takes the chance anyway. “ I haven’t really dated - _seriously_ dated - in years. Not since I accepted that I was gay and couldn’t date the people I wanted to. I imagined a lot of dates that part of me thought I’d never get to have, so I guess I’m just warning you now that I’m pretty rusty at the whole dating scene.”

Alec downs the rest of his champagne while watching Magnus’ reaction carefully. He braces himself for the judgment; surely Magnus, as amazing as he is, has dated plenty over the years. And now to find himself with someone who not only just came out of the closet, but hasn’t even _dated_ in longer than he can remember? Alec is already preparing himself for the letdown of Magnus wanting to date someone more confident, or with more experience, or--

“Well then, what are we still doing back here? Sounds like we have years of missed dates to make up for.”

Alec stares in surprise. ‘ _We’._ Two little letters that somehow make everything feel like it’s going to be okay, maybe, no matter how loud the voice in the back of his head is that’s convinced otherwise.

Magnus leads the way to the dance floor where they spend the better part of the night, bouncing from the bar for drinks and food back to the open floor where Magnus makes an attempt to teach Alec some sort of Spanish dance step that nearly sprawls the tipsy jeweler flat on the floor. Alec gets brave for a little while (thanks in no small part to the alcohol) and dances closer to Magnus, _actually with_ Magnus, and they kiss once, then twice, followed by an indeterminable number where neither is quite sure where they stop and start or if either properly breathes for a solid 5 minutes pressed up against a wall behind the curtained-off area.

Alec realizes somewhere in the back of his mind that these things only happen when he initiates it - Magnus is more than willing to indulge, but only at Alec’s pace, and when Alec pulls back and nervously suggests he should probably switch to water there’s no attempt to convince him otherwise, and a minute later Magnus is there with a glass bottle of mineral water.

It’s well past midnight when they leave the club, Magnus insisting on talking Alec home first because he’s much more of a lightweight and, once again, very obviously the more drunk of the two of them. 

The mood is so much different from the night before that it’s difficult to believe only a day has passed since he came home from his parents’ and broke down in the hallway. A day between Magnus helping him into his apartment because he could barely bring himself to walk on his own, and Magnus helping him into his apartment because he’s too pleasantly tipsy to bother clearing his vision enough to see where the rug sticks up from the floor.

“Your sister is going to start blaming me for you coming to work hungover,” Magnus says with a small laugh as Alec heads straight for the bedroom, throwing himself on top of the covers entirely clothed. He’s somehow surprised to see how late it is when he glances at the alarm clock next to his face.

“It’s late,” Alec states like some sort of grand revelation.  
  
“It is,” Magnus agrees, stifling a yawn. “I should go before all the cabs disappear.”

“You should just stay here.” The suggestion tumbles out of his mouth before he can take it back, but even when he realizes what he said he doesn’t take back the offer.

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

Alec rolls his eyes. “ _Just_ sleeping. I think sleep is a great idea.” He pauses. “I have some sweat pants that will definitely be too big on you, but they’ll do for sleepwear. You can’t honestly say you’d rather spend another half an hour in a cab at 1 am.”

Magnus yawns again despite his best effort to stop it, and Alec knows in that moment that he’s won.  

“I can sleep on the sofa, I suppose.”

“Magnus, please. I know it’s only been a few dates but I’m not about to let my boyfriend sleep on-- _fuck_ .” Alec catches himself a lot faster this time, but not fast enough. This is twice that his drunken hazy brain betrayed him, and he’s about to swear off alcohol for the rest of his life. “Sorry, I didn’t-”  
  
“Don’t.” Magnus cuts him off, and Alec’s heart drops. This is it. He took things too far too fast and he should’ve just let Magnus leave when he wanted to.

“Really, I’m-” But Alec barely gets a word in before Magnus cuts him off again.

“Don’t take it back.”  

“...what?”

Magnus walks over and sits on the side of the bed, next to where Alec lays.

“Please don’t say you take it back this time. Because it’s really not fair that you got to call me your boyfriend twice now and I haven’t gotten the chance to do the same.”

It takes his brain a few extra seconds to process all of that, but when it all clicks into place Alec has a dopey grin, eyes crinkling at the corners with how hard he’s smiling. “Oh. That’s good, because at this rate I’d probably say it and take it back every time we saw each other.”  
  
Magnus laughs, and Alec eases back against the mattress. “Second drawer down are sweatpants, and there should be a t-shirt in there somewhere, too.”

Magnus takes the clothing and vanishes into the hallway, leaving Alec to change into pajamas himself before sliding under the covers. When Magnus returns his face is washed clear of makeup and he’s wearing Alec’s clothing - they don’t look ridiculous, but the pants are definitely too long for him.  Magnus shuts the light off, crossing the room and carefully situating himself on the other side of the bed. Alec looks over at the shadow of Magnus - of his _boyfriend_ \- as he shifts closer under the covers. They aren’t quite touching but they’re close, and just having him here is a comfort Alec never realized he was missing before.

“Goodnight, Alexander.”

“Goodnight, Magnus.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When an unwanted piece of his past shows up, Magnus makes a choice and has to deal with the consequences.

When Magnus begins to stir awake the first thing he’s aware of is being _warm_. He normally keeps his apartment on the cooler side, especially overnight, and for a few seconds he can’t figure out where this extra heat is coming from.

The sleep starts to clear from his brain and he’s suddenly aware of not only the warmth but the weight pressed against him. As the fog lifts from his thoughts he realizes that this isn’t his bed, and the previous night comes back all at once, the memories bringing with them a sleepy smile that spreads slowly across his face.

He almost thought it was all just a dream - too good to be true. But here he is, wearing Alec’s sweatpants and t-shirt. Wearing his _boyfriend's_ clothes. Alec’s arm is draped over him, hand falling to rest against his chest. Magnus, for the most part, remained on his side of the bed overnight… which means that at some point Alec shifted over him _him_. He certainly doesn’t mind, he thinks idly, the air of Alec’s breath on the back of his neck sending a small shiver down his spine in contrast to the warm the rest of his body provides under the shared covers.

This is nice. It’s been a while since Magnus spent the night with someone, and he had Alec hadn’t even had sex, which somehow means even more than if they had and he crashed here after.

Alec is still fast asleep, quiet snores occasionally breaking the silence of the room. Magnus doesn’t want to get up even though he’s entirely awake now, so instead he reaches over to grab his phone from the small table beside the bed. He has a number of missed messages, some from his group chat with Cat and Ragnor which he barely has time to consider before his breath catches in his chest at the sight of three texts from someone else. It isn’t because he missed them that he’s shaken, but because of who they’re from.

Camille.

He almost deletes them without opening a single one, already knowing that nothing good could possibly come from it, but his curiosity wins out and he swipes open the notification. Magnus nearly drops his phone on his face at the messages, each of which has a photo attached.

 

**_CB: Saw you out tonight looking pretty chummy with a Lightwood._ **

**_CB: These are much better than Robert’s usual family photo ops._ **

**_CB: Who knew Alexander was so delicious under those suits?_ **

 

Fuck. The lighting of the club was shitty but camera phones are pretty good these days. Perhaps a little too good. There’s no denying that’s Alec pressed up against a support beam while Magnus’ hands lift his shirt slightly in their roaming exploration. In another Alec’s face is buried against Magnus’ neck, nipping playfully at the tender skin there (not that you could tell that much from the photo, but seeing it brings the memory back vividly). For the most part their time at the club was casual flirty fun, with a few moments that began to get a bit more heated before one, or both, of them broke away. They never lasted long and yet Camille managed to catch each one before it ended, and he was so wrapped up in Alec the whole night he hadn’t even noticed his ex at the club.

It’s bad enough she saw and recognized him, but the fact that she also recognized Alec makes his stomach churn. Alec may be out to his family now but that doesn’t mean he wants the world to know, and the thinly veiled threat of her knowing his family isn’t lost on Magnus.

 **M: What do you want?** **  
  
**

He isn’t here to play nice. It’s been years since they last spoke - since Camille cheated on him while he was in college, which he only found out about when he left school to be with her, after which point he confronted her about it. Or, at least tried to. Part of him was so in love with her he still wanted to make things work between them even then, but she grew bored and left. Not just him, but the city entirely, and never looked back.

Until now. It’s bad enough that she’s back, but the fact that she’s already trying to insert herself into his life is too much. He wants to put a stop to it before it even begins.

Unfortunately, Camille has other plans.

 **CB: Have lunch with me. It’s been far too long and we have so much to catch up on.  
** **M: Absolutely not. I want nothing to do with you anymore, Camille. I thought I made that perfectly clear after our last messages.  
** **CB: You aren’t still holding that grudge, are you? I miss you. I think we can be civil about this and stay friends.** **  
** **M: The answer is no.** **  
** **CB: Meet me for lunch and I’ll let you delete the photos yourself.  
  
**

Magnus hates this. She hasn’t changed at all, still every bit the manipulative person she was while they were together and even after she left. Even though she hasn’t said anything outright he understands the implication here. The next text he sends leaves him with a bad feeling which grows worse with every letter typed.

 **M: One lunch, today at noon. Then I never have to see you again.** **  
** **CB: If that’s what you wish, dear. See you then <3  
  
**

He quickly shuts the message and puts his phone back down, shifting onto his back. There’s no denying the guilt that instantly overcomes him at the sight of Alec, still asleep. Alec, who is entirely unaware of the drama that just crashed into Magnus’ quiet life. Magnus wonders if he should keep it that way.

It isn’t long before Alec stirs awake, rolling over with a momentary look of surprise at seeing Magnus beside him. Magnus thinks he catches a flash of panic in his eyes which dart down to glance at the hint of t-shirt Magnus has on before it passes.

“How are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly good, actually. I think I avoided my hangover curse this time,” Alec says, clearly pleased. “You must be good luck.”

Magnus smirks. “We’ll have to do it again sometime soon to test that theory, then. You know, for science.”  

Alec laughs, then sighs at the sight of the time on the alarm clock. “I do _not_ want to go to work today.”

“Mmm, that makes two of us. I do know something that might make the start of the day more tolerable, if I’m allowed to raid your kitchen?” Magnus makes the offer hesitantly, not sure if that’s asking too much at this point. Never mind the fact that they shared a bed the night before (even if nothing like _that_ happened), the idea of cooking in someone else’s house seems even more intimate, somehow. Maybe it’s the fear that after the haze of the alcohol and dancing was gone Alec wouldn’t want him to stay any longer than he already had. That the surprised look Alec had when he turned over and saw him was because he expected Magnus to be gone already, and maybe he was overstaying his welcome.

Instead of answering Alec is just staring, not saying anything, seeming to study Magnus from his pillow a few inches away.  
  
“Everything alright?” Magnus has to ask, because this much silent staring is starting to become a little unnerving. He’s positive asking to use the kitchen was overstepping now.

“Yeah. Actually, everything’s great. I was just - and don’t laugh, but - I was just thinking about how a month ago I never would’ve imagined ever doing this. Dating, _actually_ dating. It’s… nice.” Alec shrugs, looking more embarrassed the longer he speaks until he trails off with a shrug.

Magnus is equal parts proud and heartbroken at the admission. On one hand, he’s so happy to see Alec growing more and more comfortable with who he is. But just the knowledge that he never imagined he’d be able to date someone he’s actually interested in for… well, possibly his entire life? It’s a lot to process, and it hurts to even consider.  

“I’d never laugh at that,” Magnus reassures him, shifting closer to him with a soft smile. “I’m glad you’re happy.” He leans in for a kiss, but only a quick one - they both probably have terrible morning breath after a night of drinking.

“Definitely happy.” Alec confirms, pulling away and smiling slowly. “ And of course. Help yourself to anything here, bathroom, kitchen, whatever; make yourself at home.” Alec offers his entire apartment so easily. He draws no boundaries, makes nothing off limits. It’s a simple gesture, but it holds so much weight.

“Alright. I’ll make breakfast while you get ready then,” Magnus says, leaning over to give Alec another quick kiss before getting out of bed and making his way down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Magnus is dimly aware of the sound of running water in the distance, doing his best not to picture what Alec might look like at that moment stepping into the shower. They’re taking this slow, he reminds himself, and he most definitely cannot jump the guy in the shower after the second date no matter how tempting the idea may be.

Instead he focuses on the pancakes he whips together with ingredients from Alec’s kitchen, heating up the skillet on the stove and busying his mind with more important things: like what he’s going to tell him about Camille.

He’d like to just forget about the texts and not say anything, but that feels irresponsible. What if she _does_ something with the photos? If she recognized Alec as a Lightwood she could go to his family, or post them on social media. They’re harmless in the grand scheme of things - just two people in a club kissing, you see worse on the subway half the time - but for a guy from a conservative family who probably values keeping his personal life private, it could be enough to scare Alec away for good.

He can’t lose this, he can’t lose _him_ , not now. And certainly not over Camille. Towards the end of their relationship she nearly cost him Catarina and Ragnor after already losing him all of his other friends. His grades suffered after the countless hours he spent driving to visit her on nights and weekends, foolishly devoted to her, believing without a single doubt that she was The One. He dropped out of school to follow her across the state. And when her father was the only one who gave him a shot at a job in his field he lost that as well, fired no more than a week after he and Camille split up.  

He lost everything after that relationship, and now that he’s finally finding his footing again he isn’t about to repeat the process.

The pancakes are done, a fact he realizes not a moment too soon after going through the motions of making them while entirely lost in thought. He puts the last one on a plate just as Alec rounds the corner dressed in navy blue slacks and a charcoal gray dress sweater. Magnus catches the smile that instantly lights up his face at the sight of him turning around with the plate of breakfast, and it’s so much pure joy over such a simple thing that it melts Magnus’ heart.

He isn’t going to tell him. Not until he sees how this lunch goes. If he thinks Camille is still going to be a problem then he’ll come clean, but with any luck he can deal with this himself and get rid of her once and for all. She’s just a blemish on his past that he doesn’t want to subject Alec to, not when Alec is his currently spotless future.

“Breakfast is served.” Magnus says, shaking the worries from his head.

Alec lifts his nose higher into the air, inhaling the smell of fresh pancakes. “Those smell like heaven.” He grabs the plate and goes over to the table where Magnus already has two glasses of orange juice sat out and wastes no time taking a bite. “Mmmm, they taste even better than they smell.”

Magnus beams. “I always did have a talent for cooking. I’ll have to cook you a proper meal sometime. Perhaps for our next date?” He slides the suggestion in as subtly as he can but there’s no denying the question in his tone: _I know you said you were happy, but you meant it, right_ ? _This isn’t a fluke?_  It’s unspoken yet somehow louder than any of the words he actually said, hanging in the silence between them as Alec finishes chewing before answering.

“You planned the last one, I think it’s my turn this time.” Alec points out thoughtfully. “But maybe the one after that.”

And there’s a promise there, a plan for a future however short-ranged, that makes Magnus’ heart skip a beat.

They chat a bit as they eat, up early enough to take their time and linger in the easy morning before Alec regretfully admits he needs to actually leave, or else he’s going to be late. Magnus goes to change out of Alec’s clothes and back into what he wore the night before, and they meet back up again by the front door. This time there’s no hesitation when they lean in for a goodbye kiss, sinking into one another, soft and slow just like the easy morning they shared. There’s no rush, no fear that the action won’t be welcome, or that it’ll potentially be the last one they share.

They both know the other wants this - being in a relationship, being _boyfriends_ \- and there’s that promise of more safely on the horizon of their next date or two.

“I’ll walk you out.” Alec’s voice breaks Magnus of his reverie and he nods, following him through the door and down the hallway. Their hands find one another’s, only breaking apart on the sidewalk where they begin to part ways, but not before Magnus gives Alec’s arm a tug towards him and graces his lips with one last kiss. “Any plans before work?”

“You mean besides sleeping?” Magnus jokes, telling himself that avoiding the question isn’t the same as lying.

Alec laughs. “Fair enough. Text me?”  
  
“Of course.”

They smile and turn in opposite directions, and only when he’s a block away does Magnus dare to pull his phone out again to check the message he felt buzz in his pocket a few minutes earlier.

**CB: -address sent- Meet me here at noon. First drink’s on me ;)**

Magnus doesn’t answer, which is a step up from his urge to send back approximately a dozen eye rolling emojis. He has a couple hours to go home and change into something other than what he was wearing at the club the night before so he heads off to do just that, mentally preparing himself for whatever Camille may want.

\---

It’s nearly noon when Magnus gives the address to the cab driver and heads over to the restaurant. He didn’t realize it before by looking at the street address, but he’s actually pretty close to Alec’s store. Perhaps after this is all over with he can swing by with a coffee for him, Magnus thinks, and the thought alone is enough to brighten up the growing dread he’s felt since waking up to Camille’s messages earlier.

He spots her already sitting at one of the tables outside at a small patio area with metal tables and chairs under unnecessary umbrellas on the overcast day. He sees her before she sees him and he gives himself a few moments to stop, frozen, and collect himself. A rush of old emotions come flooding back to him at the sight of her, most of them full of bitterness and resentment, but some of them undeniably pleasant memories that, for better or worse, are still attached to his ex. The nights they spent wrapped around one another, the time they spent together, that one masquerade ball which was particularly--

\--no. He’s not doing this. He can’t do this. He’ll just leave and tell Alec everything and they can figure out what to do together, without him resorting to--

“Magnus!”

_Shit._

He looks up at the sound of his name in a hauntingly familiar voice, his eyes meeting hers. So much for turning back.

“Isn’t it a little chilly to eat outside? Why don’t we go in.”

Camille looks over at where she’s already situated with a drink at the table and shakes her head. “No… the inside is too stuffy here, I need the fresh air.”

He can tell from her tone that it’d only give him a headache to argue, and instead he leaves his jacket on, moving past her towards the table. He feels a tug at his wrist,turning back around to find a pair of arms already wrapping gently around him.

“We haven’t seen each other in over a year, and you aren’t even going to give me a hug?”

Magnus tenses underneath the gesture, but reluctantly raises his arms to return it half-heartedly. “Don’t pretend I’m here because I want to be, Camille. I know you aren’t that stupid.”

She smirks. “Sit. Eat. Let’s catch up. I already ordered the veal for you, I know it’s your favorite.”

“ _Was_ my favorite. A lot can change in a year or two.”

Camille gives him a knowing look. “Yes, so it would seem. If you’d prefer something else I can call the waiter back over-”

Magnus sighs. “No, it’s fine.” It is still one of his favorites, as reluctant as he is to give her any satisfaction in being correct. He sits down across from her but the table is small and there’s no way to get as much distance between them as he’d like. This isn’t helped by the fact that Camille manages to scoot herself closer to him when she sits back down herself.

Magnus barely suppresses a shudder. She knows _exactly_ what she’s doing.

“How have you been while I was away? How’s work? Daddy told me you’re no longer with the curator’s office, what a shame.” She fills her words with false sympathy.

He glares back at her. “You know he fired me, and you know it’s your fault.”

“I’m offended you’d think such a thing of me, Magnus. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“Except cheat on me.”

“Well, you weren’t supposed to find _out_. It wasn’t meant to hurt you if you were never meant to know.”

He hates how casually she says it, as if that justifies it somehow. As if he’s expected to sit here and believe her, or what? Forgive her?

“You’re unbelievable,” he mutters, just as the food comes and the plates are set down in front of them.

“Just tell me what you want.” He demands, appetite gone.  

“I just want to catch up. Like you said, a lot can change in a year or two. I’m a different person now, and I’m sorry for hurting you before. You know it was never my intention, Maggie.”

“Please don’t call me that,” he half-whines, half-requests. He forgot how much he hated that nickname.  

Camille pouts. “Fine. So what _are_ you up to lately? Going out with Alexander Lightwood of all people, you must be doing quite well for yourself.”

“I’m doing just fine, though it’s nothing lavish. Just biding my time with a temporary gig while I save up for something new.”

Camille frowns a bit at that. “Temporary ‘gig’?” She repeats dubiously.

Magnus hates the shame he feels in having to admit he’s working in a support center, nothing more than a glorified help desk, despite his almost-degree in history.

“Yes. Temporary. I’ve looked into a few new things since you left but nothing stuck.” That’s a lie. He fell into a state of self-loathing for so many months that he nearly couldn’t pull himself back out of it, and the idea of applying and facing the rejection of a dozen museums around the city again isn’t one he’s willing to face again, but she doesn’t need to know that.  

“I see,” she says slowly. “Well, that’s a shame. But at least you have the Lightwood boy to support you if things don’t work out. I’m sure you wouldn’t have to work at _all_ if you didn’t want to.”

Magnus tenses again, his grip tight on the glass of water he brings up to his lips with a slight tremor.

“You know. Since I’m back in town for good, I’m looking for a new job, too. What are the chances your new arm candy can get me a meeting with his daddy dearest?”

And there it is. This was never about him at all, not really.

“Absolutely not.” Magnus doesn’t hesitate.

“...so quick to say no, have you forgotten our deal this morning?”

“I haven’t, but the answer is still no. If you want something from me, fine. But you’re not going anywhere near Alec. The only reason I’m here at all is to get you away from the both of us as quickly as possible.” He’s calm, which is impressive considering the flare of rage he feels.

“Wow, you must _really_ like him.” Camille’s eyes narrow dangerously. He can almost see her recalculating, plotting out her next move.  “I’d be careful what you say, Magnus. How well do you even really know the guy? How well does he know _you?”_ She delivers the question with a pointed look.  “I’ve seen you at your worst and still loved you. Will he be able to say the same?”

“You never loved me, Camille. I didn’t realize it back then, but I know that now.”

“Do you? I’ll admit, I didn’t appreciate you back then the way I would now, but we were so good together. And I have it on good authority you barely know the guy - so ditch him. Forget me wanting that meeting, I’d much rather have you instead. Let’s give us another chance. We’re both different people now. _Better_ people. I can even talk to my dad about getting your old job ba-”  
  
“No. Just… stop. Whatever game you’re playing at here, it isn’t going to work, so quit it. I’m seeing someone and, unlike _you_ , that actually means something to me.”

Her eyes narrow again before she composes herself. “Perhaps you should take some time and think it over. We can talk about it more when we meet for lunch tomorrow.”

“When we--” Magnus starts to repeat incredulously, but cuts his own words off with a laugh. “Honestly, Cam, I can’t believe you. There won’t be a lunch tomorrow, or _ever_. Just stay the fuck away from me. I won’t say it again.”

Magnus pushes his chair back to leave, nearly shaking in barely suppressed frustration.

“I wish I could say I was surprised, but I knew it would come to this. I do wish you would’ve played nice.”

Magnus barely has time to look confused before she’s suddenly standing up and moving in front of him, lips pressing against his in a rush of warmth and expensive wine. He’s frozen, too stunned to process what’s happening enough to stop it immediately, taking several seconds too long to stumble backwards away from her.

“What the fuck?” He chokes out, but she isn’t even looking at him - she’s smirking and looking past him, over his shoulder, and he follows her gaze to see an already retreating form he recognizes immediately.

It’s Alec, turning away from them and going back towards the jewelry store.

“I told you to play nice. We could’ve made this work.” Camille shrugs, but Magnus is already turning from her, lunch and photographs forgotten as he rushes down the street after Alec.

“Alec!” He calls, not bothering to hide the desperation in his tone. “Stop, I can explain! Just-” He huffs out a breath, trying to catch up. “Just wait a second!”

There are other people on the street - there are _always_ other people on the street, no matter what the hour, but especially in the middle of the day - and some of them give him curious looks. He doesn’t care. Alec isn’t slowing down, or even sparing half a glance backward, and with every step he takes there’s a growing weight of dread in his stomach.

“Alexander! Please,” he says, pleading now. Alec slows, and then stops, but remains with his back turned to him. Magnus can see his shoulders rise and fall with heavy, uneven breaths.

“Don’t bother. I saw enough.” Magnus knows before Alec even turns that he’s close to tears; it’s evident in the tremor in his voice. That doesn’t make it any less painful to see the water in his eyes when he finally does turn around.

“Alexander,” Magnus says, mind racing a million miles a minute as he takes a step forward towards Alec. Alec takes a step backwards to counter and his heart breaks. Magnus stops moving. At least he isn’t running away, he tries to reason with himself. It’s better than nothing. It doesn’t feel like enough but it has to be.  
  
But what can he say? What can he say that will make what Alec just saw any better in his mind? Magnus knows how bad that looked. He gets it. He doesn’t blame Alec for jumping to conclusions but the longer Alec refuses to let him explain the more annoyed he gets. Alec doesn’t know him well enough to trust a single word that leaves his mouth now, but he has to try, because he can’t let him walk away.  
  
The overwhelming swirl of panic and fear and regret are all too much and his mind begins to shut down instead. He feels numb staring at Alec, seeing the hurt and betrayal etched into his features. Magnus has to force himself to speak.

“I didn’t-- she kissed _me_ , and I stopped it as soon as I realized-”

“Who is she?”

“It’s a long story. I kno-”

“Who is she?” Alec repeats. He’s trying to sound forceful but there’s fear in his voice as he asks, because he already suspects, Magnus can tell. He wants to hear those suspicions confirmed… or see if Magnus will even admit it.  
  
He does. If he’d only admitted this over breakfast they wouldn’t be here right now. Everything would still be okay.  

“My ex.”

Alec turns to leave again.

“You have to let me explain.”

“No, I don’t. What I _have_ to do is get back to work.” Alec hesitates, and for a moment there’s a bit of hope in Magnus’ heart that maybe he’s going to let him explain after all… until he speaks again. His voice is sad and resigned. “I know we only just started dating, but you should’ve said something if you wanted to see other people.”

“That isn’t what this is at _all_ . I’ve been trying to tell you. This wasn’t a date. She blackmailed me into coming and all I wanted to do the whole time was leave and then _she kissed me_ . I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her. You have to believe me. Alec, I-- I care about you. I’d never do something like that to you.” _Something like what she did to me,_ Magnus realizes, and it hurts him even more to know exactly what Alec must be feeling right now if he really believes that he was hooking up with an ex behind his back. It’s a pain he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy, and certainly not on his boyfriend. 

“ _Blackmail?!_ What does she-- No, you know what, this is too much right now. I have to go.”

“Call me on your break? Or after work? I promise, I can explain everything.”

But Alec doesn’t reply, already turning and weaving his way through the small crowd on the sidewalk.

Magnus resists the urge to text him immediately. He wants to explain everything, he _has to_ , but not while Alec is this upset. Not when they’re both so worked up - Alec over what he saw, and Magnus over, well, _everything._ That’s just a recipe for disaster.

Watching Alec walk away Magnus tries not to think about the possibility that, despite all of the hope and potential that morning carried of a future, he managed to ruin it all in one fell swoop. His phone buzzes, and he looks down hoping to see Alec’s name.

 **CB: You’re still so predictable - some things** **_never_ ** **change. I’ll be back for lunch tomorrow if you change your mind.**

Magnus wants to throw his phone on the ground and watch her name shatter into a million pieces at his feet, but instead he flips the messages over to Alec’s name. At the very least he needs to say one thing. He needs to make sure that this gets across, even if Alec isn’t willing to hear him out on anything else.  
  
**M: I’m sorry.** **  
** **  
** It stays marked as Unread the rest of the afternoon.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries to avoid the truth for as long as he can, but it always catches up in the end. Will it be as bad as he feared, or will everything work itself out in the end? Once he stops shutting people out he might be surprised to find what finds its way in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight edit to last chapter: I made a slight change so that Magnus dropped out of school to follow Camille, and never finished his degree completely (though he's very close!). I think it fits better and I wasn't super thrilled with the call after I posted it. Just a minor tweak that doesn't really change anything right now, but I wanted to note for moving forward! <3

As Alec walks away from Magnus he tries to figure out how everything went so wrong so quickly. It plays out like a movie in his mind that he pauses and rewinds, looking for any signs that he should’ve seen this coming. 

His day started off perfectly... perhaps a little too good to last.  He woke up wrapped around his boyfriend in bed and was then treated to a breakfast of pancakes once he’d finished getting ready. They kissed and parted ways and it’s all a bunch of small, simple things, but for him they all add up to the best morning he’s had in ages. He wasn’t even hungover from the night of drinking before. In fact, he was positively floating when he came into work, something Izzy picked up on immediately.

“Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” She demanded, laughing when he simply shrugged in response. 

“Magnus and I went to that club you tried to take me to before - The Dumort? It’s actually pretty cool. He knows the owner, we should go some time. You’d love it there.” 

Isabelle had pretended to be offended. “It took me  _ how many months _ to get you to agree to go out with us, and Magnus has you in a club after one date?!” 

“Yeah, well, you aren’t my boyfriend are you?” 

He had pretended not to notice how her jaw dropped at the casual use of the word. 

He continued to exist on cloud nine for the remainder of the morning, texting with Magnus on and off (though Magnus’ replies were uncharacteristically short and delayed that morning) until a phone call came in at around 11:45. 

That was when everything started to fall apart. 

“Alec, it’s for you,” Isabelle called from the counter. 

He went over to answer the phone.  

“ _ Alexander? I have some information that might interest you.”  _   
  
“Who is this?”    
  
“ _ Not important. If you want to know the truth about the kind of guy you're dating, come by Archer and Walker cafe at 12:15.”  _

The phone hung up before he could say another word. 

“Who was it?” Izzy asked. 

He didn’t know why - he still doesn’t - but he didn’t tell her. “I dunno. Prank call I think.”

He got out his phone. Magnus said he was going to go back to bed before work, but maybe he changed his mind if he couldn’t sleep. Either way, he figured he could just ask. He tried to call but it got pushed to voicemail. 

**A: Hey, do you have a minute? Something weird just happened.** **  
** **M: Not right now, I’ll call you later.**

Oh. He felt the uneasy feeling in his stomach grow as he pocketed his phone with a frown. He told himself he wasn’t going to go but when noon hit a few minutes later his curiosity got the better of him and he left the shop, telling Izzy he was just going to grab a coffee. He didn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t what he found.

When he saw Magnus kissing someone else (who looked familiar, though he wasn’t really focused on  _ her _ enough to place it)  it was like everything inside of him shut down. He didn’t want to think, or feel, or hear Magnus beg him to listen; he wanted to leave. He  _ had  _ to leave. The rest was a blur of words,  _ ex, blackmail, kiss…  _ it didn’t matter. If he stayed he was going to say something he’d regret, and he trusted himself as little as he trusted Magnus in that moment, so he turned to walk away.

He’s walking away now, and Magnus isn’t chasing after him a second time.  

The replay stops and Alec’s jolted harshly back into the present moment, realizing that he’s nearly back to the store. He can’t distance himself from this any more as the shock wears off and the reality sets in. 

Alec tries to work out exactly what just happened because none of it feels real to him. Part of him knows he should turn back and hear Magnus out but he can’t rely on himself to be objective just then. Showing up in the first place was a mistake, and walking away without talking about it was just as much of one, too. Going back at this point would likely turn out to be yet another mistake to add to his growing list. His thoughts and feelings are all over the place and he needs some time to sit, to process the emotional whiplash he just experienced before he can talk about it with anyone, especially with Magnus. No, he isn’t going to go back. 

Izzy can tell something’s wrong when he comes through the door. He wants to cry, but besides the tears that stung his eyes when he turned to face Magnus on the street he manages to keep the rest at bay, taking too-deep breaths and digging his nails into his palms instead. There’s a customer in the store but he can’t bring himself to fake a smile and make small talk like nothing happened, so instead he makes a beeline for the back room where Isabelle finds him a few minutes later. 

“What’s wrong?” 

He doesn’t even know where to start. 

“Nothing,” he deflects, thinking it’d be easier than trying to explain something he doesn’t understand himself, but he can’t even lie properly in the state he’s in. “Everything,” he concedes just as quickly. “I saw Magnus kissing someone else. His ex. It all happened so fast, and he swore she kissed him and not the other way around, but--”  

“Oh, Alec.” She wraps her arms around him comfortingly. 

“He tried to ‘ _ explain’  _ but I told him I’d hear him out later. I couldn’t stand there and look at him another second, Iz. I just… I know we barely know each other but I thought there was a real connection between us. I thought he felt the same way.” 

“Maybe he does. You just said you didn’t let him explain… you don’t know what was happening before you got there.” 

“If it wasn’t what it looked like, why tell me he doesn’t have any plans all day then not answer my call while he’s with her?” Alec frowns. “You didn’t see them. She was-- wait, Iz, give me your phone.” He felt his own vibrate on his way back and doesn’t want to look at Magnus’ message yet, whatever it is. She hands her’s over and he punches in a few letters before a look of realization crosses his face. “I thought she looked familiar.  _ Fuck.”  _   
  
“Who?” 

“Magnus’ ex” Alec hands the phone back over to her with the profile pulled up. “Camille Belcourt.” 

Izzy scrunches up her face, not sure why the name is so familiar to her at first, and then… “ _ No.”  _ It dawns on her. “That girl from Lilith’s campaign who got access to half of Aldertree’s confidential files by hooking up with his campaign leads? Dad nearly had his private donations leaked, he was  _ furious _ . It was kind of brilliant. She didn’t even have to  _ try  _ to get them to invite her back to their places--” she cuts off the recollection abruptly, suddenly remembering what brought it up in the first place. “Sorry.”  

“Yeah. Not helping.” Alec says pointedly. “That’s her, I’m sure of it.”  Alec doesn’t know her personally, he mostly only heard about her after their dad worked to cover up that scandal for Aldertree. He might’ve met her once or twice at some fundraisers over the years. All he really remembers is that she was clever, manipulative, and nothing but power-hungry, not caring who she stepped on along the way to get what she wanted. “...what if he’s been with her this whole time? Everyone knows dad’s considering a run for office - I bet she’s still working for Lilith.” 

The thought of Magnus with someone like her makes his skin crawl. The thought of them working together makes him start to feel nauseous. 

Izzy frowned. “Magnus didn’t even know who you were when you first met, that doesn’t make any sense.” 

“ _ None of this _ makes sense. He said she was blackmailing him - what if it was just to get information for her?”  

“Alec, listen to yourself. You sound like some crazy conspiracy theorist and you’re just going to drive yourself insane. The only way to know for sure is to talk to Magnus.” 

Alec sighs. “I know. And I will... later. For now I just want to get back to work.” 

Izzy opens her mouth to argue but the bell rings over the door and her words can only turn into a heavy sigh as they both head back out to the sales floor.    


\---

The ‘I’m sorry’ still sits at the top of Alec’s messages at the end of the day. He doesn’t open it. He doesn't have to when it’s all right there on the preview screen. If he opens it he’ll have to reply and he can’t decide what he wants to say yet. 

He gets two more messages and a missed call after work before Magnus’ shift starts. He doesn’t open any of them, unwilling to hear the pity in Magnus’ voice or read the words meant to comfort and reassure him. 

As far as he’s convinced - and by this point he’s so deep in his own headspace it’s a miracle he’s even aware of the messages at all - he should’ve seen this coming. Even if this wasn’t some clever ploy from the start with Camille (and he’s not entirely convinced it isn’t, though Izzy did a good job of making it seem like the least plausible option) the idea of Magnus simply not wanting to be with him is entirely possible. That’s where he settles for the night, unable to come to any other conclusion. No matter what Magnus may try to say, Alec’s certain he just fell too hard, too fast, and Magnus didn’t.

Until he listens to the messages he can pretend that it’s all going to be alright somehow. But the moment he does, if they’re Magnus being angry with him for walking away, or admitting that he’s back with his ex now, that makes it real.  So he ignores them because it’s easier than facing a truth he might not want to know. 

It’s 8:00 when a text comes in that’s not from Magnus, but from his father. 

**R: I’m telling the family that Alexander is too sick to come to the house this weekend. Neither of you will speak of anything to the contrary.**

His father isn’t even going to  _ tell _ the rest of the family he’s gay, not even out of anger to turn them against him. He’s trying to cover it up, putting his damage control skills to good use once more. On one hand, the fact that he isn’t making some public denouncement is more than he could’ve hoped for. But being just another issue to sweep under the rug doesn’t feel much better. 

Alec is extremely done with this day. 

He goes to bed early, wakes up late the next morning, and sees two new voicemails. When he reads the texts he’s going to have to respond, and when he responds he isn’t sure what’s going to happen. Is there any conversation about what he saw that doesn’t end in a fight? Any chance his own insecurities will let him move past this instead of just cutting his losses now before he’s in any deeper? There’s a chance that this is it, that this is the end before things had a chance to even start, and he doesn’t want to face that reality just yet. 

But the voicemails… one from yesterday and two more overnight equal the little ‘3’ in a red bubble at the bottom of his screen. His finger hesitates over the button. 

Alec slumps back against his bed. He should talk to Magnus. He owes him that much, especially after that voicemail. Whatever is happening here is more complicated than Magnus kissing his ex at lunch, and he  _ knows that _ , he really does. But he can’t help but allow that one thing to eat away at every insecurity he has. He’s never had a proper boyfriend, he hasn’t dated in years, he only just came out and his family life is a mess. After their first date Magnus had to deal with him having a total breakdown over his father, and now--

\--well, now Alec wouldn’t blame him for wanting something safe, or familiar, or more stable. He wouldn’t blame him for wanting something easier. And that’s why he isn’t calling or texting back. Because no matter what Magnus says, all Alec can see is this turning into an argument that ends in Magnus saying he thinks they’d do better with some time apart. That this is all more trouble than it’s worth. And he can’t bring himself to face the possibility of losing him.  

Alec turns off his phone screen and gets ready for work. Morning comes and goes and much to Izzy’s disappointment he still hasn’t spoken with Magnus, who hasn’t tried to reach him since last night. Alec isn’t sure if that’s a relief or just more cause for concern - it’s what he wanted, after all, but part of him didn’t expect Magnus to give up so easily. So is this it, then? Did he really push him away this quickly? 

Another text comes at 11:00 am.  
  
**M: Please call me. I need to talk to you. I’ll come by the store if I have to.  
  
** Alec’s stomach drops, and all he can think is that this is it. Magnus is breaking up with him and he can’t have him show up here to do it. He doesn’t think he’ll survive that conversation in person and in a panic turns to Izzy in the empty shop. 

“I’ll be right back. I have to... “ he motions vaguely to his phone and Izzy just nods. 

He closes the door to the office and finally brings himself to listen to the voicemails.

_ ‘Alec, hey. I know you said you didn’t want to talk right now, but it’s been half a day and I know you’re home from work. Please just call me back, I really need to talk to you about this.’  _

_ ‘Hey, me again. At least text me and let me know you’re alright? I haven’t heard from you all day and I’m worried about you. Fuck, this is all my fault, please just let me fix this? I swear I can explain everything, but I don’t want to do it in a voicemail. Call me when you get this?’  _

_ “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Alexander. I’m going to fill this voicemail with as many ‘I’m sorries’ as I can fit until it cuts the message off and it still won’t be enough for whatever pain this is causing you. Since you won’t talk to me, I guess I have to do this here. Camille and I used to date, and it didn’t end well. When I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her now that she’s back in town she kissed me when she saw you coming. You have to believe me, Alec. I want to date you, and only you, and Camille can go rot in hell. She tried to threaten me - threaten  _ **_us_ ** _ \- and that’s why I had to go. I wanted to fix it but I only made it worse. I should’ve just told you when I heard from her but I didn’t want all of this to scare you away so I tried to keep you out of it, and I know that’s not a good excuse for lying but it’s the truth.  Please call me back, or text me, or just update your Facebook status so I know you’re even alive out there. I never realized how much we talked until you stopped speaking to me, and so much of my day is empty now, and it’s killing me t--’  _

Beep.

He hits Magnus’ name and it picks up before the first ring ends.  

“Alexander.” His name is immediate, breathed out in relief which only adds to the guilt he feels piling up. 

“Hey.” Alec hesitates. “Sorry for not calling back sooner, I just… I needed some time. It’s all been a lot lately.”   
  
“It’s fine. I’m glad you’re alright. I mean, you sound alright. Are you?”    
  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Good. And I should be the one apologizing. I knew she was going to try something I just never imagined she’d go  _ that far _ .” 

Alec remains silent for a moment. “I should’ve trusted you. I didn’t even listen to your messages until today, I was so convinced you were just going to break up with me and I’d never see you again.” He feels a lot better admitting it, even if it sounds paranoid and selfish. He’s tired of lying, and secrets, and just wants to lay it all out on the table and see where they stand. 

“I probably would’ve done the same thing if I were you,” Magnus says finally, and Alec feels the knot in his chest ease slightly. “I didn’t think you were ever going to talk to me again.” 

Alec sighs. “I have a bad habit of shutting things out when I’m upset. I haven’t had to worry about it for a while, since it was only ever Izzy, or maybe Simon or Jace, and they're used to it. But… I’ll be better about it in the future, with you.” Alec waits, hoping what he’s trying to say comes across. That he wants there to be a future to work on, even though he made a mess of things the past few days. 

“I’d appreciate that,” Magnus says, and Alec can hear the hint of a smile in his voice. Maybe they’re going to be alright after all. He feels a lot better, lighter than before, until Magnus continues. “But you believe me now, right? Because I’m going to need you to before I tell you this next part.” 

So much for feeling better. “...what is it?” 

“Camille saw us at Dumort that night. She took photos, said she’d show them to your family or post them somewhere if I didn’t meet her for lunch. I thought I could convince her to delete them… first she wanted some sort of meeting with your dad, then she tried to convince me to go back to her. As if I’d  _ ever _ .” Alec can practically see the exaggeratedly disgusted look that would mirror the tone of Magnus’ voice. “When I said no to both and tried to get her to back off, she kissed me. I guess she saw you coming, though what are the odds that you’d be there at that exact moment?” 

“Pretty good, considering she called me and told me to show up there,” Alec says quietly, realizing exactly what happened. He doesn’t know how he didn’t see it sooner, so wrapped up in what he saw that he almost forgot about why he was there in the first place. 

“What?!”    
  
“I mean, I never got a name, but… it had to be her. Someone called the store and told me to show up there at 12:15 to see--” Alec chokes on his words, feeling foolish for how easily he walked right into all of this. “--to see what sort of person I’m dating.” He winces as he finishes softly. 

There’s a long pause. “Oh.” Magnus sounds hurt. And why shouldn’t he, when Alec showed up because of some anonymous tip that he couldn’t trust his boyfriend, which he then followed up on in secret, and then proceeded to spend two days not speaking to him. 

“I didn’t believe her. Not over the phone, but then you sent my call to voicemail and said you couldn’t talk and I just...” 

“I get it,” Magnus says, but Alec can tell he’s upset. “I gave you every reason to be suspicious.” 

“No, I never should’ve gone. It was obvious bait and I walked right into it. I never should’ve believed what I saw... or what I thought I saw. Not without hearing you out first. I fucked up.” 

To Alec’s surprise Magnus laughs. “That makes two of us, doesn’t it?” 

And even more to his surprise, he laughs a little, too. “I guess it does.” 

“She wants me to meet her again today, in an hour.” Magnus sounds hesitant in admitting it, pushing the words out. “That’s why I had to talk to you now, before I decided what to do. I wanted to see what you thought this time, now that you know what’s going on.” 

“...do you want to go?” Alec asks, just as cautiously. He can’t say he’s happy about it - if those pictures get out and the wrong people get a hold of them, he’s never going to hear the end of it from his father or the rest of his family. And if he thinks things are bad now they’d only get worse. 

“God, no. If I ever see her again it’ll be too soon. But if I go, I can convince her I’m willing to work with her, maybe. Just to buy us some more time to figure out what to do about the photos.” 

“No.” Alec says firmly. 

“But Alec-” 

“Don’t worry about me, or the pictures. If she does anything I’ll deal with it then.” Part of him secretly hopes she’d try to send them to his father - maybe it’d give him a heart attack, he thinks spitefully. But for now he owes Magnus this much, after he went through all that the first time to try and help him. 

“Can I come by the shop? I really want to talk about this face-to-face.” 

“Can it wait until after work? Izzy can close up without me and I can meet you at my place at 5:30?” Alec suggests instead. He isn’t sure, even knowing what he knows now, that he can deal with this in the middle of the work day. There’s too much to unpack, too much to process, and honestly he isn’t convinced he won’t end up half in tears by the end of it all after this strange roller coaster his emotions are on right now. 

“Alright. 5:30. I’ll see you then.”     


Alec hangs up and takes a minute or two to just stand there, thinking. They didn’t exactly patch everything up, but things don’t feel as broken as they did the day before, or as hopeless as he felt a few minutes ago. He can’t keep running from his problems until he’s ready, because he’s quickly learning that he’s  _ never  _ going to be ready for these sorts of things. 

Exiting back out into the shop he gives Izzy the rundown. 

“What are you going to do?” 

“About which part?” Alec huffs. “Magnus? Beg him to not hate me for blowing him off for two days. Camille? See what the pictures are, and try to figure out what she wants from me, or Magnus, or whatever. Dad?” He sighs. “I don’t know. He’s somehow the least of my problems all of a sudden, which says something about the state of the rest of my life right now, doesn’t it?” 

“Are you sure you’re alright? Why don’t you take the rest of the day off--” 

“Not a chance. I’m fine. I’m just going to ditch out right at five to meet Magnus, if that’s alright?”

“Of course,” Izzy agrees. 

“Thanks.” The bell above the door rings as a customer comes in, and Alec welcomes the distraction. In fact, he’s the first to go up to every new person who enters, keeping busy right up until he flips the sign on the door to ‘closed’ and goes home. He’s expecting to have some time to tidy up, to sit and think a little bit about what he’s going to say when he sees Magnus, but when he arrives Magnus is already standing outside of his apartment leaning against the wall of the building. 

Alec almost stops walking entirely but instead he only slows, footsteps faltering as any thoughts he practiced vocalizing the entire day abandon him entirely. Forcing his legs to continue forward, one foot obediently moving in front of the other, Alec suddenly doesn’t know  _ what _ he’s going to say as he watches Magnus spot him and move away from the wall, straightening, fidgeting nervously with the silver cuff around his ear as Alec draws near. 

Magnus takes a few steps closer to Alec. They’re only a few feet away from one another when they both feel it: the draw, pulling them closer, making up for the stubborn ways they both fought against it during the past day and a half. Alec keeping Magnus at a distance, and Magnus hanging back, waiting, despite the fact that all both of them wanted was to be together again.  Now that Magnus is standing in front of him with nothing but worry and concern in his eyes Alec wonders how he ever could’ve thought he’d do something like that just to hurt him. 

Alec didn’t know if he’d be angry at Magnus for not telling him the truth, or apologetic over waiting so long to hear him out, or scared to really talk to him again for the first time since this all happened. 

What Alec isn’t prepared for is how emotional he feels to simply  _ see _ him again, not realizing how afraid he’d been that if they spoke and fought and broke up that he might never see him, or hear his voice in person, or touch his hands or feel Magnus’ lips on his again. And when words fail him and he can’t think of a single thing to say to convey how relieved he is just to be there with him he shows it with a kiss instead, faltering footsteps switching to eager strides that close the distance between them until there’s none left. 

“I’m sorry-” “I missed you-” They both say over one another when they break away. “Me too.” They answer in unison. There’s another shared look, this one charged with sparks of built-up tension, and a moment later their lips meet again.  
  
At first it’s slow, tender, both of them testing boundaries and feeling out the other to make sure they’re alright; to make sure they’re both here for this. It’s only then that he realizes that as afraid as he was of Magnus leaving him, Magnus was just as afraid of him leaving, too. It doesn’t take long for their kiss to grow more intense, hands roaming up to thread through hair or lower to rest at the base of the spine. Clinging to something they feared might be lost with new appreciation. Magnus takes several small steps back until Alec’s pressing him up against the wall. It isn’t until a passerby yells “GET A ROOM” at them from his bicycle that Alec pulls back, flushed, and leads Magnus into the building, up the elevator, and into his apartment. 

They’re pressed together again before the door fully shuts behind them, shrugging off jackets while they move in unspoken agreement towards the bedroom. This isn’t planned, at least not on Alec’s end, but it’s not an unpleasant surprise. Alec has the fleeting thought that they should talk things out first, about Camille and everything else. It’s gone just as quickly as it came when the back of his knees hit the mattress and he falls backwards, Magnus following. Hell, he ignored his problems for two days already. What's another hour? Magnus' hands move lower, and then stop over Alec’s buckle. 

It takes Alec a second to realize he’s waiting for permission and gives a nod, going to undo the clasp himself when Magnus brushes his hands away gently.

“Allow me,” Magnus says, making quick, practiced work of the buckle and button before ducking his head back down to Alec’s neck. 

Alec is more than willing to forget all about Camille - and the rest of the world outside this bedroom - for a little while. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec both open up in an attempt to bridge the gap the past few days created between them. Can they forgive and be forgiven in return, or will their insecurities prove to be too much to work through with everything else going on around them?

Alec splashes some water on his face, standing over the sink for longer than strictly necessary at this point. Tilting his head back up to look at the mirror he notes the small, satisfied smile there. 

He needs to take these few extra minutes alone to clear his head again because he knows once he goes back out there it’s back to the reality of everything that happened the last couple of days: back to the fact that he thought Magnus was seeing his ex, and Magnus thought he was protecting him by not just telling him about Camille, and all of the strife their lack of communication and trust caused. He nearly let a misunderstanding ruin his relationship because of his own insecurities, and he can’t make any mistakes now that he has a second chance. He needs to focus.   

Of course, focusing on anything other than how mind-blowing those little things Magnus did with his tongue were is going to be nearly impossible now, even though they’re both cleaned up and dressed again. They didn’t have sex - Alec wasn’t ready for that quite yet and Magnus didn’t bat an eyelash when he stopped things from going that far - but that didn’t leave them a shortage of options once their mini-reunion turned heated. 

It isn’t like it’s the first blowjob Alec’s ever received, not even the first from another man, but there’s something different about what he just shared with Magnus from the drunken college  party encounters or quickies in the bathroom stall of a bar or a club before his friends noticed he was gone a little too long and came looking for him. Maybe it’s just how long he’s gone without dating, or how detached he was trying relationship after relationship with girls through high school and early college while he was in denial over his own sexuality… or maybe it really is as simple as being something  _ more _ . Something meaningful. To allow himself this sort of intimacy with someone he actually cares about, that’s new for Alec. It’s a vulnerability he’s never experienced before, a next step towards something bigger rather than a once-and-done hook up, so yeah, maybe it’s more significant than he cares to admit. 

Maybe he likes the idea of getting to do it again with the same person instead of fleeing afterwards like he committed some sort of crime. And maybe, just maybe, Alec is realizing that he’s  _ really  _ starting to fall for Magnus Bane. 

Only once he’s certain he has himself back under control and that he isn’t about to throw himself at Magnus again the moment he leaves the bathroom, Alec heads out into the small hallway that leads to the living area. 

If he wants to make this work - and  _ god _ does he - then they have a lot to talk about. 

\---

Magnus wasn’t sure what to expect when he showed up at Alec’s apartment. If Alec was still mad at him for keeping his lunch with Camille a secret it’d be entirely justified. And he knows that Alec has to be downplaying how he feels about the photos - there’s no way they aren’t a problem for him, and what if he decides having a public relationship isn’t worth that sort of attention? Could Magnus blame him if he would rather end things now than deal with Camille and her crazy blackmail drama? With all of those doubts plaguing his thoughts, Magnus showed up without any clue what to expect next. 

And whatever he  _ thought  _ he might find once he and Alec spoke again, nowhere on the list of potential options was one of the best hand-jobs he ever received- and he had a  _ lot _ of experience to draw from for comparison. Maybe it was a jeweler thing, all nimble fingers and attention to detail, he thinks with a small smirk as he waits. Far from the most risqu é thing he’d ever done, it wasn’t what they did so much as the intense waves of emotion between them as they did it. He imagines if they’d only kissed he might still feel the same way - both of them channeling that fear they lived with for two days that they might’ve lost the other for good into the relief of being close again mixed with the desire to be even closer than before in every way possible. 

He hasn’t been in a serious relationship since Camille, just casual hookups and flings. Now that he really thinks about it, he can’t remember the last time he felt so completely invested during an intimate encounter, even one as relatively tame as what just transpired. And from the entirely blissed out expression on Alec’s face when they finished he has to hope the feeling’s mutual. 

The physical tension may be sated for now but there’s still a sense of unease between them when Alec comes out of the bathroom and towards where Magnus waits in the living room. He’s seated on the sofa, leaving plenty of room for Alec to join him there if he wants. For now Alec stops at the end of the hallway, just before properly entering the living room, and leans back against the wall. For a minute they allow the silence to fall between them, neither quite certain where to start things from here. Neither of them wanting to be the one to break the lingering pleasant haze from the bedroom. 

“Well,” Magnus says, the first to break the silence. “That was a pleasantly unexpected surprise.” Alec mirrors the smile on his face. 

“Yeah, I uh, definitely didn’t plan that when I asked you over.” Alec admits, making it very clear he didn’t want Magnus to get the impression that  _ that _ was the reason he invited him here instead of talking at the store. 

“Me either. But I’m certainly not complaining.” They share a look between them, eyes catching and holding for a moment before each allows their gaze to drift down ever so slightly. Magnus wonders if Alec wants to ignore the talking part of this night as much as he does right then… but Magnus has work in a few hours and they really shouldn't put this off any longer than they already have. 

Alec is obviously thinking the same thing, tearing his focus back as he clears his throat. “So. Camille.” He is words are heavy with reluctant obligation. “Show me the pictures.” 

If there was a chance at rekindling the mood again after that shared look it’s gone with that name: Camille. Magnus pulls out his phone and flips up to that part of Camille’s messages to him. He falters for just a moment, part of him wanting to ask Alec not to read the rest of them, but in the end decides that sort of secrecy isn’t going to do him any favors. It isn’t like he has anything to hide, he’s mostly just embarrassed at how easily he allowed her to manipulate him into doing exactly what she wanted. 

Alec looks at the pictures, a frown quickly settling across his features. Magnus hates to see it replace the soft smile that was there before. He hates knowing he’s at least partially the cause for that frown as well as the current Camille-related distress in Alec’s life. He doesn’t need this on top of everything else with his family, and Magnus regrets nothing more than the fact that he couldn’t make it go away on his own. 

That he only managed to make it all worse, in fact. 

“Well, it could be worse, I guess,” Alec states finally, handing the phone back to Magnus who can only look up at him in mild disbelief. How is it that he can stand there and be so  _ okay _ with this? How is he not screaming right now, demanding to know what Magnus plans on doing about it, and about her? It isn’t lost on him that Alec didn’t so much as glance at the other messages either, and Magnus dares to hope that’s a sign that Alec trusts him more than he thinks rather than one that he’s already written this off to the point of not caring. 

“I’m sorry, Alexander. I thought I could handle it on my own.” 

To talk on the phone earlier had been one thing, but seeing each other face-to-face? That brings out more emotion, makes it more difficult to hide what they’re really feeling as the frustration and ache and uncertainty flash behind their eyes and show through pursed lips. It forces the much needed truthfulness they could hide from texts. 

Alec sighs. “You didn’t have to, though. I could’ve helped. At the very least I should’ve know, because those pictures weren’t about you. They were about me, I had a right to know about them.” Magnus doesn’t want to think about what might’ve happened if she did something with them before he had a chance to tell Alec. Would they even be having this conversation right now? 

“I know. But between everything with your dad and your family after coming out, and the trouble at The Institute… your whole life has been nothing but trouble since I showed up. I didn’t want to be the cause of another thing gone wrong. I guess I was afraid if I told you about Camille it’d be one thing too many… that you’d decide I wasn’t worth the trouble and you’d rather go back to your old life.” 

“Not worth the--” Alec almost looks like he wants to laugh and Magnus is certain that can’t be good given the topic at hand. “Magnus, you’re easily the best thing to happen to me in years. I’ll be the first to admit things could’ve gone better with, well, everything, yes. But I don’t regret any of it, or you, for a second. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat if I had to.”  

Magnus musters a small smile at that. “Yeah?” It’s a short lived moment of relief. “You don’t deserve this just because of me and my history with her. She knew everything to say to get right back under my skin… and she dragged you into all of it without a second thought. She hasn’t changed a bit. ” Magnus hopes he doesn’t sound as bitter as he truly feels over all of this.  

Alec shakes his head, moving from the wall to sit across from Magnus on the sofa. “It isn’t just you. Last election my family had a few run-ins with her while she worked with Lilith. She knows who I am, and I know how clever and manipulative she can be, too. It’s actually…” Alec trails off, looking uncomfortable as he bites at his lower lip, stalling whatever thought he’s trying to vocalize. Magnus doesn’t like the look on his face and tenses as Alec continues. “I thought maybe you were still with her from the start. And I know that sounds like some crazy conspiracy theory but… it just seemed like too much of a coincidence after I realized where I recognized her from.” 

Magnus takes a moment to let the implications of that sink in. Alec knows Camille, too - at least his family did at some point. So it wasn’t just a coincidence she knew to name-drop the Lightwoods into their talk at lunch. She didn’t have to do her research on him after she saw them together because she already knew him… and that part makes him feel a little better, to know maybe this isn’t  _ all _ just because of his connection to her. But beyond that, and putting an instantaneous dampener on whatever small relief the first revelation brings, he has to let it sink in that Alec thought he was just  _ using him _ to help Camille. Or worse,  _ cheating on him _ with her. 

“You thought I was just talking to you to, what, spy on you? Get close to you and sabotage your family?” Magnus shakes his head. It does hurt, and while he doesn’t want to make Alec feel any worse about all of this than he already does he also can’t keep that disappointment from his tone entirely. Especially not while knowing that Alec would even  _ consider  _ the idea that he’d be capable of something like that. He huffs out a sharp laugh. “Is that really the sort of person you think I am?” 

“Honestly?” Alec asks, and Magnus nods in case the question isn’t purely rhetorical. 

“Yeah,” Magnus prompts. And something in him knows that this is it: the answer to this question is going to determine everything. He feels a little breathless but presses on. “I think we could both stand for a little honesty right now.” That’s why he’s here, after all. Because they need to talk about these things face-to-face, not over voicemails that can be ignored or texts that can be misread. Just honest, open communication, to try and see if they can salvage the damage already done.  

“Honestly, it was the better alternative to thinking you just didn’t want to be with me anymore. I never dreamed someone like you could ever like someone like me in the first place. I never dared to imagine myself in a position where I’d have someone I care about enough that I couldn’t stand the thought of losing them. I’d rather think it was fake the whole time than know I had you and did something to lose you along the way.” 

Magnus hears the weight in Alec’s tone as he confesses that much to him. It doesn’t justify how he pushed him away, not by a long shot, but at least it’s enough to give him an idea as to  _ why _ he did it. Everything starts to make a little more sense to him now. Suddenly Alec’s reaction seems a lot less irrational now. 

Magnus reaches out to place his hand over Alec’s, lifting his head to meet his gaze. “So imagine how I felt when you wouldn’t talk to me for two days and I thought  _ I _ was the one who lost  _ you _ .” His voice is soft. He doesn’t want Alec to feel bad, he really doesn’t, but this is important. He has to say it because he never wants that sort of radio silence ever again - he doesn’t think he could take it.

All at once that fear he felt grow with every unread text and unanswered call comes flooding back to him and the words come spilling out.  “She cheated on me, you know. I pushed everyone away to spend more time with her, I left school to be with her, I stopped my entire life because it was what she wanted from me. I did everything I could to make her happy and be exactly who she wanted me to be, and she cheated on me anyway.” Magnus doesn’t know what prompts him to say it, but once the words start he doesn’t stop them. 

“You don’t have to--” 

“I want to. I need to, because I need you to know. I know exactly what it feels like to believe you aren’t good enough for someone… to be strung along in a one-sided relationship you don’t realize you’re the only one invested in. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, because that will stay with you no matter how hard you try to shake it. I just want you to know that. No matter what might happen between us, I will  _ never _ cheat on you.” Magnus knows it’s a lot to dredge up about his past relationship, but he needs Alec to understand that just the idea of what he accused  him of - even if it was just a fleeting consideration - is the worst thing he can think of doing. He doesn’t want Alec to ever imagine him capable of it, not even as a passing thought or insecurity. 

“I’m so sorry, Magnus. All I could think was that if you lied about meeting with her, and you kept the texts a secret, what else were you hiding? How much else was a lie, too? And after everything with my family I just… I didn’t know if I’d be able to believe you if you said you still cared about me when I couldn't imagine a single reason why you'd want to choose me over her. So I did what I always do - I hid like a fucking coward.”  Alec can’t meet Magnus’ eyes. “I guess old habits die hard.” 

He gets it. He really does. And all Magnus wants to do is give Alec a hug and never let go, not until he’s positive he knows how cared about he really is. But instead Magnus braces himself for what he has to say next. “Almost everyone I’ve allowed myself to care about has left me in the end. So if that’s what you’re going to do - if you’re going to disappear without a word every time something goes wrong - I,” Magnus swallows hard, forcing the words out. “I need to know now.” 

Alec finally looks up at that, eyes wide with surprise. It’s obvious Alec isn’t expecting something so blunt and selfish after his own admission, but seeing Camille again has brought back every fear Magnus has ever felt about never being good enough for someone to want forever. Her words echo in his head:  _ ‘I’ve seen you at your worst and still loved you. Will he be able to say the same?’  _ He supposes he’s about to get that answer sooner than he thought. Maybe he’s better off if Alec decides to leave him now, because it’ll just save him future heartache. Maybe all of this happened for a reason. 

Magnus is already readying himself for Alec to say that he’s right, that maybe this isn’t going to work. Already readying himself for Alec to decide it isn’t worth the fight. 

“No,” Alec says, tone so full of conviction that it’s Magnus’ turn to look up in surprise. “I won’t run again. I should’ve talked to you. I should’ve trusted you. It’s too little too late but I get it, now. It’s been so long since I had a real relationship, I didn’t stop to think that it isn’t just me I’m effecting when I do shit like that. I’m not just punishing myself… and if I had any idea, if I knew what that’d do to you, I never would have...” Alec trails off looking lost, helplessly floundering for the right words to make this right again. “But not knowing doesn’t make it any better. I never should’ve reacted the way I did. I can’t promise I’ll never do it again, but I can promise I’ll try not to. I’ll work on it for you.  _ With you _ .” Alec straightens himself, sitting up on the edge of the sofa before speaking again, leaning into the words. “If there’s still an ‘us’ to work with?” 

The fact that there’s a part of Alec that still isn’t certain, that still has to  _ ask _ if they’re staying together now, breaks Magnus’ heart. He knows that Alec is hurting, too, and he’s eager to piece them both together again, hopefully stronger and better off for it all.  “Of course there is. If you can forgive me for lying to keep Camille and her texts a secret, I can forgive you for shutting me out for a little while.”

“So we’re good, then?” Relief already seeps into Alec’s tone at Magnus’ words of reassurance. It’s a lot easier to have this conversation knowing there were major mistakes on both ends. This isn’t one of them begging the forgiveness of the other, it’s far from one-sided. This is both of them admitting to faults, to things that need to be worked on… and both of them agreeing to work on those things  _ together _ . And yes, Magnus thinks fondly, the idea of them as an ‘us’ working together sounds good to him. 

“We’re good,” Magnus confirms, shifting sideways so that he can capture Alec’s lips with his own in a kiss full of promise and understanding. It’s gentle, much like the way Magnus reaches up to cup a hand along the side of Alec’s face. Before he stops to think about what he’s doing  his free hand slides behind Alec’s shoulders to guide him back onto the sofa. Magnus leans down after him, shifting his weight to the side. 

That’s about as far as they get before the sound of a cell phone going off pierces the otherwise silent air, startling them both apart.   
  
“...ignore it?” Magnus suggests hopefully, eyebrow raised in question. He’s about to make some off-handed joke until he catches the look on Alec’s face and stops short. “Something wrong?” 

Alec answers the phone without delay. “Hey, buddy. What’s up?” Magnus has to assume he’s talking to Max - Alec mentioned him a bit that night after his parents’ house, but not a whole lot. Magnus keeps quiet. “They are, huh?” “...no, you can’t come over tonight. Dad won’t-- it’s not a good time.”  “Do you have those headphones I got you for your birthday? And those songs I put together ?” “That’s that one. I want you to listen to that for the rest of the night until you fall asleep, alright?” Another pause. “Oh. Uh… yeah. Dad’s mad at me. Is that what they’re yelling about?” Alec mouths the word  _ fuck _ silently from across the sofa, standing and starting to pace now. “Well, you know how mom and dad didn’t like when Izzy was dating Meliorn?” Magnus has to bite back his laughter at the expression on Alec’s face as he nearly chokes on air. “No, I’m  _ not _ dating Meliorn.” Magnus has so many questions, but can tell this isn’t the sort of conversation he should interrupt. Amusement at Alec’s reaction just then aside, he hasn’t stopped looking increasingly upset since he picked up the phone.  

Alec looks over at him, unsure of what to say to whatever Max said on the other end of the phone, and then “...his name is Magnus.” “I do. Very much.” “Thanks, Max. Go get some rest and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Love you.” When Alec hangs up the phone it’s with a look of dazed wonder. 

“...everything alright?” Magnus asks slowly. The last thing he wants to do is pry, they both shared more than enough for one night, but he wants Alec to know he can talk about whatever’s on his mind if he wants to. 

“Yes and no,” Alec admits, still pacing back and forth in front of the sofa. “Max called because our parents were fighting, but he was worried because they were yelling about  _ me _ . He’s a smart kid, but he’s a little too smart for his own good, he would’ve figured it out on his own sooner or later, so... better he hears it from me, right?.” 

“And?” 

“He’s happy that I’m happy.” Alec smiles again. “That’s it. It’s that simple for him.”    
  
“Maybe it could be that simple for all of us, if we let it,” Magnus points out. And then, biting back a smirk, adds, “...who’s Meliorn? Should I be jealous?” 

Alec rolls his eyes. “Just someone Izzy used to date. Our parents  _ hated _ him, they argued every time she wanted to bring him around for any family functions. He always braided his hair and complained about the negative energy of the house. He cleansed the guest room with sage once. Dad  _ hated _ him.”   

Alec laughed at the memory and Magnus was glad to see him ease up a bit after everything. He knows he’s worried about Max but he doesn’t want to see him burn out worrying about everyone else besides himself. He’s about to say something when a clock chimes somewhere in the apartment and he suddenly remembers how late it’s getting. 

“I should go,” Magnus admits reluctantly, not actually making a move towards the door. Instead he looks back over at Alec. “What do you want me to do about Camille?” He’s still worried about the photos, even if Alec is pretending it isn’t a big deal. Hell, even if the photos aren’t a big deal themselves, the fact that she thinks she can just waltz in here and try to blackmail her way into whatever she wants the moment she wants it isn’t something he can just let go. Not after everything. 

Alec shrugs, looking more than a little lost. “I have no idea. For now, nothing. I don’t want to antagonize her. Let her sit on them for a little, I’m sure she’ll show herself again soon enough. Maybe one of us will have an idea by then.” 

Magnus doesn’t like waiting without a plan but he has to admit he doesn’t have any better ideas at the moment either, short of showing up at her house and punching her in the face, and he doesn’t think that will help their situation as nice as it would feel. “Alright. I’ll have plenty of time to think at work… and Ragnor and Cat are intimately familiar with her, too. I’m sure if there’s a way to get to her they’ll be more than happy to give suggestions.”   
  
Magnus stands to leave, stopping at the door for one last kiss before leaving. 

  
\---   
  
Magnus arrives at work in a much better mood than the night before, and Cat and Ragnor notice immediately. 

“Should we assume you patched things up with Alec?” Catarina asks. 

“...more than patched up, from the way our dear Magnus is positively  _ glowing _ ,” Ragnor chimes in with a smug grin. 

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell,” he says. “But yes.” He pauses for effect. “...and yes.” As they punch in and make their way up to their stations he fills them in on (almost) everything that happened - at least the parts relative to himself and Camille. If it wasn’t for them over the past two days to keep him in check he has no doubt that Alec would’ve had 30 voicemails instead of 3. He’s about halfway through the story when they have to go their separate ways and promises to continue during their break later, just as they promise to think of ways to deal with Camille in the meantime. 

The night is quiet. It’s easy. He’s relaxed and even though there’s a lot on his mind from his conversation with Alec it doesn’t feel as heavy as it had before they spoke in person again.

He’s going through the motions when a name pops onto his screen that makes him freeze. In fact, he almost doesn’t accept the chat fast enough before it times out.  

**You are Connected with Customer: Camille B.  
** **Magnus:** Good evening. How may I help you?   
**Camille:** You’re a difficult man to track down.    
**Magnus:** You need to leave right now.   
**Camille:** Is that any way to talk to a customer? I wouldn’t want to report you to your manager.   
**Magnus:** What do you want? How did you even find me here?  
**Camille:** I have my ways. Consider this a friendly reminder that I do not like being stood up. Or did you forget we had a lunch date today?   
**Magnus:** I don’t want anything to do with you, Camille. Just leave me alone.   
**Camille:** And your dearest Alexander? If I don’t have you to talk to, perhaps I’ll have to move on to him. Or Isabelle. I was always rather fond of her, she’s my favorite of all the Lightwoods.   
**Magnus:** I’m not playing your games.   
**Camille:** You keep telling yourself that, my love. See you soon.    
**The chat has ended.**

Taking a few deep breaths, Magnus considers his options. 

He knows he’s asleep and he probably won’t see it until the morning, but the wounds from before are still too fresh for him to risk waiting to tell him, even for a few hours. 

Magnus opens his phone, and pulls up Alec’s number.

**M: I don’t think ignoring Camille is going to be an option.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy goes to the family dinner without Alec, but Alec is starting to realize that he isn't losing his place in the world, just finding a new one.

Alec is asleep when he gets the text from Magnus, reading the words in a squinty-eyed, half-awake stupor. It takes a second read to really process what that means, but when he does he’s suddenly very alert and shooting off a quick reply to get the full story.

Magnus tells him slowly, sneaking messages in between taking chats and making sure no one was watching him, but by the time Alec is entirely filled in he isn’t sure he’ll be able to fall back asleep for the rest of the night. For Camille to try and use Magnus is bad enough, and for her to drag Alec into it only made things worse, but to bring up Isabelle? What did she think was going to happen?

They agree to talk about it more once Magnus is out of work and Alec isn’t half-asleep. That doesn’t mean that sleep comes easily again, and it’s coupled with an extra-early alarm that he nearly snoozes through. And he would have, normally, if what he needs to wake up early for isn’t so important.

As it is, Alec drags himself out of bed and gets dressed fast enough to catch a cab and make it to Max’s school 30 minutes before it’s set to start. He waits by the front entrance, leaning against the wall next to the stairs as he keeps an eye out at the cars and busses pulling up to drop off students until he sees his brother get out of a black SUV.

Max has a backpack that’s nearly half his size weighing him down, his movements slow and slumped over. The poor kid looks  _tired_.  Alec remembers his days at Alicante and doesn’t miss them at all… though Max does look rather smart in those khakis and dark blue blazer.

“Hey, Max,” Alec greets with a fond smile as he steps into his path, reaching out a hand to muss up his hair a little.

Max’s face lights up at the sight of him. “Alec!” He wraps his arms around Alec, hugging tightly. “I thought you might be mad at me.”

“Why would you think that?” Alec’s face falls, pulling him over to the side of the steps so they can sit down and talk for a few minutes. This isn’t the first time Alec’s done this. For starters, the school is in-between his place and his parent’s, so it’s easier than going all the way out there. And for another, he generally tries to avoid his family’s place as much as possible (for a while it was his own fault, feeling the need to distance and hide himself, but now he knows he's simply not wanted there). Grabbing Max before school for breakfast, or catching him after school, is something he used to do far more often than he does nowadays.  

“Because you never tell me I can’t come over when I’m sad.” Max states plainly, pouting slightly.

Alec doesn’t know what it feels like to be stabbed in the gut but he imagines that it has to be something very similar to what he’s feeling right now.

He doesn’t know why he’s surprised. Whenever their parents get into a particularly heated argument over something, Max always calls Alec. Sometimes he can talk him out of being worried, but when he can’t he always shows up and offers to have a sleepover with his little brother at his place, or Izzy’s. Their parents think Alec just has some weird sense of perfect timing when it comes to wanting to spend time with his brother and are usually more than happy to get Max out of the house for the night while things implode - they have no idea that Max calls him for the rescue. So of course Max was hurt when he called Alec the night before but Alec didn’t come for him.

“No. Max, I’m not mad at you. Not at all.”

“Oh.” Max says simply. “Okay, good.”  

“Are you mad at me?” Alec is almost afraid of the answer. Max is a smart kid, and he’s honest to a fault. Usually it’s endearing to watch him spout whatever thoughts come to his head but in this particular moment Alec hopes he isn’t setting himself up for some little brother straight-talk he isn’t ready to handle.

“Not anymore. I was at first, but the music thing helped and then I fell asleep and I wasn’t mad anymore when I woke up.”

Alec gives a quiet laugh. He’ll take it. “That’s good. I’m really sorry about that. I would’ve if I could, but…” Alec hesitates, thinking of the text from his father who obviously doesn’t want Max to know why Alec isn’t invited over this weekend, which is the same reason why Max wouldn’t have been allowed over the night before. He hinted at it last night over the phone but he isn’t sure Max really, fully grasps it. But before he could decide on whether or not to lie to his little brother, Max filled in the words for him.

“But dad was mad at you. He never lets me go anywhere when he’s mad.” Max guesses, and Alec is once more reminded that he’s far too smart for his own good.  

Alec nods “Yeah. I know that isn’t fair to you, but that’s just how things are for right now. I’m really sorry. But if you want to spend some time together I’ll come over anyway. Not even an angry dad can keep me away from my favorite little brother,” he tells him, grinning and messing up his hair a little more.

“I’m your _only_ little brother,” Max points out, laughing as he shifts away from Alec’s hand before it can do too much damage.

The crowds of students getting dropped off in front of the school thins out significantly, and soon there’s barely a trickle of stragglers left. Alec checks his watch. “You better get inside before you’re late. We don’t need you getting in trouble.”

“Alright,” Max reluctantly agrees, standing and slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

“Call me if you need anything. Love you, Max.”

“Yeah, yeah. Love you, too.”

Alec stands there and watches Max vanish into the school just in time for a bell to chime, signalling that there are only 5 minutes left before the first class begins, and realizes that he needs to leave too before he’s late for work.

\--

Magnus calls Alec the moment he’s out of work, just as Alec finishes giving Izzy the rundown from the night before. Alec answers immediately, putting it on speaker so Isabelle can hear, too, and Magnus can tell from the echo to his greeting that Alec isn’t the only one listening in.

“Alec? Am I on speaker?”

“Hey Magnus!” Isabelle says from across the room.

“Good morning, dear. This works, since I owe you both an apology for getting you roped into all of this.”

“Nonsense,” Izzy says before Alec can get a word in edgewise. “None of this is your fault, and Camille’s always been a crazy bitch.” Alec shoots her a warning glare - after all, Magnus did date her for a while. He loved her, enough to drop everything for her, and no matter what happened that sort of feeling didn’t just go away.

Or so Alec would imagine, as he hasn’t been in love like that before to know for certain. He has, however, seen enough movies and read enough books to know that’s how it’s supposed to work.

Izzy catches the pointed look and winces. “Sorry. I mean, uh-”

“No, you don’t have to take it back. She’s a crazy bitch.” Magnus agrees from the other end of the phone. Alec is glad he agrees, of course. He just isn’t sure how to navigate these waters of having his boyfriend’s ex around and trying to be part of his life again.  “I still don’t have any ideas, though. Rangor and Cat were no help either.”

“So we’ll keep doing nothing.” Alec suggests, immediately earning him a confused look from his sister. “Call her bluff. I don’t think she’s actually going to do _anything_.” He says this with much more confidence than he feels on the matter, but with no idea of how else to fix things it’s easier to let himself believe there’s nothing to fix. “She wants you to come crawling back to her. She wants to have control over you again. Don’t let her.”

It sounds so simple when he thinks about it, but for some reason Magnus is having a difficult time accepting the fact that not taking some sort of drastic action is an option. “So you want me to just… keep ignoring her. After she told me I couldn’t ignore her.”

Izzy thinks about it for a second and grins. “Are you that eager to do whatever she tells you?”

Alec can imagine the look of disgust on Magnus’ face that would mirror the tone of his reply. He wishes he was there to see it, finding himself smiling at the mental image alone as Magnus’ voice responds with a vehement: “Ab-so-lutely not.”

“So it’s settled.” Alec pauses. “I mean, unless you want to talk to her. I don’t want to tell you what to do, either, Magnus. If something happens or you feel like you have to do something, do whatever you need to. I trust you. Just don’t feel like you have to do anything for my sake.”

“Or mine,” Izzy adds, for good measure.

“I appreciate that. Both of you.” Alec hears the sound of voices in the background, the rustle of the phone being shifted in Magnus’ hands. “I gotta go, Cat and Ragnor are here. Text you later.”

Alec hesitates only slightly before saying, “Bye,” and hanging up the phone. He wants to say more, something meaningful, but ‘take care’ sounds too formal and anything else would be… well, they aren’t quite there yet on the ‘L’ word, and he doesn’t want to rush it, even if the thought creeps into his subconscious once and a while when he isn’t actively keeping it at bay.

Izzy catches his introspective look at the phone during his goodbye but spares him the vocal taunting, settling for a small, knowing smirk in his direction before going back to work.

\---

The next few days pass by without much fanfare. He and Magnus both go about their very different schedules, meeting for lunch one day and dinner another, doing their best to balance work and alone time and time together in the limited overlap of their not-asleep and not-at-work hours. They don’t get to see each other every day but they do talk every day. Once Magnus brings up the topic of their conflicting free time, wondering if his overnight work schedule is too annoying to plan around or too much of a strain, but Alec is quick to shoot down the concern. He could see him once a month if that’s what it came down to, and it would be better than not having him around at all.

As for the tactic of ignoring Camille, it’s working surprisingly well. Alec will never admit that he actually expected it to backfire sooner rather than later, blowing up in his face somehow. She doesn’t give up on calling or texting Magnus right away, that would be _too_ easy. She attempts to contact him multiple times after the night she tracked him down at his work but Magnus dutifully ignores each message. They grow less and less frequent the longer they go unanswered. Once or twice Mangus sends a short reply asking her to ‘please stop already’, usually when she seems just frustrated enough by his silence that she might act on it. The acknowledgment alone is enough to satisfy her, and while they don’t know how much longer it’ll last the two of them bask in the fact that so far it’s been smooth sailing for them since they kissed (and then some) and made up.

Alec is almost able to forget he has other problems to worry about besides Camille until Sunday rolls around, and he remembers that it’s the family dinner at his parent’s house. The one his father made clear he was not welcome at.

He shouldn’t care. He tells himself that he doesn’t, over and over again, wondering how many times he has to think it before it starts to stick. Isabelle does her best to stay with him - she offers to come over for a movie night, or to take him out for drinks, but Alec isn’t having it.

“Just go,” he says, pouring himself a glass of wine alone in his kitchen despite the fact that it’s barely noon. “Max doesn’t deserve to have neither of us show up. And _try to behave_. Anything about me I can handle on my own, I don’t need you picking fights with dad while I’m not around.”

“I hate this,” Izzy complains for the hundredth time.

“I know. Mom keeps saying he just needs time so... “ Alec sighs, filling the space he doesn't have words for with a long sip of his drink instead. “Just promise me you’ll at least try.”

“Fine. But only because you asked, and not because I think he deserves a nice, quiet dinner.”

Alec knows it’s the best he can ask for from his firecracker of a sibling, so he takes what he can get. “Thank you.”

They hang up and Alec downs the remainder of his glass, trying to convince himself he’s half as okay with this as he told Izzy he was.

Except now that he realizes he has an entire day with nothing to do and nowhere to go, the weight of what he’s missing out on starts to settle in. He might not want to care what his father thinks of him, but he’s still his father. They’re still his family. He should be there to talk to his grandparents, to see Max, to spend time with his sister and mother during one of the few times the family gets together.

Alec pours another glass of wine.

He calls Magnus, hoping to make plans that might take his mind off of it. It isn’t until Magnus picks up the phone with a very groggy, unintelligible hello that Alec remembers what time it is. Magnus only got off work 4 hours ago. “Shit. Sorry, I forgot. Go back to sleep.” Alec says, hanging up the phone before Magnus has a chance to argue.

He’s about to walk away from his phone when it starts to ring. It’s Magnus, calling back.

“Alexander, did you just _hang up_ on me?” Magnus demands, stifling a yawn that Alec can hear the strangled start of.

Alec gives a quiet chuckle. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, really. I was just…” he trails off. “Bored. I forgot all about the time though. Really, you can just call me back later when you’re properly awake.”

“Okay. I’ll have some time before game night tonight, so I can give you a call then.”

Alec frowns. Game night. He’d entirely forgotten. So much for being able to make plans.

“Yeah, sounds good. Get some rest.”

Alec hangs up the phone and grabs his glass off of the counter, walking it over to the coffee table next to the sofa where he sits it down before throwing himself dramatically back against the cushions.

He wonders when the switch occurred that he suddenly didn’t _want_ to spend his free time home alone. Before it was all he wanted - a nice, quiet night in, with a good book or a film, and no distractions. He hasn’t had a day like this in quite some time, and before now he would’ve been positively ecstatic over suddenly having his day clear from plans. Now all he can think about is Magnus with his friends, and his family together, and he can’t help that nagging feeling that he doesn’t really belong anywhere. It isn’t a new fear, just one he’s managed to keep at bay for a little while now.

He isn’t particularly thrilled to find it returning.

It’s half past two when his phone rings, startling him awake from where he must’ve dozed off on the sofa.

“Hullo” he mutters into the receiver, having answered it without even looking at the name.

“...guess it was my turn to wake _you_ up.” Magnus says with a hint of amusement to his voice.

“I fell asleep on the sofa. It’s a thrilling life I lead,” he jokes.

“Busy day?”

Alec sighs. “No. Opposite, actually. I thought I could convince my dad to talk to me again by today but my mom advised against trying to go to dinner this time around. She keeps saying he just ‘needs some more time’, and I know it hasn’t been long, but… I don’t know. I guess I just don’t have a lot of faith that time is going to solve his problems at this point. It isn’t like I’m going to get less gay by the week.” He tries to laugh, attempting to sound nonchalant about the concern but it’s difficult.

“I’m sorry. Is Isabelle…”

“Yeah, she’s going. She didn’t want to but I talked her into it. She was worried about me sitting around my apartment wallowing all night if she left me here alone.”

“And are you?” Magnus asks, not beating around the bush. Alec smiles a little. He knows that the concern is genuine but he’s still caught by surprise at how blunt Magnus always is about asking when things are wrong. He never downplays whatever the issue is, he doesn’t stumble over his words or try to make it out to be something more or something less. He just asks, simple and sincere, and waits for an equally honest answer.

“No. I’m fine.”

Alec can hear his boyfriend make a soft hum of consideration at that. “Well, if you decide that you aren’t, you’re more than welcome to come to Cat and Ragnor’s place with me. I’m sure they’d love to meet you.”

“No, I couldn’t. This is your thing with them, I wouldn’t want to impose.” He doesn’t want a sympathy invite, especially not one that the hosts of the night are unaware of. It’d be last minute and they don't even know him. The last thing he wants is to mess up the dynamic of their night together. Magnus told him how much the three of them value the times they’re all off and can hang out without school or work or their personal lives getting in the way.

“If anything, it’d just help even the playing field. The two of them are annoyingly in sync with one another and they _always_ gang up on me.”  

“I’m fine,” Alec repeats. “Plus, I see you outside of work way more than they do, and they’re your best friends. You should spend time with them.”

“That’s the thing about spending time with people,” Magnus stubbornly refuses to let this go and Alec starts to regret ever calling now. “I can, in fact, spend time with them _and_ you, at _once_. It’s this little thing called ‘hanging out together’, I’m not sure if you ever heard of it before, but--”

“Okay, okay. I get it.” Alec cuts him off when it becomes apparent he isn’t going to stop any time soon. “Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. But if it makes you feel better I can ask to double-check and tell you what they say.”

“It would.” Alec is certain that they won’t say no even if they want to… well, from what he’s heard (and experienced slightly through the chats what feels like ages ago) Ragnor would possibly say no. In fact, Alec finds himself hoping he does because he isn’t sure what sort of company he’s going to be tonight and he doesn’t want his first time meeting Magnus’ friends to be one where he drags down the mood of the whole evening.

“I’ll call you right back,” Magnus says, and the phone goes dead with a click before Alec can argue that he’d actually just rather skip the whole thing.

He’s waiting for the ring when it sounds a few minutes later. “They said they’d love to have you. Ragnor wants to properly vet you and give you the ‘shovel talk’, I believe.”

“...shovel talk?” Alec raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah. You know, the ‘hurt him and I’ll kill you’ discussion I’m sure you’ve had on Isabelle’s behalf numerous times.”

Now it’s Alec’s turn to laugh. “As if Iz wouldn’t kill someone who hurts her before I’d even have a chance to hear about it.”

“So you’ll come? Please? You can’t see it but I’m giving you the biggest, saddest puppy dog eyes you can imagine and if you say no now I’ll probably cry.”

Alec groans. “How am I supposed to argue with that?” He whines. “Alright, alright. Text me the address -- what should I bring? Food? Drinks?”

“You really don’t have to bring anything, just your charming self. We’ll probably order pizza if you want to bring money to chip in. I’ll text you the address, meet me there at 5?”

Alec glances at the clock. That should be enough time to psych himself up for meeting two of the most important people in his boyfriend’s life, right? It’ll have to be. “See you then.”

He goes to shower and change into something casual - jeans and a nice sweater, but with an equally nice undershirt in case the apartment ends up being too hot for the sweater. His hair dries a little messily and there’s nothing he can do to straighten it out before he has to be out the door. As a last thought he grabs an unopened bottle of wine from his kitchen to bring with as a gift, relatively certain Magnus said something about them drinking wine the last time he had a game night there. Hopefully they'll like it. 

He finds the place alright - it’s a small apartment in one of the cheaper areas of Brooklyn (not that Brooklyn has any _actually_ cheap places to live, compared to everywhere outside the city) - and texts Magnus when he’s outside.

**M: I’m already here, just come on up!**

Alec does, knocking tentatively on the door when he gets there, already wondering if it’s too late to turn back when the door swings open wide.

He recognizes Catarina from that day he overheard her and Ragnor talking in the coffee shop. He wasn’t certain it was them before now, though from what he knew of Magnus’ small circle of friends and work acquaintances he assumed it almost had to be. 

“Alec! So nice to finally meet you!” She greets him with a warm smile, and he can’t help but feel immediately more at ease.

“You must be Catarina.” He holds out the bottle of wine. “Here, I brought this. Magnus wouldn’t tell me what to bring so I hope you like Merlot.”

“Cat is fine. And you really didn’t have to bring anything,” she says, echoing Magnus’ words from earlier. “But I’ll never say no to a nice bottle of Merlot.”

The man coming up behind her eyes the bottle with an arched brow. “And what a _nice_ bottle that is. You really shouldn’t have.”

Alec looks confused for a second before he realizes that the wine he grabbed easily runs over $100 a bottle. Nothing too excessive, but not your usual cheap buy for casual social events. He hadn’t thought twice about it: since he wasn’t a big drinker and always splurged for the nicer things when he did indulge, it was just what he already had sitting around. His mind immediately jumps back to Magnus the night they first met and his comments about not liking the feeling of having money flashed around at him, and starts to overthink everything before he even cleared the doorway.

Magnus catches the look of uncertainty on his face and steps in, draping an arm around Alec’s shoulder. “Oh, so you don’t want any then, Ragnor? More for us.”

Ragnor rolls his eyes. “I never said _that_ ,” he mutters.

“Don’t mind him. He’s just grumpy that it’s going to be a fair fight now that I’m no longer outnumbered. Come on in.” Magnus leans in and gives Alec a quick kiss.

“The wine was a mistake,” Alec whispers nervously, glancing after Ragnor and Catarina as they head to the kitchen to open it, talking quietly between themselves.

“The wine was a lovely gesture. You’re fine. That’s just Ragnor being, well, Ragnor. You’ll get used to him. Don’t worry, they’re going to love you.”

Before Alec can respond Cat is back with a colorful box in her hands. “How does everyone feel about Cranium?”

\---

Cranium goes much better than Alec anticipated. He was a bit awkward at first, hesitant to guess at trivia questions he wasn’t positive about and doubting his sculpting ability with the purple clay mold, but soon enough he was shouting out answers and putting his all into emphatic reenactment of The Haka, which Magnus guesses correctly to get them the win.

“Beginner's luck.” Ragnor decides, starting to pack the game away. The conversation jumped around a lot while they played but Alec feels pretty confident that he’s making a solid comeback from the wine misstep. Cat seems to like him well enough, he catches her smiling when she sees the soft, fond looks he and Magnus continually share when they think no one is paying attention to them, and he even manages to make Ragnor laugh _with_ him once rather than _at_ him.

No one is quite ready to leave yet and there’s still a bit of wine and pizza to finish up, so they break out a deck of Uno cards. After a little while talk turns to Camille and recent events.

“Anyone who’s willing to stand up to Camille is alright in my books, Lightwood. Magnus told us how you refused to give in to her stupid photo threat.” Ragnor tells Alec, putting down a card that skips Cat.

Alec shrugs. “It’s easy to stand up to her when this is what I’m fighting for,” he points out, reaching over and giving Magnus’ hand a quick squeeze.

“Don’t make me take my compliment back,” Ragnor warns, pretending to be offended by the sheer sappiness that comes over Alec and Magnus over the gentle touch.

“Don’t worry Ragnor, I’d fight Camille for you if I had to,” Catarina offers.

“You’d fight Camille for a penny off the ground if given the chance, my love. But I appreciate the sentiment.” Ragnor points out, and the game stalls out for a bit while they laugh and recollect themselves.

As they continue to play Alec gets to know them a little better. They all met while they were freshmen in college. They fell apart for a little while when Magnus dated Camille, but stuck it out in the end and have been inseparable ever since. They got the overnight jobs together because it fit all of their needs - Ragnor is saving up to open an antique book shop in the city, tracking down texts by scouring bookstores and second hand shops during the day, Cat is going to nursing school, and Magnus just needed a job and followed them there because he didn’t have any other options after he lost his spot as a curator with Camille’s dad.

Alec admires all of them. He knows how lucky he is to come from money, no matter what strings that money may be attached to and what strife he’s facing over it at the moment. He didn’t have to worry about college, or paying for rent, or anything that. He was never forced into a job he hated just to make ends meet, and honestly he doesn’t know if he’d be doing half as well as them in their positions. Yet here they are, in this tiny apartment on their one night off, laughing over pizza and enjoying one another’s company in this little found family of theirs.

It’s more pure, uninhibited joy than he remembers experiencing in any of the circles he’s used to running in. It’s such a refreshing change and he hopes with everything in him that he might get to have this too, one day.

Alec is a few glasses of wine in when the subject of when Alec and Magnus met comes up.

“You know, the last time we had a game night was the night Alec told me he lived in New York,” Magnus reflects.

“How fitting, since I wouldn’t have known we lived near each other if it wasn’t for these two,” Alec blurts out without thinking.

“...what?” Magnus asks, glancing from Alec to Catarina and Ragnor. Only after he says it does he realize that he never actually _told_ any of them about that. He forgot that they had no idea until just now.

“The morning after that chat that almost went too long… I was in line for coffee when I heard the couple in front of me talking about a Magnus, who might lose his job over talking to an Alec, and I knew it couldn’t be a coincidence. That was why I stopped coming to the chat.” He conveniently leaves out the bit about the whole thing nearly giving him a proper panic attack - it wasn't like they  _knew_ when they did it. And he'd (mostly) freaked out over nothing. 

A look of shock crosses Cat’s face. “Oh my god _you were the guy behind us_.”

Ragnor laughs. “The one who knocked over a dozen chairs running out the door?”

“You two were _talking about us?!_ ” Magnus turns on Catarina and Ragnor with a look of betrayal.

“We were worried about you-”

“They were worried about you-”

Alec and Cat both defend at the same time. And with a single shared smile between them, Alec feels like he might fit in here after all. How could he not, surrounded by people who care about Magnus just as much as he does? More, even?

“I can’t believe my best friends are the reason my future boyfriend almost never spoke to me again.”

“Look at it more like, we’re the reason he _had_ to talk to you outside of work. You’re welcome,” Ragnor says.

Alec nods. “He has a point. They did happen to say you were flirting with me. I probably never would’ve made a move later otherwise.”

“I will allow the good that came of it to cancel out your betrayal this one time,” Magnus announces dramatically. “But only because the universe saw fit to deliver justice in the form of a draw four card.” He places it on the top of the pile and Ragnor groans, adding 4 cards to the 1 he was down to just a minute ago.

They finish out the game with Catarina winning after a few lucky rounds. The drinks are empty and the pizza is gone, the first signs that the night is winding down. The four of them sit around for a bit longer just talking, with Catarina and Ragnor getting to know Alec a little better now, and Magnus only needing to step in once or twice to save him from a potentially awkward question about his family.

“It’s fine,” Alec says after Magnus attempts to change the subject again. He knows that he’s only doing it to spare him from thinking about his parents too much after he came here to forget about them for a night, but he decides that he isn’t going to win Ragnor or Catarina over by acting shady over questions about his family. “I’m not the biggest fan of my family either right now, and if my father decides to disown me over coming out then I suppose I won’t have to put up them for much longer.”

The room grows quiet at that, making it apparent that if Magnus told them things about him he drew the line at these more personal aspects of Alec’s life, which he’s grateful for. He figured that the three of them probably talked about everything, but it’s nice to know there are some things Magnus keeps just between them, even from his best friends. If he had any doubts about trusting him before they’re entirely erased in this moment.

“I didn’t realize...” Ragnor starts, and Alec can tell he’s debating if it’s a misstep an apology can fix before the good mood of the night is entirely ruined. But Alec  _is_ in a good mood, and not even thinking about Robert can bring that down right then, so he waves the near-apology away.  

“Don’t worry about it. They’re assholes and I never supported anything they stood for in the first place. I was only ever a poster child to make them look good.” He shrugs, attempting to bring the mood back up with a wink at Magnus. “Anything they might say about me now is well worth having this handsome man by my side from now on.”

“For what it’s worth, we know you aren’t your parents.” Catarina says, leaning over and placing a hand gently on his shoulder.  
  
“Yeah. Your parents would’ve brought a _much more expensive_ bottle of wine.” Ragnor adds, only keeping his face impassive for a few seconds before allowing a small smirk to break through, and Alec laughs. Quietly at first, but then with increasing ease as Magnus and Cat join in. And this is it, he thinks. Acceptance. Joking. The feeling that he might actually start to belong in this little group one day, if he’s lucky.

\---

“See, what did I tell you? That wasn’t so bad.” Magnus says in the hallway outside of Ragnor and Cat’s apartment after they leave.

“It wasn’t. I had a lot of fun, actually. Thanks for inviting me.” Alec realizes that he got so wrapped up in the evening that he hasn’t even checked his phone to see how things went with Izzy as their parents’ house.

“I think you mean ‘ _Thanks for forcing me to come over almost entirely against my will’_ . And you’re welcome.” Magnus smirks a bit, turning to take Alec’s hands in his own before pulling him in for a goodbye kiss.  
  
“I really like them. And I think they liked me… I hope they did.” Alec says once they part.

“Of course they did. How can anyone not?” And with that they share one last, lingering kiss before parting ways to head back home.

Alec is a block away when he remembers to check his phone, and sees a series of texts from Izzy that were clearly made one right after another during the dinner.

**I: Alec, oh my god I wish you were here right now.**

**I: What are you doing?**

**I: WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING**

**I: I can’t wait until later**

**I: Max just outed you to our grandparents and half the staff here.**

**I: He said, and I quote, “Alec said you were mad because he’s dating Magnus, but he really likes Magnus so I don’t know why you would be mad that he’s happy. That seems dumb.”**

**I: Granddad looks about a second away from an actual heart attack.**

**I: Grandmom just said it’s because you didn’t go to church any more after you left home.**

**I: Of course they’re making this about dad and his potential campaign.**

**I: HOLY SHIT mom just defended you.**

**I: She said if you weren’t going to be treated as part of this family any more, she didn’t want to be, either.**

**I: SHE WALKED OUT OF THE DINNER.**

**I: Poor Max looks so confused. I’m going to take him to his room to play or something.**

**I: Be proud of me because I mostly stayed out of it like you asked.**

**I: ...maybe I implied they’d be down to one kid if they weren’t careful.**

**I: Jesus, I can’t believe you missed this.**

And then one much later.

**I: I’m going to bed so I’ll fill you in on everything tomorrow. But I love you. And Max and Mom love you. And Dad actually looked really conflicted after Mom walked out and maybe he’s actually starting to have a single intelligent thought about all of this. Hope you’re out having fun!**

He doesn’t like the idea that his mother and sister pitted themselves against the rest of the family, but he also can’t help but feel a little good about it, too. There it is again - that small, nagging bit of hope that maybe everything will be alright in the end. He has Simon and Jace. He has Isabelle and Max, and now his mother. He has Magnus, and maybe one day he’ll have Catarina and Ragnor as well. And this is only the beginning.

Maybe he doesn’t have to lose everything to find himself like he always feared. Maybe he’ll come out of this with more than he ever could’ve dreamed possible.

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus tries to teach Alec one of his favorite recipes, some photographs are taken, and Camille shows up not once, but twice! Will Alec be able to ignore his curiosity and turn down an offer most would find too tempting to pass up?

It’s the next night when Magnus is sitting at dinner across from Alec, listening to him recount Isabelle’s story from the family dinner with such enthusiasm that he hasn’t touched a single bite of his food yet. Instead his voice rises and falls along with the points of most tension and interest, hands never resting still for more than the briefest moment before motioning this way or that. Once or twice Magnus needs to actively to focus back in on the words being said, because otherwise he finds himself lost in _watching_ Alec rather than listening. The way his eyes get wide in the lingering surprise over what his mother did, the way his smile softens when Max is mentioned, the way his shoulders tense just enough to be noticeable when his father’s name comes up.

Everything about him is enthralling, and Magnus is a willing captive in his presence.

“They couldn’t even be mad at him. He’s just a kid, and Izzy said that my grandparents tried to tell him that it wasn’t acceptable but he just kept asking them over and over why they didn’t want me to be happy, and they didn’t have an answer he’d accept.” Alec gives a small sigh. “Izzy was a little worried that he seemed to realize what was happening, though. He knows my dad doesn’t like me dating a guy. I just don’t want him to live with that and grow up thinking it’s wrong.”

Magnus finishes chewing a bite of his pasta. “It sounds like you and Isabelle have that covered. He likes you. He _trusts_ you. I think you’re underestimating your influence here. It doesn’t matter what your family tells him, if he doesn’t believe it. Seeing you, the older brother he’s looked up to his entire life, being honest and happy? That’s going to be what sticks with him here.” He pauses. “Also eat something before it’s all cold and I have to watch you suffer through eating a lukewarm dinner because you’re too nice to ask them to heat it back up after you let it sit.”

Alec laughs, but immediately digs his fork into his food, considering what Magnus said while he eats his huaraches, which Magnus recommended for him. They’re at the little restaurant that Rosa Santiago owns, the one next door to The Dumort. Most of the food is traditional Mexican fare, far from Alec’s usual go-tos, and so he blindly agreed to whatever Magnus ordered for them. Magnus watches him take a few bites, relaxing only when the small smile spreads across his face.

“This is delicious,” Alec says, story momentarily forgotten while he’s quick to take another bite or two. Magnus shakes his head. He knows they’ve only been dating for a few weeks now, but the difference between Alec on that first date and Alec now is so drastic it still catches him by surprise. He’s so much more relaxed now, in what he says and how he carries himself around Magnus, that it’s almost a little overwhelming to imagine that some of that is because of him. That he makes Alec feel comfortable enough to not restrain himself the way he used to, with perfect posture and carefully crafted sentences that never said too much or too little.

It makes it easy for Magnus to get caught up in it - in _them_ \- as well.

“I know it is. I come here at least once a week, I’m certain I’ve had everything on the menu at least three times.”

They put the rest of the conversation on hold through their meal, instead diverting into little tangents on food and cooking. Alec admits to him that most of what he knows about cooking he taught himself after he moved out. He’s a little better than Isabelle but not much, and the pair of them usually rely on takeout and ready-to-cook meals.

Magnus pulls a face before he can help himself. “...and here I thought you just really liked going to new restaurants.”

Alec laughs. “Well, I do! It’s a habit born of necessity. Thankfully, New York has no shortage of places to go to.”

Magnus shakes his head. “Or,” he suggests. “I could start to teach you how to cook one of these days.”

“Only if we keep a fire extinguisher and a take out menu on standby.” Alec laughs.

“Deal.”

By the time they pry themselves away from the dinner table Magnus has to go to work, and they part ways outside the restaurant. He reflects on the commute into work whether it isn’t time for him to break out of his comfort zone and try something new. Something with hours that would let him spend more than one night a week staying the night at his boyfriend’s place. It’s something he’s thinking about more and more often lately, but nothing he’s brought up with Alec, or even Catarina or Ragnor, yet.

For now, he’s content to consider what might be.

\---

It’s about a week later when Magnus decides he wants to make good on his promise to teach Alec how to cook something a bit more complicated than Hamburger Helper.

“I can come over and cook you dinner after work,” he offers on the phone with Alec during his lunch break.

“You could, but you’d probably have to bring half your kitchen with you. I own a pot, two pans, and a single plastic spatula/spork sort of combo thing. And all the vegetables in my house are frozen.” Alec says this sounding a little confused, because Magnus _knows_ this already; he just hoped Alec wouldn’t question the suggestion.

“You’re right, of course.” He agrees. “It would make much more sense to just come to my place.” Magnus tries not to let his hesitancy show through. “I’ll text you the address, show up whenever.” They chat for a little bit longer before Alec has to go back to work, and if he catches any shift in Magnus’ tone he doesn’t acknowledge it.

Once they hang up Magnus casts an anxious glance around his apartment.

It’s small. It’s only him and his cat, and he’s been saving up ever since the day he ended things with Camille and basically found himself starting his life over from scratch. That means cutting a lot of corners to get to anywhere even close to secure, which translates to this hole-in-the-wall apartment he does his best to decorate and spruce up, but… well, you can only do so much with lamps and bookcases.

Up until now he never cared. Cat and Ragnor understand, they saw his rise and fall and slow progression back to ‘okay’ after a lot of wallowing and a spiral he almost didn’t bounce back from. He’s quite honestly proud to be where he is on his own, and improving by the day, but he can’t help but feel like it isn’t enough.

He knows Alec isn’t going to care. Rationally, he knows that Alec isn’t going to judge him for his apartment, or how much money he has in his bank account, the way he hasn’t judged him for working in an overnight call center… but irrationally, Magnus knows he’s capable of so much more than what he’s doing and where he’s at. He allowed himself to grow stagnant the last few years, to fall into a pattern of complacency, and even though he’s taking great strides in fixing all of that now he has to wonder how anything about him and his life could possibly make someone like Alexander Lightwood want to stick around.

He always used the excuse that Alec’s place was closer to the store so it made more sense to meet there after he was done, but he knew that would only last so long. Rather than obsessively scrub down the counters or vacuum up the slight hints of cat hair that Chairman Meow would only leave another coating of between now and then, he decides to try not to stress about it and go back to sleep for a few hours. His lunchtime calls with Alec only happen when he manages to set an alarm and actually wake up in the middle of the day after getting home and falling asleep somewhere between 9 and 10 am. As it stands he only had 2 hours of sleep before Alec called, and he could definitely use another 3 or 4 if he can snag them.

Plus, he can’t worry while he’s unconscious.

It takes a little while to fall back asleep but he manages, waking up with just enough time to change out of his pajamas, line his eyes in a dark liner that goes with the plum colored sweater he pulls on, leaving his rings on his dresser since they’re going to be cooking.

There’s a knock on the door and he nearly jumps at the sudden noise - is it really this late already? With a deep breath he clears his face of anything that might betray the thoughts he managed to keep at bay for most of the afternoon, and opens the door with a wide grin.

“You made it,” Magnus greets, leaning over the threshold of the doorway to give Alec a quick kiss before he can even step foot into the apartment. “Come on in.” He does, however, hold his breath slightly as he steps back and allows Alec to enter, watching his reaction with a carefully masked observation.

“I can’t believe I haven’t been here yet,” Alec says almost immediately, and Magnus watches his gaze linger as he looks around the room, taking in little things here and there for a few moments before moving on to the next thing. Taking in things about Magnus, for better or worse, and Magnus has to wonder what he’s seeing that has him so interested, bringing a hand to run along a vase on the table by the door before turning to look at a painting on the wall, and the rug in front of the sofa, under the coffee table in the small living room.

Magnus remains silent, and when Alec looks over at him his expression one of wonder and contemplation.

“It’s very you. I don’t know what I pictured, but now that I see it, this place definitely fits you.”

Magnus raises an eyebrow. “...and what exactly does that mean?”

He knows what that means for him. It’s small. A bit cramped. A hodgepodge of modern items and antiques from one place or another, though he tries to have a flow between everything it’s definitely a diverse collection of items from all different cultures and styles he finds fascinating. It isn’t as much as he wants it to be, or as spacious as he wants it to be, or filled with as many nice things as he wants it to be. _Not Enough._ That’s what he sees. As for what Alec sees…

“It’s eclectic, but everything feels like it _belongs_ . It all has a meaning, doesn’t it? A personal connection. Some of it looks like it could be random, but it doesn’t _feel_ random. It’s all really carefully chosen, isn’t it?” Alec allows his eyes to wander around some of the objects adorning the tables and floors and walls again.

Magnus is surprised at that. “What makes you say that?”

Alec shrugs. “You talked about how you used to travel a lot more. And you’re always going on about different cultures, and time periods. Not ‘ _going on_ ’ in a bad way, of course, just that it obviously interests you.” Alec is quick to clarify. “I mean, you did want to be a curator. I can’t imagine that wouldn’t carry over into your personal life if you were that passionate about it.” He looks back at Magnus. “Why? Am I totally off base?”  
  
Magnus shakes his head. “No. You’re right,” he admits. “I just… I don’t know. It’s small and cluttered and I just didn’t want it to seem... “ _Not Enough_. The words repeat in his head but he doesn’t voice them. “I mean, compared to what you’re used to...”

Alec tilts his head to the side, looking at Magnus with that adorably confused look he gets sometimes while something is processing. And when it clicks he doesn’t roll his eyes, or laugh. He only walks over to where Magnus lingers by the doorway and takes his hands, holding them gently.

“You know what I love about this place? It’s so unapologetically _you_ , from top to bottom, just like everything else about you. You don’t shy away from the things you like, or who you are. It’s all there on open display, and I love that.”

Magnus hears the word ‘love’ and wishes instead of ‘that’ it was followed by ‘you’. He wonders if he’s imagining it present in the pregnant pause that follows the declaration, eyes locking in something kind and soft but meaningful. He doesn’t even know what to _say_ to all of that.

“...are you sure you didn’t miss your calling as a poet, or a writer?” Magnus finally says, with a small laugh. Because what _can_ he say, after Alec manages to take every concern and insecurity he had in the hours leading up to this moment and turn them all on their head.

Alec laughs a little as well, and soon they’re silencing those small giggles with each other’s lips, leaning into one another, smiling against the little huffs of breath the quiet laughter continues to bring despite their best attempts to stop it.

“So, what are we making?” Alec asks once they pull away. Magnus wants to suggest alternative plans, but they both know that if they don’t eat before anything else they may never get around to it. As if to confirm that thought, a low rumble of his stomach betrays how hungry he really is.

“Shrimp linguine. My own personal recipe.” Magnus waits to see if that’s a good choice. He’s seen Alec eat shrimp before, and pasta, so it should be safe. He just wants to double-check before starting anything.  

“That sounds delicious,” Alec agrees eagerly.

Magnus can’t remember the last time he cooked with someone. He’s cooked _for_ people plenty, but not actively alongside someone else. It takes a little bit to fall into a rhythm of divvying up the tasks and giving instructions instead of doing everything himself, but soon he’s reaching his hand out for the next ingredient to find it already chopped or portioned, waiting.

Everything is going so smoothly that he ignores his phone when it goes off in his pocket, not wanting to take himself out of this moment. But when it buzzes a second time he wipes a bit of butter from his hands onto a nearby paper towel before reaching into his pocket to grab his cell.

He’s mid-sentence about something or another with Alec when he sees the name and trails off. Alec picks right back up with the conversation, taking a few extra moments to notice that Magnus has stopped engaging, standing still and tense off to the side of the counter.

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice sounds far away when it reaches him even though they’re only a few feet apart. He’s looking down at two messages - the first is a photo. It’s taken in front of a _very_ nice home, the sort with landscapers that come every other day to make sure not a single leaf is out of place with grass so impossibly green it looks like something out of a magazine spread, and not somewhere someone actually _lives._ It’s large, a pristine white facade that towers in the middle of the open space it resides in. He’s confused when he sees it - he’s never been there before and it doesn’t look like somewhere he should recognize - and it isn’t until he reads the following text that he realizes what’s happening.

 **CB: The Lightwoods own a beautiful home, don’t you think? Though I doubt** **_you’ll_ ** **ever get the chance to see it.**

His heart feels like it’s in his throat at the words and the realization that Camille is at Alec’s parents’ house. He should’ve known something like this was coming. It’s been days since he last heard from her. Some foolish, idealistic part of him grew complacent, comfortable in the idea that maybe she really decided to just leave him be. He should’ve known better. He should’ve known she was only biding her time until they thought it was safe again, because that’s what she _does_ , goddamnit.

“Magnus, what is it?”

Alec’s voice brings him out of his thoughts.

“Camille.” It’s all he can think to say at first.

“Of course it is. What does she want now?” Alec seems almost too calm about it, and Magnus is just as glad to see him able to keep his cool as he is concerned that Alec’s already reached a point where her continued harassment is an expected thing and no cause for surprise.

Alec looks at him expectantly and Magnus can’t figure out how to tell him that she’s at _his_ house, that this isn’t about him for once even though he’s the one she’s sending the messages to. Is it meant to be a test, to see if he’d tell Alec? Or perhaps a test for Alec, to see how much of this he’s willing to put up with before being with Magnus isn’t worth it anymore?

Magnus has to trust that it’s a test they’ll both pass as he hands his phone over to Alec, who wipes his hands off messily onto the side of his pants before reaching out for it. The longer Magnus doesn’t respond the more Alec’s brow furrows until he sees the picture, looking even _more_ confused for a second or two.

“Why is she sending you…” Alec starts, before it all clicks into place. “ _Fuck._ ” Alec’s eyes narrow dangerously at the phone in his hand. He gives it back to Magnus. “I can’t believe she’s going through with it.” Alec takes his now-free hand and makes a fist, bringing it down hard on the countertop.

Magnus winces.

Alec doesn’t look afraid, but he looks _angry_ , and it isn’t long before Magnus can tell the wheels are turning in his head over something. They’re both quiet for a long while, Magnus doing his best to read Alec’s face except he can’t find anything there to read. The flash of anger from before is gone and now it’s almost impassive, which is even more disconcerting.

“Alexander?” Magnus prods gently. He goes on when he’s met with more silence. “I’m sorry. Let me talk to her and try and stop her… maybe I can fix this.”

“This isn’t your fault.”  
  
“Yes, it is. She’s trying to get to me, and she’s using you to do it. And it’s fucking working.” Magnus can’t help the swell of guilt he feels over all of this. No matter what Alec tried to tell him about having a slight history with Camille as well, he knows that this isn’t about Alec. Not really. Alec is just convenient collateral damage; nothing more than a pawn to be used and tossed aside.  

“I can’t let her do this.” Alec says finally. Before Magnus can stop him he has his phone out and dialing, holding it up to his ear. “Father?”

Magnus tenses. Alec hasn’t spoken to his dad since the day he came out to him.

“Yes, I’m aware now isn’t a good time. That’s exactly why I’m calling. Whatever Camille Belcourt wants, don’t give it to her. The photos don’t matter, I’m taking care of them.” Alec pauses. “You’ll find out soon enough if you let her in to talk, I’m sure. Just turn her away and don’t trouble yourself on my account. I’m handling it. On my own.”

Alec hangs the phone up. He’s a bit red in the face, hands shaking ever so slightly as he sets the phone down on the counter top. Magnus watches him carefully.

“How would you feel,” Alec begins slowly. “If those pictures of us end up on Instagram? Or facebook? Or wherever people are putting photos these days?”

Magnus shakes his head. “I’ll stop her before she can do that, Alec. Whatever it takes, I’ll--”

But Alec cuts him off, shaking his head. “No. Not her. Mine.” And to his surprise, Alec actually laughs a little. “I should’ve just done this from the start.”

“Done what?” Magnus questions.

“I’m going to post them myself. Then what does she have over me… or over you?”

Oh.

 _Oh_.

“It’s the only way to end this and stop looking over my shoulder once and for all.”

“You’re going to _what?”_  Magnus repeats, positive he had to hear that incorrectly.

“I’m going to post them. I’m not hiding anymore. My family knows. My friends know… at least the ones who matter. So what if people I don’t care about on the internet know?”

And here he is again, witnessing yet another impressive change from when they first met - when Alec, anonymously on the internet, shied away from the mere implication he may have a crush on Magnus. He knows the situation doesn’t call for it but he can’t help but smile.

“Are you sure?” Magnus asks. He has to, because there’s a good chance Alec isn’t properly thinking this knee-jerk reaction through.

“No.” Alec replies immediately.

Well, Magnus thinks, at least he’s self-aware.

“But what other option is there, really? If I do this she stops. Nothing to bribe my father with, nothing to guilt you and me over. And I _know_ my dad will give her anything she wants to keep something ‘scandalous’ like this a secret. I won’t give her the satisfaction… or him.”

Magnus can tell he’s serious about this.

“If it’s really what you want to do, I don’t mind.” Magnus tells him. And it’s true. More risque photos of him have turned up on the instagrams of past lovers. This is nothing to him, but to Alec…

“Send me the photos,” Alec instructs, and Magnus does just that. He takes the photos she sent to him that first time, the initial threat, and forwards them onto Alec. Once Alec has them on his own phone he looks them over, as if making sure he really wants to do this. Watching the way Alec looks at them, scrutinizing with scrunched-up eyes, Magnus wonders if he isn’t about to change his mind. Alec has other plans in mind.

“What if we one-up her?” Alec asks, smiling all of a sudden. It isn’t an expression that Magnus expects to see on his boyfriend’s face during all of this and it catches him off-guard. It’s the  self-satisfied sort of grin of someone who has an idea, and one they’re rather proud of.

“What do you mean?”

“Well…”

\---

A few minutes later, probably no more than 10 minutes tops (though for the amount of times Alec looked at the phone and went “Ugh, no, take another one,” it felt like they’d been at it for hours) Alec has what he needs. Not that Magnus is complaining as he pulls away from Alec’s lips reluctantly. They turned the stove off, dinner forgotten in the background for now as Alec turns an intent gaze towards the phone screen. “Perfect.”

Magnus is both pleased and disappointed. “Are you sure? We could always take a few more. For our personal collection.” He shoots Alec a wink but the smile he receives in return is amused but shaky, and Magnus has to remind himself why they’re doing what they’re doing. _Focus, Magnus._ He reminds himself. _Quit getting sidetracked by your gorgeous boyfriend._

“Alright. You’re _positive_ you’re fine with this before I post them?” Alec asks him.

Magnus nods. He has nothing to lose here, but Alec’s constant concern for him is so endearing that Magnus melts a little every time he asks. Is Alec only being polite, he wonders, or does he really have no idea the lengths that he would go for him? This is _nothing_ compared to what Magnus would do for Alec… surely he knows what by now? Or perhaps Magnus has been a bit too good in playing it cool with just how infatuated with him he truly is…

“Posted.” Alec says, before sending said post to both his father and Camille.

The post itself is simple. It’s two of the photos Camille took of them in The Dumort: the clearest two, the ones where Magnus’ hands are roaming up underneath Alec’s shirt while they kiss and another where Alec’s lips are making their way down Magnus’ neck. But there’s a third photo now, clear and bright, of both of them kissing in the middle of Magnus’ kitchen. The spread of food and baking supplies is behind them, blurred in the background against the image of their lips pressed together, but parted ever so slightly in a pleased smile neither could entirely hold back.  At first Magnus is afraid it’d keep ruining the photo but in the end it only makes it that much better; they both look so happily lost in one another.

And underneath the three photos is a simple caption: **_“Happiness is a good look for me, don’t you think? (thanks to @Camille Belcourt for the candid shots of my boyfriend and me!)”_ **

Magnus smiles. “I’m framing this post and hanging it up in my living room,” he announces, to ease some of the worry he sees start to settle on Alec’s face now that it’s no longer just a theoretical course of action. Now that it’s really, truly out there. Is he having second thoughts?

“Make a copy for me. I’ll give it to my grandparents for Christmas,” Alec laughs, and it only sounds a little strained. “Start the food again? I’m still starving. I just have to make sure they see these before it’s too late.”

Magnus nods, going diligently back to the sauce on the stove and shrimp which are ready to start while Alec sends two texts.

One to his father, which reads: **“ ‘Releasing negative press with a positive spin.' I learned from the best. Whatever you do with her now, you can’t pretend it’s on my account. ”**   

And one to Camille, which reads: **“Thanks for the photos. Maybe you could get some better lighting next time?”**

They don’t talk about it again until dinner is done cooking and they’re both halfway done with devouring their plates.

“What did they say back?” Magnus asks.

Alec only shrugs. “I don’t know, I turned off my phone. I did what I wanted to do - what they think about it now isn’t my problem.”

They both know Alec can’t avoid the reactions forever, but he doesn’t push it right then. “What did you mean by ‘whatever you do with her now’? To your dad?” He asks instead.

“It’s my father. If he wants to deal with Camille for whatever she’s after - probably campaign work, if I had to guess - that’s on him now. He can’t pretend it’s because she blackmailed her way in. If he wants to get into bed with her --” Alec winces at the choice of words, remembering some of her information gathering techniques. “--and god, I hope not literally-- then that’s entirely on him now. He can’t blame me.”

Magnus can’t pretend to know how politics works, how that entire world continues to revolve around who lies the best, who can gather information the most ruthlessly, who has the least amount of heart to do whatever it takes no matter who it hurts along the way… but he has to imagine that Camille would flourish in the right setting there. He wants to hope that Mr. Lightwood would have the sense not to work with someone who shows up with the intention of blackmailing his family, but from what he’s gathered so far common sense isn’t Mr. Lightwood’s strong suit.

“I’m really proud of you, you know,” Magnus starts. His voice is softer now, eyes locked on the man across the small dining table. “Taking things into your own hands like that? Putting it out there on your terms, not anyone else’s? Your dad could’ve swept this under the rug forever if you let him, but I’m really glad you didn’t.”

Alec smiles. “Thanks. Me too, actually. I wasn’t sure at first but it feels really, _really_ good not to worry about it in the back of my mind any more. I’m just sorry I didn’t think to do it sooner.”

“Don’t worry. The next time a problem comes up I’ll suggest a series of exhibitionist photos as the first solution,” Magnus promises, keeping a straight face until Alec cracks into a positively beaming smile, laughing,  and Magnus is helpless to do anything except join him.

They don’t talk about it again the rest of the dinner, and continue where the photos left off for a little while after the food is gone and some light clean-up handled, until Magnus reluctantly pulls himself away from Alec’s lazy, lingering kisses to go to work.

“Promise you’ll call me if you need anything, alright?” Magnus insists before they part for the evening. He knows it’s only a matter of time before he checks his phone and sees whatever replies Camille, or his father, or any number of people may have left to his post, and he’s determined to be there for him when he does no matter what.

“I promise.”

\---

Magnus doesn’t hear anything back the rest of the night. Alec says he’s going to bed early, and whether he does or not, Magnus’ phone is entirely quiet for his entire shift until he sends off a quick, ‘Good Morning’ text around 7 am when he knows Alec is up and on his way into the store, more likely than not.

**A: Good morning. And before you ask… no, I haven’t checked any of the messages yet. It isn’t that I’m afraid to, I just don’t care. I’m happy for the first time in as long as I can remember, and I’m not going to let him ruin that for another second.**

Magnus considers that. He doesn’t think it’s the best way to handle this, but he isn’t Alec. He isn’t in his shoes, he hasn’t lived his life for the past two-plus decades. He can’t tell him what to do, even if he thinks he should at least check them sooner rather than later to get it out of the way.

**M: If you’re happy, I’m happy.**

And he is.

He grabs coffee with Ragnor and Catarina before they all head home, filling them in on Alec’s Social Media adventures the night before.

“It’s about time someone put her in her place,” Ragnor says.

“Agreed. I liked him before, but I _really_ like him now. Try not to lose this one, Magnus. I think he’s a keeper.” Catarina advises.

“Don’t worry,” Magnus agrees. “I don’t plan on letting him go any time soon. Anyone who can survive a Camille attack on that scale _and_ a night with the two of you has to be as rare as they come.”

Magnus heads home after a few more minutes of warm drinks and pleasant conversation with his friends, and is about to fall asleep when the sound of his phone ringing jolts him awake. He’s about to ignore it when he sees Camille’s name on the screen.

“Camille?” he mutters, the name mumbled in his half-awake state. He only plans to gloat a bit about the photos, tell her to go to hell, then hang up, but he doesn’t get a reply. What he hears instead is Camille’s voice, muffled.

_“Good morning, Alexander.”_

_“What are you doing here?”_ It’s Alec, but very distant and even more muffled than Camille. Magnus blinks his eyes slowly, listening.

_“I wanted to congratulate you on that bold move of yours yesterday. Posting the photos on your own - I didn’t think you had it in you.”_

_“Thanks.”_ Alec’s voice is short, curt.

_“I wish you could’ve seen your father’s face when he opened your message. I thought he might faint from shock.”_

Magnus is suddenly very awake, and very focused. She went to Alec’s work. She went to the one place she knew he wouldn’t be able to walk away from her, the one place she knew he couldn’t cause a scene.

He’s changing out of his robe and into jeans and a jacket within a minute, wondering if there’s any way he can get to the store before she’s gone. He doesn’t think it’s possible, but he’s going to try. Meanwhile he listens to the call, the back-and-forth between Alec and Camille, wanting nothing more than to be able to shout his own replies through the phone at the both of them as they go along.

_“Do you need something, or are we done here?”_

_“Did you ask him to do it?”_ Camille asks.

 _“...ask who to do what?”_ Alec questions, genuinely confused. Magnus doesn’t follow, either. Is she talking about the photos?

 _“Your father. I thought the two of you weren’t on speaking terms.”_ _  
__  
__“We’re not.”_ _  
__  
__“...Interesting.”_ Magnus knows that tone. Camille knows something she isn’t saying. He wonders if Alec will ask about it, but she continues before he gets the chance. “He seems to be more on your side than you think. And I need you to call him off.”

 _“...excuse me?”_ Alec sounds more surprised and confused than mad now. Magnus even utters a “what?” alone in the back of the cab, phone pressed harder against his ear as if that might make the voices coming through easier to understand.

_“He was less than thrilled with my proposal. He’s trying to blacklist me, even with Lilith. I need you to stop him.”_

Alec laughs. _“And why would I do that?”_

_“Because in return I’ll tell you everything you need to know about the man you’re dating. Anything you want to ask, anything he’s hiding - I’ll tell you everything.”_

Magnus knows why she called him now. She wants him to listen as she talks Alec into asking about him. She wants him to hear the moment Alec gives in and listens to all the horrible things she has to say about him.

 _“I’m not going to do this with you. Get out.”_ _  
_

_“Are you that afraid to hear the truth about your boyfriend that you won’t even speak with me?”_

_“I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say. You’ve done nothing but cause problems since you got here.”_

_“I'm not making anything that doesn't already exist. I'm only bringing to light what’s already there.”_ God, she’s good at this.

Alec is having none of it. _“I’ve seen what you’re capable of before, and Magnus told me all about what you were like while you were with him. I’m not going to believe you over him. Not now. Not ever.”_

Magnus smiles at that even as he hails a cab and gives the address for Alec’s Jewelry store, the phone never leaving his ear. That should be enough for him. He trusts Alec, of course he does. But he can’t bring himself to hang up, just in case…

_“Oh, I’ll bet he told you all about the two of us. But did he tell you about himself?”_

_“He has. I’m sure not all of it, but I haven’t told him every last thing about me either.”_

_“I don’t think you have the same skeletons he does, dear.”_

Magnus stills. The longest silence of the conversation up to this point falls between Alec and Camille, and his heartbeat is racing. The cab can’t drive fast enough, but he asks the driver to try.

_“I guess that’s for me to find out one day, if he wants to tell me.”_

_“How honorable. So you’re telling me you don’t want to ask me anything about him right now? Anything you think he’d lie about? Anything you’re curious about?”_

_“No.”_

Magnus could probably cry with relief just then. Camille just gave Alec the sort of offer most people would love to get: a total blank check to get any dirt on him Alec wants. Anything he might want to know about Magnus' family, about his exes, about the time he spent following Camille around like a lost puppy dog. Every embarrassing or incriminating thing Magnus might hide from him, he can find out right here and now. And he doesn't even consider it for a second. 

The amount of devotion Alec has to him - to _them_ \- is overwhelming, and Magnus doesn't think anything can ruin how  _good_ that makes him feel until he hears--

_“So you don’t want to know about the countless people he’s dated? If you’ think you’re special, that he’s going to stick around for the likes of you-”_

_“Stop.”_

_“-you’re wrong. You’re just another stepping stone. Something new for him to try. He’ll use you and move on like he does everyone else. You’re not part of his world and he’ll never be good enough to be part of yours.”_

_“I said stop.”_

_“Did he tell you about the time he got so depressed he tried to k-”_

_“Enough!”_ Alec’s voice cuts her off in a panic that’s reflective of what Magnus feels listening in from the back of this cab, glancing anxiously out at the numbers on the street signs. Closer, but not close enough.

Magnus can practically hear Camille calculating in the following pause. She did what she came to do - the seeds are planted, the damage is done. And just when he thinks it can’t get worse…

_“You really care about him, don’t you? Do you love him?”_

Magnus’ heart stops racing, and stops beating entirely instead. Alec doesn’t reply immediately, and with ever millisecond that goes by Magnus reminds himself that this relationship of theirs is still relatively new. He can’t expect Alec to feel anything so strong so early on, not after everything he’s been through just to be comfortable _dating_. Alec’s reply, when it finally comes,  is more than he could hope for. He doesn’t say it, but the thought is there. It’s enough.

 _“More than you ever did, if this is how you treat him now, trying to sell his secrets behind his back.”_ Alec sounds on the verge of fuming, the anger palpable even distorted through the phone. _“I’m done playing your games. It’s time for you to leave.”_

_“I’m sure we’ll meet again, Alexander darling. I’m just a call away if you change your mind- you have my number.”_

Magnus hears the ringing of the bell above the door, the shuffling sounds of fabric, and then Camille’s voice loud and clear in his ear.

“It seems you found yourself quite the dedicated boy toy, Magnus. He seems to think you deserve his loyalty and unwavering trust… but we both know how misplaced those are, don’t we? I hope he knows what he’s getting himself into.”

The line goes dead with a ‘beep’, and Magnus is left alone with his thoughts for the remainder of the cab ride.

When it pulls up outside the jewelry shop he pays the fare and gets out, but has second thoughts once he's standing on the side of the street. How much of what Camille was about to say did Alec guess? She wasn’t exactly subtle. He has to know the implications... He isn’t stupid. Magnus can see Alec inside, pacing as he talks to Isabelle, hands gesturing wildly in… anger? Annoyance?

Whatever it is, Magnus isn’t sure he should be here right now. To turn up unannounced after all of that? Alec put on a stoic front while Camille was there but what if that’s all it was? If Alec believed anything she said, even for a second… and after some of the things she tried to say, whether Alec believed her or not, Magnus isn't sure he's ready to talk about them if Alec were to bring them back up. Not on zero sleep after a panicked, impulsive cab ride at least. 

He decides to leave. When Alec tells him about this later ( _if Alec tells him about this later_ ) they can talk about it then, once he’s settled a bit. He isn't going to hide from this, but it can wait. It isn't like Alec took her up on the offer - he shut her up and sent her away. No need to draw this out any longer here and now, in the middle of Alexander's work day... yes, that’s probably best, Magnus decides. 

Except Alec clearly has other thoughts. Just as Magnus turns to leave, his phone goes off. Loudly. Loud enough to be heard through the door that opens just as a customer walks into Lightwood Jewelers, drawing Alec’s gaze up from where he's calling Magnus from inside and bringing it out onto the sidewalk where Magnus stands, still-ringing phone in hand, looking mortified and guilty all wrapped into one. 

“Uh,” he says, giving the hand holding his phone a small wave. “Surprise?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER-ISH ENDING. It literally came down to the fact that I had to force myself to stop writing or I was going to miss Thursday and end up with a 10k chapter at this rate, oops. <3


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A solution to their Camille problem might come from an unlikely source, a Lightwood family dinner seeks to fix things before they're broken beyond repair, and Alec thinks about the future.

The moment Camille walks out of his shop Alec nearly collapses against one of the display cases in visible relief, closing his eyes.

Isabelle, who saw the entire thing from the far side of the room (yet somehow managed to not step in and knock their unwanted guest out) is by his side in an instant.

“What the _hell_ was that?” She demands, glaring at the door Camille left through less than a minute before.

“Desperation,” Alec mutters, sounding bitter. “I guess dad didn’t give her what she wanted. But what was all that about blacklisting?”

There’s a _lot_ for Alec to process, his thoughts bouncing back and forth between what she said about his father and what she said about Magnus, never settling on just one for very long before something brings him back to the other. But for now this seems as good a place to start as any.

Izzy eyes him with a level gaze. “Didn’t you listen to his messages?”

He laughs, allowing the acidity of his thoughts regarding his father to seep into the sound.  “Why on earth would I do that?”

“He didn’t just turn Camille away -- he threatened to ruin her family’s entire business for even thinking about threatening his family.” She tells him this with a certain amount of hesitance, knowing that his sudden change in tone isn’t enough to erase what damage he’s already done… but it’s better than he’s been since Alec came out.

“So? He cares more about the family name than anything else, we already knew that.”

Izzy shakes her head. “No, he… look, I’m not saying he deserves it, but maybe you want to hear him out. Ever since that dinner, and mom walking out on him, I think he’s really started to rethink some things. It doesn’t justify what he’s done, and he’s still an asshole, but he might be an asshole who can still come around to the right side of things.”

That’s too much for Alec to even begin to consider just then. His brain feels like it’s short-circuiting at the idea of talking to his father ever again, let alone right now in the midst of the chaos that his mind is made of at that moment.

“No one expects you to do anything. No matter what, I’m on your side first and foremost. If you never want to hear a single word he says again I’ll back you on it 100%, Big Brother.”

Alec nods, not trusting his voice just then. He finally manages a weak “Thanks” before he puts the thoughts of his father aside to focus on someone he is much more invested in at the moment: Magnus.

Not that he has much of a choice when Izzy brings him up almost immediately. “What are you going to do about Magnus?”

“There’s nothing to do, is there?” He counters, frowning.

“Are you going to tell him she was here?”

He doesn’t have to think long before answering. “Yeah. I have to don’t I?” If he doesn’t, Camille certainly will. That’s her game, isn’t it? A constant test of how much one will tell the other, trying to get them to slip, to create a rift that isn’t there. One that, Alec hopes, they’ll never allow themselves to fall into no matter what happens around them.  
  
“How much are you going to tell him?” Izzy doesn’t come right out and say it, but Alec knows that Camille’s words weren’t subtle. What she was trying to tell him about Magnus’ past, that was personal. That wasn’t the sort of thing that was her’s to share, or his to know before Magnus was ready to tell him.

 _If_ Magnus ever feels comfortable sharing parts of his past like that… because Alec understands more than some how much easier it is to try and leave those things behind entirely. There are things he’s done he isn’t proud of, things he wouldn’t share willingly now that he’s beyond them, and he feels guilty for even _vaguely_ knowing something about Magnus he hadn’t shared himself.

“I don’t know,” he admits. “I don’t even want to tell him she was here at all, because I know he’s going to blame himself for it. But to have her just walk in here like this… and if this is the sort of stuff she’s going to pull on me, imagine the dirt she could dig up to give to Magnus?” He rubs his hands over his face with an exasperated sigh.

“Hey,” Izzy says, voice softer now as she walks over and puts an arm around his shoulders. “You aren’t the same person now you were back then, no more than Magnus is the sort of person Camille is trying to make him out to be. Unless you believe her about him?”  
  
“Not at all.” Alec defends instinctively.

“So there you have it. I’m sure he’d say the same things that you did if your roles were reversed.” She gives his shoulder a pat before moving to give him his space again.

Alec makes a noncommittal noise at that before giving up whatever internal debate he’s having, throwing his arms into the air a bit dramatically in defeat.  

“I’m going to call him.” Alec resigns, grabbing the phone out of his pocket before he can talk himself out of it.

He clicks Magnus’ name just as someone walks into the shop -- and hears Magnus’ ringtone float in through the open door from the sidewalk outside. His gaze snaps up, freezing when he sees his boyfriend standing outside the store. Magnus looks immediately guilty, which sets of a dozen alarms in Alec’s head, and the hesitant you-weren’t-supposed-to-see-me-here-but-since-you-did “surprise?” that greets him doesn’t help.

“Definitely a surprise,” Alec agrees, with far less humor than he wants the reply to have. He turns to Izzy with a questioning look and she simply nods towards the door, already moving to handle the customer.

Magnus is still standing awkwardly outside, unsure whether or not he should go in, so Alec goes outside instead.

“What are you doing here?” Alec asks, and the question comes out more accusatory than he intends.

“I shouldn’t have…” Magnus starts immediately. “Camille called me. I didn’t even think before I was in a cab, but I shouldn’t have just come to your work like this.”

“Yeah, well, neither should Camille, but that sure didn’t stop her.” Alec can’t hide his annoyance with her appearance and this whole situation. And that’s what it is: annoyance at Camille over what she said and the fact that she’s the reason any of this is even happening right now, annoyance at the fact that now he knows things that Magnus didn’t want him to, and it isn’t like he can un-hear them. Annoyance that now his father is involved, which is the last thing he wants.

That’s what his frustration is over, but he isn’t making that clear, and Magnus immediately looks unsure of himself, taking a step away from Alec in response. “I should go. We can talk about this later.” And it takes a moment after Magnus turns to leave for Alec to realize that his words were sharp, and that Magnus thought he was snapping at him. Which, to be fair, he technically was, even though Magnus himself isn’t the reason he’s upset.

“Wait,” Alec says quickly, breath catching in his panic as his arm shoots out reach for Magnus’ arm, desperate to stop him. He’s afraid he’s already said all the wrong things.

Thankfully, Magnus pauses.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you about it. I’m not mad at you. That came out all wrong… She just got under my skin more than I realized. God, how _dare_ she? Who the fuck does she think she is?”

Magnus turns fully back to face Alec, giving a cold laugh at that. “This is tame for her, really. I’m surprised she didn’t try to dig out old, incriminating photos to show you.”

Alec’s brows furrow together. “Wait, how do you know what she told me?”

Magnus holds up his phone again, as if it’s an explanation. “I told you, she called me.”

Alec’s frown only deepens. “What did she tell you?” He doesn’t know why Magnus would believe anything she tells him anyway, but he wants to know _exactly_ what she said to him, hoping maybe she left out the worst of it. She didn’t have much time to call him after she left and he showed up, after all. In fact, he shouldn’t have been able to even _get_ here that fast… something isn’t adding up. Alec can’t figure out what until Magnus speaks again.

“No, she didn’t call me after. She called me before.” Magnus looks much more uncomfortable now, hesitating. Alec wonders what he’s thinking - it’s almost as if he isn’t sure what he wants to say next. It’s the sort of hesitation that precedes a picked-apart answer, and Alec can’t help but fear it’s because he’s trying to figure out just how much of a lie he can get away with.

And Alec should know, because a minute ago with Izzy he was debating the same thing before deciding to pick up his phone.

“Her phone was on the whole time. Muffled, so I guess it was in her pocket, but…” Magnus pauses again but only for a second before continuing on in grim determination. “I heard everything.”

Alec blanches.

“Oh.”

It’s the only thing he can think to say, already trying to replay not just what Camille said, but also what _he_ said. Like when Camille said Magnus was just going to use him and move on when he gets bored, or when she said Magnus could never be part of his world.

...like when Camille asked if he loved Magnus. He didn’t say yes, but he definitely didn’t say no, either. It suddenly makes a lot more sense why Magnus wants to put this off for later, why he tried to leave before Alec saw him.

“You heard… okay.” Alec is still processing. Not that he said anything he didn’t mean, and he thinks he handled everything Camille threw at him pretty well. But still… “I tried to stop her-” Alec begins to explain.

“I know,” Magnus says just as quickly.

There’s a silence then. Magnus opens and closes his mouth twice, and Alec simply stands there, waiting for him to find the words he’s looking for.

“Thank you.” Magnus says finally, and it’s far from what Alec is anticipating.

“For what?”

“For putting up with my ex showing up to harass you at work? For stopping her when you did? For defending me? For… hell, everything. Thank you for everything you never should’ve had to deal with in the first place.” Magnus doesn’t meet his eyes.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m not interested in some second-hand version of you that Camille wants to talk about. I just want to get to know you - whoever that is here and now.”

“That’s kind of you, Alec,” Magnus says, and there’s something in his tone that doesn’t sit right. Alec doesn’t like the way it draws out, dark and foreboding. “Perhaps too kind. She wasn’t lying, after all. Not about any of it...”

Alec can see the sadness that begins to creep into Magnus’ eyes the longer they talk about her. The defeated air he takes on at her words. Alec hates it. “Not about any of it?” Alec challenges. “So I’m just a ‘stepping stone until you get bored’, then?”

Magnus winces. “No, of course not.”

“She was wrong about another thing, too: any world you wouldn’t fit into isn’t a world I want to be in.”

Alec is acutely aware that this is not the sort of conversation meant for public city sidewalks, but he can’t bring himself to put it off until later, or drag Magnus in through the shop with customers mingling around the showroom. So he settles for reaching out and taking Magnus’ hands, both of them in his own, and pulling him closer - making the small space they occupy feel that much more private.

“Whatever you want me to know, I’ll know, and anything else can wait. I trust you, Magnus. Nothing anyone else says or does is going to change that.” Alec makes the declaration with startling certainty, waiting for Magnus’ response.

Magnus is quiet for a very long time. “What she said… I don’t like talking about it. I will, one day. But right now I just-”  
  
“Hey, you don’t have to. Not now, or later. There are plenty of  things you don’t know about me, too. Not that I don’t want to tell you either, but-- I get it. Wanting to wait, or just needing to leave the past behind. I get it.”

Something in Magnus’ anxious gaze begins to settle, and Alec hopes it’s enough. It has to be, because it’s the best he has to offer.

“You should go get some sleep,” Alec suggests. “We can talk more later… or tomorrow? Whenever you’re free.”

Magnus nods.  

“But we’re okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Magnus promises. “We’re okay.”

“Good.” Alec sighs in relief. “Because I’m going to need somebody on my side after I go speak with my father later.”

\---

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Magnus asks, tone supportive and concerned all at once, but the question is too vague to fit the moment. Does he want to do what? See his father? Bring up Camille again? Be there with Isabelle even though he’s trying to keep her as out of all this as possible?

All of the above?

“Yes. If there’s a chance he’s serious about putting an end to Camille’s reign of terror, I’m going to hear him out. And if it ends up being a terrible idea I’m going to leave.” He and Isabelle reach the front steps. “Wish me luck, I gotta go.”

“Good luck,” Magnus replies dutifully, before hanging up.

The door swings open before Alec can even put his phone away and ring the bell, his mother’s arms around him before he has the chance to register what’s happening.

“Oh, Alec. It’s so good to see you again.” He knows this isn’t the longest he’s gone between visits to his mother, but the relief is palpable in her words, her fear obvious in the way her hug is just this side of ‘too-tight’, afraid if she lets go now he might vanish again. He realizes just how worried she was that he might actually never come back this time.

He doesn’t tell her how close to being right she was.

“Hey, Mom.” Alec says, bringing his arms up to hug her back after the moment of shock passes.

“And Isabelle, sweetie. Thank you both for coming.” She turns to give Izzy a hug, too, and Izzy looks about as confused as she should by it. The Lightwoods were _not_ huggers.

“Of course. Is Dad here?”

“Yes, he’s already waiting in the living room with Max. Dinner is almost ready.”

Talking over dinner is about the only time they talk as a family. Alec realized at a young age it was strategic - the children were less likely to storm off while there was still food and drink left, no matter how unhappy they were, and the threat of being sent away before finishing dinner or dessert was an easily accessible punishment for backtalk if the topic was one they didn’t agree with. Plus, with the food being brought in and out by the small crew of waitstaff, no one ever wanted to make _too much_ of a scene.

Talking over dinner is the equivalent of knowing one of them is about to light a fuse, step back, and hope for the best.

At least now the fuse is already lit. The worst of the damage is done, and what they have left to discuss are the settling ashes and debris of Alec’s life… or at least, his life here.

“Oh good, you’re both here. We can finally eat,” Robert says once they arrive. Alec can feel how tense he is the moment they step into the living room, wondering what number the drink in his glass is.

Max spots him and jumps up, running over with arms wide. Alec scoops him up into a swinging hug. “Hey there, buddy. I heard what you did for me the other day at dinner. Thank you.” He says the words lower, so just Max can hear.

“Sorry if I made anyone mad at you. Everyone got upset after…”  
  
“They were mad at me anyway, it wasn’t anything you said. Thanks for sticking up for me, but I’m your big brother - I’m the one who should stick up for you, not the other way around. Okay?” Alec points out, putting him down to follow the others into the dining room.

“We can look out for each other,” Max decides with great confidence. “We’re Lightwoods, after all.”

Alec smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach all the way. He supposes this dinner will determine how much of a Lightwood he’ll be from here on out.

They all sit, and some small talk happens around him. Alec doesn’t bother to chime in. Everyone knows what this is about - it isn’t just a regular dinner. No one is here to talk about how cold it’s been lately, or how the store’s sales are doing, or the completed renovations at Alec’s favorite coffee shop. He sits it total silence until a hush falls over the casual conversation as food arrives, and eyes fall on Robert to say Grace before the meal.

“Lord, we thank you for the food you put on our table, and for our family’s continued prosperity and good health. Specifically on this day I thank you for my children, who have seen fit to give their father a second chance. May you bless us all with your guidance to learn what is right and to grow from our mistakes. Amen.”

There are mumbled Amens around the table before silverware clinks against plates.

Alec looks down at the food but can’t bring himself to touch a bite of it.

“Look… this isn’t a second chance. You either hate me, or you don’t, and if you could just let me know which so we can both move on with our lives I’d appreciate it.” He knows it isn’t entirely fair, not when he can see them both _trying_ , but he’s had enough lately and unfortunately that means his parents get the short end of the stick with what little patience he has left.

“I know Grandmom and Granddad want me disinherited, so just get it over with. You love me, but it isn’t always about love, you can’t have me around the campaign, _et cetera, et cetera_.” Alec sounds so casually dismissive that everyone freezes, Isabelle included.

“Alec--” Izzy starts, but their mother cuts her off.

“No one is being disinherited. Or disowned. And of course I love you, Alexander. We _all_ do.” She says this with a pause, and a pointed glance in Robert’s direction.

“Yes, we do.” Robert says. “I believe I owe you an apology for how I reacted when you first told us about… being homosexual.” Alec is glad he hasn’t started eating yet because he probably would’ve choked on his food at that.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” Alec asks cautiously. He knew this was coming, after what Isabelle told him of the messages their father sent them (the ones he erased), but he’s still surprised to hear it out loud. He half expected for his father to see him and start yelling all over again. Or worse, pleading for him to take it back and go back to pretending.

“It wasn’t sudden,” Robert admits. “And I’m still not… entirely comfortable… with the whole thing.”

Ah, yes, this sounds more like his father. Alec braces himself at that, because it hurts. He knew, of course, but hearing it again, staring into the eyes of people who are meant to love him unconditionally and know that love is tainted by prejudice… it still hurts.

“But,” Robert continues. “The longer we all went without speaking to you… and then after your mother walked out that night...” he hesitates, looking around the table, and Alec knows he’s thinking about how he wouldn’t just lose Alec and Isabelle, but probably Maryse and Max too, from the way Izzy spoke of how things were unfolding while he kept his distance. “I realized that wasn’t what I wanted for the rest of our lives.”

Alec considers this for a long while. It isn’t the best, not even close. His father sounds more upset that it was driving all of them apart than he was about Alec himself not associating with the family, but… well, it’s better than the last time they spoke.

“So you don’t hate that I’m gay?” Alec says. The involuntary twitch that crosses both of his parents’ faces at the word is enough to tell him that, no matter what they say, this is definitely still a work in progress. But their next words are comforting.

“We could never hate you for being who you are, Alexander.” It’s Maryse who speaks first, echoing the same sentiment she had the night he came out.

Alec turns his gaze to his father.

“It’s just going to take some time to adjust to. But I don’t… I don’t hate you. You’re my son.” There’s something a bit distant in his father’s gaze. He’s clearly thinking about something, but what that something is, Alec can’t entirely tell. Almost as an entirely separate thought he says quietly, “I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”

“...what mistake?” Alec questions, but his father only shakes his head.

“Never mind,” Robert dismisses. “That isn’t important now. I should’ve realized when you stopped taking our money after college, and stopped visiting as much. I thought it was just young adult rebellion, pushing your parents away, wanting to be independent. I didn’t realize-”

“-That years of standing beside you as you donated money to people who would gladly strip away my basic human rights made me not want anything to do with you?”  It’s harsh, but he needs to get it out, now that he can.

“I didn’t-- if I had _known--_ ” Robert floundered.

“Would it have changed anything?” Alec demands. “Is it even going to change anything now?”

A silence falls over the table. Max, still too young to properly follow the more subtle intricacies of the conversation, mostly busying himself with the food in front of him. Maryse, studying her husband carefully. Alec, doing his best to keep years of pent up frustration from bubbling over. Robert, eyeing the food on his plate, not wanting to promise anything beyond what he’s capable of following through on. It’s Isabelle who breaks the silence.

“It has to.” She says simply, and they all know she’s right.

Alec decides to let it rest for now. He can give them time. They don’t hate him. He isn’t about to be written out of the family, or have the store taken from him, and those are good enough starts for now.

Isabelle shoots him a quick ‘you okay?’ look, and he gives her a terse nod. He’s still uncomfortable. It’s still _very clear_ that they would rather their son be straight and not have to deal with any of this, but their willingness to test the waters and see how things go from here is better than anything he hoped for when he stepped foot through that front door.

They’re nearly done with dinner when he finally gets the nerve to ask the question that’s been on his mind since that morning, and the main reason he did any of this in the first place.

“When Camille came by earlier, she said you threatened to blacklist her?” Alec doesn’t particularly want to think about Camille ever again, let alone talk about her, but he wants to know what happened when she showed up here the day before.

Robert smirks now, and unlike the more unsure smiles from the previous part of the dinner, this one is entirely in his element. This is confident, full of the self-assuredness his perfectly crafted business moves always carry with them. “I made it very clear that her time in the world of campaigns in this area was over. Say the word, and I’ll place a call or two in to her family, and make it very clear that unless something is done about the young Miss Belcourt, the family’s museums and historical buildings will see a disastrous drop in donations this year. I didn’t want to do anything to… overstep, without your permission.”

Alec decides he wants Camille out of his life more than he wants to turn down his father’s offer to help. “Do it,” he agrees.

“I already had a short chat with her father - it seems she was quite fond of her time in London, and he doesn’t think he’ll have a problem persuading her to return. You won’t need to worry about her speaking to you or, uh, _him_ , for quite some time if she knows what’s good for her.”

Alec knows he’s right. Unlike himself, who was ready to lose every penny of his family’s money after coming out to be with Magnus, Camillle didn’t strike him as the sort to be willing to risk her own inheritance for some petty revenge game. She likes her place in high society, and he doesn’t doubt she has plenty of other people to torment in his and Magnus’ stead.

At his father’s reassurance he feels total relief flood through him for the first time since he saw her and Magnus at that cafe, but it doesn’t last long.

“Why help me? I took care of the photos. She couldn’t do anything to the family name I hadn’t done myself.” And that’s the heart of it, Alec realizes. There was nothing in it for _Robert_ at that point. And his father didn’t do anything that wasn’t self-serving. Alec also isn’t stupid - he knows that posting those photos the way he had was a touch on the scandalous side. It’s the sort of thing that should’ve pushed his father farther away, not gotten him invited over for dinner.

“Because when you sent me that message, I knew this wasn’t going away. And when I realized she wasn’t just threatening me, but you, too… no one threatens my family.”

Alec can’t be certain how much of this is just not wanting to stir the pot any more than it already was, and how much was an actual olive branch. A cynical part of him wonders if his father is only playing his cards right so he can have a ‘gay son’ around for his campaign, and another part of him realizes that it’s better than the alternative of being the condemnation of his platform.

And another part - the smallest, but most hopeful bit - thinks that maybe this is the start of an actual change in Robert Lightwood. He isn’t there yet, not even close, but he seems to be trying.

“Well, thank you. I appreciate it. Magnus and I both do.”

Alec knows that Magnus isn’t going to believe _any_ of this when he tells him later.

Most of the serious discussion fades during coffee and dessert, and by the time Alec and Isabelle go to leave he’s surprised to find himself in relatively good spirits, all things considered.

“I’m glad everyone is talking again,” Max says, squeezing Alec extra tight in his hug goodbye. “No more fighting?”

Alec stands back and shifts for Isabelle to move in. “No more fighting. At least, not about this,” she promises, with a quiet chuckle.

Alec wonders if it’s a promise they’ll be able to keep. He hopes that it is.

The door shuts behind them after a round of goodbyes and waves, and Alec’s posture relaxes in a way he’s only capable of around Isabelle in the moments they’re alone.

“So?” She prys.

“That could’ve gone worse,” he admits. “They’re nowhere near ‘bringing my boyfriend around for dinner’ ready but at least they’re trying, I guess.” It’s much more than he expected, however far from ideal.

It’s late. They part for the evening, and Alec has just enough time to call Magnus on his way home before Magnus would be heading in to work.

“I wish I could see you right now,” Alec sighs into the phone after a full recount of the night’s proceedings.

“About that,” Magnus says, and Alec picks up immediately on his uncertain tone. He waits for him to continue on his own. “I’ve been thinking about going back to school. I only have a semester of credits left to finish my degree. If I could take out a loan and only have to work part time somewhere, I could potentially exist during normal waking hours with the rest of the world.”

Alec’s entire face lights up, not that Magnus can see it through the phone, at the idea of both of them having nights, and Sundays, the occasional weekend he can beg to have off from Isabelle, to spend together.

“Magnus, that would be amazing.”  
  
“If I can go full time I could be done by summer. I just have to find a place willing to give me another loan, you know, on top of the ones I’m still paying from the first time around.”  

“Please let me loan you the money,” Alec practically begs, continuing quickly when he already knows the argument about to reach him from his boyfriend’s lips. “Just a loan. Just like any other loan. I’m not giving you anything. And I expect it back in full one day when you’re organizing the most popular exhibits in all of New York.”

“Alec, I couldn’t.”

Alec knows this is the sort of conversation that should wait until they’re together, properly face-to-face and not just talking on the phone, but if they were face-to-face he isn’t sure he’d have the impulsive confidence to say what he says next.

“Look, this is as much for my own good as it is yours. Imagine if one day, years from now, we go to get married and all your debt becomes mine anyway. I’m just saving myself future struggle.” Alec ends his theoretical point with an only _slightly_ nervous edge to his laugh. He wants to help, and he wants Magnus to let him help. But he needs him to know that this isn’t pity - this is him, being invested. This is him, supporting his boyfriend for his future. For _their_ future. They haven’t talked much about things in the long term but that doesn’t mean Alec hasn’t given them extensive thought on his own.

“...Alexander Lightwood, did you just pre-propose to me via student loan?” Magnus sounds amused, which is good, and a little bit surprised, which is fine because so is Alec, honestly.

"You know what I meant," Alec laughs easily enough, but he can't help thinking that if he hadn't seen it as a throw-away comment, if it sparked a  _real_ discussion, he wouldn't mind. Does Magnus think of things like that, too? Of months ahead, or years ahead? If he doesn't, at least Alec's off-handed remark isn't enough to send him immediately running, and for now he's happy to go back to the topic of the loan. “...does that mean you’ll take it?”

“It means I’ll consider it.”

Alec hums. “Good enough, for now. But don’t think you’re getting off the hook this easily.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Magnus quips back, still sounding pleasantly astonished. “Sadly, until then, it’s back to work for me. Goodnight, Alexander.”

“G’night, Magnus. Love you.”

The words leave his mouth so easily after the recent thoughts of futures and proposals, the word lingering on his mind since Camille asked him about it earlier that day, that he doesn’t think twice about it.

Then he hears the intake of breath on the other end of the phone. It registers, hitting him with wide-eyed horror, and Alec hangs up before Magnus can say anything back.

 _Fuck_. 

He waits for the inevitable call back, the awkward moments that would follow of Magnus saying it back out of obligation or telling him he doesn’t feel that way about him. And when that call doesn’t come, and neither does a text, Alec finishes the rest of the trip home in silence with the growing fear that he just ruined everything right as it was starting to fall together so perfectly. 

He has his favorite episode of The Hunt on TV (The wedding episode, because what else would he watch in a mood like this) and is eating ice cream straight out of the gallon when he hears the knock on his door half an hour later. If it wasn’t so late he’d ignore it, but instead he puts the ice cream down on the table and walks over and ducks his head slightly to peer through the small circle at who could possibly be knocking at this hour.

It’s Magnus.

Alec hesitates just long enough to take a deep, steadying breath, before undoing the lock and opening the door.

“Magnus? What are you--” Alec’s question is cut off by Magnus’ lips surging forward to meet his, catching them in a kiss that doesn’t lack in intensity once the shock wears off and Alec kisses back.

“I love you, too.” Magnus says when they finally pull away.

Neither one of them points out that Magnus should be well on his way to work by now as they come together again,  moving as one down the small hallway that leads to the bedroom, littering the floor with discarded pieces of clothing along the way. And every so often, a breath of ‘I love you’ escapes through soft, eager smiles.

Alec hopes that words aren’t capable of wearing out because he doesn’t think he’s going to tire of saying, or hearing, those particular three for quite some time. In fact, after waiting his entire life for someone to say them to, he never wants to keep them inside again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...please be kind if I missed something in my editing that I totally just did at 1 am because I'm the worst


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving along quite nicely for Magnus and Alec's relationship with each passing week. The longer you're with someone, the better you get to know them... but the better you know them, the easier it is to pick up on signs you might wish you could've overlooked.

The next morning feels like a dream. Magnus wakes up to the smell of bacon reaching him from the hallway, shifting a bit to the side to follow the scent. That’s the first thing he registers. The second is that he’s cold: he’s curled up in a way that suggests something - or someone - used to be occupying the space in front of him, except now he’s only wrapped around empty space. His arms reach out instinctively to grab at the nothing that’s there as he turns and he frowns, rolling onto his back to stare up at the unfamiliar ceiling.

Unfamiliar, because he’s waking up in Alec’s bed. He’s cold because he’s entirely naked beneath the bunched-up sheets, tired and a little sore for reasons he’s not going to complain about any time soon. He swings his legs over the side of the bed to survey the room, spotting his clothing folded up on a chair in the corner. Next to them is another set of clothes, sweatpants and a t-shirt with a little note sitting on top that reads: _‘If you’d rather be more comfortable for breakfast’_.

He smiles at not just the note, but the meaning behind it, and changes into Alec’s sweatpants and t-shirt before making his way into the kitchen where Alec is very studiously eyeing the bacon in the pan to make sure it isn’t burning, but crisping _just_ enough. Magnus notices he’s wearing a very similar sweatpants and t-shirt combo.

“Getting us in matching outfits already? I thought fashion would be _my_ thing.” Magnus jokes, leisurely crossing over to where Alec is.

“Oh good, you’re up-” Alec starts, turning away from the stove at the sound of footsteps only to stop short at the sight of Magnus, hair angled every-which-way, in his sweats. He falls silent for a moment, and Magnus might be worried if it isn’t for the obviously appreciative glance he gives him, which he returns with a smirk.

“Good morning,” Magnus says into the silence.

“Good morning, yourself.” Alec replies, and dares to walk away from the food long enough to greet Magnus with a quick kiss that already tastes of coffee. When they pull away Magnus' eyes drift to the pot in the corner, still on, and half-full. Alec follows his gaze and laughs. “Help yourself.”

Magnus does just that, making himself a cup of coffee while Alec starts on the french toast **.** “Can I help?” He offers, but Alec only shakes his head.

“I got it. Grab a seat, I’ll be over in a minute.”

Magnus loves every second of this. Waking up in his boyfriend’s bed, sharing clothing after spending the night together, cooking breakfast and making coffee and planning their days… it’s everything he never imagined he’d have again. A small voice in the back of his mind, one that sounds suspiciously like a mixture of Camille and his father, says that he never had it because he doesn’t deserve it, but he does his best to silence it. Deserved or not, it’s his, and he never wants to let it go no matter how selfish that is.

“Not that I want to cut this short,” Magnus says, catching the rays of sunlight that seem a bit too high from the windows of the apartment into the room. “But shouldn’t you be on your way to work?”

Alec shrugs and attempts to look casual, but the knowing smile on his face gives away that he knows it’s more than a write-off of an answer.

“Looks like both of us are skipping work.” Alec uses tongs to put half the bacon onto one waiting plate, and the other half on another, turning to the french toast as it finishes. “Just for the morning, though. The afternoons are getting busy lately, but the mornings are slow enough that Izzy said she would open alone. She also says ‘hi’.”

Magnus smiles from where he takes a seat at the table. “Tell her I say ‘hi’ back.” He wonders how much about last night Alec told her. He’s going to have plenty to talk to Cat and Ragnor about when he leaves, but they’re also not his biological siblings... then again, with the way he saw Alec get along with Isabelle in the past Magnus wouldn’t be surprised to find they talk about more intimate things sometimes, too.

Alec puts a plate down in front of him, placing a quick kiss on his lips before taking the seat across from him. This time when their legs touch under the table they’re both very positive it’s intentional on both sides. Neither of them minds.

It’s with great reluctance after breakfast and some more morning cuddling that Alec has to pull himself away to change for work. Magnus pouts, but is grateful for the extra time at all, so he can’t be that upset. They walk outside together, only turning to go their separate ways after a goodbye kiss that lingers longer than necessary, Magnus’ hands starting to roam just for a second before stopping and pulling back responsibly with a resigned sigh.

“Go, before you’re even more late and Isabelle blames me,” Magnus tells Alec with a little ‘shoo’ motion of his hand. “Have a good day,” he says, and then adds simply because he can, “I love you.” He isn’t sure how many times he’s said it since he knocked on Alec’s door the night before, but it isn’t nearly enough. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of saying it.

“I love you, too,” Alec returns without missing a beat, and Magnus knows he’ll never tire of hearing it, either. Not from Alexander.  

\---

“I can’t believe you aren’t fired yet.” If Magnus didn’t know any better, he might think Ragnor sounds almost disappointed instead of just surprised.

“I did get a final warning,” Magnus admits. “So it’s the closest I’m going to get. I have to be on my absolute best behavior from here on out. No more showing up late. No more calling in sick without a doctor’s note. If I didn’t have that emergency personal day left I don’t think I would’ve been able to talk my way out of this one.”  
  
“Did Lorenzo really believe you thought you had appendicitis?” Cat questions, laughing a little.

“He can’t prove I didn’t. But no, he absolutely did not. And neither did Herondale, but she approved the emergency absence anyway. Rey must’ve pissed her off recently because she seemed extra happy about it.”

“Alright, but back to Alec. So he just said it over the phone?” Cat presses, leaning across the table of the coffee shop.

Magnus nods, unable to keep the smile from spreading across his face reaching all the way up to his eyes. “I think it just slipped out because it didn’t sound planned or nervous at all. And then he hung up.”  

Cat laughed. “Well, good for him. I could tell he was a bit gone for you ever since game night.”

Ragnor rolls his eyes. “Magnus has been that way since day one.”

“I have not,” Magnus tries to defend, though part of him knows it’s true. When he really starts to think about it, he began to fall for the guy behind the computer screen before they ever properly met. “Just shut up and drink your coffee.” He says, throwing a sugar packet across the table at Ragnor as he changes the subject.

But the smile on his face never leaves.

\-----

Things between Alec and him seem to have nowhere to go but up from that night on. They continue to balance work and time together, but now the days between seeing one another feel less like they might drift apart with the time away, and more comfortable in the knowledge that they’ll always come back to one another whenever possible.

The first time Alec brings up the possibility of Magnus meeting his family - his family besides Isabelle, that is- it’s a very tentative, theoretical suggestion, and Magnus gives a noncommittal “Well, I’ll have to meet them some day, won’t I?” in reply. From the safety of his own apartment, that’s an easy statement to make.

When Magnus actually goes over to the Lightwoods' house for dinner during one of his nights off later that month it’s probably the most nervous he’s ever felt over meeting someone new. He isn’t sure why - after everything he’s heard of them and the way they reacted when Alec first came out, he doesn’t think he should care at all if he impresses them or not… but he does. Alec’s had a difficult enough time with them and the last thing Magnus wants is to add fuel to the fire by doing something to make things worse just when they seem to be on good terms again.

“They’re going to love you,” Alec promises. “And if they don’t, then they’re wrong. But we both know they have a tendency to be wrong, so… just don’t expect too much from them, I guess?”

Alec seems more nervous that his parents will disappoint Magnus than the other way around.

“Alright. Just let me know if I’m being too much, or saying the wrong things, or-”

Alec stops that train of thought with a firm kiss on his lips, which are already parted mid-ramble. Magnus’ eyes widen in surprise but he leans into Alec’s touch after the momentary shock wears off. When Alec pulls away he’s smiling again. “You’re perfect, Magnus. You have nothing to worry about.”

When they get to the door it’s Max who opens it before they even have a chance to knock, obviously waiting by the window for them to show up. The kid is nearly bursting with eagerness, but manages to hold himself back, only bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.

“Good evening,” he greets in his best trying-to-be-an-adult voice.  
  
“Hello there,” Magnus replies, trying to curb his smile. “I’m Magnus.”

“I know!” Max exclaims with excitement, before pulling back again. “I’m Max.”

“I know,” Magnus counters with a wink.

“You look way too cool to be dating my brother.”

“Max!” Alec says, eyes widening even as he laughs, and Magnus laughs a bit, too.

“What?” Max asks, not sure what he did wrong.  
  
“I like you, Max. I think we’re going to get along just fine.” Magnus bends down at the knees to offer a hand for him to shake.

“ _Wow_ , you have a lot of rings. You should show them to my mom, she loves jewelry-”

As if on cue, Maryse makes her appearance at the end of the hall, and the room stills as she pauses to take in the sight of them. She’s seen pictures, Alec told him, but he knows his presence in person is much more… _impactful_ … than even his most excessive photos. Especially while her youngest son plays with one of the many rings adorning his fingers, this one with a chain that connects to a bracelet around his wrist.  
  
He straightens up with a smile that he hope looks more calm than it feels. “Mrs. Lightwood. Thank you for inviting me over, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” He remembers after a light nudge from Alec that he has a bottle of wine in his messenger bag and brings it out as a peace offering. “I was told you’re a fan of reds,” he says, holding it out to her as she approaches.

Maryse eyes the bottle with an arched eyebrow, leaving Magnus to wonder if she knows that Alec chipped in on it as it’s _far_ beyond his usual price range for these sorts of things (but he was hardly about to enter the Lightwood’s home for dinner with a $20 bottle of something bottled this year). If she does, she keeps it to herself, which is a better start than he’s anticipating.

“Thank you, Magnus. That’s very kind of you, you didn’t have to.” She takes the bottle, looking it over again before turning her gaze back up to him with a smile. “Please, come in. Make yourself at home.”

Magnus can’t imagine ever being able to consider a place like this home. It’s huge. Easily triple the size of any house he’s ever been in before. Everything feels so distant and detached and he knows instantly that if he grew up here he would’ve been miserable. Everything is too pristine and the rooms don’t even look lived in, let alone feel warm or inviting or _home-y_ in any way.

Max runs after his mom into the kitchen and Alec gives his shoulder a squeeze. “You alright?”  
  
“So far so good. Max likes me. Your mother seems nice enough.”

They enter the living room to find Isabelle already waiting, sitting across from her father on the sofa.

“Magnus!” She greets, standing and crossing the room to greet him with a hug, mindful of the half-full glass of wine in her hand as her arm wraps around him.

“Isabelle, darling. It’s been far too long.” And it has. They all had dinner a few weeks back, but lately the timing just hasn’t worked out. He’s grateful to see her here tonight.

Robert doesn’t stand up at first. He just stares, and Magnus can feel he hesitation radiate from him. He has no idea what to do or what to say and, honestly, Magnus is feeling much of the same in that moment, so at least they have that to bond over.

“So you’re Alexander’s… friend.” Robert breaks the silence after a slight pause, and Magnus can feel the siblings on either side of him cringe in tandem.

Magnus shoots Alec a quick side-glance of panic, well aware of the eggshells he’s walking on here, and Alec instinctively inches closer to him, lacing their fingers together with a light squeeze. Magnus knows this isn’t easy for Robert. He knows how much it means to Alec that Robert's even trying, and he wants to give him that credit, but right now it’s difficult not to be afraid that his entire existence is nothing but a burden on Alec’s family, and on Alec, too. It wasn’t that long ago that Alec came out - in part because of him - and he knows in the back of his mind that when his parents look at him they see the guy who brought about fights at family dinners and weeks of silence between them and their son.

He’s so lost in this suddenly overwhelming sense of not being wanted here that he doesn’t even speak up to correct Mr. Lightwood. It’s Isabelle who comes to his rescue.

“ _Boyfriend_ , dad. You aren’t going to burst into flames if you say it out loud.”

Magnus wants to laugh, and he almost does. Almost. But instead he notices that he’s holding his breath and watching Mr. Lightwood’s tense expression very, very carefully until he looks between Alec and Magnus and nods once. “Right. Alexander’s… boyfriend.” The word is strained, and not without the slightest hint of distaste, despite the forced smile he tries to offer.

“Magnus,” Magnus supplies, eager to never hear him utter the word 'boyfriend' ever again if he’s being entirely honest. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Lightwood.”

It isn’t the best first impression, but from the look of relief that crosses all three of their faces the moment Robert turns to head towards the dining room it’s evident that they all thought it could’ve gone much worse than it did.

For the most part, the rest of the night is uneventful. The conversation is stiff at times, with Max and Isabelle bringing the most life to the table between the obvious tension the others have. The longer the dinner goes on the more at ease Magnus starts to feel, even while speaking with Robert who eventually relaxes enough to discuss the impressive collection of artwork present in the Lightwood home with him after dinner.

On the way out, just as they’re about to slip through the front door into freedom, Maryse comes up and wraps her arms around Magnus in an unexpected hug.

“Thank you for being there for him when I wasn't.” She says, the words spoken softly into his ear so that only he can hear. “You’ll take care of each other, won’t you?”

When she pulls back Magnus can only manage a nod at first before finally saying, “Yes, of course.”

Maryse smiles, and waves goodbye to them as they turn and head down the walkway.

“What was that about?” Alec asks.

“I think she likes me.” Magnus answers, still sounding a bit shell-shocked.

“She’d be a fool not to.” Alec beams, bringing a hand up to the side of Magnus’ face to rest against his cheek, and Magnus feels warm and content under his touch.

\------

Several weeks after that initial dinner, Alec is over at Magnus’ apartment when his phone rings. They’re both sitting on the sofa, Alec leaning back against Magnus while Magnus absently plays with his hair as they only half-focus on the movie playing on the television. The call isn’t enough to stop him on its own; what is, is the way Alec tenses at whatever is said to him after he answers with an easy “Hey, what’s up?”

Magnus slowly pulls his hand back, bringing it to rest at his side as Alexander sits himself up straight on the edge of the sofa. He turns his head to the side in question, watching his boyfriend nod once, frowning. “Of course he did. Thanks for the heads up.” Alec closes the phone with a click, looking down at it thoughtfully.

“What is it?” Magnus asks, shifting himself so that he isn’t quite so relaxed against the back of the sofa, leaning into the question more alert.

“Can I change the channel for a second?” Alec asks distractedly, not answering the question. Magnus says nothing, only tosses him the remote from where it rested on the arm of the sofa. Alec flips through a few channels before stopping at a local news station.

  
“We caught up with Mr. Lightwood leaving the State Capitol in Albany earlier this evening, and questioned him about the rumors circulating about his run for office next election. Here’s what he had to say:  
  
_Robert Lightwood: Well, I suppose now that the papers are submitted, now’s as good a time as any to confirm that yes, I will be running for Lieutenant Governor during the next elections.”_  
  
  
Alec spoke of this a few times,  that his father wasn’t entirely certain he’d have the backing needed to make a proper run for Governor. It seems like he settled on the next best thing, and a much safer bet to start with. There’s a typical question or two, followed by:    
  
  
“Reporter: And how will running as the father of an openly gay son influence your previously staunchly conservative ideals reflected during past year’s support of fellow Republican Candidates?”

  
Magnus doesn’t say anything. He simply reaches over and takes Alec’s hand in his, giving it a tight squeeze. He doesn’t want to speak over whatever Alec’s father will say next, no matter how much he wants to comfort Alec right now - he has no idea what’s going through Alec’s head just then but the way Alec squares his shoulders towards the television, sitting stiff and tense, speaks more than any words ever could.

_  
“Robert Lightwood: My son has nothing to do with my campaign.”_

  
Magnus can feel Alec shrink next to him, deflating at the words.

  
“Robert Lightwood: But I love and support him. And this campaign is going to reflect family values - for **_all_ ** _families.  Every race, gender, and sexuality. We’re not going to tolerate any hate and push for more open-mindedness this election, and I hope that’s something the rest of New York can get behind me on in the months to come. Thank you.”_  
  
  
Robert moves himself away from the microphone as Alec lets out a long sigh beside him, and Magnus gives the hand he still holds another squeeze.

“You okay?” He asks.

“I guess,” Alec replies, shrugging. “I wish I knew if he really meant it. It sure makes a great sound clip.”

Magnus hums in agreement. “Are you going to support him? I’m guessing he’ll want you to campaign for him, or at least with him.”

“He will,” Alec agrees. “And I don’t know yet. I want to talk to Izzy first… and I guess probably my father, too.”

Magnus can’t tell if his reluctance is over the idea of politics in general, or the idea of speaking to his dad.

“Well, no matter what you decide to do, I’m behind you 100%.” Magnus reassures him.

“Are you sure? If I end up helping with this campaign there’s no way you don’t get brought up at some point.”

Magnus nods. He doesn’t particularly love the idea, if he’s being honest, but if it’s unavoidable then it’s unavoidable. He knew what he was getting into when he started dating a Lightwood, after all. And if he didn’t at the _very_ start, he certainly did by now, and he had plenty of chances to decide to get out if that wasn’t something he was willing to deal with sooner or later.

Sooner, as it might turn out.

“Yes. If this is something you want to do, then I’ll be right beside you every step of the way.”  
  
“It’s just-- it’s all so corrupt sometimes. But if I can use this, _really_ use this to make some changes in the representation we get at that level, even if it is just my dad putting up a front to look good by me…” Alec stumbles over his words a bit in a rush to defend himself.

“You don’t have to defend yourself to me, Alexander. I trust you implicitly.” Magnus smiles. “You wouldn’t do anything you didn’t believe is right in the end.”  

Alec’s eyes have a sheen to them that he’s quick to blink away, but Magnus sees the sparkle of tears before they’re gone. He wonders when Alec will stop being surprised that Magnus would do almost anything for him - that he has every single piece of him, heart, mind, and soul, in the palm of his hand.

“Thank you, Magnus. Really. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” Alec says, leaning in to kiss Magnus gently on the lips.

“You didn’t have to do anything,” Magnus informs him, smiling as he leans in to return the kiss.

\----

As the weather begins to warm, Magnus goes on a trip out of town with Ragnor and Catarina, and Alec readily volunteers to go over and watch his cat for the long four-day weekend.

“I still can’t believe you’re going camping,” Alec says, eyeing the baggier-than-usual jeans and flannel Magnus is wearing.

“Me either,” Magnus promises. “It’s a matter of tradition rather than actual desire, I assure you.”

Alec laughs at that, and waves goodbye as his boyfriend - armed only with a backpack and the clothes on his back, gets into a car driven by Ragnor for their little getaway. Magnus doesn’t have cell service in the woods, and he’s surprised at how often he goes to check his phone, wishing he could call Alec.

His phone is far too quiet with Alec’s absence from it, and he misses him something fierce even though it’s only 4 days. When Magnus gets even the slowest bar of service he messages Alec immediately, who wastes no time replying and sending pictures of Chairman Meow being properly spoiled.

 **A: He misses you.**  
**M: Is he the only one?  
** **A: Okay, you caught me. I miss you, too. Love you, can’t wait to see you when you get back!**

When Magnus gets back from the trip he thinks that all he’ll want to do is fall into the comfort of his soft bed and plush comforter and pillow. Instead he finds himself falling into his boyfriend’s arms, and staying awake for hours telling him all sorts of stories about not only this trip, but past ones he and Cat and Ragnor have gone on over the years.

When Alec goes to leave he stops short in the doorway. “Oh, wait. I almost forgot.” Fumbling with his keys, Magnus watches him start to take the one to Magnus’ apartment off the ring to give back to him now that the trip is over.

Magnus hesitates for just a second. “Keep it.” He says, the words tumbling out fast before he can think twice about stopping them. “It’s the spare anyway, and you’re over all the time…” He’s trying very hard to play this off like it isn’t a big deal. Like this isn’t _giving Alec the key to his apartment_.

Alec pauses with his hand still on the key, looking down at it and back up at Magnus. And then, in a movement that allows both of them to breathe a sigh of relief, he stops, and brings them back down into his pocket.

“Thanks.”

It’s just a simple acknowledgement, but Magnus can hear the weight behind that one word, and the emotion behind Alec’s eyes when he looks back at him before leaning in for a kiss.

“I love you, Alexander.”

“I love you, too.”

After the next time they see one another, Magnus notices the extra key - with an ‘A’ marked onto it - slipped onto his own key ring while he wasn’t looking, and smiles.

\---

It’s a miracle that Magnus keeps up with his overnight job 5 days a week on top of school after the classes he’s accepted into start up. He says he’s fine for the first month, doing his best to balance studying and work and time with Alec. A lot of his time with Alec turns _into_ studying, something he always feels guilty about, but Alec swears he doesn’t mind in the slightest as long as they’re together. Of course, for the first month Alec often reminds him that he could just quit his job and let Alec help him out with the bills for a while and not have to stress half as much. Magnus knows the offer is coming from a good place, but he doesn’t want the help if he can manage himself. Which he totally can. 

Magnus knows that he’s around much less lately, but he starts to notice that Alec is, too. And not just occupied more often, but distant. Secretive, almost. He’s vaguely ‘busy’ far more than usual with little explanation, and seems jumpy almost all of the time, like he’s afraid of being caught doing something. More often than not he’s very consciously aware of the way Alec angles his phone away from him when he sends messages, or pockets it quickly when he sees him coming. Magnus brings this up to Catarina one day, but she immediately brushes aside his concerns by saying it’s all in his head, before quickly changing the subject.

He tries to convince himself that it’s just paranoia. He’s been overworked and sleep-deprived, and that has to be it. Cat’s right, it’s all in his head. So when Alec says he’s working late and can’t make dinner one night, Magnus decides to bring some food to him at the shop to surprise him. Except when he gets there the shop is empty, and closed up for the night. He stares at his phone, debating for a few long moments before calling Alec.

No answer.

And then a text:  
  
**A: Sorry, still working. Call you later.**

Magnus feels instantly nauseous as the reality sinks in that it _isn’t_ all in his head.

Alec’s lying to him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus may have to face the fact that he’s over-committing himself when things come to a head. Alec faces some repercussions from his actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been pretty great at keeping any actual timeframe or time of year for these chapters vague enough to be, quite literally, almost anything. So I hope you lovely people will continue to roll with me this chapter as we set some hard dates for the first time ever! <3 thanks friends. I appreciate you.

This isn’t the first time Magnus has seen these signs - this is Camille all over again. Cancelling plans. Hiding messages. Lying about where he is. Alec is doing everything she did, once upon a time, he’s just worse at hiding it. Once the idea creeps into his mind that this is just history repeating itself it refuses to leave. Alec’s bored. The novelty’s worn off and he’s tired of him. It’s only a matter of time before he finds someone better and moves on. 

It’s ridiculous- he  _ knows _ that on some level - but once the intrusive thought takes hold he can’t shake it. 

He doesn’t sleep that night or the next, unable to turn his mind off long enough to get more than an hour or two of rest before stirring awake and tossing for hours. 

Magnus is impressed at how well he’s holding things together until the night he falls asleep at his desk in the middle of his shift. He doesn’t know how long he sat with his face on the keyboard before someone found him, but it’s long enough for the supervisor to notice. Lorenzo is more than happy to be the one to wake him up and suggest he take his things and leave - for good. 

Going straight home would make sense, but that isn’t what Magnus does. He stalls, heading to a 24 hour diner in between his work -- his  _ old  _ work, now - and Alec's place. He’s pretty sure he was instinctively gravitating towards his boyfriend’s apartment before realizing what he’s doing and thinking better of it. 

He tells himself it's fine. Alec's been trying to get him to quit for weeks now. And this isn't ideal, but it isn't the end of the world, either. Maybe it’s the universe doing what he stubbornly refused to all this time, even when a part of him knew he should’ve left that place ages ago. Maybe he’ll take Alec up on that offer of a loan after all… 

Or maybe Alec will realize he can do so much better than a guy who can’t even hold down a call center job. Maybe he already has.  

Magnus decides to drown his concerns in coffee and pie. He’s sure if he looks hard enough he can find a bar that’s open, even at 4 am, but the diner is right here and he’s too tired to walk any farther, not even for a nice whiskey. He’s surprised to see that he isn’t the only person in there, but the waitress doesn't seem shocked to see another customer wander in at this hour and kindly tells him he can pick any seat he wants. With almost all of them to choose from he situates himself in a booth right next to the door. 

He hates how upset he is about this - about his job, about Alec; about the idea of not being able to handle everything in his life the way he keeps reassuring everyone he can. He hates failing at  _ anything _ , but he especially loathes having to admit to himself that his best isn’t good enough - and not for the first time, either.  

He should go home and sleep, but after the coffee he really isn’t all that tired. Plus he needs to break the news to Alec, because no matter what he might suspect and how wild the theories in his head are, Alec is still his boyfriend and he’ll find out sooner or later. Better to rip the band-aid off now and get it over with. 

He calls from the booth at the diner, trying to ignore how nervous he is and the fact that this heart feels like it’s in his throat when Alec answers, voice already laced with concern. 

“Magnus? What’s up?” 

“Can’t a guy call his boyfriend just to chat?” 

“Not when it’s barely 6am and I know you’re supposed to be working. Is something wrong?”    
  
Magnus sighs. “Well, I’m definitely not supposed to be working any more. I… may have lost my job.” He didn’t want to say  _ got fired _ , even though it means the same thing. It isn’t like ‘lost my job’ makes him feel any better. 

“You…” Alec starts, and Magnus winces at the surprise laced with a healthy dose of disappointment he hears there, suddenly very glad he did this with a phone call instead of in person. “Fuck,” Alec breathes out the word. Alec sounds upset - genuinely upset - before he covers it. So much for the idea of Alec not really caring. “What happened, Magnus?” 

“I wish I could say I went out in a blaze of glory, but I fell asleep at my desk.” Magnus catches sight of his reflection in the silver shine of the paper napkin dispenser next to him, the darker circles under his eyes noticeable even there.  “Perhaps you were right about overloading myself.” 

“You think?” Alec counters, and Magnus can almost see him shaking his head with the words.  Alec pauses. “That sounds like music in the background. Where are you?” 

“The diner by that record store. I was too upset to sleep so I decided to combat my self-loathing with pie instead.” Magnus tries to laugh but it falls short, coming out clipped and sounding much more broken than he cares for. 

“...how long are you going to be there?” 

He knows where this is going. 

“Alec, no. I’m fine. I should go home anyway.” 

“I mean, yeah, you should definitely sleep. But if you aren’t going to, I can meet you there in half an hour, tops.” 

Magnus can hear the sounds of shuffling through the phone, picturing Alec rushing to get dressed so he can leave his apartment much earlier than he planned just to meet him here for a few minutes before work. But the longer he considers it, the more he doesn’t think he’s up for all of that just then. 

Magnus forces a yawn. “I think I’m just going to go home and sleep a little. I have a paper due tomorrow anyway. I’ll talk to you later.” He’s about to hang up before Alec can argue but even now he doesn’t want to leave things on a bad note, adding a quick, “Love you”.    
  
“I love you too, Magnus,” Alec starts, taking another breath to say something else. This time Magnus  _ does _ hang up before he can continue, not in the mood for a pep talk about how everything is going to be fine when, despite how much he loves the man on the other end of that phone call, he can’t imagine how that can be true right now. 

Magnus pays the bill and makes his way home, somehow feeling even worse than he did before. 

\-----

It’s two days later before he agrees to go over to Alec’s place, having run out of excuses to isolate himself. He was catching up on sleep, and busy with classes and school work that just had to be done at the exact moments Alec wanted to get together, and then conveniently at Catarina and Ragnor’s the day before while Alec tried to convince him to grab a drink. 

He knows what he’s doing, and he’s good at it. Maybe a little  _ too _ good at it. It’s an old habit, but those die the hardest, and the way he’s pushing Alexander away like he has so many others in his past is a prime example of the old adage. If Ragnor hadn’t called him out on it (and stolen his phone to text Alec about having dinner tonight) who knows how long he would’ve allowed the damage to continue. 

The first thing Alec does when he opens the door is wrap his arms around Magnus without a single word, and Magnus feels the guilt over avoiding him double immediately. They stand for a few moments in total silence, cheeks pressed against one another, aware of the uneven rise and fall of their breathing. If Alec is mad at him for disappearing the past few days, he doesn’t show it. 

“How are you?” Alec asks, taking a step back but keeping his hands on Magnus’ arms as he does. 

“I’m already looking for a new job-” Magnus starts, but Alec cuts him off with a quick shake of his head. 

“I don’t care about your job.” Alec looks almost offended now, and  _ great,  _ Magnus thinks. He can’t even try to smooth things over without making them worse instead. “How are  _ you  _ doing? You barely spoke to me since it happened. I didn’t want to push it, but I’ve been worried.” 

“I’m fine.” The words come out instinctively, almost as a reflex. Alec only looks at him seriously, raising an eyebrow slightly in warranted disbelief. “Okay, I’m… less than fine. But I could be worse. I mean, how many times did we talk about how much I hated that place? Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.” 

Alec’s expression eases at that, because at least he’s being honest. There’s still concern in his gaze but he no longer looks like he’s five seconds away from a full interrogation. He lets go of Magnus’ arms and walks over to the sofa, and Magnus follows. 

“And I’ll be better once I find a new job. I have enough saved to be alright for a month or two if I have to, but any more than that and you’ll be dating the most attractive subway bum in all of New York.” Magnus laughs as he sits next to Alec, trying his best to hide just how terrified of this whole situation he finds himself in now he is, but Alec doesn’t join him. 

“Don’t. You were wearing yourself out trying to do everything.”

“I have to. Between classes and rent, and attempting not to starve in between--”  

“I wasn’t kidding before. Take the loan for now.” Alec is practically pleading with him now. “It’ll just be for a few months. I don’t mind, really. I just want you to be happy, and you won’t be if you keep running yourself into the ground. Finishing your degree isn’t going to matter if you’re barely passing because you’re exhausted.” 

Magnus frowns. He hates that Alec  _ does  _ have a point. All of this won’t be worth a single thing if he barely passes, or fails out entirely. And if he wasn’t falling asleep at work he’d be falling asleep in class soon enough. 

“...if I do, and that’s a  _ big if _ , okay?, it’s just for classes. I can skate by on rent for now with what I have saved, just until I find something else.” 

“You could always move in here,” Alec offers. They both pause, eyes catching in the heavy silence that falls. And for good reason, considering Magnus came here convinced Alec is cheating on him, and now he wants to move in together? Does he feel that guilty he’s trying to make up for it now, because he can’t shake the fact that something was wrong. No, not  _ was,  _ because it isn’t resolved and it isn’t going away. Something  _ is _ wrong. And he came here to finally just ask Alec about it but instead he’s blindsided by this unexpected turn of events. 

“Move in? Here? With you?” Magnus repeats. His brain can’t seem to make sense of the sudden development. 

“Why not? You already have a key. I have enough space, and we pretty much spend all our free time at each other’s place anyway. We’ve been dating for nine months now.” Alec’s face scrunches up in that adorable way it does when he’s concentrating real hard on something, and Magnus smiles softly at it, despite his concerns. He can’t help it. 

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Has it really been that long? Now that he thinks about it, nine months would’ve been the day before. 

Alec nods, continuing. “And I know that isn’t the  _ longest  _ time, and I don’t really have anything to compare it to, so maybe it’s too soon… I just thought-” Alec is starting to ramble now. Magnus hears the panic in his voice the longer Magnus doesn’t agree, so he decides to say  _ something _ just to stop him for now. He just needs a few seconds to think. 

“No, no that isn’t it.” Magnus says, brows still turned down, furrowed in confusion. “That just wasn’t what I expected you to say when I came over here.” 

“What do you mean?” Alec asks, a slight edge to his voice. And there it is again - that sense that he’s on the verge of saying something. That he’s holding something back. It’s like the last few minutes of comfort and talk of their future together didn’t mean a thing and Magnus can’t ignore it anymore. 

“You’ve been lying to me.” Magnus says quickly, before he can overthink it or the topic can change again. “I called you the other day and you said you were working late, but I swung by the store to bring you dinner and you weren’t there. And that wasn’t the first time you avoided me lately, either.” 

Magnus waits. He said it. It’s out there. He can’t take it back and there’s no more denying it, or trying to pretend it isn’t happening.  

“Oh.” Is all Alec says at first, frowning. He looks like he’s considering his next words very carefully. He better be, Magnus thinks, because the wrong one could bring all of this crashing down, and he doesn’t want that. He isn’t ready for that, not with everything else spinning out of control lately. 

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I wasn’t… fuck. I’m sorry.” 

Magnus arches an eyebrow. “You didn’t mean to upset me? What the hell did you think was going to happen when I found out you’ve been lying to me -- for how long? I only noticed the other day, but I’m sure that wasn’t the first time. What were you doing that you couldn’t just tell me?” 

“It isn’t like  _ that _ , it isn’t what you think. I just-” Now Alec definitely  _ is _ panicking, and for a second Magnus thinks this is it. He braces himself for the punch to the gut that’ll be Alec admitting that he doesn’t love him any more, or that this isn’t what he wants. That everything he just said about money and moving in was to string him along just a little longer in the hopes he wouldn’t get caught.

He braces himself for a lot of things, except for the words he hears next. 

“I didn’t want to give anything away and ruin the surprise, but I always was a terrible liar.” Alec looks guilty, yes. Upset, yes. But not the kind that comes with a relationship-ending admission. He mostly looks… embarrassed? 

“Surprise?” Magnus repeats. “What are you...oh my god.” It all clicks into place, and suddenly everything makes sense. Alec seeming shady, and lying, and Cat being so eager to dismiss Magnus’ concerns when normally she’d be right there with him investigating what could be wrong. “You were throwing me a surprise party.”  

Alec is still tense. He hesitates, biting down on his lip, and then nods slowly. “...ummm, yeah.” He doesn’t sound entirely sure, though, the word coming slow and hesitant at first. But after a few seconds he continues on with more conviction. “Yeah. A surprise party. ‘Guess it’s less of a surprise now, but...” Alec relaxes a bit. “Sorry if I freaked you out trying to be sneaky. Izzy stopped telling me secrets when I was 10 because I never had a good poker face.” 

“That’s really sweet, Alec. Now I feel stupid for jumping to conclusions.  _ And _ I ruined your surprise.” He frowns. How could he think Alec would cheat on him!? He doesn’t even want to admit that was where his mind went the past few days.   

“You didn’t ruin anything. It’s still a party. And you don’t know what I’m planning, so it’ll still be a bit of a surprise. And it’s going to stay that way.”    
  
“I suppose that’s only fair. I’m sure it’s going to be amazing.” Magnus leans in and kisses Alec softly. “You really didn’t have to do something like that, though.”    


“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.” Alec smiles, kissing him back. It’s only when they pull back that Magnus watches Alec’s gaze travel across the room before landing back on him.  “Now that that’s settled... what were you thinking about moving in here?” 

Magnus forgot all about that already. “Can I think about it?” He asks. “It isn’t that I don’t love the idea, but I don’t want to be a burden. I think we should both think about it a little more first? I don’t want to do this on a whim and regret it later.”

Alec looks disappointed, but he nods. “Of course, if that’s what you want. I’m not going anywhere, and neither is the apartment. Just know it’s a standing offer. I’m not going to change my mind.”  

As much as every instinct Magnus has wants to remind him how much he detests relying on other people for anything, he can’t deny the swell of affection he feels at Alec’s declaration that he’ll always be here. He wants to believe him. He wants to believe he deserves that sort of unwavering dedication and unquestionable love. 

He thinks he’s starting to get there, one smile, one kiss, one kind word at a time. 

\---

Once Magnus leaves for the night, Alec wastes no time picking up his phone. 

“Catarina? It’s Alec.” He tries very unsuccessfully to sound calm. 

_ “Yes, I gathered as much when your name came up.”  _ The voice isn’t Cat’s, it’s Ragnor’s. Shit. 

“Oh, hey Ragnor. Is Cat around?” 

_ “No. She’s out volunteering at the clinic. Why, am I not good enough?” _

“Okay, look. I need help. Please tell me you and Cat have a day off within the next week?” Alec waits impatiently as Ragnor double-checks their schedules, pacing back and forth across the tiled kitchen floor.

**“** _ Mmmm, Sunday, it looks like.”  _

“Sunday night? That’s so soon, shit.” He was really hoping it would be a day later in the week, but he’s going to take whatever he can get after trying to cover up his lies with  _ more lies _ , and digging himself a hole he isn’t sure he can get out of. At least, not without help. “I told Magnus I was throwing him a surprise party. If I have one Sunday can you two make it?” 

_ “What would possess you to say that?”  _

He winces. “I panicked! He knows I was lying, I couldn’t tell him  _ the truth _ . It didn’t feel right, not after everything else. He assumed I was covering up a surprise party and I went with it, and you don’t need to tell me I fucked up again because I’m well aware. Just, please? Can you get people here Sunday night, and I’ll try to put the rest together the best I can by then?” 

“ _ You can’t keep doing this. You're a shit liar, Lightwood. He’s going to find out.” _

“I swear I’m going to tell him soon, just… not yet. God, he couldn’t have lost that job at a worse time and I… I just need some more time to figure it out now. Please?”    
  
Ragnor sighs. “ _ Fine. But only for Magnus’ sake. He loves a good party more than anything, and I don’t think you realize what you just got yourself into.”  _

“Thank you.” 

Alec hangs up the phone and sets it down on the table, taking a seat and putting his head in his hands. 

His problems were like a hydra - one gone, but two more cropping up in its place. How is he going to plan an entire party in two days?! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pinky promise we are getting actual answers from Alec's end with next week's update!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is the sort of person who has a plan for everything... or, almost everything. When things take an unexpected turn he's forced to abandon his 'plan' and follow his heart instead.

When Alec wakes up the next morning, it’s to the smell of coffee and bacon. At first this is a comforting, pleasant experience, because who  _ doesn’t _ enjoy waking up to the smell of freshly brewed caffeine and delicious food? It only takes a moment or two of blinking the sleep out of his eyes before he tenses, because no one should be in his apartment. Calming himself the best he can with the knowledge that he highly doubts anyone would break in to rob him and stop to make breakfast, Alec walks tentatively to the doorway and peers down the hall. 

It’s a few more steps until he has a clear view into the kitchen, but once he does he relaxes at the sight of Magnus expertly maneuvering his way around the cabinets and counter space, humming quietly to himself as he cooks. 

“You scared me half to death,” Alec declares. 

Magnus jumps at the sudden voice behind him and spins around. “Then I guess we’re even” he replies, eyes wide and taking a moment to get his breathing under control from the start Alec gives him. “Can you at least  _ try  _ to make noise when you walk, or do you only exist in stealth mode?”

Alec ignores the question, instead making a beeline for the coffee pot and stopping only to greet Magnus with a quick kiss, suddenly conscious of his morning-breath. “What are you doing here? Not that you aren’t always welcome, but…” Alec glances at the clock on the stove. “How early did you even get here?” 

Now it’s Magnus’ turn to shrug the question off, Alec notes, pouring his coffee while Magnus replies. “I came because I was thinking about what we talked about last night, and about what you said.” 

Any amount of relief Alec felt at the sight of Magnus turns itself back into twice the amount of anxiety. He tries not to let it show. “And what exactly were you thinking?” He asks cautiously. It isn't that they left the conversation on a bad note the night before, but it had been uncertain. Maybe this breakfast is Magnus’ way of easing the blow of deciding Alec is moving too fast. 

“I was thinking,” Magnus starts slowly. “That I was a fool to imagine I’d be able to stand spending any more time away from you than I already have to.” Alec looks at him intently, reading between the lines of what Magnus says, feeling the hope begin to form,  “And that I’d love nothing more than to move in with you, Alexander. If the offer still stands?” 

Alec puts his mug of coffee down so that his hands are free to grab both of Magnus’ in his own. “Of course it does. But you’re sure? I don’t want you to agree just because I asked and you feel obligated now.” 

Magnus nods. “I’m positive. I wanted to say yes before, I just… panicked a bit, honestly. I haven’t cared about someone this much in a  _ really _ long time, and that didn’t end so well. But this is different, and you’re not her, and I need to stop carrying all of those old insecurities.” Magnus takes a steadying breath, smiling. “Plus, I’m already used to your snoring, so...” 

Alec takes a moment to study Magnus’ face, to really  _ look _ into his eyes, searching for any sign he’s just saying this to make Alec feel better. And when he’s absolutely certain that he means it, Alec pulls him closer, arms wrapping around his back. He presses light kisses up the side of Magnus’ neck after burying his face in his shoulder with the embrace. They’re pulled out of the moment by the smell of burning, however, jumping apart so that Magnus can rush to the stove and remove the pan of charring bacon from the burner. 

“...I’m not even officially moved in and I’m already trying to burn our place down.” Magnus says with an easy laugh. It’s such a simple, off-handed comment, but it brings an immediate swell of emotion to Alec when he hears it.  _ Our place. _

After nearly ruining everything the night before, having it all slip so seamlessly back into place is the biggest relief. He knows he isn’t in the clear quite yet, however -  he still has a party to plan. 

\---

“Good morning to my favorite person in the world,” Alec greets his sister before she can even walk  through the front door of the store, holding a latte out to her.

Izzy eyes the cup suspiciously. “One - we both know Magnus is your favorite person so don't lie to me just to butter me up. And two - I already told you I wasn’t bailing you out of this one.” 

Alec frowns. “Yes, but that was late at night over the phone while you were grumpy. And this is in person, looking into the very sad, pleading eyes of your big brother who brought you a latte with a  _ triple _ shot of espresso.” 

At the very least, she takes the cup. It’s progress. “For the record, I think this is a terrible idea. I just want to make that explicitly clear.” 

"But a terrible idea you’re going to help me with?” Alec adds hopefully, and she breaks at the slight tremor of his lower lip as he pouts. 

“Fine. What do you have so far?” Izzy sighs, setting her bag down. 

All Alec can offer her is a half-smile, half-wince. “Absolutely nothing.” 

\---

Izzy is surprisingly helpful the rest of the day, jotting down supplies he should remember to get from the store, songs to throw onto a playlist, and other things he never would’ve thought about in a million years. Unlike the night before and most of the morning, Alec starts to hope that this might not be a total disaster. 

Cat agrees to call up Raphael and Rosa, along with some of Magnus’ other friends from work and their small circle of acquaintances, to see how many are free on such short notice. Alec puts out the call to Jace and Simon who both readily agree, as well as a few other friends that Magnus met a few times. 

It isn’t going to be anything huge, just enough people to fill the apartment as long as everyone actually shows up and they don’t all bail at the last minute... 

...oh god, what if they all cancel at the last minute? 

Alec pushes the flare of panic down the best he can and keeps walking. The cell phone in his pocket starts to sound and he takes a moment in the middle of buying an excessive amount of balloons to take a call from Ragnor, bracing himself for whatever news might await him on the other end of the line. 

“When I say you’re going to owe me for the rest of your life, I hope you know that isn’t an exaggeration.” Ragnor says, skipping over any sort of actual greeting.

“What?” Alec asks, moving out of the way of an impatient woman with a shopping cart full of princess party supplies.  

“Raphael said we can use the VIP lounge at the Dumort for tomorrow night. You’ll still have to decorate it yourself, and pay for any food or drinks, but...”

“That’s brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that earlier?” Of course the Dumort is the perfect venue - Magnus loves it there, they’d gone back a few times over the last few months, and even if not everyone they invited could come, it’d be a lot less noticeable within the club with other people around. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”    
  
“It was the best solution I could think of when he and Maia both said they couldn’t take the night off entirely. I know they’d want to be there, and he’d want to see them, so Maia’s going to pop in and out when it’s slow at the bar. She also promises to make all of our drinks extra strong.”  It’s obvious that Ragnor is very pleased with himself and makes no attempt of hiding it.    
  
“You’re right. I owe you for the rest of my life, because so far the decorations for my apartment were going to end up looking more like a poorly planned 5-year-old’s birthday party.” Alec admits, glancing down at the cart to make a mental note of what he could ditch to fit the change in venue. 

“Please tell me you weren’t buying streamers?” Ragnor comments, and Alec glances at the streamers in the car with a grimace. 

“No, of course not. I wasn’t that hopeless,” he defends with very little conviction. “Anyway, some black, gold, and red balloons and a banner should be fine now. Tablecloths for the table with the food, but the drinks will be at the bar so I don’t have to worry about that. This is going to save me so much time.” He’s already taking things out of the cart and putting them back on the shelves as he talks. 

“Right. Well, my work here is done. I’ll text you the final guest list on my end soon.” 

“Of course. Yeah, sorry, I’m just talking to myself now. Thanks again, Ragnor.” 

The line goes dead with a click and Alec slides the phone back into his pocket, already forming a new and improved gameplan for the rest of his night. 

\---

Alec juggles several bags in his hands as he fumbles his key in the lock, distracted enough that he doesn’t realize how easily it slides when he turns it, lacking the telltale click from it actually switching the deadbolt over from locked to unlocked. He has his phone pressed up against his ear by his shoulder, head tilted sideways while he backs in through the door he holds open with the heel of his foot. 

“It’s fine, I just have to get everything over there in the morning and --” he stops speaking at the sound of movement coming from the bedroom, and only then does he take in the two boxes sitting in the living room full of familiar objects from Magnus’ apartment. He’d almost forgotten that Magnus mentioned swinging by with some things later, and… 

_ Sounds from the bedroom _ . 

“Iz I have to go.” Alec has the forethought to shove the bags of party supplies into the closet,  trying to ignore the flash of fear he experiences before clearing the short distance between the front door and the bedroom in record time. He comes to a stop in the doorway to see Magnus adding some shirts to the drawer Alec already set aside for him a month or two back when they started spending the night every time they could manage. 

“There you are,” Magnus says without missing a beat. “I was starting to think you had me move in just to never come back again.” Magnus looks up at him with a smile that fades to slight confusion. Alec imagines it’s due to how heavily he’s breathing and his still wide-eyes that try - and fail - to subtly scan area around the bed. He doesn’t let his gaze linger anywhere specific for too long before it falls back on Magnus. “Everything alright? You did say I could drop by earlier--” 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Everything’s fine.” Alec waves a hand dismissively, totally calm now. “I just didn’t realize you’d be over so soon, I meant to, uh, clean up first.” They both glance around the room and Alec is acutely aware that the only things out of place are the unmade bed and a single, small pile of clothing on the floor next to the closet that consisted of a pair of sweatpants, 2 t-shirts, and underwear from the night before. 

Magnus raises an eyebrow. “It isn’t like I haven’t seen your underwear before… on you  _ or _ on the floor.” 

Alec laughs at that. He takes a few seconds to watch Magnus continue to put away the remainder of the shirts he has in his hands and decide that Magnus hasn't seen anything he wasn’t supposed to. And if he did, then he is  _ much _ better at hiding things than Alec was. 

“I brought some other stuff over I kind of wanted to put out, but I didn’t want to go rearranging your entire living room without you here.” Magnus admits, talking about the other boxes in the living room. 

“It isn’t just mine anymore. Make yourself at home.” Alec reassures him, unable to ignore the tingling warmth in his chest every time he thinks about this becoming  _ their _ space now. Magnus seems to feel the same by the way the light in his eyes seems to soften, smile brightening his face. 

“Right. Time to invade the bookshelf, then.” Magnus turns to leave, slowing ever so slightly to look back expectantly at Alec. 

“I’ll be right there,” Alec says. He waits until he’s certain Magnus is out of sight before grabbing something out of the drawer of the bedside table and slipping it into his pocket, thanking all of the gods that may possibly exist that Magnus hadn’t seen it while he was unpacking. 

Ragnor is right. He really can’t keep this up forever. 

\---   


“It’s Sunday - any plans?” Magnus asks over coffee. 

“We’re going out tonight,” Alec states matter-of-factly. It isn’t a question, or a suggestion. 

“Oh, are we?” Magnus voice lilting in amusement. “And where, might I ask, are we going?”    
  
Alec only shakes his head. “It’s a surprise. Just dress to impress.”    
  
Magnus considers this. “...flashy, or not?” 

Alec almost doesn’t want to answer, but he figures it’s a justifiable question. Going out could be dinner, and a suit and tie isn’t the vibe Alec wants him going for tonight.    
  
“Flashy.  _ Hot _ , not that you’re capable of looking anything else.” 

Magnus hums. “Flattery will get you  _ everywhere _ , Alexander. And what are we doing for the rest of the morning?” 

Alec frowns, wishing he could follow up that flirtatious tone with what he  _ wants _ to suggest they spend the day doing. 

Instead, Alec manages to convince Magnus to spend his day studying at the college’s library. It’s Sunday, and that is probably the last place he wants to be, but Alec assures him that it’ll all be well worth it when he picks him up for his surprise later that night. Trying to keep up the illusion that Alec needs him out of their apartment so he’ll mistakenly think the party is going to be there,  he's aiming for as much of an actual surprise factor as he can get. 

He debated pretending he had to finish something up for work, or had plans with Izzy, but it was an idea he only considered for the briefest of moments before deciding he didn’t want to risk any more lies, even if Magnus  _ did _ know about the party now. He’s pretty sure Magnus suspects what he’s spending the day preparing for anyway.

Once Magnus is gone for the day Alec takes the balloons, banner, (and yes, even a few streamers he ended up buying anyway), over to The Dumort before they open. He’s already dressed for the night, not sure how much time he’ll have before finishing up here and going to get Magnus: to match the general color scheme of red, black, and gold, he’s wearing a patterned black button-down shirt with little red arrows that Izzy picked out for him. He insisted on buying it a size up from his usual so it wasn’t suffocatingly tight (though Izzy insisted that was the point of it) but still clings to his upper arms and chest in all the right places. He decides to undo the top few buttons and the ones around the sleeves so he can roll them partway up his forearms and pairs it with a simple pair of jeans and smart black Oxfords. Catching a glimpse of himself in the window he has to admit he doesn’t look half bad. He’s as ready as he’ll ever be stepping into The Dumort. 

“Thanks for letting us use the lounge,” Alec tells Raphael, who unlocks the front door to let him in early. “I know it’s all pretty last minute, but you have no idea how much of a help this is.” 

“The pleasure is all mine. It’s been nice seeing the two of you here over the past few months. I know we haven’t spoken much, but he talks about you all the time. You’ve been good for him. But don’t ever tell him I said that, or I’ll deny it to the grave.” Raphael finishes with a pointed look that’s much more ‘ _ him’  _ than the brief moment of softness he started off with. 

“He’s been good for me, too.” Alec replies, unable to keep the smile from spreading across his face as he follows Raphael towards the back room of the club. Though, truth be told, that’s a bit of an understatement. Magnus has been much more than just ‘good’ for him - he’s the best thing to happen to Alec in quite some time. 

Raphael shows him to the space set aside for their group tonight before taking his leave - he says he has other things to attend to, but Alec is pretty sure he just wants to get out of there before Alec can ask for help blowing up a million balloons, not that he blames him. It takes Alec the better part of the day to fill all of the balloons with helium and place them strategically around the space (not that the ones floating by the ceiling are going to stay since they aren’t tied down to anything) before moving on to set up the two tables set aside for food. He ordered quite a selection from Rosa’s restaurant next door that Izzy is set to pick up while he goes to get Magnus - he requested all of Magnus’ favorites from the times they ate there. And of course, any drinks ordered at the bar would go on his tab for the night. 

This is it, he thinks when Izzy and Simon and Jace arrive to help him with the finishing touches, followed closely by Ragnor and Catarina. They’re all early enough to assist with any last-minute things that might come up while he goes to retrieve their guest of honor. 

“Alright, last chance before I leave. Can anyone think of  _ anything _ missing, or wrong?” He thinks he caught everything but with the rush it was all thrown together in he’s certain there has to be something he’s overlooking. 

But the others all shake their heads. 

“It looks  _ amazing _ , Alec.” Izzy praises. 

“I’m actually pleasantly surprised,” Ragnor admits. “I didn’t have any faith you’d get this together in time, but you actually did it.” 

Alec breathes a sigh of relief. “Alright, but remember - he can’t know this was last minute. He has to think we’ve been planning this for a while, okay?” Everyone nods, some looking a little exasperated... not that he blames them. This isn't the first time he made sure everyone is on the same page here, and half of them don't even know why; they just know it's important and agree without asking too many prying questions. Ragnor actively rolls his eyes at the reminder. 

Before any of them can start to give him a hard time Alec slips out, thankful for the general lack of traffic around 7 pm on a Sunday night through the city. Magnus is waiting at his apartment when he gets there, dressed to impress  _ indeed _ . Alec nearly forgets how to breathe when he sees what Magnus is wearing - it’s the crimson and gold deep v-neck that he meant to wear out the night Alec went looking for him so many months ago during their second ‘Missed Connection’ meeting, as they began to refer to them as. It’s one of Alec’s favorite shirts of his - which is saying something, because there are so many amazing ones - and it happens to match the colors of the party’s theme perfectly, even though Alec hadn’t told him anything about them. 

“Is this too extravagant? It’s impossible to dress for ‘going out’ without any idea  _ where _ I’m going. Honestly, this was more of an impulse pick than anything. It just jumped out at me while I was going through my closet.” 

Alec smiles. “Well, your impulse couldn’t be more perfect,” he assures Magnus, pulling him into a deep kiss the moment he’s close enough to wrap his arms around his waist. “You look amazing. As usual.” He adds when they (rather reluctantly) pull away from one another. “Now come on.” 

Alec refuses to say another word as they hail a taxi. He even goes so far as to whisper the address to the driver so Magnus can’t hear. 

“Really?” Magnus whines. 

“You’ll figure it out soon enough.” Alec promises, watching with amusement while Magnus notes every street they turn down, trying to pinpoint exactly where Alec is taking them. 

“This isn’t the way to our place,” Magnus says, clearly confused. Alec smirks at the knowledge that at least that little bit of misdirection worked. Once they’re about 5 minutes away from the club Magnus finally figures it out. 

“We’re going to The Dumort, aren’t we?” Magnus practically bounces in his seat when makes the connection, bringing a bubble of laughter out of Alec. 

“Yes. We haven’t been in a while, and after everything else going on lately, I thought a proper night out might be just what both of us need.”  Alec says, taking this last chance to try and throw Magnus off. He isn’t sure if Magnus knows this is his surprise party, or if he just thinks Alec is taking him out on his own. After all, his birthday isn’t for a few more days yet... Alec is lucky Magnus might just assume his actual party is going to be then. 

Not that this part of the suspense will be long-lived either way. When they get inside Alec wastes no time immediately heading towards the back VIP area and the private lounge, leading Magnus by the hand until they get to the doorway where Alec steps aside to let Magnus walk through first. 

“SURPRISE!”    
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”    
  
They’re treated to a chorus of enthusiastic cheers and whistles and clapping from their friends. Simon and a few others have noise makers that Alec definitely did  _ not _ give them. 

Magnus’ eyes widen in genuine surprise at the sight. He takes several long seconds to really take in the room, the people, and the entire scene in front of him before he turns away from the room to glance back at Alec who is very nearly glowing at the reaction. It’s everything he could’ve hoped for, especially given the circumstances that brought it about. Everything came together perfectly, Magnus is speechless, and Alec is over the moon. 

“I know it’s a little early, but Happy Birthday, Magnus.” 

“I can’t believe you,” he says slowly. 

“What do you mean?! You already knew, it isn’t even a real surprise.” 

“Yeah, but this is--” he turns back to face everyone with an expression of disbelief. “It’s just more than I expected.” He shakes his head slightly. “You didn’t have to do all this.” 

“I’m sorry, did I just hear The Great Magnus Bane say a party was  _ too excessive  _ for him?” Ragnor says, moving forward from the group to clap a hand around his shoulder. “You must be getting soft in your old age.” 

Everyone laughs, Magnus included (though he also shoots Ragnor an eye roll for good measure), and Alec stands back while everyone takes turns wishing him a happy birthday and exchanging a few words, especially those he hasn’t seen in a while. Alec knows he’ll have plenty of time alone with him later, both here and at home, so he doesn’t mind sharing his boyfriend for the night - even though they exchange glances quite frequently while they’re apart. 

Maia shows up to hand Magnus a drink and remind everyone that the tab is open for them to order whatever they want from her - something that gets Alec more than a few surprised looks.  He just smiles and does his best to ignore them. He doesn’t want to make a big deal over how much one slightly extravagant night is hardly going to ruin him. He has more than enough saved away, and after living a rather solitary life the past few years he’s had little to spend his money on before now. Plus, if Magnus refuses to let him spend it all on him, then spending it all on something  _ indirectly about him _ for their mutual friends is the next best thing. 

Alec grabs some food and chats with Jace and Simon for a bit, but his attention always turns back to Magnus. Not only because he looks stunning in the outfit he chose for the night, with the light catching on the numerous necklaces falling down across the exposed skin of the v-neck, but because after how tense he’s been - stressed from juggling work and school, and then stressed from losing his job and  _ not _ having one to juggle - it’s such a relief to see him genuinely happy. Alec can’t help the way he’s drawn back to him time and time again, like Magnus is the only other person in the room.

It’s nearly a full hour later that Alec swoops in to pull Magnus away from Catarina. “I hope you don’t mind, but I believe I owe this handsome man a dance.” 

Alec leads Magnus away from Cat and the VIP lounge, but the moment they’re in the dark hallway between there and the dance floor Magnus pulls back on his arm, turning him around and pressing their bodies together, lips coming to rest mere centimeters away from Alec’s. 

“This is perfect,” he says, and the breath across Alec’s lips brings an involuntary shiver. “I love you.”    
  
“I love you more,” Alec replies, tilting his head forward to close that nearly immeasurable gap between them. 

“Impossible,” Magnus mutters back against his lips before leaning into the kiss. They nearly forget about the dance floor and the party entirely until Raphael passes by them on his way back out to the main club. 

“ _ Dios,”  _ he mutters. “Do we need a private room for you two? Because I can arrange that.” 

They pull apart, not embarrassed, but all smirks and giggles instead. “I believe I’m owed a dance anyway,” Magnus declares, and they continue on the way they meant to go several minutes ago before getting sidetracked.

It’s warmer on the floor full of people, but with a cold drink in one hand and Magnus in his other, Alec hardly minds. He can’t say he’s gotten particularly  _ good _ at dancing over the few times he and Magnus have gone out to clubs but he’s certainly gotten  _ better _ . Enough that he isn’t a total embarrassment next to Magnus, though it’s very clear which of them was born to move like this. Alec watches, unable to take his eyes off of his boyfriend even if he wanted to. 

Good thing he doesn't want to. 

The others take their cue from Alec and Magnus and the majority of the group joins them on the dance floor, drinking and laughing and enjoying a good night with good company. Alec notices that Jace is spending an  _ awful _ lot of time at the bar talking to Maia, and he follows Magnus’ attention over to the side of the room where Simon is talking with Raphael and the usually stony-faced club owner is actually  _ laughing _ at something Simon says to him. 

“Well I’ll be damned…” Magnus shakes his head in genuine surprise. Raphael never hits it off with  _ anyone _ . It took him months to even warm up to Alec, let alone get to a point where Alec would tentatively call them friends. 

“I’m famished,” Magnus’s voice suddenly sounds in his ear, loud enough to be heard above the music. “I’m going to go grab something to eat quick.” 

“I’ll come with,” Alec says, selfishly not willing to let his boyfriend out of his sight again so soon. Alec laces his fingers through Magnus’, walking back towards the lounge slowly. They’re nearing the open door of the party room when the sound of voices reach them. It isn’t until they’re a little closer that they can make out what Cat and Ragnor are saying, and by the time Alec realizes what's happening it’s too late. 

“I still can’t believe he managed to get all this together in two days,” Catarina says, voice slightly raised to combat the constant underlying thrum of dance music around them. 

“ _ I still _ can’t believe he convinced Magnus this was his plan the whole time. If he hadn’t gotten fired this nonsense would’ve been over  _ days _ ago-” 

Alec doesn’t hear what follows immediately. Everything fades for a few seconds, his pulse suddenly so loud in his ears that he can barely hear himself think in his sudden distress. Alec stops dead in his tracks but Magnus keeps walking, his fingers disconnecting from Alec’s, his face entirely unreadable. 

“It isn’t nonsense,” Cat says with a sigh. “He’s getting there, but if he doesn’t tell Magnus soon-” 

“Tell me what?” Magnus says from the doorway, making his presence known. Everything about his stance is defensive, feet planted firmly shoulder-width apart, arms crossed over his chest, chin angled up. 

Catarina swallows hard and Ragnor frowns, both falling silent. Alec comes up behind Magnus fast. 

“Nothing,” he deflects, not sure why he’s even trying to cover it up at this point. But he can’t have this happen here, not now, and he can’t think of any alternative to stop it. 

“You weren’t planning a surprise party, were you?” Magnus spins to face him now, and Alec’s can feel his chest tighten at the accusation. 

“Of course I was, why would I-” Alec starts, but Magnus doesn’t give him a chance to finish. 

“Oh my  _ god _ , I literally just heard them say it and you’re still going to try and lie?!” 

“Just tell him,” Ragnor suggests into the increasingly tense silence that falls between them, and Alec shoots him a glare fit to kill. 

“Tell me  _ what _ !?” Magnus is practically screaming now, and not just to be heard over the music in the background. 

“Nothing,” Alec repeats stubbornly, because this isn’t the plan. This isn’t right.  

“Great. Well, if you ever want to start being honest with me, let me know.” Magnus speaks with an eerie calm. With that he turns and pushes past Alec, clipping his shoulder sharply so he can move through the doorway and down the hall. 

“Magnus? Magnus, come on! Just… wait!” But Magnus doesn’t even pause, let alone stop. He certainly doesn’t look back. 

“Great, now what am I supposed to do?” Alec says, turning back in a panic to Catarina and Ragnor. 

Ragnor looks incredulous. “You know  _ exactly _ what I think you should do.” 

“Just be honest with him. I know you're anxious, but it'll be fine.” Cat encourages, nodding her head towards the direction Magnus took off in. Alec notes with concern that she looks a bit anxious herself.

Alec only hesitates another second or two before turning and taking off after Magnus. 

His boyfriend is already down the narrow hallway and out into the main area of the club by the time Alec catches sight of him. He didn’t leave to go talk to the others or get a drink like Alec first imagined - Magnus is  _ leaving-leaving _ , heading straight for the door. 

“Magnus!” Alec yells, ignoring the stares he gets from the people near him. “Magnus, wait!” He doesn’t see when Izzy notices Magnus stalking out of the club and Alec frantically following behind, or when Catarina and Ragnor come out close behind him, stopping to fill his sister in on what just happened. 

All he can focus on is Magnus, and getting to him before it’s too late. 

Magnus whirls around at the sound of his name. “Don’t bother following me - just stay and enjoy the party you  _ clearly _ only threw for your own benefit!” Magnus shouts at him, and now more heads are turning. Alec doesn’t care about any of them. 

“Magnus!” Alec calls again, pushing his way after him and out of the club until he’s on the sidewalk outside, breath coming out in puffs of white in the winter air. He spots Magnus halfway down the sidewalk, arms wrapped around himself in the cold, still stubbornly refusing to acknowledge him. “Magnus,  _ please _ .” 

There’s something in the way his voice, desperate and pleading, cracks over the word ‘please’ that finally gives Magnus pause. Alec is so surprised he stops as well, but only pausing for a moment before doubling his efforts to catch up with Magnus before he changes his mind. 

“Listen,” Alec starts, only to be cut off again. 

“I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say unless it’s the truth. I don’t care how much it’s going to hurt, I just need to know.” Magnus says, still facing away from him. 

“What?” 

Magnus turns to face him then, a slight sheen to his eyes but his expression otherwise set in a very resolute, stoic grimace. “You don’t have to keep lying just because I lost my job, or because it’s my birthday. In fact, it’s kind of a shitty thing to do no matter how you justify it, so if any part of you ever really loved me just get it over with.” 

“I don’t-” Alec starts, then stops, mouth hanging open uselessly. This isn’t what he wanted at all. How did it all get so twisted?

Magnus stands with his chest out and his chin held high in defiance. His voice keeps getting louder as he snaps, “The lying, the sneaking around, putting off plans… I’m not stupid. I was so eager to believe you when you said it was because of the party - clearly I was  _ too  _ eager, so just break up with me already and get it over with.”

“I don’t want to break up with you, I want to marry you!” 

They both stand frozen in place, Magnus still reeling from his burst of anger and frustration, and Alec realizing what he just said in his desperation to convince Magnus he isn’t trying to break up with him. He can’t lie anymore, and since all he has left is the truth it’s what he uses, because he can’t stand the idea of watching Magnus doubt his love for him another millisecond.

“This wasn’t the plan at all.” Alec says, because the continued silence from Magnus’ end is making him anxious. “I spent weeks making the perfect ring. I had it all planned out - on our anniversary I was going to have Ragnor sneak me into your work on his break, and then log into the chats until I connected with you, where we first met, and ask you to marry me… and then you lost your job. Suddenly I had no plan, and the timing didn’t feel right with everything you were going through so I just… waited. I wanted it to be something special, something perfect, because that’s what you deserve. But hell, there isn’t going to be a perfect moment, is there? Or maybe they’re  _ all _ perfect moments, because every day I’m with you is perfection.”

Alec looks at Magnus with more love and adoration than he ever imagined himself capable of feeling. This is it. He knows it as an undeniable truth in his heart and mind and soul. Magnus is  _ it _ for him. He just hopes that Magnus feels the same. 

“This isn’t at all how I imagined it happening, but it doesn’t matter. Because it’s you. And it’s  _ us _ . And that’s all that matters. That’s all that’s ever going to matter, Magnus.”  

It’s only then that Alec allows the moment to catch up with him after his heart raced ahead of anything his mind actually meant to say. He realizes that Magnus still hasn’t said anything, maybe because he keeps rambling and hasn’t given him a chance to, but he’s on a roll and he’ll be damned if he isn’t going to see this through to the end now. 

“I know we haven’t been together very long. You don’t have to say yes. I’ll still be here, and I’ll wait as long as it takes. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Magnus Bane, if you’ll let me?” 

Magnus remains entirely silent. His eyes glisten with tears that threaten to spill over at any moment. Alec refuses to look away from him, even though Magnus’ eyes dart behind Alec for just a second and Alec knows someone must’ve followed them out here. Izzy? Catarina? He can’t focus on that, too acutely aware of every second that passes without an answer. 

“I know I said you don’t have to say yes, but I’d feel a lot better if you said  _ something _ \--” Alec starts, feeling genuinely nervous for the first time since he started speaking, but stops when Magnus opens his mouth.    
  
“Yes.” The word comes out as a shuddered breath, but it isn’t just from the cold that bites at their skin as they stand there without jackets, the warmth of the sweat and heat of the club fading quickly in the cool December night air. 

“Yes?” 

“ _ Yes _ .”    
  
There are tears in both of their eyes now, and Alec’s own hazel gaze widens in sudden realization when he remembers--

“The ring!” Alec reaches his hand into his pocket, pulling out a slim black box. “I can’t believe I did all that and forgot…”

“You have it  _ on you? _ ” Magnus asks, laughing a bit through the tears he tries to wipe away without ruining too much of his makeup. 

“I swear I didn’t plan on doing this tonight, but I couldn’t keep it at the apartment any more, in case you found it, so I took it with me...” Opening the lid and holding it out in front of him, Alec eagerly watches Magnus’ face to gauge his reaction. He doesn’t need to watch, however, because Magnus gives an audible gasp at the sight of it. 

“It’s stunning, Alexander.” 

Alec is absurdly proud of the ring, which he helped craft himself with a friend who works at a smaller shop just outside of the city. The ring itself is a smooth titanium, with inlays of genuine dinosaur bone and stellar meteorite that are set in dark and light bands down the middle. Magnus had seen a similar ring with just the meteorite a few months back and talked about how much he loved it for two weeks straight. The dinosaur bone addition was Alec’s own idea, however. Given Magnus’ passion for history, museums, and his dream of becoming a curator, he couldn’t imagine anything more perfectly suited for him. And the final touch: the gemstone, small and tension set, is an emerald. 

“I had it cut from the one you ordered at the store the day Izzy gave you my card.” Alec beams, taking the ring out of the box and sliding it onto Magnus’ finger. 

“The day I found out who you were,” Magnus reminisces fondly. “And we decided to go to the billboard together.” Magnus looks down at the ring that fits perfectly onto his finger before back up at Alec. “It’s exquisite. But Alexander, I can’t accept this-- it’s too much.”    
  
Alec shakes his head. “It isn’t. Nothing I give you could ever be too much, not when you deserve the world.” Alec takes Magnus’ hand and brings it to his lips, placing a soft kiss over the engagement ring. “I’d give you everything if I could.”   

“Oh, my love,” Magnus says. “You already have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus POV to follow in the next chapter! <3 
> 
> (Bonus: THE RING. I was searching ring references and the internet gave me [ this beauty ](http://s3.weddbook.com/t4/2/3/7/2378927/emerald-wedding-band-or-mens-engagement-ring-titanium-ring-with-dinosaur-bone-and-meteorite-inlays-tension-set-emerald-ring.jpg) that was just such a perfect fit for the story it was meant to be!)


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little backtracking gives insight into Magnus’ POV from the events at the end of the last chapter. Also: Celebrations, heart-to-hearts, blog updates, and two very important colors.

Looking back is a mistake. Even though it’s only to shout something cruel at Alec, the sight of heads turning towards him - friends and strangers alike - is almost paralyzing. He knows how he must look, playing right into the role of an angry, jilted lover, but he’s too hurt to care. 

Magnus refuses to look back a second time. He can’t. If he turns around and sees Alec’s pleading look as he calls after him then he might do something stupid… something like stay and listen to more lies and excuses. And he’ll believe them, because he loves Alec, even now. He loves him so much he’s willing to overlook all of the signs and hope for the best, despite fearing the worst. He loves him  _ so much _ that he’d almost rather stay, even if Alec doesn’t love him back as much; even if Alec’s words don’t meant the same when says them to Magnus as they do when Magnus says them to him.

He’s surprised at how many thoughts can cross his mind in the short span of time between leaving the lounge in the back of the club and reaching the sidewalk outside. 

There was nothing but certainty in Magnus’ mind that Alec was it for him when he agreed to move in. Alec is -  _ was _ \- his entire world. Has Magnus ever told him that, he wonders idly? Maybe he’s partly to blame for all of this. Maybe he didn’t say it enough for Alec to know that Magnus would do anything for him without question. Or maybe that’s the problem - maybe he’s  _ too  _ impassioned and it put Alec off… not enough to end things, but enough to want to distance himself and slip away.

Whatever the case, however it happened, whenever it began, Magnus is certain of one thing: this is where it ends. At least until Alec is willing to be honest.

He isn’t looking back. He hears Alec’s voice, and it calls his name. He isn’t stopping. He isn’t looking back. He isn’t--

“Magnus,  _ please.”  _

Alec isn’t yelling any more, and the way his voice cracks in broken desperation freezes Magnus in his tracks. Swallowing hard against the tight lump in his throat, he doesn’t turn. He can at least keep that much resolve. But when Alec begins to speak again he doesn’t want to hear it. 

“I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say unless it’s the truth. I don’t care how much it’s going to hurt, I just need to know.” It’s a lie and Magnus knows it, but he says it anyway. He cares. There’s a physical ache in his chest over how  _ much _ he cares… but it’s too late to be helped. Alec barely gets a word in before Magnus cuts him off again, almost eager to get this over with. 

“You don’t have to keep lying just because I lost my job, or because it’s my birthday. In fact, it’s kind of a shitty thing to do no matter how you justify it, so if any part of you ever really loved me just get it over with.” Magnus isn’t sure why he turns around. He almost falters at the look of confusion on Alec’s face. He wants to believe that it’s genuine, that maybe he’s overreacting and it really  _ is _ nothing. It’s a chance he’s willing to give Alec if he wants it,  but only if he comes clean about whatever he’s been hiding and whatever Ragnor and Catarina were talking about. And he might as well, because there’s no way Magnus isn’t getting the information out of them one way or another after all of this. He keeps his expression cold and resolved, but inside his mind begs for Alec to just tell him the truth. 

When Alec can’t bring himself to say it, Magnus can’t bring himself to walk away with all of the uncertainty and ‘what-ifs’ hanging between them, so he says it for him. 

“The lying, the sneaking around, putting off plans… I’m not stupid. I was so eager to believe you when you said it was because of the party - clearly I was too eager, so just break up with me already and get it over with.” There it is. The easy out. If he gives Alec permission to get it over with perhaps they can both leave here with some dignity in tact and salvage what’s left of their nights - Magnus by removing the few things he already brought over from Alec’s apartment, and Alec by facing all of the people who care about Magnus and telling them why Magnus left his own party nearly in tears. Nearly, because he refuses to give Alec the satisfaction of crying right now. 

_ “I don’t want to break up with you, I want to marry you!”  _

Magnus forgets how to breathe with those five unexpected words, and every word that follows somehow manages to leave him even more breathless. 

The rest is a blur. Magnus wishes he could say that he committed every single word that Alexander says to memory, but he almost misses half of what his boyfriend says. His mind is too busy racing to reconcile the narrative he created in his own head - the one he was so thoroughly convinced of just a moment ago that ended with him losing the love of his life - and the narrative Alec weaves which doesn’t end at all, stretching on for the rest of their lives together

As surprising as the proposal itself is, the idea that Alec was thinking about it for weeks already is even more shocking. Magnus thinks back to those periods of time Alec seemed to get lost in his head and wonders how many of them were spent thinking about this moment. He considers the hours Alec would disappear without any explanation besides being ‘busy’ or losing track of time, now knowing that many of them were spent visiting a friend to have a ring designed and crafted just for him.  And when Alec seemed upset with him over losing his job, it wasn’t because of him or the money - it was over losing the plan he spent so long crafting.   


It’s overwhelming, the emotional whiplash that Magnus experiences over the course of a minute. He goes from thinking Alec’s about to break up with him to being proposed to, and it takes Magnus a few extra breaths to really process everything Alec’s saying to him as reality. All of the talk of perfection, of the two of them, of the rest of their lives -  _ that _ is the truth, finally. For all of his previous worries he doesn’t doubt a single word that Alec speaks to him now. He isn’t lying. He isn’t covering up another mistake, or grasping at straws to get Magnus to stay. This is everything he’s kept locked away for weeks. It’s every word he’s been on the verge of saying every time Magnus caught him opening his mouth only to change his mind and close it again instead. He doesn’t need Alec to tell him that, because he  _ knows _ . He knows with the sort of certainty that he never should’ve allowed himself to doubt in the first place.  **  
** **  
** There are so many things Magnus wants to say back to him in the silence that follows, like how he started to fall for Alec before he ever laid eyes on him, back when he was nothing more than a first name and a last initial on his computer screen. Or how learning to open himself up again was the best thing to happen to him in years, and that he owes so much to Alec for making him feel like he’s someone worth taking a risk for. 

Magnus wants to tell Alexander that he can’t imagine the rest of his life without him in it, and how relieved he is that he’ll never have to.    
  
He thinks all of these things in an overwhelming rush of emotion, but he can’t make the words come out. It’s too much all at once and nothing he can think to say seems worthy of the moment he finds himself in. There aren’t enough words in the universe to convey the love Magnus feels for the man in front of him. 

The door to the club pushes open again, and suddenly they aren’t the only ones occupying the sidewalk outside. Alec’s eyes never leave his, but Magnus can’t help but glance behind Alec to where Isabelle rushes out first, followed almost immediately by Catarina. Both girls stop just outside the door, keeping their distance when they see the look on Magnus’ face before his attention shifts fully back to Alexander. 

“I know I said you don’t have to say yes, but I’d feel a lot better if you said something --” 

It’s a miracle Magnus hasn’t fainted by the end of Alec’s rambling, because he’s certain he didn’t take a single breath from the moment he hears the words ‘I want to marry you’ until he gives his reply, afraid that the slightest movement will shatter the dream he’s suddenly living in. 

“Yes.” 

He hears the word leave his lips in barely more than a whisper. 

“Yes?” 

Magnus can no longer imagine a universe where he would do anything with his life that didn’t include loving Alexander Gideon Lightwood. He conveys that into a single affirmation.

“Yes.” 

There are tears in Magnus’ eyes that start to overflow, cheeks growing damp in wet streaks stained with mascara, and he’s about to cross the distance between them to kiss his  _ fiancé  _ when Alec, in all of his adorable enthusiasm, suddenly remembers the engagement ring. It’s a good chance for Magnus to wipe at his eyes and do his best to make sure there aren’t too many smears of black staining his cheeks. 

Anything he might be thinking is wiped entirely clear by the sight of Alec holding out the ring, telling him it’s from the same emerald ring he ordered that day he impulsively wandered into Lightwood Jewelers after it caught his eye in the display. That was the day Isabelle gave him Alec’s card because she ran out of her own, and Alec got his name from the order sheet, and the universe decided that maybe they deserved to have a shot at happiness after all. 

“It’s exquisite. But Alexander, I can’t accept this-- it’s too much.” He recognizes the material in the band of the ring immediately - after all, one didn’t date a jeweler for the better part of a year without learning a thing or two, especially when the _Lapidary Journal Jewelry Artist_ magazine was always sitting around his apartment. When he first caught sight of the meteorite ring a few months back he’d asked Alec endless questions about it, fascinated by the idea. He never dared to imagine what Alec might use that interest for. 

“It isn’t.” Alex insists.  “Nothing I give you could ever be too much, not when you deserve the world.” 

If Magnus thought for a second that he was done crying for the night, he’s proven wrong immediately. He sniffles against the cry that wants to come out, because this is a once-in-a-lifetime moment they’re having and he doesn’t want to ruin it by getting all snotty and wrecking more of his makeup and turning into a blubbering mess. He’s grounded by the touch of Alec’s hand on his own, looking down and following the motion as Alec brings it up to his lips, kissing his fingers over the ring. 

“I’d give you everything if I could.”  

“Oh, my love,” Magnus says. “You already have.” 

Magnus’ hand is still in Alec’s when he shifts it slightly to lace their fingers together, pulling Alec towards him for a long-overdue kiss. There’s a new passion behind it, one that the uncertainty of recent days cause the both of them to lack for far too long, but it isn’t rushed or heated. Instead, pulling together so closely Magnus can feel the cold metal of his necklaces press against the bits of exposed skin on both his and Alec’s chest, they allow the kiss to linger. It’s soft, and slow, as if they have all the time in the world - because they do. They have the rest of their lives.  

Magnus smiles against Alec’s lips at the sound of applause in front of them, and when he pulls away he can see Isabelle with tears in her eyes and Cat beaming at the sight of them. “Congratulations!” Both of them have their phones out in a very obvious attempt to catch some photos or videos once they realized what was happening. He’ll have to make sure they send those to him later.

“How long did you two know?” Magnus demands, noting with a hint of smug satisfaction how reluctant Alexander seems to finally have to pry his focus away from Magnus. Alec doesn’t seem the least bit surprised to find his sister and Magnus’ best friend standing there.

“Since he started designing the ring,” Izzy declares, proud she managed to keep the secret that long. “I almost told you  _ so many times,  _ he was taking forever!” 

“ Ragnor and I knew since about a week before your anniversary,” Cat admits. “Sorry for, you know…” she motions vaguely back towards the inside of the club.

“Don’t worry about it. I’d say it worked out alright,” Alec says, still smiling. Izzy makes her way over to her brother and Magnus watches the two of them embrace. Soon enough Catarina’s in front of him, arms outstretched for a congratulatory hug of her own.  

“Sorry I couldn’t just tell you,” she whispers in his ear. “I didn’t realize how much it was getting to you…”

Magnus can only laugh now, because there isn’t a chance in hell he’d be mad at her for keeping that sort of secret from him. “Of course you couldn’t tell me, Cat. Thank you trying to talk down my paranoia anyway.” 

She leans in closer, lowering her voice even more. “I’ll make it up to you by telling you this: he came over and asked Ragnor and me if he had our blessing, because we’re the closest thing you have to family.” 

Magnus makes a choking noise that draws Alec’s gaze back his way in concern, but Magnus just smiles at him so he turns back to Izzy. 

“Don’t tell him I told you,” Cat adds, with a final pat on the shoulder before moving back towards Alec and Isabelle. “But you got yourself one of the good ones.”

Magnus looks at Alexander, smiling and chuckling lightly over something Isabelle just said to him, and watches as Catarina approaches to congratulate him as well. The moment Magnus is close enough Izzy lunges toward him, wrapping her arms tight around his back. “I can’t wait to have the cool older brother I always wanted!” 

“Hey!” Alec spins around indignantly. 

“So,” Izzy continues. “Ready to be a Lightwood?” 

It’s an innocent enough question, but at the idea of actually becoming a  _ Lightwood _ , Magnus realizes how strange that sounds to him. Not that he cares what his name is, so long as he has Alec, but… 

“I think it’s a little to early to go settling on last names, Iz.” Alec saves the growing silence during Magnus’ runaway thoughts. “Maybe I’ll become a Bane.” 

“Dad would  _ flip _ ,” Izzy points out, clearly pleased with the prospect. 

“Or you could hyphenate. Bane-Lightwood,” Cat suggests, but both Magnus and Alec scrunch up their faces at the sound of it. 

“Lightwood-Bane.”    
“Lightwood-Bane?” 

Alec and Magnus say at the same time, and smile. Now  _ that _ option had promise. 

Just then the door swings open again, with Jace, Simon, and Ragnor cautiously taking a few steps out of the club, looking around before spotting the four friends they came in search of. The trio hesitate, catching the sight of tears and smeared makeup on top of the last thing they all witnessed, which was Magnus yelling at Alec inside the club before he left. Magnus has to imagine it’s a confusing scene to stumble into. 

“Is everything alright? We saw you two leave but then never come back in, so we wanted to make sure no one ended up dead in an alleyway or something.” Simon says first, not quite sure what’s going on. 

Ragnor, however, knows exactly what he’s looking for, and zeroes in on the ring on Magnus’ finger with a self-satisfied smirk. “It’s about goddamn time, Lightwood.”  His attention shifts to Magnus. “Congratulations.” 

“Congratulations?” Jace echoes. 

Magnus glances over at Alec, a silent question of if he should be the one to break the news or if Alec wants to do the honors. When Alec looks over and nods at him, it’s with a smile so impossibly wide it looks like it might actually hurt a little, not that Alec seems to mind if it does. Magnus hasn’t reached the ‘perpetual smile’ phase of the night yet, but he’s sure it’s coming soon after he gets over the ‘lingering shock and spontaneous bursts of tears’ phase. 

Turning to Jace and Simon he holds his hand up, the emerald engagement band standing out on his ring finger between the two rings he already wore - a silver B signet ring on his pointer and a simple pinky ring. 

Simon’s face cracks into a smile, and Jace shakes his head slowly. “Holy shit, man. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” 

Magnus quirks an eyebrow at that. “You didn’t know?” He asks, only looking more confused when Simon and Jace both shake their heads no. 

“I didn’t want to tell everyone in case you… you know, said no.” 

“So why did they think you were suddenly throwing this party, if it wasn’t to cover up for that?” He isn’t sure he wants to know the answer, but his curiosity gets the better of him, and after being in the dark about so much lately he finds himself eager to make sure he doesn’t let a single thing slide under his radar now. This was a LOT of people Alec got together at the last minute, and he had to tell them all  _ something _ to get them here. If no one knew about the engagement ring besides Izzy, Cat, and Ragnor, then… 

“We all just thought he forgot your birthday until the last minute, and we didn’t want him to look like an asshole when he’s just forgetful,” Jace admits. “He’s never been big on parties, and I’m pretty sure he forgets his own every year until someone hands him a present.”

“Speaking of parties,” Izzy interrupts. “There’s a great one happening inside where we don’t have to lose the feeling in our arms and legs.” There are goosebumps on her exposed skin. “And I believe it’s time we shift it from birthday party to engagement celebration!” 

They all readily agree and file back into the club where Alec wastes no time going to the bar and getting several bottles of champagne from Maia while Magnus fills the rest of the party in on what happened outside. Every time someone new finds out Magnus gets to relive the joy of the moment all over again, the warmth of the congratulations, the pride in lifting his hand to show off the ring that Alexander put so much thought and effort into just for him, even though he could’ve proposed with a Ring Pop and the answer would’ve been the same.   

Once the champagne starts making the rounds and Magnus spends the remainder of the evening attached at the hip to Alexander, he can’t recall a single moment in his life where everything felt as perfect as it does now. He’s finishing his degree, they’re moving in together, they’re engaged, and all because Alec chose him. He did all of this for him, and would probably do even more if Magnus didn’t put a hard stop on a lot of it. He almost let his own insecurities get in the way of things, reacting without talking to Alec first, but the key word there is  _ almost _ . Nothing was ruined. In fact, if his insecurities lead them here then he can even find a way to be thankful for them, too. 

It’s a little after midnight when the first of their friends start to leave. It  _ is _ a Sunday night, and most of them have work in the morning. In the following hour everyone says their congratulations and goodbyes until Maia gives last call. A quick glance shows that it’s just himself, Alec, and Jace left now, besides Raphael and Maia who are still working. 

“Ready to head out? We can split a cab.” Alec offers to Jace.  Magnus thinks he sees something strange in the blonde’s expression as Jace hesitates, glancing at Maia who’s wiping down behind the bar. 

“You two go ahead. I’m going to stay and help Maia finish up here.” 

Neither of them pry… for now, at least. They say goodbye to Maia and Jace, and finally Raphael, before going home to enjoy their first proper time alone as husbands-to-be. 

\----

The next morning, Magnus wakes up to the sound of Alec’s alarm clock. He rolls over without bothering to open his eyes, ready to drape an arm around his grumpy, definitely-not-a-morning-person fianc é …  except when he does he’s met with nothing but air and bunched up comforter. 

It’s only then that Magnus opens his eyes and squints against the sun coming through the window, noting the general silence of the apartment around him. No shower running, or sounds drifting in from the kitchen. His eyes finally come to rest on a note left on the bedside table.

_ ‘Didn’t want to wake you, but I had to go to work. I set an alarm so you wouldn’t be late for class, and there’s food in the fridge and half a pot of coffee left to heat up. Love you.’  _

Ever since Magnus got his own key to the apartment, Alec tries to let him sleep in whenever he happens to sleep through Alec’s morning routine. It’s happened a few times before and it’s far from new, but it  _ feels _ different now, because this is what he has to look forward to every day for the rest of his life. Little notes. Small gestures. The weight of the ring on his finger - the only piece of jewelry he slept in the night before - serves as a constant reminder for all of it. 

It occurs to Magnus that perhaps he should get Alec an engagement ring of his own to wear, but the idea of buying a ring for a jeweler who is clearly capable of crafting his own masterpieces is, well, more than a little daunting. He makes a mental note to have a chat with his future sister-in-law about it later. 

 

After the night he just had it all seems so bland, going through the motions of a normal day when all he wants is to show up at Alec’s work and steal him away. But Magnus knows when he comes home later it’ll be here, to their apartment and his  fiancé  waiting for him, and it makes the idea of going through the motions a little more bearable.

\---

Magnus doesn’t get back until after Alec that night, having swung by his old apartment to grab a few more things to bring over. It’s easier this way, moving a little bit at a time for the remainder of the month until his lease is up. It’s certainly cheaper and less hassle than dealing with a moving van.

The tension in the air is obvious the moment he pushes the door open and sees Alec pacing, cell phone in hand. 

“Alexander?” he prompts, testing the waters before walking into a potential minefield. 

Alec stops pacing and spins to face Magnus as the door shuts behind him, watching some of the tension melt from Alec’s expression at the sight of him. A small part of him still can’t believe that he can have that effect on Alec - on  _ anyone _ , really. 

“Welcome home,” Alec says, a small smile pulling up at the corners of his lips. “Just in time for me to call my parents.” 

Of course. Isabelle knows, obviously, but unless she told her parents then the rest of the Lightwoods have no idea they’re engaged. Now the pacing makes sense, because for as much as the Lightwoods seem to tolerate Magnus on the rare occasion he’s invited over to their house for a lunch or small get together, he can still tell that he isn’t their favorite person in the world. 

“Maybe I should go over and tell them in person. Do you think that would be better?” 

Magnus puts down the box held under his arm and walks over to where Alec hesitates in the middle of the living room, taking his hands. “Your guess is as good as mine, darling.” He pauses. “Are you afraid they’re going to be upset?” He knows the unspoken question he wants to ask but can’t bring himself to -  _ ‘Are they going to be disappointed you officially settled for me?’  _

Alec gives an answer fit for both, standing up straighter as if hearing Magnus’ concern is enough to change the situation from whatever thoughts he had running through his head a minute ago. “I don’t care. This isn’t about them. I couldn’t be happier, and if they can’t support us that’s their problem.” 

Magnus feels something catch in his chest over the fact that while Alec seems more than willing to stress over what his parents think of just him, he seems to have zero tolerance for anything negative they may have to think about Magnus, or about  _ them  _ as a couple. Alec is quick to jump to the defensive and make sure that Magnus knows he’d never put what they might think over how he feels. 

That might be something Magnus doubted in the past, but not any more. “Well, in that case - let’s call them together.”    
  
Magnus figures it’s the safest option - together, but not in person, because a poor reaction to something like that is a lot easier to hang up on than it is to process face-to-face. Magnus knows that as much as Alec swears up and down he doesn’t care, he still does, at least a little. 

Alec nods, placing the phone down on the table and dialing his mother’s number, putting it on speaker. 

“Alec?” Maryse’s voice echoes. “...do you have the speaker on?” 

“Yeah, I’m with Magnus.” 

“Hello, Mrs. Lightwood.” 

“Oh, hello dear. How are you? How are classes, Alec told me you were back at school full time again.” 

Magnus isn’t expecting her to remember any of that, let alone care enough to ask about it. “I’m doing well. And classes are fine - I’m a little behind since I’m picking it back up after so much time off, but it’s getting easier now.” 

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it. You know, Robert and I know a few people at some of the local museums if you’re looking for a place to intern, or volunteer before you graduate.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.” Magnus begins to wonder if their concern is entirely misplaced. 

“Mom, can you get Dad? I have something I need to tell both of you.” 

“One second,” Maryse says, shuffling with the phone a bit while she moves to another room. “Robert? It’s Alexander, and Magnus. They wanted to tell us something.”

“What is it?” Robert questions, already sounding suspicious. And with good reason, because Magnus is positive this is the first time either of them called Alec’s parents for  _ anything _ . 

“Well,” Alec starts, and Magnus gives his hand a little squeeze of encouragement.  _ I’m here _ , it says.  _ No matter what. _ “We’re engaged.” 

“You’re-” Robert starts, but Maryse cuts him off. 

“Congratulations, Alexander!” Maryse says, the slightest waver to her words, already getting emotional over the idea. “I’m so happy for the two of you.” 

Alec and Magnus both wait expectantly for Robert to say something, which takes several seconds of increasingly intense silence. He isn’t as quick on the immediate congratulations.  “Since when?” 

“Since last night.” Alec is trying very hard to keep the edge of fear from his voice, but Magnus can see it in his eyes. The fear of rejection, of disappointment. But even still, Magnus watches him smile at the memory, tone taking on an air of pride. “I proposed, and he said yes.”

“Marriage is a big commitment...” Robert starts, and Alec tenses beside him. 

“I’m aware. We were just calling to let you know, so if you’re done-” Alec bristles defensively, trying with all his might not to lose his patience and snap. 

“That isn’t what I-- It’s just a lot, and I want to make sure you’re certain.” 

The look Alec gives Magnus, tender and kind and full of love, is all the reassurance Magnus will ever need that they’re meant to be together. 

“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my entire life,” Alec speaks with unwavering conviction, and Magnus wonders when he became such a goddamn poet lately, because if he keeps this up it’s going to be the death of him before they ever make it to a ceremony. 

“Every day I think I can’t possibly love you more, and every day I’m proven wrong,” Magnus sighs, almost forgetting they were on the phone at all until Robert clears his throat. 

“Then I’m happy for you. For both of you. Congratulations.”

There’s a bit more talk of things they had absolutely no plans for yet ( _ have you thought about a venue? Will it be spring, it’s been getting so cold in the fall…)  _ before they hang up, both of them breathing an audible sigh of relief. 

A few minutes later while he’s waiting for Alec to get out of the shower, Magnus’ phone vibrates. He looks down to see a text from Maryse. 

**ML:** Are you free tomorrow to come by the house during the day, alone?    
**MB:** I am after 11, yes.    
**ML:** Wonderful. I’ll see you then. 

He isn’t sure what it could possibly be about, and when he shows Alec after his shower Alec is just as clueless about what his mother could possibly want. 

“You don’t have to go, you can just say something came up.”  

“I know, but I’m too curious not to. Aren’t you? Plus, she seemed so happy on the phone, so it can’t be bad, can it?” 

Alec shrugs, not looking entirely convinced. “I don’t know. Guess we’ll find out tomorrow.” 

\---

Magnus knocks hesitantly on the door of the Lightwood home early the following afternoon, realizing that this is the first time he’s ever been here alone. In fact, Alec almost never leaves his side while they’re here together, something he hadn’t realized he finds as comforting as he does until it’s suddenly lacking.

“Magnus, come in!” Maryse greets him personally, ushering him inside. “Hurry, it’s freezing out there. Let me take your coat.” 

Something is definitely up, Magnus thinks, cautiously handing his coat over. At least now he knows where Alec gets it from - she’s doing that thing where she’s trying just a  _ touch _ too hard to appear entirely casual to try and hide the fact that she’s nervous. Why is  _ she _ the one here who’s nervous, though? 

“Would you like something to eat? Drink?” 

“No thank you, Mrs. Lightwood.” 

“Please, you’re about to be my son-in-law, I think you can start calling me Maryse.” 

At that, Magnus does give a genuine smile, relaxing slightly. “I suppose you have a point… Maryse.” 

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to have you over about. I wanted to ask… that is, I wanted to offer-” Maryse walks through from the main hallway into the living room, picking a small box up off of the table. “This ring belonged to my father. He and Alec were always close while Alec was growing up - his passion in life was archery, he’d let Alec practice with him in the field behind the house all the time.” She smiles, tone softening without realizing over the fond memory. “If you didn’t already have one, I thought maybe he’d like to have it, if you’d like to give it to him.” 

It’s a gorgeous ring, a simple black ring with a silver band down the center. Magnus can’t recall  ever seeing Alec with a ring on, but something in the look Maryse gives him tells him that Alec would want to wear this one. Or, at the very least, that he’d want to have it. 

“It’s beautiful,” Magnus says, taking the box in his hands and looking back up at the woman offering it to him. “Thank you. I think he’ll love it.” 

“No, thank you, Magnus. I haven’t seen Alec this content since… well, I can’t remember the last time, honestly. And I suppose a lot of that was my doing. But I’m glad he’s happy now. I’m glad he has you.” She takes half a step forward and then pauses, as if reconsidering whatever she’s about to do. A moment later she finishes the step and wraps her arms around him. 

Magnus returns the embrace without hesitation. “I’ll keep him happy as long as I can,” he promises.  

“It’s all a mother can ask for.” 

\---

Two weeks later Magnus is at the dining room table on his laptop when a message comes through that makes him laugh out loud. 

“What’s so funny?” Alec calls over from where he’s sat on the sofa petting Chairman Meow. The cat seems to like Alec almost as much as Magnus does. 

“So, I know I haven’t used it a lot, but I kept that blog I made when we met. You know, back when you almost stopped talking to your future husband forever?” 

Alec rolls his eyes. “Are you ever going to let me live that down?” 

“Probably not. And neither is the internet, apparently. I just got a message from someone asking if we were still together.” He laughs again. “I can’t believe anyone still follows me on this thing. I’d say I can’t believe anyone even remembers who I am, but I never changed my name from ‘ _ LookingForAlecL’,  _ so I guess that’s pretty memorable. I wonder if I should answer it?” 

It seems like a lifetime ago that he came home from work after two days of silence from Alec and made what ended up being the best decision of his life (well, one of them, since a few other decisions regarding Alec since then ranked pretty high as well). He could’ve just let Alec drift away without another thought… or, the more likely scenario, not look for him but think about him a _ lot _ afterward, always wondering ‘what if’. Instead, he made the blog he’s currently scrolling through, going back to those first two posts trying to track down Alec L, a guy just trying to save his show who Magnus couldn’t bring himself to let go, though he didn’t know why at the time. 

He knows why now. Even then, he felt the connection. Even then, they were drawn together. If someone asked him back then if he believed in fate, or destiny, Magnus would have laughed. But now…?

“Do it,” Alec says, voice cutting through Magnus’ thoughts. 

“Yeah?” Magnus asks. He hasn’t posted anything new in… weeks? Months? Honestly, after he was done watching through the show and updating along the way he hadn’t kept up with the whole ‘fandom’ thing. That’d always been more Alec’s scene anyway. And since Magnus never mentioned Alec’s account after he contacted him, Alec was able to keep up with all things The Hunt in blissful obscurity to this day. 

“Sure, why not?” Alec shrugs. 

A minute or two later he posts up a simple reply. 

**Anon: Hey, you’ve been quiet for a while on here. Are you still with Alec, that guy from the chats?** **  
** _ Hello, dearest Anon! Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy going back to school full time, moving in with Alexander, and getting engaged. Which I believe answers your question. <3  _

He expects a couple of likes, maybe a few replies at best. They both forget about it for a little while. Magnus leaves the laptop on the table to join Alec on the sofa for a movie, not thinking about the post again until he goes back over to check his e-mail about a class project before bed. And that’s when he sees the number of messages in his inbox. 

In just a couple of hours he managed to get 23 asks. Which is nothing compared to the number of notes on the post itself, creeping towards the triple-digit mark. 

Magnus looks up from the screen to see Alec waiting expectantly at the end of the room, ready for bed. 

“You go ahead, I just have to finish up a few things first.” 

Pouting, Alec heads down the hall alone, leaving Magnus looking down at an array of questions ranging from ‘Congratulations! Do you have a date picked yet?’ to ‘WHO PROPOSED? HOW LONG AGO? DID YOU CRY? BECAUSE I’M CRYING’. Someone asks if they’re planning a The Hunt themed wedding, and Magnus can’t quite figure out if they’re joking or not when they suggest a rune-shaped wedding cake. One reply says ‘At least one (1) good thing came out of this cancellation’, and another simply reads ‘That’s the sort of power The Hunt has, everyone’, and Magnus has to admit they aren’t wrong. 

He spends the next two hours answering every last one of them, gushing over how wonderful his  fiancé  is, how thankful he is for the show and the fandom that brought them together, and waxing poetic about Alexander at every opportunity knowing full well he’ll see each and every one of these posts in the morning. 

When Magnus wakes up the next morning after only 4 hours of sleep, yawning as he covers the bags under his eyes with concealer, he doesn’t have a single regret.

\---

“MAGNUS!” Alec’s voice calls from the living room where he’s sat on the sofa, laptop in front of him, nearly dropping it in his sudden enthusiasm. “They did it! I can’t believe it finally happened.” 

Magnus, who is in the bedroom getting changed after a shower, makes his way into the living room in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Alec waves Magnus over like he isn’t already on his way across the room, and not for the first time (and certainly not for the last time, either) Magnus’ gaze is draw to the simple band around his fiance’s finger when the light catches on it. Looking at their rings always draws the biggest smile out of him, as if he somehow managed to forget that the man sprawled unceremoniously on the sofa is going to be his for the rest of his life until he sees that little reminder. “What happened?” 

“Another network picked up The Hunt. It’s getting a 4th season.” It’s been months now… nearly a full year since the cancellation that brought Alec into Magnus’ chat. And while Magnus doesn’t want to admit he’s thankful for something that caused nothing but sadness and distress for many people… well, if it brought him to where he is now, he can’t be entirely upset about it either, can he? At least now he can feel a lot less guilty over that. 

“That’s amazing! It deserves more than just a 4th season, hopefully, but it’s about time someone stepped in and--” Magnus starts, but cuts off when he sees Alec turn his head away and wipe at his eyes. 

“Sorry,” Alec says quickly.  “I know it’s just a show. I even thought I came to terms with the fact that it was probably gone for good. I don’t know why I’m getting so emotional--” he sniffs, avoiding any direct eye contact and clearly regretting calling Magnus over at all. 

Sitting down next to Alec, Magnus brings a finger up to wipe gently across Alec’s cheek, brushing away some stray tears. 

“I know why,” Magnus says. “It isn’t like I don’t know what this show means to you. It isn’t  _ just a show _ . It’s why you came out to your sister. It’s why we met. Hell, it was even part of our first date at the billboard -- it’s important to you.” He pauses, considering. “It’s important to  _ us _ . I don’t think I’ve ever owed a television show quite a much as I owe this one for bringing you into my life.” 

He’s aiming for comforting and understanding, but the words only serve to make more tears fall down Alec’s face. “I was trying to  _ stop _ crying, not cry more,” Alec half-heartedly complains between more sniffling, leaning over to rest his head on Magnus’ shoulder. 

Magnus’ lips twitch up at the corners in an apologetic smile. “Sorry.” 

“You’re right, though. I can’t imagine where I’d be without it… I wouldn’t be here, with you. For all I know I might still be in the closet to everyone, including my sister. It’ll be good to have it back, even if it’s just for a little while. I don’t think I was ready to let it go just yet.”   

Shifting his weight to lean into Magnus more, Alec settles against him, his sweater warm against Magnus’ bare skin. Magnus, still holding Alec’s hand, allows his fingers to trail over the engagement band when an idea hits him.

It’s simple, tasteful, and the perfect allusion to the twists of fate that brought them together. 

“Alexander…” Magnus starts, turning his head to look curiously at Alec. “I think I just figured out the perfect colors for the wedding.” 

“Oh yeah?” Alec asks, turning to face him. 

“How do you feel about getting married in gold and blue?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to try and keep this as short as possible, but I can't end this without saying that the love, support, and encouragement I received from week to week from everyone reading, liking, and commenting on this fic has meant the absolute world to me. I never in a million years would've imagined myself capable of writing something this long that would manage to hold anyone's attention from start to finish. Thank you so much for sticking with me through my obvious plot flailing, lack of any coherent timeline, and transition from crack!fic to whatever it's become now, angst and cliffhangers and fluff and all. This was my first (but definitely not my last!) chapter fic and it's definitely been a learning experience! 
> 
> That said, though my plans for the linear part of this story are over (starting with a cancellation and ending with a renewal, because it's what we deserve <3), there's a lot of potential for little bits and pieces set during time skips, or the future, or in the lives of the side characters that I wish I did more with along the way! So because I'm entirely unable to let this AU go for good, I'm going to open up a side series sometime soon where I'm going to take prompts/requests/just write whatever I want when the mood strikes for things set in this AU! 
> 
> But for now, I hope you're as happy with where this story took us as I am, and I really can't say thank you enough for reading, so THANK YOU AGAIN. This story means more to me than I can properly convey and I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to share it with so many of you! <3

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com)! I'm always looking for more friends on there to chat with! And also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell) while we all hang out waiting for someone to #SaveShadowhunters ! <3 )


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